| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:51:08 PM | | hey everyone i was hoping for some advice or maybe just some comfort...i broke up with my girlfriend/best friend last night for the second time. the first time i broke up with her i really regretted it and she was gracious enough to put her beautiful heart out there and give me a second chance. but the same weird feelings i had before that led me to break it off came back again! and just the thought of hurting her again made me feel like i was going to have a panic attack..... i tried everything i could to make it work, but as hard as i tried the feeling of not wanting to be with her kept coming back. i only dated her for 4 months but before we dated we were VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. now ive lost her completly! i still feel love for her and miss her like crazy but i just know ill feel the same as i did before that led me to breaking it of..im very much in a lot of pain...letting her go and missing her and feeling like i did the right thing by breaking it off just sucks sooo bad | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/24/2009 8:06:30 PM | | just to note when i say we were close friends i mean we did almost everything together for over a year and a half. I met her at work and we realized we had so much in common and so much to talk about that we called each other and spent a lot of time together out of work ...every day. When she first told me she had feelings for me i got very nervous about the future. but i wanted to give an intimate relatioship a chance. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/24/2009 8:19:21 PM | | Not sure why you broke up with her other than a vague feeling of discomfort. Were you able to articulate and identify it? And share that information with her? Did you both try to work it through? | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/24/2009 8:24:37 PM | | Trust your instincts. They will seldom let you down. Obviously, something wasn't right if you broke up with her twice. I know it is tough and you'll be traveling some dark roads ahead. Still, you've got to get up. get busy, get over her, and get on with your life. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:00:53 PM | You're 31? you sound like a highschool kid who doesn't know wtf he wants.
Grow up! | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/26/2009 3:17:28 AM | Sounds like a very nice lady to take you back. I dont know what to tell ya, but take it easy on her. She's gotta be hurting big time.
Also if your on meds and missed a dose or stopped taking them, these can trigger the "weird feelings" you mention.
Hope you get things worked out. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/26/2009 3:47:44 AM | | There are so many songs to discribe your pain. NOBODY IS PERFECT. flaws and all , we have to accept everyones flaws . sometimes that what makes a beautiful fun loving relationship. why dont you just comfront her. mabey you can get your axiety out of the way, or whatever is bothering you, if you bring up the issuse | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:12:10 AM | | Ummm, I'm not sure why you're in pain; you did this on purpose, not by accident. She is the one probably feeling pain. If you're lucky maybe you can restore a friendship one day, but don't cross the line if you can't handle commitment. You probably just are afraid of not being able to go for something "better" when in fact you had something great. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/26/2009 9:29:28 AM | I think what your gut is trying to tell you is that this person is a friend and nothing more. Whatever that little spark is that lovers experience is missing from your relationship. You simply do not feel love for her when she is available to you.
Have you always had a fear of commitment? Is this your first adult relationship? | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:46:42 PM | | Wow... I'm rocking the same boat kinda my ex broke up with me twice. Cause is confused and doesn't know what he want's in a relationship and just doesn't want to admit it.I'm very upset by the fact that he is cause we were so meant for each other im sitting over here missing him etc it sucks big time....May i ask what makes u not want to be with her? | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:15:09 PM | | I'm sorry you are in pain. It sounds like you 'love' your friend, but not 'in love' with her. I think you did the right thing, get some physical and emotional distance from her, and let the healing begin. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/26/2009 10:11:37 PM | | yeah, my man of 12 yrs just broke things off with me..he has done it before also,, feelings of not being in love is what he calls them, keep comin around so he just thinks that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence..well guess what, someone still has to maintain that grass. I think in my situation, he is scared of being in a monogomous relationship, he has cheated before..he needs therapy..as far as you, maybe there is something inside that you cant identify at this point in your life, maybe you think that there is something better out there, when you had it all along..that is why you feel down in the dumps. I think men view relationships as 80%/20%..they have 80 % at home with their wife/gfriend and 20% lurking around at work or the bars,a nd they sometimes feel like they are missing something with that 80% so they go for the 20%..just to lose the wonderful 80% they had in the first place. if you are gonna make a move to get back with her, do it soon, she wont wait that long i am sure. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:26:37 AM | | OP I do not know whether to support you or kick you. Let me get this straight you found an incredible woman who you have soooo much in common with that you are best friends? and you want to break up with her not once but two times. I have to say that this sounds like you have some issues. YOU are not trusting this relationship. That weird feeling you are having is your discomfort because of this. Could it be that your self esteem is lacking and you feel she is "better" than you? Why not talk to her and ask for some time to get some counselling before you just throw away something that could be incredible. Good luck to you and I hope you find your way. But be kind to her she sounds like a great gal! | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:28:29 AM | | now i am starting to feel like i made the right choice to break it off with her. i still have feelings for her and miss her, but i cannot be i a position to possibly hurt her again. i love her. but she was my BEST friend before everything got intimate. i'm starting to think that maybe i got deeper involved with her because she told me she had feelings for me and i wanted to give a relationship a chance. i was scared of our close friendship changing, but i didnt think of how severly she would be hurt. i oviously havent dated very many women. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:53:03 AM | | now i cannot stop crying...the only reason im writing this is because i dont know what to do!..is it normal for the one who ended it it to be this upset??? when i think of her not being in my life and feeling her love and when i think of how much i have hurt her.i dont even want to exist..i dont know what to do...im siting here in a parking lot in my car right now bearly able to write this because i am crying so much | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:06:08 AM | Hey, Scrappy!
Get out of the house. Go exercise or go for a walk. Read a book. Have coffee at a different cafe in your area. DO SOMETHING THAT OCCUPIES YOUR TIME CONSTRUCTIVELY. Crying your eyes out and thinking about her won't help you.
You have to move on, man. Don't let your emotions hold you hostage. Yeah, it is one thing to feel sorrow, grief, etc, but it sounds like you're incapacitated. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:14:53 AM | For Christs sake Scappy, you are a 31 year old man quit crying. You did not want this woman as a lover, you do not want her in your life other than as a friend. Own up to your real feelings, IT WAS NOT WORKING!!!!!!
Get out of the house more, meet some new people. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:19:17 AM | Yes it is normal but I can not stress enough that you need to talk to a professional.
Is this the first time you have had a relationship this intense? Do some self discovery. That is a must for you to get through this. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:07:47 AM | Scrappy - Pull out a kleenex and dab your eyes -
Still unclear as to "why" you cannot have a relationship with this woman, sometimes that elusive "vibe" just isn't there | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 11:09:54 AM | | just to clear up some of the feelings i had leading up to me breaking it off. one thing was i was always checking out other girls and thinking."damn shes hot" "i wish (my ex) was that thin" then id look at her (my ex) and not feel a strong physical attraction. i felt this way before i broke up the first time, but thought"what the hell is wrong with me? LOOKS ARENT EVERYTHING!" then we got back together and was SURE i didnt care about looks but then the feelings came back! i read alot of self help stuff to get me past the looks thing but i couldnt get it to stick because at the same time i was feeling SMOTHERED the heck out of . im talking like she slept over in my bed with me every night and every free moment she had she was either texting or calling me and as soon asi was off work we were on the phone planning our evening...i kind got more turned off..when ever i didnt see her i felt exicted to se her cause i was mising her.and i did talk to her about keping it slow when we first got together again the second time but it gradually sped up in a matter of weeks.i got to a poin twhere i was like i cant stand to see her | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 11:30:49 AM | So basically she was too available and so you wanted out. The thing is you might have been exclusive with her, but you aren't committed to her. And you won't be.
So time for you to move on. Listen to the good folks above me and go on and get on with your life. Don't expect that she will want to just be friends again, and shame on her if she allows you to move her back into a FWB situation, which is basically what you had.
She was your best friend but you need to face that you didn't feel "that" way about her and by your own admission you decided to go to the next step because SHE said she liked you for more than just friends. So you allowed the relationship to go somewhere you were not ready for it to go and have now pulled the rug out twice from under her.
Time to let her heal.
You are feeling pain because you miss your friend, not because you miss your love. | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/27/2009 11:36:53 AM | | indysmile u are the smartest person in the world! that makes sense...thankyou | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:49:23 AM | | ok...last night we talked and about nothing more than fun stuff until later she called me back with a proposition to just be friends. we talked and it got UGLY. but i ended up telling her EVERYTHING i was feeling which had a lot to do with me dreaming of not being ready to commit because i wanted to explore other girls and was basically not having a good time in our relationship because everything changed between us once we got together. i was SO set on going out and screwing everything that moved ever since my first true love yyyyhthydestroyed my heart. I WAS SO SHELTERED IN A CHRISTIAN HOME THAT I DIDNT EVEN HAVE A FIRST KISS UNTIL I WAS 26. she was my first true love. and 2 years later she hurt me so bad it took literaly years for me to let go. i only dated 1 girl since that time and she was frecrazy. i tok me a long time to stand up to my dad and tel him i wasnt a christian and i didnt want to lead his christian band anymore. it took me 10 years. this girl who s heart i broke was the one who helped me through it alll. this was one of the reasons we became bestt friends. but i stiill have a lot of demons from my past that i need to let go of. i was controlled by my father for all of that time never wanting to tell him what i felt because i knew hed reject me completely. WHICH HE DID in the end | |
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| broke up with her AGAIN!
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:12:19 AM | | Me and my dad dont talk at all anymore. because he was upset that i moved out and got my own place. ive only lived out of my dads house one time before this in my 31 Years of living. he said hes never been this hurt before and he doesnt even know who i am. I could go into everything weve fought about since i was a tenager fromhim trying to ground me at 30 for eating a cookie in my room to nhaving a huge fight because i wanted to go to a christmas party that afamily restaraunt was having when i was in my mid 20's. oh yeah ...i didnt go. i eneded up apoplgizing for even thinking about going. he was scared of me going to hell. anyway I should be completly insane right now but somehow i pulled together, got a revelation about what was happening and got out of there. he still doesnt understand what he was doing to me and thinks im wrong and that This GIRL has twisted my head up. he has always depended on me letting go of the things ive loved to do the RIGHT THING IN HIS EYES. i think my biggest problem now is that ive had this freaking monster in me screaming out ...Its time for my fing independance!!! i always thought id be happy if i could go out and sleep with every woman that i saw. that had been my dream for years! the more i write this the more i realize im gonna need pro help to help me with my thought patternthe girl i broke up with knows all about this stuff because she helped me get to where i am right now. | |
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