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 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 1
Profile Writing TipsPage 1 of 1    
Basic Info (city, area, ethnicity,etc.)
When you fill out the basic information, do yourself a favor and be HONEST!!

Body size seems to be the most hotly debated. For body size, I would strongly suggest to put what you think someone else would pick, not what you think you are. If in doubt ask an online friend for an honest opinion. Otherwise be prepared for some maybe not complimentary feedback. Sorry folks, but if you fudge on this people will notice.

Under the questions section, Do you smoke? etc. preferred to say is not a good answer. Particularly under marital status it’ll get your profile clicked over. Good profiles have NO “prefer not to say”.

Headline
Most people don’t put much thought into their headline and put the first thing that pops into their head. A headline is the first thing read, much like a headline to an article. If it’s boring or confusing, chances are you won't read it. I’ll post some good headlines as an example and hope noone whose headline I’m using minds:
- You can have the remote,
- If you can't take it, don't dish it
- I am not for real (humorous, obviously)
- Gone fishing
- Straight arrow on bent path
- Action Figures Sold Separately
Those are all catchy, that’s your objective. Catchy!
Avoid using words like looking, searching, wanting, needing (ugh) those are all redundant. Also things like Are you the one? Looking for my last true love Will you be mine? and my favorite baddie Tired of playing games. If you can't think of anything catchy, try to think of an advertising slogan Just like coke, the real thing or Not just for breakfast anymore. The title of a book or movie, there are catchy slogans everywhere.

Find one that fits you and don't a funny headline if you're not naturally funny. Someone with a funny headline and an unhumorous profile ain't gonna cut it.

Dating interests
This is what you like to do with a date, duh. Or you can list your own personal interests, whichever. i wouldn't list 57 different things you like to do, this should be somewhat brief and precise.

Saying you like country music is fine, don't list 18 different artists or bands. Maybe something like amusement parks bookstores coffeehouses or sports, but say what kind of sports football hockey basketball, etc. As a guideline two is too few, more than 10 is probably too many.

About me
Oh the good part! This is supposed to be a description about yourself. Imagine you’re assigned to write a descriptive paragraph about yourself. What would you say? Hmm…well I like to play guitar. That’s something you like to do, an interest. It’s supposed to be a description, so use descriptive words like…. funny, shy, warm, polite, gregarious, talkative, funny, intelligent.

Don't state things that are already in your profile IE I'm a 5'7" redheaded Gemini female. That info is already there, so don't repeat it. If you want to say something about your job, make it brief IE “I build houses for US Homes”, that's enough. I personally prefer NOT to talk about your profession, but that's your choice.

The other part of this section is supposed to be about what type of person you want to date. Tall, dark haired, fit are fine, but don't forget personality descriptions outgoing, funny, smart. Also a personal preference, as a single parent I do not say anything about my children, how many I have, their sexes or ages. This is a strong personal preference. People want to read about YOU, so I prefer to leave job and children as something to address one on one in an email.

First Date
If you have a creative streak, this is where to let it loose. We all like to go out to eat, candle lit dinners and walks on the beach. Try to be more imaginative, at least have some idea.

Don't cop out totally by saying that you would let the other person decide. That comes across as you’ve never thought about where you’d want to go on a date, in other words unprepared. Not good.

Here’s a few ideas, don’t USE them if it’s not something you’d like to do…browse an antiques store, a bookstore, go take a dance lesson together, visit a museum, an outdoor concert or local festival.

Pictures
Your main pic should be a clear head shot, hopefully with you LOOKING AT the camera. Leave off the caps and hats and sunglasses, pretty please!! I’m begging you, people want to see your face. A picture with sunglasses and a hat will get your profile clicked off, trust me.

As far as other pics, a full length or some type of body shot is good. Just an idea of what you look like in person besides just your face. If you put in group shots, do be sure that it’s obvious who you are. People will not spend the time to figure it out if it’s not obvious.

Do realize that: Upload guidelines are enforced :

UPLOADING NUDITY WILL GET YOUR ACCOUNT DELETED

Cartoons, celebrity and Joke pictures are not allowed.

ALL pictures MUST contain you in it with a visible head shot at minimum

So put some thought into your pics, okay? One last thing, if the pic is NOT flattering don’t use it! Even if it’s all you have handy, no pic is better than a bad one.

General Tips
As an overall suggestion, please avoid negatives, I'm tired of playing games and getting burned (duh, who isn't) tired of the liars and cheats so if you are, don't write me (bad!). Those things give a bad impression and will get your profile clicked over as fast as anything.

It is not necessary to ask them to write you, if they're interested they will, that's the whole point, isn't it? Or write if they have questions. People know that and don’t need and don’t like to be told what to do. Doesn’t leave a good impression.

That’s it, now get busy!!
 JessKO
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 2
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History
Profile writing tips
Posted: 7/4/2005 4:31:00 PM
please dont' use the words "soul mate"
 epsilonbj
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 3
Profile writing tips
Posted: 7/4/2005 6:05:22 PM
and please remember that in dating, just like in any other field, we need to be realistic. Not everyone can marry a Tom Cruise or a Jennifer Aniston. The idea is to look for potential. If the potential is there and if you are willing to do the hard work, then you may make your partner into a Tom or a Jennifer. Maybe you may even decide that you want your partner to be themselves, you'd love them more and in the end not even Tom or Jennifer can take their place in your heart.
And listen to the girls, they are giving you really good advice. So between bucsgirl's, spiderwoman's and woody's posts........you have what you need to make progress.
Dont be afraid to print a copy of those posts and read it at bedtime.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 4
Profile writing tips
Posted: 7/4/2005 7:06:51 PM
How could I forget, this is a biggie....don't use prefer not to say, that's one of the biggest turnoffs ever, plus you leave it up to the person to guess your anwer, and believe me, they will guess the worst possible one! No prefer not to says allowed for a good profile.
 MasterBart
Joined: 6/20/2004
Msg: 5
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History
Profile writing tips
Posted: 7/9/2005 12:52:44 PM
Here are the guidelines to writing an awesome profile. Remember, your profile is a sales tool. Know your goal before you start; usually the goal is to get people to send you mail upon reading your profile -- once y'all start talking then you can tell them your philosophies and life stories, or whatnot. If getting mail and finding a date isn't your goal, adjust your profile accordingly. Some general rules about profiles:

(1) Be POSITIVE and CONFIDENT.
(2) Don't screen people out.
(3) Length is important - don't write a novel, but 2 sentences aren't nearly enough, either.
(4) Have content - describe yourself, don't just fill up space.
(5) Double check it - bad spelling or grammer is profile suicide. No typos, no run-on sentences or fragements.

HEADLINE
First, avoid using the following words or phrases: "seeks", "seeking", "looking for", "in search of". No "Romeo seeks Juliet", no "in search of my prince", no "Fair maiden waiting for her knight in shining armor". There are exceptions for something truly unique or unusual (e.g. funny), "Fruitcake seeks frosting", "cute Fish seeking Fat Worm". Avoid anything negative; "Crazy Biotch", "Weirdo at Large", "Stalker on the prowl" - are not good ideas. Favorite song lyrics or movie quotes are good; they say something about you and may get stuck in someone's head, making others remember you. Quoting famous phrases work as well, but find something that isn't likely to be overused - twisting the words creatively adds zing.

PICTURES
This is the most important part. Do whatever it takes to make sure you have one, if you don't. Having between 5 and 12 is perfect. For a main pic, usually best to use a close-up shot of your face. Also nice to have a picture that shows your figure as another pic. Eliminate or limit "group" pictures - NEVER use this for a main pic. **Ladies***: cleavage shots don't impress guys as much as you think. Showing a pic of your boobs, butt, favorite lingerie etc. will most likely get you tons of mail like "Ur hott, wanna hookup, holla". Ditto for shirtless pics, guys, especially for a main pic. Tying your pics into activities you like will also help you get remembered - i.e. you said you like cycling and there's a picture of you on your bike, and BINGO fellow cyclists will smile.

DATING INTERESTS
Frankly I don't give a flying purple dead rat's ass about this box. However, it can be a great tool for summarizing ideas, or helping to tie things together. Use of generalities helps if someone else looks up a key word - if they're looking for people who list "music" and you have music in your dating interests, then your name will come up. Specifics are even better; say "heavy metal" or "Frank Sinatra". Say "horror" or "comedy" instead of (or in addition to) "movies"; "cow-tipping" or "mountain climbing" instead of/in addition to "outdoors". EVERYBODY loves music and movies - saying this won't make you special. Listing specifics will help people say "hey, this person and I really have something in common, I'll write them a message."

ABOUT ME
This is the biggie. Let's review "general rule" #:

(1) Be POSITIVE and CONFIDENT. Don't say things like "maybe", "I guess", "My friends tell me". Don't start off with "I'm not good at writing these things", "I'm not sure how to describe myself", etc. Also don't put yourself down; if you must mention that you look like a walking freakshow, be the SEXIEST buck-tooth, cross-eyed, quadriplegic leper that ever walked the earth. Don't say things like "I may not be all that, but..." or "I know I look kinda ugly in my pictures". Use of words with suble negative connotations should be avoided, such as "but". "I'm energetic but sometimes lazy" makes you look wishy-washy, and people hesitate. At the end of your profile, don't say "If you think you might like me, (write)...". Know that everyone automatically thinks you're the shiznit, don't be meek.

(2) Don't screen people out. Reason: you want to be inviting, and thus you can't appear aloof or finicky. There is an inverse relationship between people's intelligence and their self-confidence (yes this is a proven psychological theory!). LADIES: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, *please* don't say "I don't want a liar, player, or cheater." Don't put "I can't stand dishonesty" or "If you don't think you can handle me, please move on" or "I'm tired of playing games". In short, don't select a group of people and ask them not to write you.

(3) Length is important. Make sure to get to the "meat" of what you need to say; and don't waste time trying to entertain the general public (unless this is specifically one of your goals in writing your profile, but still that's usually best saved for the forums).
Being easy to read is also important. Break down large paragraphs. Keep thoughts together.

(4) Have content. Remember to describe yourself -- this is more important than what you're looking for, and don't describe what you *don't* want. Discussing your philosophies on dating just wastes time. Ex: "I think communication is important in a relationship because without it people just fight and nobody keeps it real, you know?" <-- BAD. (see also rule #8)

(5) Double check it. 'Nuff said, intelligence is SEXY. Capitalize your "I"s; put a space after the period at the end of sentences. aNd NoNe oF tHiS sTUfF.

--also-

(6) Avoid the "adjective lists"!!! NEVER say "I'm a laid-back, caring, humorous, romantic guy". Each and every single one of those terms loses meaning in a list as such. For another thing, you won't really describe yourself, you'll subconsciously describe what you think your significant other is looking for. Indeed those items from the list are the very qualities you should say about yourself, just break them down into individual thoughts or sentences. For ex. that list should read like "I'm always smiling and nearly impossible to stress. I love visiting the residents at my Grandma's retirement home because I'm very caring. My favorite shows are comedy and I try to remember what they say. I love to share my gourmet cooking experience with others, especially over candlelight and soft music - and cudding is the best way to fall asleep." Same goes for describing the person you're looking for, if you include this.

(7) Don't use your real name!! There are weirdos in internet-land. Stalkers, scam artists, etc etc. It's Safety and Security 101.

(8) I think a good profile should include 3 things:

- HOBBIES: use the "Dating Interests" box to name them, use the "About Me" to talk about them. If you've said "cycling" in the dating interests box, don't be redundant and just say "I like to ride my bike" in the About Me box. If it's just a casual interest, just give a little tidbit about it, "on weekends I like to ride around Anderson park, or sometimes East Mountain Trails". If this is a serious hobby, talk about it. Are you on a cycling team, or ride in any events? Do you have any awards, trophies or special achievements for these things?

- TASTES: Again, pull from things in you "Dating Interests" box, then describe them. Your goal is to describe what entertains you, and the idea is to make people say "Hey, we've got something specific in common." You said you like music (then again doesn't everybody?), and maybe said "Heavy metal". Here's your chance to put ideas into sentences, "I like everything from Heavy metal to classic rock, and I love 80's pop. I think techno makes the best driving music, though". Mention some of your favorite bands, or maybe a memorable concert you went to. Ditto for movies -- everyone likes movies, what genre do you like (sci-fi, b-grade horror flicks, comedy, porn, heavy drama, cartoon movies, silent films from the 30's, action, film shorts, japanime, Disney movies, that weird crap from France)? Are you interested in trying something, like watching live theatre? Mention a favorite movie or three.

- CLUES ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY: see rule #6. Creativity is paramount. Saying you like candlelight dinners or long walks on the beach sounds romantic, but it's cliche and may make you sound like you're BSing. This is a great time to be funny and creative. "My inner child is a juvenile delinquent" <- slightly negative, but funny. "I like to wear jeans to church" <- gives ppl an idea about your unpretentious nature, and makes you inviting.

(9) LADIES: don't start off talking about your kids, seriously. Yes, they're the world to you. You're not looking for a new stepdad right now, and men don't want to play second-fiddle to the little ones. Remember, the goal is to get mail. You're gonna write messages back and forth before going on your date anyway, and the time to talk about the kids is in those messages. I know you're going to mention them anyway - so put it in the middle or near the end, and either tell a story about them (so you can mention some details about them, such as their ages), or go super-positive ("If you like children, you'll love my 4-year-old son - he's all smiles and a chatterbox.")

Finally, know that there are no set-in-stone rules. Creativity is fantastic; you can make a bulleted list of all things about you. You can use a poem. You can describe yourself as the hero of a fiction story... but normal profiles are great too. You can say "LIKES" and "DISLIKES". Do avoid the "cookie-cutter" pattern, though; beware if every sentence starts with "I" or "My". If it looks like you filled out a form asking your hobbies, interests and likes/dislikes - you might need review.

FIRST DATE
People will remember the first and last things they read, so start your "About Me" box off with a bang, and make this "First Date" box killer too. "Coffee", "drinks", "dinner" and "movies" are acceptable, but so overused that you certainly won't stand out. You can ask people to join you in some of your usual activities ("Would you like to go to Moe's Tavern with me?"), or ask if someone wants to join you for something new "I've never been in a hot-air balloon before, who wants to go with me?" NEVER put down "whatever the other person wants to do", or anything similar. People are attracted to leaders, and everyone's looking for answers, or at least someone with answers. If you can name something specific, you win.

--attention MEN---
There are certain rules about blind internet dates, such as meeting in public, in a well-lit place, etc. Suggesting something that breaks these rules may put some women on edge, no matter how sweet your intentions. Long walks alone on a beach at midnight <- warning. Also, the need to be the confident leader with anwers is especially important for you. Women are very visual creatures; take advantage of this and give them something to fantasize about. She'll picture what you're wearing based on your pictures, and your voice from your writing style. If your first date is, let's say dinner, describe the meal, the conversation, the environment, etc. Let her literally taste the food while she's reading your profile. Make it sound like a page from a romance novel, with y'all as the heroes, and she's yours.
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 6
Profile writing tips
Posted: 7/9/2005 2:22:39 PM
Some good points in here. One thing for men, I know men are visual creatures, but if you limit the desires to athletic bods, you may be selling yourself short. Also, if you are looking for a movie starlet, you'll be selling yourself short as well.

Men - for your main picture, leave the hats off!

Both sexes - don't go into great details about your kids, save that for future emails. Don't forget to use spell checker.
 rawr79
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 7
Profile writing tips
Posted: 7/9/2005 4:30:00 PM
here's another bit of advice:

DON'T USE ALL CAPS!

A properly constructed profile should contain proper words, sentences and maybe even proper paragraph structure. I know that for me a major turn off is finding stuff like "omg! lol! r u teh one 4 me?!?! if u r then msg me!! i can't believe i'm doing this! lol!" Please, try to use proper english.
 xander
Joined: 2/22/2005
Msg: 8
Profile writing tips
Posted: 7/10/2005 12:15:59 PM
SPELL CHECK IT!

Depending on your browser, you can find free add-ons.

IE: iespell.com
Firefox: spellbound.sourceforge.net <-don't forget the dictionaries

Won't fix your grammar but it'll get you one step closer to legible!

And

USE PARAGRAPHS - Hitting {Enter} won't submit the profile so, please, chop things up into paragraphs. I, personally, won't read a profile that is one huge paragraph. It means that you've only talked about one subject and if that's all you've got going for you....



Dec03/05: Adding:

MORE INTERESTS -- Look at your profile. If you've got a few interests and none of them are underlined, you've got a problem. Rephrase them; look at other profiles for wording. If they are underlined terms that means that more people than you share it, and it's a Searchable term.

Sure, you might get lucky with "I like to juggle" but "juggling" is more likely to be the phrase that pays.

The more interests you show, the more likely you are to have that shared interest highlighted on someone's "My Matches" page.
 GreenEyesAndHam
Joined: 2/11/2005
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Profile writing tips
Posted: 12/7/2006 11:20:51 AM
Apparently, this is the place for this now...

I've talked to at least 200 people and looked at thousands of profiles in my days at POF; I've found that the people who have the most problems with it are the ones who don't match their profile. You won't be happy unless you're honest with others. Don't worry about being embarrassed. If you're a goofy person, then your profile should be goofy. If you're a funny&serious person, then your profile should be funny&serious. Don't try to please everyone in an effort to 'keep all your options open', you'll have the most boring, government-issued profile ever. I won't give specific examples of people - you know who you are. Actually, you don't know who you are - that's why I'm writing this.

There's a saying: "At 50, you get the face you deserve." On POF, you get the results that you deserve. Boring people make boring profiles and get boring results. Fun people make fun profiles and get fun results. The best overall advice I can give is to picture your ideal mate, and then write your profile like you're talking to them. Picture your soulmate (don't use this word in your profile, Ms Clingy) reading your profile and then sending you a message that says: "I don't respond to a lot of profiles, but when I read yours it was like it was me talking. We must've met before. Do I know you? Are you teasing me? Please don't turn out to be a 13 year old boy." I'll let you take it from there.

Don't tell me what you like and what you're like - SHOW me what you like and what you're like.

Bad: "I have a wacky sense of humour."
Good: "I always carry a dog leash so that I can put the end of it under the tire of a cute guy's car and accuse him of running over my dog - it's a good ice-breaker."

For the record, here's all the things that I can remember about profiles right now - it's geared more towards genders without a Y-chromosome:

Pictures: I never check profiles without pictures; most people don't. Put up a picture, you're better looking than you think. Get a nice one done. Don't put up an old one, even if it's your favourite. If someone doesn't look somewhat as good as their picture, I feel lied to and don't trust the person much anymore. Stop saying crap like "I want someone to like me for who I am inside first" - you're just scared, I was too. Cutesy pictures, sunsets, landscapes or mythological characters are cool if it represents you somehow, but if there's no real picture as well, then we assume the worst. Guys are assumed to be ugly, women are assumed to be fat.

Grammar: Use Spellcheck, capitals, paragraphs and punctuation. Please don't use "u" instead of "you", it's not cute and it makes u look 12.

Prefer not to say ==> "Prefer not to meet"

Pets: (BE IN THE PICTURE WITH YOUR PET - if you don't want it deleted)

Picture rotation: Like your tires, rotate your pictures. Don't just list all eight and leave them up. Be a little mysterious. When you change your profile, rotate a new picture in. It catches peoples' attention and they'll check out your profile again. Don't worry, people don't mind being tricked in this way. Whether you like it or not, it's the first and main thing that people use when deciding whether to view your profile.

Interesting: I love reading profiles that are interesting, positive and funny. I'll read them again and again and again. You know that if you're with that person, that you're going to have fun, even when something crappy is happening. Tell a stupid story about yourself; show you're human. Make sure that there's a least a couple of paragraphs of stuff to pique someone's curiosity. You wouldn't believe how many emails start "Okay, just had to ask...is that story about XXXXXXXXXX true?"

Changing your profile: Do it every once in a while. Not as often as me, I'm a spaz that way and think that thousands of people are hanging on my every word. Like now, I actually think that people will have read this far in my post. When I read a profile whose First Date idea is "Sitting on a patio sipping a frosty beverage" and it's the middle of February (in Canada), I know that the person doesn't care. If you don't care about your profile, then I don't care about your profile.

Your competition: Actually, it's not your competition if you believe in that soulmate thing. Women, check out other women's profiles; check out what the men are looking at. See who seems fun, who seems creepy, and what phrases are overused. Contact them if you want - tell them that you liked their profile, ask them how it's going. Avoid the same old cliches:

• "I never know what to write here" -- honest, but annoying
• "How does one sum up one's life in a few words" -- hint: you're not supposed to
• "Lots of interests - ask me" -- I've never wanted to know more about anyone who has written this. Ask yourself: Do you pick up a plain rock in the hopes that there'll be something interesting underneath, or do you pick up an interesting rock?

Emoticons: Personally, I hate them. If you do use them, make sure that they're not replacing what you want to say. Think of them as a spice, not a meal. On second thoughts, just don't use them.

Headlines: Put up a decent headline. It can be funny, serious or just plain bizarre. People don't read them as much as you'd like to think, but assuming you have up a nice picture, they will. Please please please avoid the headlines: "Just looking", "No players", "Trying again", "Built-in BS detector", "No head games", "Are there any good guys left?", etc. Why, you ask?

=====================================================================================

[CAUTION: HERE BE NEGATIVE SECTION]

Just looking: Wow, thanks for honouring us with your presence; please choose one of us - we peons NEED to be here, not like you. Enjoy your ride past in the popemobile.

No players / Built-in BS detector: No kidding? This not only doesn't work, but it makes you sound like you've met a lot of jerks because you're a poor judge of character.

Trying again: Do you want to sound like you're giving it yet another a half-assed effort? It has the same voracity as someone on their 10th diet or attempting to quit smoking for the bazillionth time. People actually now WANT to see these people fail - they're just so annoying and timewasting. How about "I'm back, did I miss anything?" or "You can't stop me dating - I'm an idiot." Either of these shows a better attitude and some creativity. I'm sure that you can think of better ones than me. Actually I'm just saying that - I'm not that modest.

No headgames: Who started this stupid phrase? See "No players".

Are there any good guys left?: Ooooo, a challenge. I'm going to jolly-well show you just how good of a guy I really am. Wait, no I'm not - you sound lazy and a poor catch. I don't know exactly why, but I find this one to be the most insulting.

=====================================================================================

Good luck on POF.
 Banter-er
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 10
view profile
History
The Importance of a Good Picture
Posted: 12/29/2006 9:51:59 AM
Pictures are the first, and sometimes last, chance at connecting with somebody. If it's unappealing, hard to recognize, or simply uninteresting - people will just scroll on by . You want to invite them in so that they can read your words and make a decision based on how you've chosen to represent yourself, not on a quick glance of a thumbnail. Without a nice, welcoming primary picture, you are significantly reducing the possible hits on your profile.

Get your hands on a digital camera – not a webcam; not a phone cam. Quality pictures will really stand out – there are lot of bad pics on the internet! Put on a nice shirt or outfit. No hats or sunglasses! If possible, go outside – natural light is much more flattering. Plus, it’s good to show that you get out of the house from time to time.

Take LOTS of pictures. For your primary photo, you want a nice, close head shot, where you are smiling and looking into the camera. Make sure you are not squinting into the sun, or that you don’t have half your face in shadow (be aware of where the sun is). Overcast days are best for outdoor pictures. Take a bunch of different ones – that’s the beauty of digital cameras.

Then get a variety of different poses, ideally some with you doing an activity that you like (possibly from your Interests section). Make sure you have at least one shot that shows your whole body. Do this over a couple of days if possible – show some variety in clothing and looks. You don’t want it to LOOK like a photo shoot, even though it is!

Women – be aware that if you put "suggestive" pictures on your profile, you can expect "suggestive" messages in your mailbox. It’s just the way it works.

Guys - generally speaking, women find shirtless/posing shots to imply that the poster is vain and self-absorbed. It may not be true... but be aware that's how it will be perceived.

Also, women don’t like to see you with other girls in the picture, even if it is your sister or whomever. Even if you do explain it in your profile. Again, that’s just the way it is – so don’t do it.

Once you have a decent collection of pictures, it’s a good idea to update them whenever you can. Whenever you go do something fun, or find yourself dressed up nicely, try to get a picture or two, ideally a solo shot if possible. As you add in new pictures, take out the oldest so that most are a good representation of how you look currently.

It’s also a good strategy to change your primary picture from time to time. It might catch somebody’s eye who just isn’t reacting to the previous shot for some reason. But make sure they are all decent, flattering pictures. I’ve seen people do "theme" pictures for different seasons (Halloween, Christmas) and that can be fun – just make sure you have other pictures on your profile that show the real you.
 SubSonicBoom
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 11
The Importance of a Good Picture
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:53:04 PM
For those men who have their mind made up on posting a shirtless picture of themselves. Please try to make it a good picture. Try following these tips.

How to Post a "Shirtless Dude" Picture

I'll skip all the things that have to do with three months of abdominal crunches or shaving around your nips, but I will devote lots of typing to the pose/stance and flex. The basics of the pose is the classic "contrapposto". Think of Michaelangelo's "David".

1. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Your toes should be pointed 45 degrees (this is important) outward. Ninety degrees is too far.

2. Shift your weight so that 60 percent is on one leg; just pick one for now. You're learning the pose, we'll orient you to the camera later. The leg with only 40% of your weight should be slightly bent. I said slightly. The arm on the 40% side should be relaxed and it should hang at your side weighted only by gravity.

All or most of the above is out of the camera's view but it has a significant effect on what the camera sees. Think about it; if you see a woman walking, you can tell if she's wearing heels even when her lower body is obscured behind an obstruction.

3. The arm on the 60% side should be bent. Place a hand on the hip or be carrying something. Lean against a railing or door jamb, throw a gang sign. Look, I'm kidding about that last part. Don't be a dork, OK?

4. Turn your shoulders and your head about 30-degrees toward the 40% side, because that's where the camera is. What you did at the beginning was turn your feet/hips 30-degrees away from the camera then place 60% of your weight on your back leg.

5. Take a deep breath, then let out about 30% of it. Don't flex. If you did the work, you shouldn't need to.

6. Keep your chin down (neutral position) and try not to blink.

Now that you've taken the picture, go find a slim fitting T-shirt (grey or medium blue) and repeat the above process. Delete the shirtless pictures and use the ones in the T-shirt.

- T
 LolaMaxwell
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 12
By request, Ms Ann Thrope's quick tips to good profiles
Posted: 6/19/2008 5:34:45 PM
1) Negatives are very unappealing. Leave out statements like "If you're an evil witch who only wants to destroy me, don't reply to this!" or "My last husband cheated on me with the 7-11 clerk, so all you cheaters just stay away!" Best to leave out all unpleasant reminiscences of past relationships from your profile. Think of this as a fresh start on a new adventure.

2) Try to look at yourself from the point of view of the reader. What's great and unique about you? What's fun and appealing? Try to stay realistic -- if you've never skiied the Alps, don't say you have.

3) Don't feel you must put *EVERYTHING* about yourself in your profile. "I have teeth and hair. I have ten toes. My first dog was named Skippy. I think the color red is satanic." Ditto with listing a million interests. These are tidbits you can reveal personally to your date as necessary.

4) Avoid cliches' like "no headgames," "no players," "no gold diggers," "are there any nice men/women out there," and "Are U the 1 4 Me?" Just...no. Don't do it. Read through a hundred profiles and you'll see why not.

5) Don't tell us how "good-looking," "hilariously funny" and "brilliant" you are; most people prefer to judge that for themselves, and you just come across as unbearably stuck-up.

6) Don't repeat information already on your profile. "I'm 6' tall, I'm an Aries and I live in Podunk Falls, MN." Well, yes, we saw that at the top, no need to say it again.

7) Don't say, "Well, geez, I guess I have to put something here, don't I?" Yes, yes, you do. We all do. We were all reluctant to do it, but it's gotta be done. Don't complain. It's negative.

8) Never put, "If you wanna know more about me, drop me a line." The implication here is we should want to know more about you (why?), AND we should have to do the work to get in touch. A much better thing is to ask "Tell me about yourself!" Showing that you're interested in someone else (even if your interest is feigned) is appealing.

9) DO send politely-worded emails out to people who interest you -- and not just to all the big-breasted blondes in your 100-mile radius. *Don't* take it personally if your emails are not replied to. *Don't* invest a lot of energy in speculating whether the big-breasted blonde you emailed thinks she's better than you. Just move on and shrug it off.

10) Finally -- and this is a BIG one -- do *NOT* ask for people's "honest advice" and then get pissed off when you receive it. Try to remember that a) you asked for opinions and b) not everyone will agree with you. The forums are not here solely to soothe your battered ego and pamper your wounded soul. Some people might actually think you're an adult who really wants to hear opposing views.

Remember: Not everyone is going to like you. But someone will!

I find I must add Number 11:
11) DEAR GOD, NOT ANOTHER "MEET FOR COFFEE" DATE! NOOOOOOOOOO! Meeting for coffee is worse than any other cliche' around, including walking on the beach, which is still a fun thing to do even if you don't have a beach handy. Come up with something different for a first date. Anything. DEATH TO THE COFFEE DATE!
 dichoTommy
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
By request, Ms Ann Thrope's quick tips to good profiles
Posted: 9/25/2009 10:51:34 AM
In an attempt to give an additional resource for profile writing, I'm offering up the suggestions I've gleaned from a few months worth of profile reviews.

Before submitting your profile for review, this simple checklist can help ensure that you've avoided the most common pitfalls.

General
Avoid negativity at ALL costs. Nobody is seeking a lying, manipulating, drama-creating partner (I think), and anything you list in your profile that talks about your bad experiences will just drive people away. So avoid complaining in everything you write.

Getting views
Headline, primary picture thumbnail, and the first 200 characters of your profile are what show up during most searches. You want to focus your time and energy in ensuring that all three of those items are the absolute best you can make them.

Headline
Your headline serves a few purposes, chief of which is to stand out from the crowd and convince your prospective viewer that your profile is worth clicking on. Avoid trite and overused things like "Looking 4 a good guy/girl", "nice guy within", et cetera. This is an excellent place to inject some humor if you can swing it. Put a good hook here, and you'll get the clicks.

Photos
Your primary picture, as mentioned above, is often the only chance you'll have to attract someone's attention on this site. A well-lit, closely-cropped image with a big toothy grin tends to do well here and is highly recommended.

For the rest of your photos, avoid posing with members of the opposite gender, even if they're friends/family/other. Men and women both react to seeing that - and it's usually not in a positive fashion. Have a friend take some photos of you enjoying your favorite activities. Outdoor photos are great, and don't be afraid to pay to have a professional take your photos. Quality trumps quantity every time.

Be sure to include one shot where your entire body can be seen. This is important for both genders. The body type drop downs are limited (just the way it is) and often inaccurate. There are plenty of people out there that enjoy ALL body types, so show what you have to work with and be confident/comfortable in your own skin. I know that from the male standpoint, we tend to think "worst-case scenario" when there's nothing shown, so don't take that risk.

Interests
The numbers most often thrown around are 10-15 interests, being certain that they are all separated by commas and linkable (don't put "activities in and around the water" when "water activities" or "the beach" both are linkable and have more hits). Males, think about which of your interests women may like. Ladies, think about which of your interests males would like. Be sure to use either lower case, or leading capital letters. Avoid using ALL CAPS as it is harder to read, and please check your spelling. There's nothing worse than finding out that so many interests which are misspelled are actually linkable: meaning that others have equally poor spelling.

About you
In addition to the existing tips above, the most often repeated advise is to inject your personality into things. Add humor, talk about one or two of your interests, and add a solid paragraph on what the man/woman of your dreams is like.

You need enough information here to get someone to write you; enough about yourself so that someone viewing can say "hey, I'd like to meet this person".

Separate your paragraphs using additional carriage returns (as done throughout this post) and it becomes easier to read. When you think you're done, copy and paste your text into MS Word, or another program with spell check. Have someone look over things for grammar, and avoid using text speak/abbreviations. Also be certain to not begin every sentence with "I".

First Date
Think this through well. Don't say "Let's go to the movies so we can get to know each other" as there's nothing worse than sitting through 2 hours of silence, in the dark, with a total stranger. You will be completely unable to talk to each other, and won't know each other any better.

There's nothing wrong with movies on the first date, but don't contradict yourself by saying you want to get to know them.

Don't put "open for anything", "I'll let you pick", or "whatever we decide". Be original, or at least be honest. Talk about things you'd like to do, and you'll find you have a much better idea of what to go on.

Happy Fishing!
--Pratch


Lion of Ireland's Tips
Don't do the ' I like to go out and like to stay in ' everyone has a version of this. Standing out is a good way to garner interest.

Be creative!

Keep things simple! Try to avoid writing a 'novel' Leave something to talk about and give a reason for them to write back.

Be original!

Spend 15 minutes looking at other peoples pages. It can do wonders, you will find that most say pretty much the exact samethings and usually it is blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Spend another 15 minutes thinking about who you are emailing.

Try to avoid sending 200 emails and getting 1 reply and then WONDERING WHY? If that is the case ---- you are spent.

Their is a favorites option. USE IT. Do a search, be as decriptive as possible, list everything you are looking for. Do search. add all of these people as your favorite. Start emailing them ---- no more then 1-2 a day. give at least 48 hours before moving on. Go down the list. To many guys run around like horny little dawgs trying to dry hump every leg possible and then wonder why they are getting shooed away.

1. you are sending bad emails
2. you are emailing people who are not a match for you
3. you have a really bad page
4. you have bad pictures
5. this list could go on and on

It is a common pitfall to start emailing every pretty picture in a 100 mile radius, regardless of whether you are a match or not. Just send out 50 emails and hope somone writes back is not a winning strategy. More chances then not, if you take your time, find people who are a good match and send a well thought out email, you will hit a winner and more importantly---------> a date!

When you are in a social setting do you run around trying to talk to every single women? Just because you can ---- does not mean you should.

Ever consider what would happen if all 50 women you emailed today---- emailed you back? talk about busy. If that is the case you are sending out 49 emails you think will get no response and 1 that 'might' ---- do not send out pre-deleted emails. If you have come to that stage-- you need to delete your account and go away for a month or two.

Dont say in 1 sentence you are a confident person and then in the next explain how shy you are.

TAKE YOUR TIME! Patience, patience.

DenverSky5280's comments
Since you guys showed me yours, I guess I'll have to show you mine....enjoy!

///////
Hi…here are some tips and tricks. A few of these you are doing…most of these you are not…
PHOTO-OP SECRETS:
1) Primary photo needs to be CLOSE UP of your SMILING FACE.
2) JUST YOU in the primary photo. NO sunglasses or hats.
3) Other photos: have 5 to 8 total in all kinds of garb from casual to dressy.
4) You need at least 1 or 2 full BODY shots.
5) ALL photos must be recent…i.e. in the last YEAR.
6) NO other people in the photo except you. Your same-sex friends are your competition.
7) No pics of you drinking alcohol! He/She will wonder if you have a drinking problem.

NAME/HEADLINE SECRETS:
1)You need an INTERESTING name. Example: jbl380 is lame…and forgettable. True_Gold_in_ CA is memorable. Wish_You_Were_Here is memorable. RSVP_to_Me is memorable. Blintz_Charming is memorable.
2) You need an INTERESTING headline. Avoid cookie-cutter and obvious.
Example of Boring ones= Looking for a nice woman/ Hi there/ Nice, romantic, kind.
Example of Good Ones = What are Your Next 2 Wishes??/ You Win! You Win!

PROFILE SECRETS:
1) Before you write…READ!
2) READ at LEAST 3 or more profiles of Forum people who are giving helpful hints. These people usually have good profiles.
3) IMITATE their profiles.
4) YOU NEED an UPBEAT opening line. NO whining that you’re new, uncomfy, yada yada.
5) Nix the GENERALITIES. Use SPECIFICS. For example…
6) Do NOT say: I like sunsets and beaches and travelling and good conversation. Do NOT say things like I’m a good cook or I’m smart and I’m nice. These are BORING and everyone says stuff like that. USE SPECIFICS to SHOW you ARE these things…see #7 for SPECIFIC examples.
7) DO SAY: I just got back from the Grand Canyon. Wow! It’s even better than the photos. My next vacation is going to be warm weather and crystal blue water. Want to compare notes on the best beaches in our part of the world?
DO SAY: If you don’t know how to cook, I can. My favorite in cold weather is Homemade Chicken Veggie soup. My favorite in any kind of weather is homemade Nestle’s Chocolate Chip Cookies.
DO SAY: I’m smart and nice….I’ll never forget your birthday, and I’m smart enough to know that I should always spend more on your birthday present than mine.
8) No NEGATIVES. No WHINING about anything…that means no whining about baggage and rude people and how in your work place you can’t meet people.
9) Take the NOTS and NO’s out of your profile. Be POSITIVE, POSITIVE, POSITIVE. POSITIVE is ALWAYS ATTRACTIVE.
10) LIGHT humor (not sarcasm) always works! If in doubt…LEAVE it OUT. Ask someone if it’s funny if you’re not sure if it works. Men especially make the mistake of being too sarcastic or rude. Women have different sensibilities than men (of course you know that, but a little reminder doesn’t hurt).
11) 1st DATE: Don’t cop out by saying coffee or a glass of wine. DESCRIBE the setting and add a bit more than coffee/wine. There’s LOTS of competition out there, and in the 1st date section you need to WOO that special someone. GIVE SPECIFIC and FUN suggestions….Searching for the Loch Ness Monster, having coffee at Dana Point Pier and listening to ocean and watching the seals, eating at the great hole-in-the-wall Thai place on 8th and Welton, taking a train ride through the city or up the coast, going to the new Modern Art Museum, taking a walk in the Botanic Gardens, taking an architectural tour of the city, going to the Farmer’s Market, going to the Flea Market, going to the Home and Garden show, taking a boat ride on the Chicago River, having coffee and the best apple Danish at Pete’s Place and going to the quaint used bookstore on Parker Road.
Hope some of these help. Best to you! DenverSky5280
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