| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:38:13 AM | | I wasn't sure if this was the right forum but since I'm not really looking for a profile review I decided to post here. I was just curious about people doing searches on here. Do you think they are more likely to search for dating than long term? Do you think someone looking for dating would not look at long term and vice versa? Any thoughts would be appreciated. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:48:13 AM | Op, it depends on the person, age, et al... Some people who come across someone they find attractive, and if they read that persons profile, will make it a point to contact that person.
Before two people have met, it is just dating no matter what, however people looking for a LTR generally would like to meet someone on the same page, simply because if a person is just dating, it generally would mean that they aren't looking to be committed to a relationship... However that is always subjectional, and depends on the interpretation of the person writing their profile..
There was a recent thread about a woman having a hissy that men aren't willing to commit to a long term relationship, and then dumping him because he wouldn't go to a POF singles event... Go figure... | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:50:34 AM | | I didn't see that thread. I don't suppose you could help me locate it? Do you remember where it was posted? | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:08:43 AM | I live in a very rural area, with a small population. I just do a regular search and don't narrow it down to what someone is looking for. If I like the profile, then I will check to see what he's looking for.
I think a lot of us are looking for long term - eventually. In the mean time, we date, hoping to find that person. So long as you're not a serial dater - one that is not looking for a special somenoe but is just out to date and/or get laid, you shouldn't have a problem with either setting. Its probably best to put in your profile exactly what you're hoping to find.
HR  | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:12:51 AM | | Thanks for the link. I checked it out. Can I ask what a BBD is? | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:21:59 AM | | LOL, it means the bigger better deal...I should spell things out, but I have learned this whole new IM/text speak, and from time to time use it... | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:02:41 AM | Depends on what you are looking for
Dating means your dating around, several people, not wanting anything serious, just seeing what is out there. If you find a great person maybe then you'll be exclusive but that's not your goal at the moment.
Long term means you're looking for something substantial. Going to be way more selective because your looking for the type of person you'd be compatible with on a long term basis.
Men have argued with my desire for this and not ''dating''. I did the ''dating'' thing...and now I know what I want. That's what I look for. I need a guy on same wave length. That does not mean I am going to gel with every guy i meet, nor am I going to be looking for a wedding ring on the second date. It means we need to have the same ultimate goal.
If someone wants long term, to be with ONE person for a relationship....and the other person is just playing, and out having fun. Someone is going to get disappointed and possibly hurt. It happened to me recently so I should know. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 11:59:34 AM | ^^^^^^^I highly agree with BBMike.
I have placed dating as my status, but I made a statement within my profile that I
am seeking and LTR- based on where the dating goes. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:20:09 PM | I don't search so it doesn't really matter to me but I agree with Raiders' definitions... I prefer to see LT on a guy's profile when being contacted by him.
Serial dating to ME means I'm sharing a bowl of Cap't Crunch with my SO ... I have NO interest in dealing with serial daters. Been there; done that and it was not pretty. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:49:18 PM | I doubt the majority of women who use the site (the ones who don't use the forums) do a strictly filtered search. They likely just do a random search to see who all is in their area.
Typically I would imagine that most look when they receive an email.
I know I don't have a huge preconceived notion of what the person is intending by what they put in the looking for field. I tend to lump LTR, Dating and Friendship as all viable options of someone I would likely take the time to get to know if they have a decent profile, are decent looking and send a decent message. In the end I think it's the interaction that happens that will determine if someone wants to get to know you more than what you have listed as a preference for what you are looking for. Well, with the exception of IE, Other, Activity.
Honestly, the most genuine guys I have met from this site have all had looking for friends listed in their profile. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:30:24 PM | Dude, if you find someone on your searches, and they exclude your type of dating/connection, then edit your profile to change it to that woman's preference and write to her.
To try to figure out who looks for what more, you could do a search on "dating" and then a search on for, let's say, "long term" and one search for "intimate encounters". People look for those who they themselves like to do.
BTW, by asking this question that you have, you showed quite a number of things:
1. You don't know what YOU want.
2. If you know what you want, you sacrifice it for the chance to be on more and more people's list as "found" when they do a search.
3. You may have ulterior motives with this.
3.1 If you do know what you want, then you are lying to people if you put what you don't want, just to be found.
3.2 If you do not know what you want, then it's a sorry case, as the question that is asked for which the answer is "dating" etc. is not fair to you. There is no chance of answering it with "I don't know" "Cannot say" "Would rather not say", "I'm too stupid to know", "I'm a player, looking to swindle people's emotion for sex" "I am stupid enough to say I'm a player". | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:30:32 PM | Dude, if you find someone on your searches, and they exclude your type of dating/connection, then edit your profile to change it to that woman's preference and write to her.
To try to figure out who looks for what more, you could do a search on "dating" and then a search on for, let's say, "long term" and one search for "intimate encounters". People look for those who they think are looking for what they think.
So if you do a nominal search for people who want "dating", and "LTR", and 27 want dating and 447 want LTR, then obviously the chances of your profile showing up on more people's own searches improve if you put LTR.
BTW, by asking this question that you have, you showed quite a number of things:
1. You don't know what YOU want.
2. If you know what you want, you sacrifice it for the chance to be on more and more people's list as "found" when they do a search.
3. You may have ulterior motives with this.
3.1 If you do know what you want, then you are lying to people if you put what you don't want, just to be found.
3.2 If you do not know what you want, then it's a sorry case, as the question that is asked for which the answer is "dating" etc. is not fair to you. There is no chance of answering it with "I don't know" "Cannot say" "Would rather not say", "I'm too stupid to know", "I'm a player, looking to swindle people's emotion for sex" "I am stupid enough to say I'm a player". | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:30:40 PM | Dating for me is just dating nothing serious..just go out and have fun.
My LTR--should be getting to know each other,having a relationship open for intimacy and commitment..im not talking about marriage as its far for me to think about that.I just want a decent relationship.If ever I would sleep to a man, at least I know he wont disappear in one bang or few bangs. I would not think where do i stand in a relationship.I want a clear deal that we are in a relationship not just a vague mystery like..just go with the flow and or just get it.
Im not good in guessing...so I want to know what a man wants on me and his purpose from there I can figure out if its worth continue seeing him or not. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:37:46 PM | "I live in a very rural area, with a small population."
I must move there, I may be better accepted than here in the big city.
You see, I'm 5'4". I might count as a giant in your place. Depending on how small the population really is. I don't want to be surrounded with Barbies. And this is the first time I say that in my entire life.
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Raiderfan, it seems no matter what I look for, I can't find. And I'm not talking only about my hammer or the thing with the little raffia-base which their father put there just the night before.
So I will this instant change my "wish" to LTR to check your theory. It may work.
OP, if you come back to me, "you azzole, you put me down like that, and look at the turn-about face that you are", then I say, "touche, you caught me, congratulations Dr. Holmes, arrest me". | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:51:08 PM | When I first made a profile here and on occasional checks since, I base searches on distance in miles of my smallish city. I did additional weeding from there. I've yet to approach any POF profile, preferring to use another nationally well known paid dating site that has more complete profiles and information on their members that I find relevant, including mine.
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:58:00 PM | Raider BIGBADMIKE, demonstrate the fact that these terms are subjective from person to person..
If I am looking for a relationship that is not just dating and for fun, then I would think the person who has LTR is also looking for someone... There is a huge debate as to what people think about "serial dating" and dating one person at a time... I would find it hard to believe a person is going to have the time to get to know another, if they are balancing several other people at the same time...
As well not a lot of people like to feel like they are in some sort of competition, and have to wait to see if they are the best one, or a runner up...
When I was JUST dating, I was out to have fun, and sometimes I may go out a couple times with the same person, but I was also out with other people... THAT DOES NOT MEAN I AM A SERIAL bed hopper, because that is to messed up to me...
Generally in takes one maybe two dates to see if you'd like to pursue something further, in which case, someone looking lt, would at least hid their profile, and concentrate more on whether that person, to see if things will go any where...
It does hurt when a person is lying, that they are only seeing you, then all the sudden they are busy, when they were supposed to have plans with you, and stop calling, or answering the phone...
There is nothing wrong with a person just dating, I did that after my divorce, I also went out with someone that was NOT looking for a relationship, because he had just got out of his marriage and divorced... I knew the score, so when he asked me out, and I had met someone looking for a LTR, and we had a good connection, I told him, thanks but I found someone that I was interested in...
I have found men say LTR, only to woe women into thinking that they where really into them, then hit it and be off to the next person... Some would say, gosh not ready for a relationship, and then they'd be out trolling for new fish...
It happens, and it is probably why there are more jaded people on the net, then people who are willing to trust what another says.... | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:30:31 PM | For myself Long Term means getting serious about being friends and getting to really know each other.
To me Dating equals Sport Screwing and not wanting to really be serious.
Just my opinion. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term
Posted: 6/25/2009 3:35:16 PM | I disagree. Dating means spending time getting to know someone out in social settings. Technically, you can't move into "long term" without first "dating;" but I understand people sometimes choose that term to indicate that their GOAL is a long-term relationship.
"Intimate encounter" or "other relationship" is what you select on your profile if you're looking for "sport screwing." If you're being honest about it. | |
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