| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:46:23 PM | | Since most of my friends are in my age bracket,with children in their late teens/early 20's,we were debating this issue.What would it take to finally say "Enough!I'd like you to move out."?We're were talking about adult kids (18+) ,out of school and working. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/26/2009 9:21:22 PM |
"Enough!I'd like you to move out."?We're were talking about adult kids (18+) ,out of school and working. I can't see that ever happening. To say "enough" would mean that my child had a serious problem. I would hope I got them help before it got that far. I may have purchased this house, but this is their home. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/26/2009 10:30:15 PM | I can't imagine what the circumstances would be where I would ask my only child to leave. However, both she and I have known for at least 3 years that as soon as she finishes school this November... she's off!! Well... she wants Christmas at home first. I raised her to be a strong and independant young woman, and she can't wait to spread her wings. She will have a gap year and work hard (accommodation in Melbourne is sorted) then go to uni.
Maybe if she did just stay home, party all the time, show no initiative... then I might ask her to move out? Or if she showed any inclination to become a politician... KIDDING!! (I think!)
I will miss her but I truly think I would rather see her out on her own and making decisions than having her mum there to tend to life's boo-boos any time something went wrong. Time will tell.... | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:09:19 AM | My parents offered, and we knew about in advance, our options upon graduating high school:
1. Attend school full-time and live at home rent free
2. Pay market rent to them and a split of the maid (both parents were working full time at that point)
3. Get a place of our own and pay rent to another landlord.
Consequently, we all have either college degrees or sufficient job skills, and manage our money quite well. I left when I was 20 and working full-time and attending school part time, then returned home at 23 to enroll in school full time to complete my education.
I think it's very important, if you wish to teach your children how to manage their money and be self-reliant, to let them be self-reliant and experience life and what it costs to live without mommy and daddy's support. We were welcomed home at any time for a free meal, and we could do our laundry there (if we brought our own detergent), but we knew our parents weren't our servants and maids ;) I really respected my parents for helping me become a responsible adult.
What I find difficult is meeting single dads with grown children that still give them an allowance when they don't go to school, don't work, etc. I know these men think they're helping their children, but I really think they're harming them in the long run. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:10:19 AM | "Enough!I'd like you to move out."?We're were talking about adult kids (18+) ,out of school and working.
Rules about chores, picking up after themselves, not eating all the food and/or contributing to the grocery bill worked really well for me.
If all else fails, wander around the place naked. That'll inspire them to move out. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 1:00:58 AM | I dont think i will tire of my children and tell them 'enough get out". Im not raising kids just to say "im sick of ya get out" one day.
Im going to teach them how to be productive prosperous citizens when they reach adulthood, in all likelihood i will pick up and travel some and leave them my house. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 5:11:14 AM |
Rules about chores, picking up after themselves, not eating all the food and/or contributing to the grocery bill worked really well for me.
This was along the lines of what we discussed.If the child had a complete disregard for
any rules you laid out,then perhaps it might be time for them to have their own place.
Other thing mentioned were being disrespectful (constantly swearing at the parent),drug use in the home,things like that. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 5:16:27 AM | As long as they were contributing to the maintaining the home and doing their own laundry, chores and paying some rent I would have no issue with them remaining at home as long as they wanted to. It is when they become a burden or treat the home as if they were still 12 years old that I would lose my mind.
My brother stayed home till he was 27 and was able to buy a home when he moved out. He did all the yard word, cleaned the pool weekly, loved Grandpa sitting which allowed my parents to go out or go on vacations (my 90 year old grandfather lived there as well and needed care). He also worked full time and paid rent. My parents always said it was a pleasure having him there because once he left they had to hire a landscaper and a pool service!!! | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 5:42:01 AM | Nothing, if you want your child to stand on his own two feet because he is grown, you do not need a reason to tell him to find new lodgings. With my eldest brother, my father told him get into college, get a job or go into the military. Six months after graduation he had done none of the above and my mother told him to get out of her house.
If they have a job and some goals, contribute to chores and some money toward their upkeep, $100 a month for rent or buying food or picking up one or two of the utilties, and if the relationship is good, I don't think I would see a need to boot the kid unless they didn't seem intent on ever getting out of my house.
Now, a slob who destroys your house while you work, someone who doesn't give mom/dad a dime but they are driving a better car than their parents, yada, yada, I don't think you need to justify your decision to anyone, you are no longer responsible for supporting the grown child or putting up with their entitled b.s.
What I find difficult is meeting single dads with grown children that still give them an allowance when they don't go to school, don't work, etc. I know these men think they're helping their children, but I really think they're harming them in the long run.
Totally agree, as well as what you said about how your parents dealt with you and your sibs leaving the nest.
This was along the lines of what we discussed.If the child had a complete disregard for
any rules you laid out,then perhaps it might be time for them to have their own place.
Other thing mentioned were being disrespectful (constantly swearing at the parent),drug use in the home,things like that.
Yesterday, I wouldn't put up with it, the teenage b.s. has been bad enough but honestly, as much as my kids are driving me crazy, I don't see any of them trying to stay beyond their expiration date, lol. They still have a lot of growing up to do but they don't want to do it here. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 5:46:21 AM | | i agree with eschec mat im in the same sitchuation with my children i have 3 sons that are learning disabled. And after so many years of taking care of them would be hard of letting go i dont think i could ever put them in adult foster home if it ever comes to that i hope that im gone it would be hard to watch and cope. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 5:53:30 AM | | I have told my kids. Four years of school is all ready paid for, I did the pre paid fund. I expect them to finish in four years too, because I not paying for any more. After that they are on their own. My kids are only 8 and 12 and they have know this for a few years all ready. If they don't go for the higher education, NP, I will have the school investmet to spend on I nice vacation, up to them. Bad idea to wait till a kid is 18 to have the talk. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:56:13 AM |
i agree with eschec mat im in the same sitchuation with my children i have 3 sons that are learning disabled. And after so many years of taking care of them would be hard of letting go i dont think i could ever put them in adult foster home if it ever comes to that i hope that im gone it would be hard to watch and cope.
Will they be able to lead independent lives eventually? | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 8:24:48 AM | | In my opinion, once your done school and they have a job its time to move out. I joined the Army early and i moved on with my life, but i see alot of people nowaways at home past 26 years old. i dont understand the parents, i dont get it, To many spoled kids these days who are given everything and why move out if they can stay home do what they want and spend their money the way they want. Once my Son turns of age and finishes school, he out because it will be my time to relax and not have to worry. I think parents need to me more strick these days and not give in to the kids so much. they need to grow up and make a life for themselves. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:45:28 AM |
Since most of my friends are in my age bracket,with children in their late teens/early 20's,we were debating this issue.What would it take to finally say "Enough!I'd like you to move out."?We're were talking about adult kids (18+) ,out of school and working.
you start this when they are 3 ... expectation they are off to college/university...
Bit screwed by the time they are 18 and haven't had years of being taught that they will be adults one day and need the skills to live as them.. | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:14:24 PM | I am following the lead of something my sister did with her three children. My son who is now 15 and heading into grade 10 knows that he has one year after he finishes high school or university/college before he must move out. Helping him as a teen set goals for himself post high school is part of what I hope will make it a success. My sister's three children are now 23, 20 and 17. The oldest just graduated university and is using the year to set up a business he has been running since he was 14 to be a year-round business, not a seasonal one. Her daughter just finished her second year of university and her youngest son is starting university in September.
My sister paid for the tuition for her children to complete a bachelor's degree, as will I. Her children were responsible for covering the costs of books and transportation as will mine. She and her husband retain responsibility for housing/feeding them until a year after they graduate from university, as will I.
I've told my son in addition to the one year, if he can show me that he is working and saving for a down-payment for his own house, he can stay an extra couple of years rent-free.
As parents, it is our job, I believe, to prepare our children to be self-sufficient and that starts with ensuring they get a quality education post-high school and don't end up in huge debt as a result of that education. A good education opens the door to financial self-sufficiency. Teaching our children the importance of owning over renting ensures they are building equity from the moment they leave the nest, equity they can draw on if they need to when things get a bit rough (as they often do for all of us).
I know some parents don't feel that post-secondary expenses are their responsibility but if you don't want bounce-back children living in your home forever....it only makes sense to me to invest in their futures to give them every opportunity to succeed on their own and become contributing members of society.
Now if you are dealing with a high school grad or a high-school dropout, pushing the education aspect can still help turn their lives around. Allowing adults who are not living in the "real world" to continue to live in "fantasy land" is enabling them whether or not they are working. If they aren't willing to help themselves improve their lives, that to me is the deciding factor in when it is time to say "You are on your own...you have 3 months to save for a place to live and move out." It is called "tough love"..... If they come back asking to move in so they can further their education, they can come back home, otherwise, they are making choices and must accept the consequences of those choices... | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:22:46 PM |
I know some parents don't feel that post-secondary expenses are their responsibility but if you don't want bounce-back children living in your home forever....it only makes sense to me to invest in their futures to give them every opportunity to succeed on their own and become contributing members of society.
How could parents expect their children to be able to afford to pay for college? | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:26:45 PM |
How could parents expect their children to be able to afford to pay for college?
Not sure how it is in the states but in Canada, loans are available from the feds to help students go to University/College. I believe once you are out of your parents home, their income is not factored in at all but as long as you reside with your parents, their income level can affect how much you qualify for in student loans. I know some people who went to University on student loans and graduated in debt, not a way to start off one's life in the adult world....Otis is still paying off his student loans... | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:25:50 AM | whatever happened to moving out when you get married?
why would you move out just to live in the same city and pay rent to some land lord? And if your a working young person you'll be spending all your time at work and visiting relatives or friends. So really your just paying rent for a place to sleep and have a Bathroom.
There really isn't much point in moving out unless your going to a different city, moving in with spouse/girlfriend, or you hate spending time with your relatives.
Family Values people! | |
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| What would it take to ask an adult child to move out?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:03:50 AM | After I turned 19 my dad changed the locks and nailed plywood on the windows that he figured I could get through.
I ended up sleeping in my car, which I left parked and uninsured. I made sure to leave the thick layer of snow that was on it, as it was a good insulator. Even with candles going it was cold as hell though.
That's one way I guess. | |
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