| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 1:07:37 PM | I am looking for anyone who has dated a woman [or man] who can offer some advice.
The woman told me three days ago she was bi-polar. Today she has called off the dating. It stings a bit but I'm okay. I still like her and wish her well. In the future I'd prefer to date a woman who does not have this kind of mental health issue.
I'm wondering if anyone knows the behaviours that might give early indications of this issue. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 1:15:48 PM | Usually, a person with any mental illness can control it for awhile, particularly during the early sweetheart phase, so often there are no early indications.
I do have one thing that sets off warning bells and that is if he (or in your case, she) falls head over heels in love before they barely know me. It indicates emotional immaturity. | |
|
| |
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 1:50:33 PM | I dated a girl last year (it wasn't bipolar but undiagnosed borderline personality disorder) and I would never date someone with it again.
It really is too difficult. Dating is hard enough as it is - why add extra stress and complexity? | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 2:10:24 PM | | My ex was diagnosed with bi-polar after we had been together for about three years. This is an extremely difficult relationship to be in and I feel the best way is to ask the person straight away if they have any mental disorders. And of course pay attention to their behavior regardless of the answer the give. Be careful because I feel many women that have bi polar end up on line dating. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 2:26:44 PM | | yes been trere i have been attaked food plates trowed at me called every thing in the book and a day later acting as if nothing happendedtill next time its hell now shes out of my life | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 3:41:16 PM | | When the police know all her alias's, late night trysts on are native land to avoid the pigs, you've a tear in your side that a liver might have been removed from, and 700 emails in your mailbox with threats and shared suicide planz/// .. complain about bipolar.. lots of people are overdiagnosed. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 3:50:20 PM | | I know exactly what you mean.Your realtionship sounds like my last one. It really wears you out fast and takes a lot out of you.I feel for anyone that gets involved with anyone like this. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 4:06:52 PM | | It depends on the person,as it affects different people different ways. My girlfriend is bi-polar. 95% of the time she's completely normal;then she spends a bit of time distracted and flighty,then back to normal. She's not on any type of medication for it at the moment. She's very easy to live with. | |
|
| |
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 5:01:57 PM | Never dated one (as far as I know), but I've had a couple of friends with BPD. I found them extremely difficult, because there was nothing I could do: I could never reason away their "episodes"; logic never worked. In both cases, there was some general flakiness that had been evident from the start. Don't know if this is always the case, but it can't hurt to avoid flakes even if they aren't bi-polar.
How long did you date her? | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 5:12:08 PM | My experience is that they become far more important than the relationship itself. You tread on eggshells constantly, are afraid to upset them and wait patiently for the next meltdown. They are hard to love.
But if you are a patient and loving person who can deal with hurt feelings, have zero ego and will allow them to rule the roost perhaps you can be happy. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 5:13:29 PM | Yes, I agree that it's always a good idea to avoid flaky people. I dated her for a month. The warning signs were there from the beginning though. There were many days when she didn't want to see me, big changes in what she felt about me and a huge difficulty being logical.
Thanks for your post Vische. It has helped take some of the sting out of what happened. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/26/2009 5:14:38 PM | I can definatly tell you some indications..
Depression followed by episodes of Mania which can be where the person feels like they are on "cloud 9" and want to conquer the world to where the person will do very destructive things like spending money they know they don't have, or drinking, or just having feelings of "I don't care what happens later, I am living for the RIGHT NOW". Anger is also a big part of it and can sometimes come out of no where. It generally is a cycle that goes back from the depression to the mania over and over again. The depression part is HARD but with medications a person with bi-polar disorder can lead a normal and productive life. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:06:46 AM | | Well I was married to one. This "situation" didn't present itself in the beginning, due in part I suppose to her really wanting to make it work for fear of being alone forever, but after a while the symptoms began to appear subtly, then not too long after we were married I started to really notice it. By year 6 she was completely bat sh*t crazy and I couldn't take it any longer and I tried to get her to see a doctor and was accused of trying to insinuate she was "crazy" which was totally wrong. So after all that I became distant then her controlling behavior really came on strong and I just shut down which led her to cheating and her leaving the kids and I. Needless to say after about 3 years with her "boy toy" she pulled the same sh*t on him and now she is all alone, on meds finally but alone and I would NEVER in a million years ever consider taking her back, I still see ALL the bi-polar crap going on. Never again, no thanks! | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 4:59:00 AM | | I avoid them personally (Bi Polar men). I am the kind of person who likes to know each day when I wake up and see soemone I will be dealing with the same person. Not someone who will go off on me for no reason, and pop a xanax (and God only knows what else)just to have normal conversation. At least she admitted it. Most people do not. Although it is pretty easy to tell in person after a couple times. The disease can be pretty extreme. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:21:04 AM |
I avoid them personally (Bi Polar men). I am the kind of person who likes to know each day when I wake up and see soemone I will be dealing with the same person. Not someone who will go off on me for no reason, and pop a xanax (and God only knows what else)just to have normal conversation. At least she admitted it. Most people do not. Although it is pretty easy to tell in person after a couple times. The disease can be pretty extreme.
Yep, you nailed it completely. You just never know who the person will be on any given day. Is it the sweet and caring one or the rip your head off, paranoid, total raving lunatic.
Never again will I make that mistake! | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:35:42 AM | I won't date anyone that is bipolar or a mental disorder; I still think many don't. they are just a mess in general;
Get ready; they will always have an excuse for their actions; if they cheat, or are mean to you, or irresponsible; all they have to say is don't blame me, blame the disorder.
No thanks. | |
|
| |
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:58:47 AM |
I'm wondering if anyone knows the behaviours that might give early indications of this issue.
Primary symptoms are dramatic and unpredictable mood swings. Typically they are either in a manic or depressive stage in the cycle.
Do some research before you get on this ride. It can be treated with medications and ongoing counseling however during a manic state often grandiose ideas may creep into their mind and the next thing you know they are off their medications and there's a new Porshe 911 in your driveway. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:24:49 AM | Mental illnes is the same as any other illness, if you really feel a lot for that person, and they are willing to do everything they can towards being "normal" and you want to stay with them, I think you should at least give it a go.
I was involved with someone for over a year, I went through a lot because I felt deeply for him, unfortunately he wouldn't admit that he has a problem, everything was turned around to be everyone ele's fault. I would have been more than happy to work through it with him. I went as far as asking him if he was bi polar (his sister was diagnosed with the illnes at an early age) he refused to even consider it.
At least this lady has been honest with you and not left you wondering why all of a sudden a storm has erupted and you don't for the life of you know why.
It all depends on how you feel about working through it with her. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 3:50:22 PM |
Yes, I agree that it's always a good idea to avoid flaky people. I dated her for a month. The warning signs were there from the beginning though. There were many days when she didn't want to see me, big changes in what she felt about me and a huge difficulty being logical.
But we are not all like that. Please don't judge all bipolar people on one negative experience. Many of us are capable of more, but not everyone will give us the chance to prove it. I realize she said goodbye to you, but that's just her. She does not represent all of us.
For those of you on here who say "it's so hard to date them", imagine being one of us. Put yourself in our shoes for a day. Most of you, wouldn't last a week with this disorder. Bipolar people tend to be more intuitive and self aware then most, due to the fact that we have to be, to survive being bipolar every day.
Those of us who have it, do NOT want it. We don't like being bipolar. It's not fun. But since it is something that some of us have to deal with every day, we learn coping skills and some of us are capable of having a relationship...drama free. I know I am. Yes, I can get moody sometimes, but that's why I'm so upfront with guys I date about this, because I want to be honest with them. I don't want to "hide" things fromt them. And honestly, dating actually tends to "perk" me up since I suffer from mostly the depression part of this disorder.
Being bipolar or suffering from any type of mental illness doesn't suddenly make you worthless as a human being. We are still just as worthy of love and affection, etc. We still want all the things that the rest of you want. It may be more of a struggle for us to find it, but we still want it too. I wish more "normal" people could understand that but there's still a lot of ignorance out there about mental illness.
I hope this post doesn't sound "angry" because I don't intend it to. I've just seen so many threads on here about people being scared of dating bipolar people, and I'm tired of constantly defending us. We're not all "trouble". Yes, there are some bipolar people who are more manic all the time, and their lives can be disasters, but the problem with this disorder, is it affects all of us differently. It's like snowflakes, we're not all the same. So please, for the folks who've had a negative experience with one of us, don't judge all of us on that experience. We are simply, not all the same.
For example, I want a long term relationship. But I also know, that my mental health is my responsibility and I can't expect a man to "fix" or "rescue" me. It's my job to take care of my mental health, not his. But I would like someone who's supportive. That always helps.
For those of you who've had negative experiences with bipolar people, its usually because you've probably dated or been married to someone who did not take responsibility for their own mental health and "took out their mood swings on you". That is not ok, and honestly, you had every right to leave them. We can be kind of intense sometimes, but the key is to be self aware of our symptoms.
I feel bad for bipolar people who are more severe because they really do struggle mentally on a daily basis. I have a great deal of compassion for anyone, who suffers from any form of mental illness. I guess you could say its made me a more compassionate person overall.
I guess I just want people to see all of us, not just the bipolar disorder. We are more then that. So much more. I don't expect all the guys I meet to be ok with the fact that I'm bipolar. I realize some may have a problem with it, and that's ok. But before they say goodbye, I try to at least educate them on the disorder a little bit, so that they know that we're not all "bad". It's just something extra some of us have to deal with every day, and we want love too. It's just harder for us to find sometimes.
If you want to educate yourself about these disorders, or you think you have a family member or spouse who might have it (it can run in families), a great website to check out is DBSA, or www. dbsalliance. org (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance). They also have support group chapters listed all over the country. Before you judge any of us, educate yourself on the disorder first.
To the original poster, its a shame she said goodbye, but maybe she's not ready to date. Dating can be hard for us sometimes. It can be scary. We worry all the time that we're going to disappoint others if we can't live up to their "normal" expectations. I know I do. It can also shoot our self asteem to h*ll. Trust me, no one is harder on us, then us. We beat ourselves up all the time about this disorder. We envy normal because we want to be it. So, some of us are always working towards it.
Just my two cents...  | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 5:20:32 PM | I think this is very thoughtful. First, truth in advertising, while I am not bi-polar, I attract bi-polar folks like a magnet, including a college buddy who was hospitalized, my professor of political theory, my first wife, numerous girlfriends, and 2 adopted children. Second, as far as deciding whether to date someone who is bipolar or not, it depends on whether they comply with a medication regime AND whether it works for them. Some folks try forever to find the right meds while others take a pill a day and seem no different than anyone else. Also, are they comfortable with mentioning it and discussing what it means to them.
As far as identification, some markers (may overlap ADHD):
1. Self-medication, might include exaggerated use of caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, and marijuana. My first wife once said over some scotch, "Sometimes I feel like I can just drink myself sober." and then she passed out. I did not understand at the time, but that is precisely what they try to do.
2. Charisma -- my first wife could have walked into the crowded waiting room of a cancer ward and had everyone up and dancing within 10 minutes. A very magnet personality.
3. A family history of suicide or alcoholism. While alcoholism may not indicate bipolar, it might. As an aside, I have had 3 serious relationships in my life, all of whom were with women whose fathers were alcoholic, and all of which were failed relationships. There is an extensive literature online about Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). Even if alcohol is not abused, the children suffer an impact on their communications and intimacy.
Resources for bipolar include www.mha.org and www.nami.org
If you think of people with an "artistic temperment", that is code for bi-polar. Bobby Knight is obviously bipolar. So is Mariah Carey, as well as others more "normal" appearing from outside such as Jane Pauley. A good first hand account of bipolar is in "An Unquiet Mind." by Kay Redfield Jamison. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:35:25 PM | Sort of . .
Well, turns out we weren't technically dating, though I found this out later.
She said that she was diagnosed as bi-polar II (I think that's the mild form of it) - if you were to ask me, she was just somewhat depressed in general.
She did, however, unfortunately, use it (and other issues) as an excuse to justify stupidity. I read up on it quite a bit, though I've forgotten quite a lot of that info now I'm sure.
In any case, she was on no medication whatsoever, and was clearly able to function on the job, at home, etc.
Just not in relationships - although, while I'm no clinician by a long shot, I think I've got to stand by my original explanation - she didn't really fit the behavior, and tended to use it and other issues as an excuse for "I do X, Y, and Z, and see, these particular studies show that I'm inclined toward certain behavior. I'm doomed to it, so why even bother trying to change?"
She never said those words, mind you, but she might as well have.
Meh, I just realized my explanation's semi-useless because it's unlikely that she actaully was bipolar. | |
|
| Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar?
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:00:26 PM | I totally agree with LakeCountyGal. I have had bipolar for a large part of my life. I take medications every day and will for the rest of my life. But it's like any other illness, i.e.: diabetes, you know you have it, so you take your meds and eat right or end up in the hospital. I like the analogy of snowflakes. There is such a stigma out there on the mentally ill that urges us to do what we have to to lead a "normal" life. People who have bipolar are not all the same; some have symptoms so strong they cannot care for themselves, others can control their symptoms easily because the symptoms don't hit them as hard. Some have major anger when they go manic, others (like me) go into a euphoria. I don't like that I have it, but have no problems being upfront about it. I agree there are others out there with this stigma that don't take care of themselves, but there are a lot of us that do what we have to do, i.e.: taking meds, going to the doctor. I hope this listing educates and sheds more light on "Bipolar" people. Like all of humanity, we are unique and not all the same.  | |
|
Home
login 
