Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > about sex on the first night      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Ruby_
Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 1
about sex on the first nightPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have read in numerous posts that if you just want to have sex, sex on the first night is okay. (but) If you want to get into a relationship, you make yourself, and the other person wait until," the time is right".
I don't understand this thinking. Isn't this dishonest? Doesn't this imply you don't have casual sex when in fact you do.
 Ruby_
Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 2
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/17/2004 10:33:10 AM
Well I should open myself up on this one if I expect to get any responses.

I don't have casual sex, but I will have sex on the first date if the chemistry is there. I only have sex if there is this chemistry.
I think relationships are serious but sex is supposed to be fun and spontaneous.
When you have kids it is fun to plan what night or what definite time you are going to have sex.
I don't think two concenting adults should have to plan or scheme which date is the right date to have sex.
 247guy
Joined: 2/18/2004
Msg: 3
view profile
History
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/17/2004 11:08:08 AM
There may have been a difference between when I was younger to the dating scene after a marriage or long term relationship, It is hard to specify a specific rule since people have experienced different things in life and end up with various personal morals. In my experiences first date sex has always been common and accepted. Waiting is a very respectable thing to do, I waited a year when my ex-wife and I met, however it can be a confusing thing when it comes to attraction because basically you are just friends, thats good, but where is the physical relationship going ? I have lots of friends already. This may be sad to say on a moral stance but I have found my relationship with girlfriends started with sex within the first 3 dates. You kind of know right from the 2nd date how things are going to progress. Sometimes the first date sex just turns out to be a one night stand, sometimes it is just foreplay and does that constitute sex ? Overall the quicker the sex the quicker you are able to determine an relationship....people have busy lives these days and time is a factor, who wants to wait a month to find out something isn't going to work. Pain comes from rejection and what if acceptance, you are going to end up at the same place 9 times out of 10 anyway. If you were meant to be together, or the chemistry is there, holding off sex on purpose does nothing, but it does carry a respect with trust. You want trust ? Trust is earned and not easily given. I can't be a virgin again, and my special first moment has already been given away a long time ago. My biggest complaint is just don't lie about it, you want sex, go for it, you want a relationship, then follow through, just don't ask for a relationship if you just wanted sex.

Well, there you go, ha ha. what does everyone else think ?
 Ender
Joined: 2/1/2004
Msg: 4
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/17/2004 2:29:51 PM
I don't do sex on the first date.......besides if a girl gives it up on the first night then its a TOTAL turn off. Its like there is nothign left to chase....the hunt is over. Plus she kind of comes off like a ho.
 harryarse
Joined: 9/15/2004
Msg: 5
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/17/2004 2:44:18 PM
SEX IS GOOD ANYTIME,HAVE IT IN THE MOMENT.I THINK WHAT PEOPLE MEAN IF THEY LIKE HAVIN CASUAL SEX BUT ARE LOOKIN TO SETTLE DOWN WITH ONE THEY WONT HAVE SEX WITH THEM UNTIL THEY GET TO KNOW THEM,.SEX AND LOVE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS,LOVE IS U WANT MORE THEN SEX,SEX IS SOMETHING TO DO UNTIL U FELL IN LOVE.WHY WASTE IT IF U CAN BE DOIN IT WITH SOMEONE IF ITS BOTH CASUAL
 harryarse
Joined: 9/15/2004
Msg: 6
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/17/2004 2:45:34 PM
OH BY THE WAY RUBY"NICE PUMPKINS"
 femmeinin
Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 7
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/17/2004 6:16:18 PM
if a guy is willing to have sex on the first night nobody cares. if a girl wants to have sex on the first date they call her a whore.

personally, i like sex, sex is fun, and if the attraction is there why not? if a guy thinks less of me because of it then so be it, i'm not into games and usually the longer you date them without sex the harder they try to get in your pants anyway and then they never call you the next morning anyway. so why waste your time
 darlingnada
Joined: 10/16/2004
Msg: 8
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/17/2004 6:21:51 PM
There seems to be an assumption that first date sex is always "casual." It all depends, really. I don't think I've ever had sex that was anything close to casual, but I have had sex on a first date. If chemistry is there, sparks are flying, and I already feel comfortable with the guy, I go with my feelings and don't worry about whether it's "right" or "wrong". I hate stereotypes - like a woman who has sex on a first date is a whore. What does that make the guy?? So I don't worry about what he's going to think/assume about me. If he thinks so narrowly, I don't want to be bothered with him anyway. When I've met guys online, it's generally after we've talked a lot, by email, chat and phone. It sometimes takes months before we've met. So if I have sex on our first physical meeting, that doesn't mean this is a person that I don't feel I already know.
 harryarse
Joined: 9/15/2004
Msg: 9
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/17/2004 8:27:58 PM
REALLY SEX ON THE FIRST NIGHT TO BE HONEST SEX ON THE FIRST 5 MINUTES AFTER MEETING THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE IS TOTALLY AWSOME,UNREAL,PURE LUST TO THE END OVER AND OVER UNTIL ONE PASSES OUT .MMMMMUMMMMM
 Ticketoride
Joined: 6/3/2004
Msg: 10
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/17/2004 8:44:14 PM
All I can say, let the Magic take you away, however that comes about, as is suitable to you, and/or matches your criteria. End of Story!
 masculine
Joined: 9/5/2004
Msg: 11
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/18/2004 12:51:02 AM
It all depends on the situation.
If there is enough understing between each other, the sex is really exiting in the first night itself.
If it results in multi, then its the best night in the life of the two.
 Ruby_
Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 12
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/18/2004 4:12:50 AM
I believe in the Magic.... Makes for great sex!!!! I never felt cheap and I always made a friend if it didn't work out.

Thanks everyone, and as you can see there is still the old double standard. I don't understand why some men put so little value on a sexual encounter for themselves, but hold a woman to a higher standard. We are all just people with wants and needs.



Cedric..Thanks, I grew that pumpkin in my backyard.
 swtnsssy
Joined: 9/7/2004
Msg: 13
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/18/2004 6:30:12 AM
WOW ... I have to agree with femmeinin, why the double standard? Its not fair for a chic to be thought of as a ho because she "puts out" on the first date, but a guy is thought of a "stud".

I agree with a lot of the comments made about "if the chemistry is there ..." After all, we are all adults, having done the "wait till marriage" or "wait till the time is right" thing. I have met people online that I have done nothing but talk with, and then there are the ones that its just so hot and the ions are just bursting to get together. I can't remember who said it, but talking to someone whether it be via e-mail, phone, instant messenger or whatever, you have already "met" the person and got to know them.

Besides, a mind should be turned on before the body is ... and talking to a person for a while before you meet can do that!!!

So I say, if you want to "do it" on the first "date" then go for it!!!
 SoloTOandO
Joined: 10/12/2004
Msg: 14
view profile
History
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/19/2004 10:29:20 AM
I don't do sex on the first date.......besides if a girl gives it up on the first night then its a TOTAL turn off. Its like there is nothign left to chase....

You shouldn't be "chasing" in the first place. Sex is good anytime.

the hunt is over. Plus she kind of comes off like a ho.

I do kinda have to agree with this. When someone gives it up too easy, the first thing that runs through my mind is "Damn, how many people has she done this with?" The then again, just because she doesn't have sex on the first date doesn't mean she isn't a ho either so whats the point?
 Gerffnit
Joined: 7/14/2004
Msg: 15
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/19/2004 11:21:27 AM
My two cents... It has been said already sort of, but why do we call gals whores if they have sex with you on the first date but we call a man a god for getting it on the first date? We downgrade the gals and applaud the men.

So, here's to you gals that score (Yes score, they keep count too) the first night.

YOU GO BO...GIRL!!! ;)

~Gotta Luv Me~
G.
 femmeinin
Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 16
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/19/2004 1:22:40 PM
yep... one thing that guys seldom think about is that women can use men for sex too ;)
 darlingnada
Joined: 10/16/2004
Msg: 17
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/20/2004 9:15:48 AM
SoloTOandO - Maybe she's thinking, "Damn, how many peple has {he} done this with?" Ever wonder if she might be thinking you're a whore? I doubt it. Men never do. Do we even have an equivalent word in English to refer to a male? Giggilo, maybe, but does that have the negative connotations that the word "whore" has? Women don't like men who are common to many women any more then men like women who are common to many men. So when is our society going to get it's collective head out of it's fanny and stop with the double standard?

Gerffnit - Thank you. Obviously, you're one of the rare guys who's actually moved into this century.

Regarding the "chasing" comments heretofore made.... Men say they don't like women who "play hard to get." They label women who do that as teases and as playing games. Yet they say it's not interesting/challenging unless there's something to "chase." With the screwy mixed messages going on, it's impossible for women to meet your expectations. That's why, IMO, it's better for a woman to just be herself and not worry about what the heck a man expects or wants. Half the time, he doesn't know himself.
 Ender
Joined: 2/1/2004
Msg: 18
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/20/2004 12:15:13 PM
"I don't do sex on the first date.......besides if a girl gives it up on the first night then its a TOTAL turn off. Its like there is nothign left to chase....

You shouldn't be "chasing" in the first place. Sex is good anytime."


Bro, the thrill of the chase is what makes the attainment so much fun. Thikn about it....if you jsut want to bust a nut then rent a porn and start with the fapping. Its the entire experinece that makes sex with a woman so much fun....the anticipation, the humna mating ritual.....of course I am a bigtime pleasure delayer. Without the hunt and the chase there is nothign left man...its just cheap friction between two surfaces. No point really.
 Ruby_
Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 19
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/20/2004 12:20:41 PM
A male whore is a Whore-Master.
I don't think the everyday woman having sex when she wants to should be titled a whore. A whore is a woman who sells her body for sex.

I don't understand what the chase is all about either. Sex is the icing on the relationship not the glue that holds it together.
 Ruby_
Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 20
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/20/2004 12:28:36 PM

of course I am a bigtime pleasure delayer
Then this sex too soon, is not about the woman at all, it is about you. You get upset that she ended your fun too soon and it makes you lose interest.

This is not a put down, it is an observation from this womans point of view. Very interesting.
 femmeinin
Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 21
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/20/2004 1:12:21 PM
so why should a woman like me waste my time with a guy like you, when all you're really after is the sex in the end anyway? I could have sex on the first date, or I could totally waste my time for a few months and then get my hopes up it could be a potential relationship, then you'd never call me the next morning. yes I know your type!

another thing i don't understand is if a guy finds a girl who he is compatible in bed with, why does he only sleep with her once? if you find good sex for crying out loud hang onto it! i suppose it's different for guys , they only need a warm hole. women need a man who actually knows how to operate the machinery ;)
 teddah
Joined: 6/7/2004
Msg: 22
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/20/2004 1:25:53 PM
As for the hanging on to a good sex partner...I think alot of guys get scared because they dont want to get attached or dont want the girl to get attached...But I totally agree with you, if i find a good sex partner i try to keepem, but maybe thats me, or maybe its the fact i havent had a good sex partner....and i will disagree we need more than a warm whole, well at least i do i need a good looking girl whos into it, if she lays there like she dead its a total turn off....
 darlingnada
Joined: 10/16/2004
Msg: 23
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/20/2004 2:18:51 PM

another thing i don't understand is if a guy finds a girl who he is compatible in bed with, why does he only sleep with her once? if you find good sex for crying out loud hang onto it! i suppose it's different for guys , they only need a warm hole. women need a man who actually knows how to operate the machinery ;)


Read back at what some of these guys are saying, darlin'. The chase. Once they've had you, the chase is over. They move on to other quarry. That's why I wouldn't give a guy who says he's "into the chase" a second glance.
 joleck
Joined: 8/30/2004
Msg: 24
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/20/2004 8:21:47 PM
very interesting post ruby.....ive learned a lot....jzt here...reading all the diff...points of view...
 Ruby_
Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 25
about sex on the first night
Posted: 10/21/2004 3:04:16 AM
joleck ...In hindsight I sure wish the internet and sites like this existed when I was a young woman. With woman and men sharing like this sure gives us insight into the male and the female brain on the subject. It shows how we perceive the same things differently. I am really happy you are learning from the other ladies and myself. Thanks to the men for sharing too. Without them there is only the onesided view.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > about sex on the first night