| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:42:03 AM | Hello world
I'm a rather jaded person, even more so now. What are peoples thoughts on open relationships, does it even count as one?
I met a girl and she said she perfers them and doesn't want to have one on one only, we got along really really well and she said she had rather strong feelings for me as i had for her.
I told her i couldn't be in an open relationship yet told her she should see who she wants, but in that i said i would be really hurt if she did. She said she was falling for me even, but still wanted to be with other people.
In the end though she said oh i would be exclusive with you, but then everyother sentence would be how she couldn't do that. I in my wanting to make her happy said i couldn't ask you to just see me.
She went out one night and got with a guy from our own group of friends.. shattered me quite literally, and i told her i don't want to speak to her because of it.
Am i in the wrong? should i have accepted an open relationship? I think myself that its not a relationship if you can just see other people. I'm totally shattered and don't have any ideas on what to do with myself.
Resisting the urge to speak to her again because i feel lonely as all hell. And then if i did i think it would be because of that. | |
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| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:50:37 AM | She went out one night and got with a guy from our own group of friends.. shattered me quite literally
You just answered your own question. This is how well you would have been able to tolerate a relationship such as this on the regular
Open relationships are bunk. Someone always gets jealous/hurt in the end | |
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| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:55:15 AM |
Open relationships are bunk. Someone always gets jealous/hurt in the end
I agree. They shouldn't even be classified as relationships.
I got screwed over and had no idea my ex was into open relationships until she broke up with me after 6 months or so. | |
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| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 4:55:32 AM | | My ex gf and I broke up about 2 years ago. She pretty much wanted an open relationship no matter what she says. "I still love you and plan to come back." That went on for over two years. We officially stopped it three months ago and that was because I just had too many issues doing it that way. I've never been that kind of person. I wanted it to work out so bad, but damn did I end up with trust issues. If your anything like me, then I would say stay out of "Open relationships". They are no where near good for someone who wants one person and long term thing. If you feel wrong at the start, then it's most likely not a safe place for you. | |
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| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:23:34 AM | open relationships - no commitment!
You's are both looking for different things. I would say what you need to do is find someone who at least wants the same out of a relationship as you do as by the sounds of things.......this woman does not want commitment. | |
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| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 8:22:57 AM | You can't accept an open relationship if you can't accept one. I'm sorry, but there's no gray area here. This is something you either can do or you can't do. She's a fruit loop who kept you around by saying things like she would be exclusive with you, but she wouldn't be exclusive with you...giving you just enough hope to keep you hanging on. She has no intention of being exclusive with anyone.
If you want exclusivity, you have to find someone who wants the same thing you do. NEVER lower your expectations to the point that you would "accept" something that you can't deal with, just to keep someone around. It would NOT be worth it. | |
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| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:17:17 AM | An open relationship is like saying I'm not prepared to commit to you. Very different to a swingers relationship.
I have known lots of swingers that are very happy and love each other. An open relationship would even ruin them.
It's probably ok for a married couple that are together for the kids etc after many years and want their fun from elsewhere (each to their own). But to start off that way is not good.
But only you can make a decission about you
All the best
Steve | |
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| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 11:49:12 AM | I started dating someone who lived on the other side of the country; he was used to being in polyamorous relationships, I wasn't. He suggested that since we were so far away from each other it should be an open relationship. I was very unsure (and a little hurt at the suggestion), but decided I could give it try, see if it could work. The person in question was far more interested in trying to make me jealous with tales of the other people they had seduced than developing any kind of true intimacy between us, he was also insanely jealous if I had any involvement with anyone else. I ended up holding back a great deal so as not too end up upset and it was a terribly unsatisfying, confusing affair for everyone. It was all too much nonsense for me so I ended it.
My observations of most other couples in open relationships, is that they are often unstable and fraught relationships, mistaking jealousy for passion. I'm sure they can work for some people and that's wonderful for them, and I know people who manage well, but I think they require charactertistics that I don't have.
I think if you felt uncomfortable with the idea from the beginning, it is unlikely that it would have improved with time and you would only upset yourself.
I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who is interested in monogamy!! | |
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| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:54:52 PM | If she wants an open relationship, and you don't - and it really sounds that way - walk away.
Because she's all I will, I won't, I can, I can't - don't walk, run.
Girl's bad news. Do yourself a favour and don't go about leaving in a slipshod manner. I'd cut ties insomuch as you can. It'll hurt worse for a little while, but long term, you'll be looking at a lot less pain for both of you.
Sadly, mutual friends make for ties that can't be cut readily, if at all.
Don't speak to her if you can avoid it. If she calls you, try to make it short. If you can stomach being the bad guy for both your sakes, be an ***hole to make her less likely to call again. Just don't be surprised if mutual friends treat you like an ***hole for acting like one.
Definitely not wrong for getting out. You shouldn't have accepted an open relationship if it wasn't what you wanted, and you probably shouldn't have said that "[you] couldn't ask her to just see [you]." Mixed your signals there. Try not to mix them again, stick to your guns, and stay gone. | |
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| Open Relationships
Posted: 6/29/2009 9:46:27 PM | | Those are two words that make me run for the hills. I would never consent to an open relationship. People who are into that are people I don't wanna be with. | |
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