| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:17:27 AM | Was thinking about this the other day. One of the things that used to really bother me major in my last relationship many years ago..
He would insist of going everywhere I was going and that including the hair dresser!! This used to really bother me since I wanted to surprise him with the new do? Not only that but did not like him seeing what I do to maintain myself.. I considered that my private time..
So when in a relationship what is off limits to you?
thecatsmeoww | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:41:56 AM | Gosh my girly time would be off limits....that includes...beauty shops, friend time, shopping time. I am one of those people that if the person I was with couldn't be independent without me....they would drive me crazy. I need my time alone and to stuff that I like to do.
Whenever I was married we worked together and came home together. He went on vacations with his friends, had race cars, motor cycles and tons of different things that he did with his friends...I had my girlfriends and we would take mini vacations, shopped together.....I loved backpacking and the outdoors he didn't as much and we did many separate things....but we did a lot of things we loved together and had the time of our lives. I would guess neither one of us was insecure in our relationship and trusted each other enough that if one wanted to do something without the other it wasn't a big deal. I couldn't stand someone that dogged me every step of the way. My alone time could even be reading a book without interruption and his could be in the garage working on a car or something that he loved. No I couldn't spend every single second with someone I need me time and certainly understand their need for alone time or friend time..... | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:47:43 AM | My Bathroom
Her Bathroom ( Usually the same as mine  )
Canadian Tire, Home Depot ( Whoops, sorry, my mistake, that was by her choice )
The Beach ( Now that was my choice  ........just kidding the beach hasn't been a choice for years)
I think the only real off limits for me, is when it's time with the guys, golfing, telling stories, the usual.
Okay one other, clothes shopping for myself, I like to shop for myself by myself, because I can get in, get what I want and get out, on my own time, and then go visit CTC and HD for some real shopping.  | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:50:00 AM |
Not only that but did not like him seeing what I do to maintain myself.. I considered that my private time..
Yeah, that's one for sure.
Otherwise I don't have any specific places that I would consider "off limits". I do have days when I just feel like hanging out by myself, which seems to be difficult for some guys to "get" without taking it as a personal rejection. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:58:37 AM | I agree with blueyesrsmiling. Everyone needs private time. It's not normal for someone to want to be with you ALL the time. It sounds like he does not know what to do with himself while alone. That's one of the first things you learn to do when you are little. How to keep yourself busy when your alone. How to enjoy being by yourself and being your own company. Little bit scary, to have your partner over your shoulder constantly.
I like time to myself while reading, while doing my hobbies, drawing, painting. While grocery shopping. Don't like to have someone with me telling me what not to buy. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:00:01 AM | It sounds like he may have been the overly-possessive jealous type if he was "insisting" on being there. On the other hand, wanting to tag along one time to see how these miracles are performed could just be curiousity.
Personally, I am the curious type. I would like to go along once to see what it's about, and to give us a basis for future conversation. However, no need to follow you everywhere and hold your purse.
You made me really think about this one. By limits you seem to imply physical limits but I believe that it is the more general issue of boundaries. As a general rule, I don't have many, but ... there are still a few ... and fewer still are really of the physical sort.
For me, personal finances is a boundary. Though, oddly, not my own. I'd rather not hear about my partner's personal financial dealings. On the other hand, I could care less if anyone knows my "net worth".
Other boundaries would be raising children, or dealing with family ... while I welcome suggestions anything more would be considered inappropriate.
The only physical one that I can come up with is giving me appropriate "space" when I am reading. I really dislike repeatedly reading the same paragraph while my partner tries to break my concentration with some mundane information exchange. I am not looking at pictures in a magazine, I'm reading a novel, where the nuances of what I am enjoying are in the mood and imagery created by the author. Breaking that down by being or creating a distraction is frustrating.
I think that it's important to communicate to your partner your boundaries without it being a negative experience. Don't wait until you are completely frustrated the your partner is "not getting the hint" and then let them have it with both barrels. Do express your boundaries, pre-emptively if possible, as soon as your partner nears or crosses them.
With any luck, both partners can learn each other's boundaries, and respect them. On the other hand, some boundaries should be pushed on a bit by a loving partner. This is a tricky situation, for sure, but sometimes it must be done. I am referring to situations where people have "unhealthy" boundaries, bordering on obsessions, that they need to overcome to live full and productive lives. But again, knowing how and when to push on these types of boundaries can be a tight-rope act. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:35:18 AM | | Every where is off limits to anyone who tries to smoother me. I would have kicked the person out of my life long before they tried to come to the hairdresser with me. Sounds like a very insecure person who is afraid that you will escape from their clutches. Classis control freak personality that would probably get dangerous at some point. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:41:04 AM | Well, to my mind, the following list should be off limits to me....
1) Shoe shopping
2) Personal hygiene
3) Going to the gym
4) Visiting her mother
5) Doing income tax | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:48:53 AM | Not just another said: It sounds like he may have been the overly-possessive jealous type if he was "insisting" on being there. On the other hand, wanting to tag along one time to see how these miracles are performed could just be curiousity.
The first time he insisted on taking me I did think he was simply curious? However after expressing my wish to surprise him the next time I went his reply was "I think your hair dresser has a thing for you". So I am going along to let him know you have a man in your life. I had been going to this stylist for many many years and assured him that he was in fact a very happily man. He has been married to his wife for over 40 years!! He adores his wife and we often talk about her and her struggle with cancer. Luckily she is free of at the present time and I hope it will not return again.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:53:19 AM | rearguard said:
Well, to my mind, the following list should be off limits to me....
1) Shoe shopping
2) Personal hygiene
3) Going to the gym
4) Visiting her mother
5) Doing income tax
I like your list a whole lot... No one needs a puppy following them everywhere they go.. Private time with you mother is necessary, shoe shopping am flexible, going to the gym would love it if he came along for the workout.. Doing income tax you can stay home since I am only dropping off the paperwork.. lol
thecatsmeoww | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:57:49 AM | Can't say that I have any firm off limits things, but I would rather my SO not show up at my job, ( last time this happened way too many guys showed way to much interest in her), also if we start arguing and I walk away, don't follow me around trying to keep the thing going. Outside of that she can do what ever she wants. I on the other had would rather not:
Go to the hair dresser.
Go shopping for clothes.
Go shopping for shoes, Pleeeeeeeeeease not that.
Or hang with and listen to her female friends. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:02:54 AM | | Ummmm...ABSOLUTELY FREEKIN NOT gonna join the weekend 4 some....totally a guy time.. | |
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tass08
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Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 13 | |
| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:17:02 AM | Every where is off limits to anyone who tries to smoother me.
Me too. I see my wrinkles as a sign of character and a life well-lived so far. I don't need them smoothered.
If he wants to come to the salon with me that's fine; he probably needs a pedicure anyway. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:23:39 AM |
1) Shoe shopping
I have a cinderella complex...my guy down on his knees testing shoes on me is sexy!
2) Personal hygiene
Soooo..no showers together?...Or...shaving my  ..
3) Going to the gym
Gosh...I'd better tell my guy that we can't go together anymore...it's seen as clingy...sigh..I guess that throws away another thing we enjoyed together...Now, he'll be pissy again..
4) Visiting her mother
If you don't visit my mother, she will not like it...and when my mother doesn't like it, she's not afraid of telling you...in her wonderful witty sharp style...
5) Doing income tax Can't get out of that one. That's what I do, too...at a certain time of the year for many people. But....if you want to have someone else do it...my feelings won't be hurt..(sniff..) | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:26:27 AM | | When I was married, I used to enjoy a vegetable garden. I enjoyed spending time in it even after the work was done. She was offended that I was not indoors spending time on the couch with her. It is not so much that I wanted exclusive time in the garden, but that I wanted outside time. She just didnt see it that way. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:26:32 AM | As one poster already covered in detail, this is REALLY an area where communication
is key. Part of the problem is if the desire for alone time falls on different days....if he has an all day event on Saturday and she does on Sunday it might not be ideal, but again, knowing each other's schedules and communication is key.
I would think bachelor and bachelorette parties would be off limits.
And at our ages, it is nice to have time with our own grown children without the
new spouse/lover/significant other around. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:27:58 AM | | in addition to that, she expected me to go to fabric shops with her. That should have been done in private. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:38:29 AM | | Hmmm........personal hygiene for sure. I can't imagine a guy wanting to come to my hairdresser with me, that would be just too wierd. Reading, sunbathing (at home) and talking with my girlfriends would be on my list too, but I can't think of much else. I also need some alone time with my son. Shopping would be fine, as long as, he is of the same mind as me, get in and get out as quickly as possible. Walking or going to the gym also depends on the person, I take these things seriously and if he does also, then I enjoy the company, otherwise I would rather do them alone. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:15:57 AM | blue said: Gosh my girly time would be off limits....that includes...beauty shops, friend time, shopping time. I am one of those people that if the person I was with couldn't be independent without me....they would drive me crazy. I need my time alone and to stuff that I like to do.
I like your list a lot..
Spending 24/7 with your partner you can get to feeling just like two caged rats.. While one rat waits for the other to fall asleep just to have some alone time..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:51:02 AM |
I loved backpacking and the outdoors he didn't as much and we did many separate things....but we did a lot of things we loved together and had the time of our lives. I would guess neither one of us was insecure in our relationship and trusted each other enough that if one wanted to do something without the other it wasn't a big deal. I couldn't stand someone that dogged me every step of the way. My alone time could even be reading a book without interruption and his could be in the garage working on a car or something that he loved. No I couldn't spend every single second with someone I need me time and certainly understand their need for alone time or friend time.....
I agree, when two are one and secure, happiness follows and blossoms, if you block her light or his light then in the own personal growth too, then the plant will starve.
Love,respect,honest,in a relationship,in a healthy way and imo a better chance that the relationship will prosper and grow.
Freedom to be , with another, is freedom the reward,
to you in return. | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:30:10 AM | If you see the bathroom door shut , it's for a reason......keep out...
My girl time with my girlfriends.
And please don't bring me a coffee in bed before 8:00 on my one morning to sleep in....LOL...
8:01 would be nice though... | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:57:26 AM | | Places off limits include: when I'm in the bathroom and the door is closed. When I'm doing girly stuff (hair salon, clothes shopping, etc). If I wanted someone to follow me 24/7, I would just go out and adopt a dog! | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:10:36 AM | Good topic as usual kitty. For me nothing is necessarily "off limits" but like most spiritual people I need a bit of private time at some point. No matter how much I love you and you love me we gotta have some me time to make the we time special.  | |
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| This place is off limits
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:14:30 AM |
If you see the bathroom door shut , it's for a reason......keep out...
 I remember the glamorous era of deluxe outhouses with twin seats. Often wondered if people just alternated with each visit or were they really were utilized by two who did everything together while holding their breath.
The doctor's office is off limits.
Girls night out, unless he kindly offers to drive all of us home, and tactfully shows up toward the end of the night.
Baby showers.
Having someone under foot ALL the time would get tedious and drive me totally nuts, but it's wonderful to share time with a SO who is similar in their thinking.
His and her bathrooms. Definitely. | |
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