| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:43:08 AM | | I just recently got dumped by the best girl I have ever been with in my short life. I honestly believe that I loved her and I thought she felt the same way, but I was obviously wrong. It has been over a month now and I am still hurting. I care about her a lot and I don't want to just completely cut off all ties with her but I am starting to think that would be the best thing for me. She didn't break up with me because she hates me or I did anything bad, she just wasn't happy. So I was wondering if anybody knows anything I can do to make the pain go away or if I need to just give this some more time. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:01:09 AM | Sorry for the pain you're going through, Derrick...
The best thing you can do is get active and keep busy. Develop new interests, look up old friends, listen to music, go catch a movie and take especially good care of yourself (diet, exercise etc) - things that will make you feel good.
If keeping in touch with your ex is causing a lot of pain, I would cut all ties - if only until you're feeling less fragile.
Good luck | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 4:34:02 AM | | cut the ties.. when the hurt stops.. and it will... eventually.... its like.. someone dying... youve lost something you cant ever get back (some people do.. and wish they hadnt) treat it as that.. greive for it.. and realize that it will get better.... maybe eventually.. you and her can become friends again...once you get over the pain.. you can look at her from a diff point of view | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 4:51:03 AM | Cut all ties until you heal. If you have mementos...pics, etc. put them away for now. The memories may at some time be sweet, but not while you're hurting.
Once you've put some time behind you, the pain will ebb. Trying NOT to think about her doesn't work, find something else to occupy your time and thoughts.  | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 5:21:14 AM | | Until you cut all ties you will continue to hurt, there is not quick or easy way to stop the pain. Best solution is to get bussy improving on yourself, take some classes doing something you've always wanted to learn. Join a few groups and meet others, don't rush into a relationship with another woman, but you need to socalize with people it will help. The pain goes away slowly, but it does go away, it has taken me more than a year, so don't feel like there is something wrong with you because you're not over it in a few days of weeks. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 5:29:19 AM | | well my advice to you is to take some time out to be yourself and see your friends. The worst thing you can do is jump into a rebound relationship. Keep busy maaybe find a enw hobby or work on your career or something. It will take time and it will hurt for a while but trust me you'll become a stronger person for it in the end. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 6:33:55 AM | | Go out with your buddies, drink a bit, vent, bawl, apologize for bawling, talk trash about her, apologize for talking trash about her and tell your buddies she's not that bad, drink a bit more, get some junk food, go home and crash. Whine some more and repeat. Focus on work. Stay busy and see your friends as much as possible. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 6:58:53 AM | | What everybody else said. I would say go "cold turkey", it's gonna take time to heal, I have been through these things and I had to experience sadness and anger, so exercise, keeping up with my friends and focusing on my work really helped. And prayer! | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:42:46 AM | | Give it more time. That's really the only thing that seems to work. What you suggest about cutting the ties is probably best in the long run---and yup, in the short term it sucks. If you're not into working out...I'd suggest doing so. Going to a gym can fill up some of your time and will re-focus some of your attention and energy on yourself where it belongs for the next little while. You'll reap additional benefits in feeling better about yourself (endorphins) and most likely feel increased confidence about yourself, which will give you a little more of a balanced view and perspective over what's happened---something you're probably sorely missing now, because you're still smarting over the loss. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:50:55 AM | I asked an older Italian man this same question once...
And his answer included something about cutting break lines.
I am still not sure what he was getting at.
::confused:: | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 8:46:12 AM | I agree with what everyone said about taking care of yourself and distracting yourself. I think it is important to take some time and learn from the experience as well. Otherwise it was just wasted time and effort. There are always positives to focus on. There were good things in your relationship or you wouldn't have felt as strongly about her as you did. Remember what those good things were and realize that those are some things that you may build upon in the future.
Take comfort in the knowlege that if she was as worthy a person as you once thought she was then she is thinking of you too. Maybe not at the same level or the same time, but there is something in you that was attractive to her and will be again to someone else. Everybody plays the fool. We ALL go through this at one point or another.
Something else - do something you are good at. Everyone tells you to try to learn something new. There is a time for that, but when you are in the throes of depression now may not be the ideal time to be so vunerable. Pace yourself with that and do it when it feels right to you. I like the idea of doing something you already know you excel at. And if it involves self expression - all the better. Now is a great time to express yourself.
You have already done two very positive things. Posted a dating profile and reaching out to others. Both things are healthy and will make you stronger. Hang in there buddy. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 8:49:41 AM | | Thanks everybody for the advice and tips. I have been trying my hardest to keep busy (working out, hanging out with friends, etc.) but I can't always find something to do and I end up just sitting around thinking about it. I always thought that just not talking to her for a while would be a good idea but I guess I never really wanted to accept it. Literally everybody I talk to says to leave her alone so I am just going to have to suck it up and do that. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 8:56:00 AM | | The "sitting around and thinking about it" is all part of the process. Just breathe. It will pass. I promise. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:10:29 AM | You have got to cut all ties with her for at least a good long while. I know from my own experience that this whole "we can still be friends" BS is just that! BS! That doesn't mean that you can't "someday" be friends, but you cannot be friends NOW! And if she tries to "guilt" you into not totally cutting off contact, then she's only thinking of herself, and you need to think of YOU right now. This is not about her, it's about YOU, and YOUR needs. She got what she needed, (out of the relationship) now it's your turn to take care of what you need.
Other than dropping contact with her, it's true that some things are just healed by the passing of time. Try to stay busy doing fun stuff, and when you are by yourself, learn to enjoy "alone time," because it'll make you a stronger person on your own. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:38:30 PM | | You can indulge yourself in ANYTHING but anger. I don't see much evidence of anger in what you've posted so far but there may be a day or two ahead when you might feel it creeping in. Do NOT go there. Best of luck to you, Buddy. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:42:03 PM | I send you a hug. A broken heart hurts no matter the age. Continue going to the gym, walk...exercise releases feel good endorphins. Make a plan for self-improvement. From ziglar.com, download "a life changing procedure" and do it twice a day. If you were older, I'd recommend seeing if you have a "Beginning Experience" (BE for short) in your area, although you are not allowed to join until you have been separated, divorced or widowed for more than six months.
Give it time, darling. Be kind to yourself. And at nineteen, know that this may not be the only occasion in your life that you feel the way you do. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:47:07 PM | | There isn't a single feeling that is fatal, nor permanent. Just let yourself feel whatever you feel, knowing it'll pass. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:49:59 PM | The most important moment in life is THIS ONE...it's the only one we have....don't waste it looking behind...Focus on what you do have versus what you lost how ever many moments (or a month) ago...write a gratitude list... | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:05:32 PM | If you are a true metal head, you will get yourself a white Gibson Explorer, and learn all the riffs to 1983's thrash metal classic, Kill 'em All.
You will be so busy you will forget about her, and then have at your disposal a veritable arsenal of metal power. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:13:18 PM | cut it off. completely. if she's "not happy" then she is looking for something else. most likely in her mind, "something better". and if she's not into you, then there's no reason for you to waste your affection and feelings on her. MOVE ON.
i've been there, thought it was a marriage to be, and she pulled the plug. the bonus for me to get over it quicker was, in my jealousy i hacked her email and found she'd been cheating on me. therefore i instantly hated her, and no longer felt sad that i had lost her. instead i felt i dodged a bullet and cut off dead weight. you may not be able to do that, but the fact remains that you should let it go, it's a past relationship now. and once you get over this one, you'll learn that you can get over future ones, and suddenly break ups won't be so painful. they'll become part of the process of dating. an expected expense of trying to find mrs. right.
the easiest way to get over a broken heart is to get laid. it will boost your confidence, your ego, and it feels good, plus it puts a physical line in the sand of who you last slept with: NOT HER. so go out and flirt with some cuties and try to escort someone home.
this may sound crazy, but it works.
best wishes gettin' back into the game.
tj | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:17:55 PM | Duct tape, vice grips and super glue..........................and some severe meds
Ok back to being nicey nice, time hun, pleny of time, sucks but it is the truth. You take what you learnd about the good and bad, mull it over, shake it up with a martini, and chug......crap there went my nice mood. | |
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| Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:48:29 PM |
Tips on how to heal a broken heart
Have a sandwich.
Okay, seriously...
Got one you can use.
Write down your pain. Put your feelings on paper, and visualize the irritation. You'll say, "What do I want to do that for?"...
Simple answer is that as painful as a breakup can be, the worst thing you can do is keep it inside. Don't waste it in a bottle, or on psuedo-knowledgable friends. Put this all on paper...in fact, write it down as many times as you need. Then when you've done so....throw the sheets away.
Burn them even if you need... | |
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