| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:57:04 AM | Have been here in Montreal for 3 wks, moving from So. Florida
The boyfriend I moved here for , is not the same person.
Rethinking my move.
He has told me it is not ok for me to ask for affection
I must gauge when it is the right time
I have never had to ask for a hug in my life from anyone
Crazy affectionate * I thought he was too
????? | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:00:56 AM | | move back.. if hes not the same person.. and doesnt want hugs... uh ye red flag. hope you didnt quit a job and what not... im wondering how long you knew him for tho | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:08:11 AM | Oh honey, you moved too fast, made a mistake, gather your belongings, get your money together and get back to your real life as soon as possible. Don't say there one second longer than you have to!!!!! Go home and get your job and home back and find a real normal man who loves you!
Beth | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:09:47 AM | | Did you spend no time with this guy before you moved? Do you have your own place or are you living with him? If you have your own place, you might consider staying a while for yourself, to do something different, and there are other men in Montreal. Or, move back. Don't see where this one is that hard. You don't owe him anything, you are the one that moved and he was I assume disingenuous. | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:10:35 AM | Was he in a frumpy mood or is this a three week pattern?
Has he done anything else?
Maybe he is just nervous about the changes....maybe you are as well and are very sensitive at this point.
Your profile is pretty clear about affection...was that recent, or did he know all this? | |
|
| |
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:13:54 AM | | OP, you need to move back to Florida ASAP, don't linger there one more minute. I'm sorry this happened to you, but let it be a lesson! Don't do it again! | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:14:07 AM | | So I mean, I'm sorry your relationship has not worked out and you moved and everything. Until you make your decision about your next step, enjoy the city, best you can. | |
|
| |
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:18:30 AM | Move back.
If you're thinking of it as moving *for* him rather than for yourself, it's doomed because you appear to be making a sacrifice not a positive choice and moving to be wish someone must be a positive choice if it is going to work.
Just my opinion. | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:30:11 AM | Do you speak French? I've lived in Montreal (and speak French). Good luck finding a job if you don't speak it - they exist but they are very, very few and far between. Even the street people there are bilingual! 
You are ALWAYS in a bad place if you are far from family and friends and do not have the means to support yourself. It could be nerves on his part... but you need to look out for #1.
Stay safe!
 | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:33:42 AM | I relocated for my ex-husband, and I knew within about 2 weeks that I'd made a huge mistake. However, I was too embarrassed to move back home with my tail between my legs ... and so I stayed and tried to make things work. Five years later it was all over.
The situation was very similar to yours. Little to no affection, among other issues. Those five years with him did a job on my self-esteem. And I'm not blaming him completely, it was my own fault for staying as long as I did.
In my case, I moved from Massachusetts to Oklahoma. I happen to like the climate here a lot better, and I've made some good friends here. So even though my ex and I are divorced, I'm staying -- but it's for ME now.
This was a long way of telling you that I agree with the general consensus here. Move back to Florida or -- if you like Montreal -- get your own place there. But don't stay with him just because you don't want to admit (even to yourself) that it was a mistake. | |
|
| |
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:50:58 AM | thank you
knew him for 1 year
always was super loving, romantic, passionate
wanted to sit down w/him to tell him I was missing home/sad
and he said he is not here to babysit me
he is not always going to be there
that I am a woman not a lil' girl
if you knew me I am t he sweetest thing
never, never saw this coming | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:55:33 AM | you are reading my mind
feeling embarrassed. That's number 1!
everything in florida is in storage, quit my job
but, thank you for sharing with me
I know it is not going to work
thank you
knew him for 1 year
always was super loving, romantic, passionate
wanted to sit down w/him to tell him I was missing home/sad
and he said he is not here to babysit me
he is not always going to be there
that I am a woman not a lil' girl
if you knew me I am t he sweetest thing
never, never saw this coming
taking a deep breath
he is out of town for 5days so, I have time to think, buy a tkt | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:55:58 AM | You're 40? Sure... mister perfect is living in another town. It always surprises me how many subscribe to the bvllshit.
Maybe he found out who you really are?
The best way to get rid of a someone is to not show affection and be inconsistent. He has learned to dump women like a woman.
Rule numero uno... If they can't get it in there own town then maybe there's a problem.
You're done. | |
|
| |
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 5:02:19 AM | It's a huge upheaval making a move like this, and the BF should know that you need extra support right now. Could be that he feels now that he's 'got' you it's safe for him to become complacent and show his true colours...
Sorry you're going through this, but I'd move back to Florida asap. | |
|
| |
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:30:50 AM | I did this 25 years ago and that's why I refuse to even start anything long distance now.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. But if this is going on after 3 weeks (the so called 'honeymoon phase') then chances are that it can only get worse.
Immigration can be a problem, if you stay in Canada. So, I would move back to the U.S. But now that you have to start over with finding a job and a place to live you may want to think whether there is somewhere else that you always wanted to live. If so, then this is your chance to do it and move there.
The relationship doesn't look as if it's going anywhere, so if you leave you might as well make it a really exciting move to somewhere where you've dreamed of living. | |
|
| |
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:48:59 AM |
This allows you to quote a previous post. Do you speak French? I've lived in Montreal (and speak French). Good luck finding a job if you don't speak it - they exist but they are very, very few and far between. Even the street people there are bilingual!
I agree with SoftAndHappy - knowing French in Quebec is vital. Not having Canadian citizenship will be another obstacle as well.
I think you should go back home - you sound like you're in a very vulnerable position. I'm afraid that you may be taken advantage of by him. | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:57:59 AM | Not only a move from another state but to another country.
You couldn't pay me enough to live in Montreal. No disrespect to the natives but I just couldn't handle the dual language culture.
I've been there and done that with a long distance move made in part by a long distance relationship. Neither the job nor the relationship worked but I have no long term regrets about it. I did end up going back home though. | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:00:40 AM | | You can only stay here for 6 months without citizenship and then there's the problem of being able to work here - you won't be able to unless you fall within certain guidelines. Unless you pass all the formal criteria, you have to go back by the deadline. I'm wondering if either of you even looked into all of this before you decided to move here. If I were you, I'd call it a nice visit and go back home until you get all your ducks in a row, not the least of which is actually knowing someone extremely well before you make such major decisions. | |
|
| need advice , moved to Montreal for boyfriend
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:03:24 AM | OP.......You took a chance and it didn't work out. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Life is about chances. Some work and some don't. If you hadn't moved you would have always wondered.
This man has made it clear he is not going to change into the person you want him to be or the man you use to know him to be. So you have 2 choices. Stay where you are and continue to be miserable or move back to Florida and start over.
Either decision you make, good luck to you. | |
|
Home
login 
