| I don't understand.
Posted: 6/30/2009 1:23:28 AM | I'm getting out of my teenage years, well, actually I've been out of them for a while. I've had my share of long lasting relationships. First was a highschool thing that lasted 3 years and spilled into the age of 19. Every year since I've held another long one for about a year. Sometimes less. Then a bunch of little ones that last no longer than a few weeks, maybe a month. I'm almost 24 now.
7 people. 7 over the years have told me they were in love with me. Things typically tend to be awesome, all the feelings were mutual. We had fun, all of them tried to talk to me/hang out/go out with me as much as possible. Yet... all 7 have cheated on me, even as far as 2 of them sleeping with friends of mine. The only exception is my last relationship which has just ended. She told me she needed space, actually saying it wasn't over. Turns out a day later she's going out on a date with someone else. (not a stalker, just friends with her roommate)
So many times, so many different types of people... It always ends out of nowhere. I find out that these things happened out of nowhere... One day they're falling asleep on the phone or in bed with me.. the next, boom. Is this normal? I mean... I just can't wrap my head around it. I honestly don't understand why. What causes people to come out with all these strong feelings, get you all wrapped up in them, just to walk away. =/
I always assumed that I would eventually get numb to the feelings you have after it ends traumatically, but it just gets 10 times worse every time it happens to me. Just end up getting more and more depressed every time. I don't know.
Why does this happen? I don't understand. | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:20:43 AM | First of all, 7 women in 7 years? That's pretty damn good, in my opinion
The only thing I can really say is that a lot of people just aren't looking to be tied down at that age, at least not in the sense of "tied down" that you may be looking for. haha
There is a chance that you may be frequently f-ing up at the same point in the relationship everytime and may not realize it. But why these girls have all decided to cheat on you is beyond me.
My advice: ALWAYS wear a rubber. And maybe think about telling the next girl "if you cheat on me, I'll kill you!"  lol | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:39:24 AM | Shug the best advice is to take time off, and have a love affair with yourself... Weird sounding YES, but sometimes the issue is that a person is looking for others to MAKE them happy... Reality is true happiness comes from with in, and a partner enhances that feeling...
If you hear a lot of people say I need space, that means you are wanting more time out of them they want, or can give you..
I read your profile, and it is a total sleeper, NO OFFENSE, but you don't list much in the way of things YOU enjoy, and take up as a hobby for JUST YOU...
I TOO have put myself in the position to look towards my partner to do all the things I like to do, and then felt disappointed when they simply had NO INTEREST in the things I enjoyed...
People walk away for a reason, and as you said it has been SEVEN people, that means you need to look with in, and I know some people JUST HATE hearing that, however if you said 2 out of seven did that, then it would mean those two had some issue going on, but not 7 out of 7.
Perhaps you need to really dig in and see what it is that puts these people off..
Why do these people cheat, perhaps you are missing something in the sex department and don't realize it. I don't know, just a thought... Do you listen to your partner or ask them what really gets there motor running???
You are young so you DO have time on your side, however I would highly recommend figuring out with help, what it is that you MAY be doing that are putting these people out..
IN THE MEAN TIME, expand you own horizon. Volunteer, figure out what kind of hobbies you like past teenhood, explore things that you have said you'd like to do, but haven't, sign up for classes to up your real estate...
I don't know you, OR anything about you, however one thing I do know about young women today is that they want a guy with goals and ambition in their life. Do you have that going for you???
There are a million other things I am sure that MAY be at issue, however here are a few to explore... Good luck | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:11:50 AM | Yeah me neither.
Granted it only happened to me once (as far as I know) .
Looking back, I remember how sickening that feeling was...betrayal. It is a biggie for me...following on promises...honoring the deal...the old school verbal contract, mostly implied, some explicit. Otherwise, why even bother, yes? I remember that event well...the shut-down..felt like my insides were a long dark hall, with florescent lighting shutting one by one, a millisecond after each other. Until all lights were out. Hearing shut, eyes, shut, brain fart.
All I remember was walking away like a zombie, hearing a voice but could not make out what was being said...the forgive me part, I can...the rest was just a drone.
I found myself in my mother's house, asking her if I can stay there for a while. Mum. They keep your old clothing and stuff for such an occasion. I don't recall speaking to her about it for days....actually, I didn't speak to anyone for days.
Maybe it was odd but I didn't care for closure, the why's and wherefore's of the thing. I wanted that woman out of my house and my life. Yeah...feck it...I wept. I couldn't sleep in that fecking bed....got my sleeping bag out and slept in front of the fireplace...staring into it, or into space...sometimes distracted by the whistle of the kettle for tea. Took leave from work. A couple of days wallowing in self-pity and misery, I snapped into gear.
Took everything to do with that part of my life straight into a wheelie bin. 6:00 Tuesday morning I watched the garbage compactor lift that bin into its jaws...with it, happy snaps of travel, occasions, random photographs that didn't mean anything...like earlobes, eyebrows, elbows, funny faces....fell into that abyss. Forever gone. There's a ruthlessness about me that I like. I functioned like a machine for months. Work. Home. Work. Home. Day in, day out....one day, I just woke up eager. For no reason.
I started to make cheeky comments again...slapping women's asses including the boss' (she just shakes her head and calls me names and warns me about what every time....a cheeky grin and a big smile takes the sleaze out of it, I suppose). Yeah, a cheeky **stard...and I suppose that helps a great deal in dealing with sh1t...and being shat on from a great height is still sh1t.
To this day, I still don't get cheats, as well as traitors and dobbers. Thieving **stards...and cheats are really that isn't it?
Ahh, memories.
Back to the regular programming. | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:49:52 AM | | I can't say for certain but I'll say my peace ( the world according to garp). There seems to be an urgency in younger people to find that magical person, the one to fill the vast void of lazziness you folks spoke about. Things such as career and self reliance let alone sucess don't seem to be the focus of a generation looking for external quick fixes. If you have any maturity whatsoever you will read between the lines and get busy becoming the person a woman would want. I don't mind you moaning about your plight but activate...your hitting some walls as you become older and you hit life on lifes terms. | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 10/23/2009 5:45:33 AM | I would not date any 19-24 years old women. I would not expect a man that age to have good luck expecting a relationship to last. Why? Good question! Because as young adults just trying out your very recently created new egos, what you are doing is acting according to how you learned growing up, which is as children, while applying whatever opinions and fantasies you cooked up in high school, which is an environment that is unlike the real world. These first few years are all trial an error. Marriages began too young tend to fail at a grand rate for this reason. People are still learning and changing and haven't yet matured in their thinking or themselves. You're in a pattern that works to get things started, with women who are changing daily. You have no middle or end game yet, and they can't sit still yet. You are exactly right when you say you don't understand. You won't for a while yet, so if you begin to think you do understand, know that it's a trick. You can't understand what is confused. You are rightly confused by it. Making sense out of irrational senselessness is futile.
Flighty women, fickle emotions, immature relationship skills, and youth. But looking back you'll miss it all, oddly enough. | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:07:33 AM | I'm 56 and I still don't know how people fall in love and then fall out of it.
The only way I've ever fallen out of love is when someone breaks up with me and I find someone else to love.
It is a complete mystery how someone can be in a loving relationship,
and then one day stop loving and leave. | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:49:01 PM | I think part of the reason is mixing love with infactuation. There is no way some can honestly say they truely love you after "a few weeks, maybe a month" and mean it.
Maybe there's some rushing when it comes to these relationships other than the early "I love you" talk?
There's not enough info here for me to say why they're losing interest, but they are douches simply for cheating on you. | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:07:32 PM | | It sounds like maybe you rush into things too quickly? Like another poster said, maybe infatuation is being confused for love. | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:28:07 PM | Good thing at only 24 you have recognized a pattern in your life because that's exactly what it is - a pattern. You aren't making healthy choices and you (I suspect) are moving way too fast in your "relationships". Lighten up Green! Have some fun. Dating is supposed to be enjoyable - especially when you are single, no kids, etc. That means you don't have any real baggage to you either and lo and behold that makes you an even more tempting choice (believe it, it's true).
Go on more casual dates. Stop over-analyzing them. Stop wishing you were married/committed/etc. Start pursuing something real in life for you - eg. a fulfilling a career/volunteer work/community involvement, etc. After that things will slowly start to fall into place. | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 11/22/2009 4:11:59 PM | | Thanks for your thoughts. Ditto. I don't get it at all. Or, how someone can stay in a relationship for several years but will say "I don't love you," and then continues in the relationship, is it fear of being alone, just waiting for something better to come along, or a plain and simple lie? Being in a loving relationship is soooo easy, why don't people get it?? Love the One Your With, I say, but too many people just don't value that mantra. | |
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| I don't understand.
Posted: 11/22/2009 7:31:00 PM | I have had a couple of long term relationships now and both ended abruptly. First one I was 20 and and she was 19 too young in my opinion to even be seeing each other for the two years that we did. We needed to get out there and experience the world. Other was a five year roller coaster that ended with her in my friend's arms. It hurts I know, but you need to buck up and get on with life. I took the time to reinvest in myself and it is definitely paying off. I am a little bit wiser, a little bit more confident and definitely in the know of what I want out of life. It just takes time, all the advice I can give and at your age, you still have a lot of life to experience. | |
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