| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:04:06 AM | | I am happily married for almost a year now. The only issue that is bothering is that my husband makes it very obvious when he checks out other girls in front of me. What is normal and what is not? I know that we all look or take a glance at the opposite sex but I feel that he does way too much and too noticeable. He really stares. How can I not let it bother me? | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:09:01 AM | OP, perhaps, when he looks, it is to remind himself of how lucky he is to be with you, rather than any of those others?
Men look, but that doesn't mean that they "want" anyone other than the woman who is in his life. What does undermine things is when a woman is overly insecure, and feels threatened by little, meaningless things.
I should mention that this is a redundant thread, and if you really want an answer, look at the other threads on the topic. | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:10:16 AM | Men who can look will look. It is what they do. He's only looking, it doesn't change the nature of your relationship unless you let it.
It's normal, some guys are just slicker than others.
I am pretty sure he did this before you married him. He's going to keep doing it now that you are married.
You can mention it to him, let him know it bothers you when he is so obvious. | |
|
| |
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:13:23 AM | It's hard to say since we can't actually see how he is behaving. Is it really "way too much and too noticeable"...or is it just that way to you because you are really sensitive about it?
It is natural to look at attractive members of the opposite sex. At the risk of stereotyping, men tend to be more obvious "lookers" than women.
I think the real issue is how confident are you about your own attractiveness and the strength of your relationship? I knew a (very attractive) woman once who when asked why it didn't bother her husband ate lunch at Hooters quite often, said "I really don't care where he gets his appetite, as long as he comes home to eat!" | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:14:23 AM | Glancing and staring are too different things.
If he's staring at these women, I would say that it's highly disrespectful to you. | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:35:37 AM | I believe in the few second rule ... if he can't get enough of a look that way then he needs a slap in his salami.. if he is taking a peak with his third eye and rubbing it to make sure he sees crystal clear then ginsu is the only method of treatment.. !!
I dunno some guys will look to appreciate .. others it just gives off a bad vibe.... good thing ... good thing we have laws... where guns created laws and gun control laws changed laws and now illegal guns are available everywhere with or without the law..justice is fear of the bullet ... so gunner boy is in need of a change.. here .. you go..
why not alter the way you handle your feelings when this happens.. or alter the position you place yourself in.. I mean walk up to the woman he is spending an excrutiatingly long time.. oogling and say .. "please forgive my husband he had fourteen strokes last week and this week he is gonnah do a few more because after he spent fifteen minutes doin a look at your T&A I don't feel I can stroke it for him .. at least not this week... he has really bad blistering herpes.. could you .. ah help me with his stroke issues this week? or maybe next..? any little deed will be appreciated.. !"
You can also do another trick it might get you divorced but it is hilarious... just put a bag with a set of eyes cut out of it in your purse .. whenever bozo pulls his visual eye locks.. pull out the bag and place it over your head.. on the back .. have a statement .. " I am just his bag lady .. while he looks around!! trust me that will get his attention.. haha.. see this kind of behaviour is why I am single . I love illustrative stunts .. theyprovide so much more than cards and flowers ever will and some men deserve great greetings .. !!
You won't get him to stop looking.. more women than men look after their personal health as we age.. I wish more men did look after their health so we could have alot more to look at ... and turn the tables on eyes out of the stable. | |
|
| |
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:41:15 AM |
He really stares. How can I not let it bother me?
Tell him that while you understand that it is natural to notice and give an admiring glance to an attractive individual, you feel very disrespected when he ogles other women? | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:49:09 AM |
How can I not let it bother me?
I always love these types of questions from women who won't post a pic of themselves AND who have Prefer Not To Say for body type.
So let's get this straight...you have poor self-image. My guess is you're more than a few pounds overweight...and you're not "comfortable in your own skin".
And a guy...this guy...now that he is married to you is supposed to be immune to the attractiveness of women. Let's think about this for a moment...the derivation of the word attractive is from the word attract (or attraction). Attraction is an invisible force that pulls/compels similar objects to be drawn towards them. The more attraction (whether it be a magnet, or a person), the harder they will pull on like objects. So don't be PO'ed that he's looking...and you can't be the judge of whether he's looking too long. From reading your post and profile, my sense is a passing glance would be long enough to undermine any self confidence you may have built up.
So next time, just turn to him and say "Sooooo, do you think you stared at her long enough? Did you completely undress her with your eyes? Maybe even had a little fantasy about you and her on a sweat drenched bed? C'mon, you were mesmerized by her long enough that you could have started planning a family." Then, firmly but without fear or anger say "Listen, I like to look at a hot guy, too. But I don't broadcast that to you AND to the rest of the world. Yeah, if you see a hot chick, check her out...discretely. And hey, if she's really hot, bring me into the conversation." IOW, let him know you are there for him either way.
But joining POF 4 days ago and whining about it...sheeeeessshhhh, it's only a matter of time before he's figuring out ways to get a FB that looks like her...and even if he fails, emotionally, you guys are already divorced.
| |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:54:37 AM | Men are by nature more visual creatures. If they stared at a beautiful piece of artwork, would you get angry? If he stares at a beautiful woman and has never given you any reason to feel he has strayed, you should be proud he stared at you long enough to be in your relationship. Most people are people watchers. I find myself staring at attractive women but butt-ugly women also fascinate me as well as men that, for one reason or another, catch my eye. (Don't go there!)
On the other hand, the man should try to be considerate of the woman's feelings and not be a pig about it. | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:57:45 AM | OP would you rather he hid it from you, cause to me that would be a form of lying. Why not be open about it and have fun with it. I used to point out guys for my girlfriend and she wouldn't let a good looking girl pass by without bringing her to my attention.
Be secure in yourself and your relationship and you will get a lot further. | |
|
| |
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 11:42:41 AM | IMO: Goes for men and women both, as long as it doesn't go from glancing/looking...to out right obvious ogling.... which is being disrespectful to the person you are with....it's all good.
I believe in the following:
"Looking is free, touching is a fee!"
Definition being: Look all ya want too, Baby... but touching will get ya a load of buckshot in the azz!
Why not be open about it and have fun with it. I used to point out guys for my girlfriend and she wouldn't let a good looking girl pass by without bringing her to my attention.
I agree.... | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:59:50 PM |
let's get this straight...you have poor self-image. My guess is you're more than a few pounds overweight...and you're not "comfortable in your own skin".
And a guy...this guy...now that he is married to you is supposed to be immune to the attractiveness of women
Excellent point. I suppose because women I have been out with are attractive women, they haven't felt "threatened" that I might take a quick glance at the other people in the room.
The whole "threatened" concept is, to me, kind of silly. Does she really imagine that some woman he's looked at from across the restaurant, is going to run over and throw herself at her husband? Does she imagine that he''s going to leave her there, sitting alone, and try to go over and pick up some woman, who is there with another guy? It doesn't happen.
The real cure to her insecurity might lie in her doing those things that are hers to do to make herself more attractive, and thus, more secure that her husband is attracted to her. Whining about normal male behavior on a POF thread will do nothing to change anything. | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:04:48 PM | | I call insecurity on this one...OP have you told him that it makes you feel bad, and he still does it? Cause if so - he's now doing it on purpose. Can't let you forget what you've got.... | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:28:35 PM | Nothing wrong with a man looking.
Heck, don't we ladies appreciate a fine-looking male specimen ourselves?
Fact is - men in general aren't very good at gawking subterfuge. They THINK they're being subtle, but they aren't. 
I wouldn't say there's a problem UNLESS he starts disrespecting you by hitting on these women or rubbing your nose in it by saying "That's the best azz I've ever seen! I'd love to take a bite out of that!" | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:32:04 PM | I really appreciate everyone's answer's. some of you think I am overweight. I am actually 5'4 and I weigh 110 pounds. I do not have a problem with my body image or the way look. But some of you are right in that I might be insecure. I guess sometimes I am too high on respect and I become insecure when my husband stares for a long time at a woman or if he keeps looking at her throughout the night where ever we are.
Again, thank you for all of your comments. I will need to work on not letting this bother me. | |
|
| |
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:52:12 PM | | I would say that it's natural for both sexes to look at members of the opposite sex, but the OP is saying that her husband is making it "very obvious." If he's staring and drooling, that could be a tad insulting... | |
|
| |
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 1:55:57 PM | | Give him a taste of his own medicine...check out the guys and make it obvious. He will soon get the message. It's downright disrespectful...idiot. | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:17:08 PM | Your husband is demeaning you and I don't know what you can do except talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel, but I wouldn't hold my breath for any good consequence.
I worked as a waitress in some pretty high end nightclubs in Toronto during and after University. Occasionally, men with a date would flirt with their waitress in front of their date!!!! We all thought such men were disgusting losers and laughed at them and commiserated with their ladies.
Your husband doesn't know this, but when a woman senses that he is ogling her while he is with you, the only thought that comes to her mind is CREEP. Let the a$$hat read this. | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 3:16:50 PM | In all honesty, change the way that you react. Im positive that you will still be seething on the inside, but let the outside give a different impression.
Laugh at him!!! I mean really, really laugh at him, a good old belly laugh. You dont have to say anything, just laugh and then go on like nothing happened.
He'll soon get sick of being the cause of your private humour. | |
|
| When your man checks out other girls
Posted: 6/24/2009 3:25:30 PM | | Does he know it bothers you? why not tell him what youi're feeling. he can still look, but please no staring, taking a picture, drooling and licking your lips. If he gets you he'll do what is right. | |
|
Home
login 
