| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:21:05 AM | When both parties are over 45, does chemistry happen immediately, or can it build over time? What do you think?
I believe that as we get older, immediate chemistry might not be as important as we were in our twenties. However, some new friendships just SIZZLE right from the start.
Alana | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:00:29 AM | Now im in my 40's,chemistry is MORE important to me than when i was in my 20's !!
Back then i probably was concentrating more on what they looked like.........thank God i grew up........
And i do think its either there or not,right from the start.....
Doesnt happen often but when its present,its like a lightening bolt....... | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:40:19 AM | I think it really depends on how you are meeting people. There are people that I have met for an initial coffee and dismissed right out of the gate because I thought he was not for me for a plethora of reasons....no chemistry to be the main on.
Then I have met someone from my past, someone from high school that I haven't seen in 25 years. There was already a friendship in place and/or commonality, but no romantic chemistry, I felt no pressure to just to hang out and be friends, when one day I just started looking at him differently ( more romantically)....chemistry was now brewing.
Chemistry is key to any relationship as I have gotten older I prefer the slow burn rather than the fast ( can hardly wait to get naked) I like it when I meet somene that I walk away from date thinking that was nice and refreshing I hope he calls but doesn't camp on my doorstep. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:56:44 AM | It can happen at once. It is less likely to have the influence it once did simply because a lot of us have our guard up against the mistaking of love for lust. However I am sure that it does happen, felt it myself on occasion. I also believe that love can be slow in catching on fire. I like comments i heard today from a rabbi (no that a typo) who wrote a book called kosher sutra talking about how married couples let the lust out of their relationship (in my opp that is one of the number one reasons for affairs that end relationships) so i do believe that romance lead to a steamy hot relationship over time. its just too bad too many folks dont keep the same lust in their relationship after love blooms and let it die out. I sure hope if/when i find that right gal I dont allow that to happen on my end.  | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 10:19:39 AM | | I believe that great relationships are made -- they don't just happen in the blink of an eye, regardless of what Dr. Phil and his Hillbilly Good Ole Boy pop psychology says. And, the reality is that they take a lot of work to keep them stimulating and fulfilling. They key ingredients are friendship, acceptance, honesty, trust, loyalty, and respect. Relationships are not about competition. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:25:48 AM | There can be an immediate sexual attraction instantly but loving someone takes getting to know them. You have to get to know who they really are on the inside, not just what they look like on the outside.
I've found that the older I've gotten the less looks play a part in how I feel about a man. In the LDR I am in now, we have yet to meet in person but I truly love WHO this man is. I love his spirit, his intellect, sense of humor, his very essence. Not meeting for a while has given us time to really get to know and like one another as people and friends. We aren't in love with each other's looks. We are in love with each other... period.
And for us, it did happen quickly. We feel as if we were meant to be together... that we've have been with each other before and now we are continuing our love affair for the ages. Corny as that may sound to some, believe me, it's an incredible way to feel about someone. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:15:04 PM | | Agreed. Immediate sexual attraction, or lust, is a fleeting thing and can be dismissed. I never trust relationships that start out that way. Things that begin spontaneously too often end that way. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:41:54 PM | Primary touch (ie. hand holding, hugging, and kissing) will contain chemisty or it isn't going to happen.
Sure people can boink each other when they don't have chemistry, but it won't be anything special or lasting. | |
|
| |
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:58:22 PM | Rogue Saint said: Immediate sexual attraction, or lust, is a fleeting thing and can be dismissed. I never trust relationships that start out that way. Things that begin spontaneously too often end that way.
Indeed that knowledge comes with wisdom. I say the same thing when I state fast in just as fast on the way out..
thecatsmeoww | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:11:28 PM | | I think that true chemistry is very rare............one in several hundred thousand or more.......................if you haven't felt that kind of (lasting) chemistry, you may not believe it exists. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:23:21 PM | For me it happens within the first few dates. Upon meeting I will know if there is an attraction to them, but I'm not as sure if the feeling is mutual unless they make it obvious. The second date gives me a better feel because the first date jitters have worn off and we both can be ourselves if we were a little nervous when we met. By the third date (if there is one) is when I really start to figure out how well we interact.
Some will say they know right away if there's chemistry, but as you talk to them you will find that they have fallen for Mr/Miss Wrong numerous times when they originally thought they had found Mr/Miss Right.
If you're going to be with someone long term why in the world would anyone make a snap judgement, is beyond me.
And yes chemistry can happen over time as you find out more about them and they you. IMHO | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:50:30 PM | | Not for me. Chemistry grows and it always has in my life. What comes out of a man's mind and character have always been, for me, sexier than his exterior. When the interior starts bubbling, the exterior becomes unfathomonably (sp) sexy. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:58:34 PM | | Chemistry = for every action, there is a reaction. Immediately it could be a real blow up, other times, you hardly notice it, until it passes you by. Do I "expect" it? Nope, but it is a good thing when it happens. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:14:58 PM | To me chemistry takes a bit of time.
Attraction is a reaction (not emotion) and does happen fast (or not). A reaction (think fight or flight) is built in.
Chemistry is a combination of many things - like - synergy etc.
You can have chemistry with same gender (not talking about gay here) but not attraction in the boy/girl use of the word.
We have little (to none) control over attraction (or not) - we do have some control over chemistry (good or bad). | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:36:05 PM |
Message: I think that true chemistry is very rare............one in several hundred thousand or more.
I agree, as the chemistry thingy is very personal level, between two people.
....if you haven't felt that kind of (lasting) chemistry, you may not believe it exists.
True, as if there is honesty,respect and love then all is possible to keep"last chemistry alive and well"! jmmho
I just gave myself the shivers just to think that!.............. ~smile~ | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 4:59:33 PM | | thecatsmeoww - very well said - in fact, I believe you said it better by add the touch of personal knowledge. What a great thread this is.... | |
|
| |
| |
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:40:43 PM | I think it depends on the people.
I met one guy from this site we had wonderful chemisty right off the bat.
Sadly it burned out on his side. but we had 5 months of happy times.,......for that I am greatful. Gave me hope it can happen.
Some times its a quiet ember and it flares up when the time is right.
Like a log when you think it is burning out gives off one more bright light.
 | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/26/2009 1:11:46 AM |
When both parties are over 45, does chemistry happen immediately, or can it build over time? What do you think?
Both.
And it doesn't matter what age you are. Sometimes, you're both immediately attracted; other times, it grows as you get to know each other better.
Sometimes, age is totally immaterial. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/26/2009 1:56:02 AM | YES, Real Chemistry which is simply our Animal INSTINCT at work, using the other person's pheromones, [THE chemicals of Chemistry] to unconsciously tell us who will make the best person to MATE with. WHO to pair up with to produce the best GENETIC offspring. It might be like a lightning bolt OR something much more subtle but our Animal Instinct WILL let us know. Of course morals, scruples, values and such can be discussed before ever meeting. But compatibility, especially LONG term compatibility can only be determined by actually living with someone or spending considerable time with them through both bad times and good. And Chemistry can ONLY be determined in a face to face meet.
Chemistry is probably the WHY of how so many people make bad choices I think. It is all powerful and very few people will be able to resist it. It drives people to have sex, probably for many, way too soon, before they know if the object of their affection is someone who MIGHT be compatible in the long run. And to add insult to injury, usually once the sex starts, both partners "go blind" for a few months [while they are in the lustful phase] to all their partners faults and all the flapping red flags. Bout the time the shine wears off their partner, there just MIGHT be a baby on the way which more than likely will lead to at least living together or getting married and trying to make the relationship work. NOT the best thing for any offspring if the parents do not LOVE each other unconditionally.
Of course a big fly in the ointment here for many our age [because of previous partners] is the desire to know ASAP if our partners are going to be sexually compatible especially if one finds sex an important part of the partnership.
The saddest part of all of this is even IF we manage to find that 2 way magic with someone, it is no guarantee the realtionship will last. Then again, so many people today in our society are just not cut out for LTR's and seem more than willing or happy to trade in their mates as often as they do their cars...
Nothing easy about being a dinosaur. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:34:46 AM | Chemistry and attraction are two different things for me.
Attraction is the instant response but it has no substance it is like an unstable chemical scary and untrustworthy.
Chemistry is more of a spiritual thing when you recognise someone from your own species and there is a part of you that trusts this person because you can identify there personal essence or nature of character if you will.
In my life chemistry has always seemed like a predestined or preplanned thing and when it comes which is rare I will usually run with it.
I do think that you can develop a fondness for someone that is compatible that can grow into an accumulated love . | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:17:13 AM | Least not forget that chemistry is also about energy, which humans have. There have been men that have been absolutely wonderful men in my life (not boyfriends) = my energy did not meet up with his. As much as I may have wanted to make something work with some of these individual it just wasn't there.......great guys just not great guys for ME!!!!
Its like people who choose to spend all the time in the world talking over email and MSN and never meet until months later when you have fallen for the guy/girl over the internet to find out....your energy does not meet his/hers. In person you didn't connect in real life the way you did on line...your energy didn't trancend the way it should. Its not about making it happen.... it just should happen.
Woman will sometimes then make the mistake of making things happen because she is lonely or because she has fallen in love with the idea of being in love she then sleeps with him.....thats when the water gets really muddy because now she releases a hormone called oxitocin (the bonding hormone) and allows now a relationship to take place for months or even years to find out she was never really ever in love at all (honeymoon over) and now she is miserable with no sex drive. | |
|
| Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted: 6/26/2009 10:07:12 AM | | Ms Kitty while this old parrothead is the last to put down wisdom of age be real careful all you fishies that your wisdom is not simply an accumulation of experience that you generalize to new ones. In other words like old ben franklin said doubt a little of your own infalability. let your wisdom serve as a guide to action not a dictator of it. | |
|
Home
login 
