| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 12:33:32 PM | Ok, so I was hanging out with a group of girlfriends and one of their fiancee's last night.... Its really crowded and we're all drinking, etc.....
Before I go any further, let me add this disclaimer..... a. I didn't think of him a 'guy' because he's engaged and b. he wasn't attractive even if he was single.....
So the night goes on and I'm noticing the fiancee's getting a bit handsy.... But only with me.... He's rubbing my back and grabbing my a$$.... I scoot as far away as I can thinking whatever, I've dealt with handsy drunks before....
At the end of the night though I'm going to say good night and hugging everyone.... And as I go to hug him, he goes like he's going to kiss me.... I duck and dodge and he catches my shoulder instead.....
But its been bugging me ever since....
Was he being a cheat or just a drunk?
And if you think he was cheating, should I tell his fiancee what was going on?
Or am I just being paranoid????? | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:13:12 PM | | Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you. Seriously, he was drunk and annoying. I wouldn't pay it any mind and I certainly wouldn't tell his fiancee. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:33:43 PM | I agree.Don't cause any unnecessary drama. It will just turn into a he said, she said anyways and you will turn into the bad guy.
Take mental note that he turns into an octopus while drinking and close the book. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:46:50 PM | Drunk isn't an excuse. At some point some girl is going to accept his flirting and go home with him.
You might want to mention it to his fiance. I don't consider my girlfriend trying to kiss a friend of mine "unnecessary" drama to hear about. I would want to know. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 3:59:18 PM | | i would tell HIM he's an ***hole and then let him know that your friend deserves to know and that HE should tell her. He should then apologize to you both. If YOU tell her, she'll probably take his side, more than likely. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:09:05 PM | | Drunk isn't an excuse, but if it happens again politely whisper in his ear you will bite it off if he doesn't stop pronto. Avoid sitting next to him or standing by him to make the point very clear. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:12:30 PM | Most men "test" women to see how far they can go....
Now he knows... | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:28:54 PM | | Alcohol is not some magic potion that changes us into something we are not. It just takes away our inhibitions and we end up showing our true colors. If a person will cheat when they're drunk, they'll cheat when they are sober. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:51:40 PM | Why would you hug him?
He already performed rather badly to start off with.
He sounds like a lousy drunk but then inappropriateness usually shows itself most once the inhibitory centers in the brain are shut down.
There would have been a scene if someone's fiance had grabbed my a$$. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:32:11 PM | He was being a cheat- alcohol only brings out the worst of such things in people, much like salt brings out the flavor of the foods it's mixed with.
I wouldn't have let someone get touchy with me unless I were dating them, or interested in them, and especially not with some engaged guy.
I'm torn as to whether or not you should inform the fiancee, however: Part of me says not to meddle in it and avoid Him in the future, but the other part of me says you should- I hate to think of people getting married now a days, statistics being what they are, when you know the guy has a pretty major defect.
I'm not trying to be harsh, but I don't use/see alcohol as an excuse for such behavior- at some point we all need to grow up and take responsibility for our actions. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:02:05 PM | | I'd say study him next time he is drunk and then if he acts the same way he is just a pervy drunk otherwise watch out and try to keep your distance plan 10 steps ahead! | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:08:49 PM | | I wouldn't tell his fiance but I would definitely have put him in his place. Drunk or not he would have gotten the message. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:42:09 PM | If I understood your post correctly, you allowed him to rub your back and grab your ass. So why wouldn't he think it was ok to give you a little friendly friend kiss goodnight. It takes two to tango and I wouldn't go stirring up trouble with his girlfriend unless you had positive proof something was going on. You are speculating.
What I would do is to set firm boundaries with him if you are around him again and not make it so easy for him to get handsy. Make it clear to him from the first touch that that is a no no. Don't smile or go along with it when he does it. Remove his hand and say no! | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 7:55:09 PM | | I usually react by putting them in their place the first time before it goes to far. "Hey, Julie tell your BF to get his hand off my bum" if you say it loud enough with a smile on your face the hand moves very quickly, | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:23:54 PM | | Sounds like he was trying to cheat. I think you should tell her what he was trying to do. He will most likely cheat with someone once they are married. You could save her from a lot of pain. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:48:02 PM | hey sunnychic,
This guy uses alcohol as an excuse to his bad behavior. Is he a cheat and a drunk? Yes!... and I'll bet he does that stuff on a regular basis... with anybody like you who allows him to do so... not because he thinks you're so hot ... "don't flatter yourself here" but because he has bad manners and he is a jerk!
I question your own behavior and your own judgement.... What difference does it make whether he is attractive or not??? The guy, engaged to a friend of your's, rubs your back, grabs your ass, tries to kiss you and you don't react? You even hug him!?!?!?! allowing him to "squeeze " you even more?!?!?
By the way, don't think this kind of behavior goes unnoticed! His fiancee knows about her guy's "handsy" habits and believe me, she also noticed (as well as your other friends) you allowing him to exercise freely his bad behavior and accepting his a... grabbing... | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:49:47 PM | | Thank You! Someone, makes sense! You shouldn't have let it get to that point. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:49:02 PM | put yourself in the shoes of the woman
if you were the woman who's finace was acting like that, would you want someone to tell you ?
I SURE WOULD!
do unto others.. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/28/2009 10:41:41 PM | A cheat and you should tell the girl.
What a douche-bag. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:00:21 AM | Being a cheat and "just a drunk" are not mutually exclusive. If someone can't drink without putting their hands all over someone they shouldn't, then they shouldn't be drinking. You can cheat while drunk. Being drunk doesn't make it "not" cheating, and it doesn't remove his responsibility to be faithful to his fiance. I hope she was paying attention to what he was doing that night, and I hope she takes it into consideration before marrying him.
Alcohol was only making him do things in front of his fiance that he would normally only do behind her back, if he were sober.
Your mistake was not drawing immediate attention to it when he was doing it. "HEY, Joe! Hands off my ass!" Really loud, like it was funny, and then at least his fiance would know he was doing it. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:01:05 AM |
Drunk isn't an excuse. At some point some girl is going to accept his flirting and go home with him.
HELLO? Thank you! | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 9/6/2009 7:41:00 PM | | I am of the opinion that drinking doesn't make people do things they wouldn't be capable of doing while sober (just like hypnotism...you can't make someone do anything they wouldn't do normally). If someone cheats (or tries) while drunk, its not the alcohol's fault...it just lowered the inhibition that stopped them from doing it sober. I don't think you're being paranoid, but unless you know FOR SURE that your friend would want to know, that this would be a deal breaker for her...keep it to yourself...people generally don't like it when other people "interfere" in their relationships (not saying thats what you'd be doing, just how she might see it). Personally however, I'd want someone to tell me if my man got handsy without me knowing or without my permission! | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:51:15 PM |
I scoot as far away as I can thinking whatever, I've dealt with handsy drunks before....
And as I go to hug him
get over it. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 9/6/2009 10:28:32 PM |
Was he being a cheat or just a drunk?
It would have been cheating if you'd been responsive to him. But you weren't, so there's nothing to tell, unless you don't like his fiancee very much and don't care if she hates you.
Stop sitting next to him and hugging him, especially when there's alcohol involved. | |
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| is it cheating?
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:48:07 AM | | Hmmm...I've been in a similar situation but worse...he even followed me right into the girls washroom on the night they were supposed to be celebrating their engagement but she had gone home early...I didn't say anything as I was friends with him and not her but I gave him a long lecture as to why was he getting engaged if he was behaving the way he was...inevitably...he cheated on her/embarrassed her and they got divorced...she was a super nice girl too and beautiful (a model) ....now I wonder if I should have said something to her but I honestly doubt it would have prevented her from making the mistake of her life...they had already been dating for 8-9 years. | |
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