| | what do I do?Page 1 of 1 | My ex girlfriend and I always seem to end up back in one another lives! we met several years ago dated & lived together for almost a year. we broke up, a few months later she was dating someone else the whole time she with this guy she would go out of her way to drive buy my house, finally I stopped her we we started email and chatting again she we spent time spent time together again next day she stop talking, emailing etc. a few months go buy I run into her she comes up to me give me a very tight long hug we start talking again get back together for 2 weeks, then gone again stops contact. this has happened several times now that last time was a few months back we spent a few nights together this time I told her that I don't see being more than just friends, I knew it hurt her to here that and hurt me to say it but I felt I had to do it. this last time that we were together, I didn't let her in I let her believe I did, as I have done in the past. she has commitment issues I know this and so does she. A while back we had talked and she admitted to me that she is scared of me emotionally not physically.here in lies my dilemma. she also admitted to me that she had nothing to offer me but herself. I told her that was all I wanted. she met me at the lowest point in my life and was buy my side and that meant a lot to me.
I have seen changes in her but I don't know how long they will last
I don't know whether to severe all ties or just remain friends & see what happens?
what to do? | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 6/30/2009 10:03:39 PM |
I told her that was all I wanted. she met me at the lowest point in my life and was buy my side and that meant a lot to me.
Read the sentence you wrote there. Then ask the question to yourself.
What do YOU do when you meet someone who is "all you wanted?"
What do YOU do when you meet someone who was by your side at the lowest point in your life?
Also...you kind of fluffed through what made the two of you break up. Commitment phobia can do that, but what else is in that closet of skeletons that you might not want to objectively try and look at?
Consider how detrimental THAT part is while you're at it. | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:55:00 AM | I have done that and did what my head (yea the one on my shoulders-for all the smart a**es out there) told me not my heart. there's one thing that she did that she says she can't forgive herself for.I told her I forgave her that's all that need to be. see could never look me in the eye and lie to me I could always catch her and I know that annoys her. I don't want to cloud the issue with the past crap.
most of the people close to me see the games that are played but they never saw us together at home, out with one another, they just saw the bull when we broke up! the last time when spent a night together it was great as always we had our normal passion filled night that went on for hours the next day she I dropped her off at home, as normal she wouldn't contact me. that is the reason that I told her we can't be more than friends. the thing that really annoys & amuses me is that she can't look me in the eye and said "goodbye". every time she cuts off contact for a little while and then I'll here from her.
last week she met me at the park we sat and talked, hung out, like friends would. we have talked like this several times, every time I have noticed that I have to be the one to leave 1st. this last time she said she had to be some where like a half hour later needless to say almost 3 hrs later we left. before we left, she hugged and kissed me and neither were "just friends". I can't figure out what to do!
the guy she was dating after we broke up she wasn't happy I would see them here and there most time she wouldn't see me. I asked her why don't you ever SMILE and she never was. when we were together she never stopped smiling.
1 last thing! every time she sees me with another girl she get visibly upset and has even commented on it to me, I get the jealous e-mail -texts and looks, we I run into her it's not intentional it just happens we live in a town of about 25,000 people. I'm not going to stand around and wait and I told her that.
so again what do I do! | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:28:27 AM | Have you heard of the expression "having your cake and eating it too?" this is what she is doing.. behind closed doors is safe because it's not in public so she can afford to be somewhat real to you... however this playing the game stuff she's doing is making you justify and overlook what you really need..
If you want to waste time on someone who is going to treat you like you're worth nothing every couple of weeks then you need to deal with that but you need to take a stand and tell her you're not wasting your time.
Sounds like there is some heavy lust going on here on your side but she's getting a kick out of seeing what else is out there and your standing by allowing it to happen but the minute you meet someone her world crashes to an end and she gets on your case about it and judging by the sound of your thread you allow that to happen and there goes another missed opportunity with someone who could have been "your miss right" all those poor girls you've kicked to the curb because of her.. damn shame.. | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:30:49 AM | | It's 4th and 10, late in the 4th quarter and your team is ahead by 14 .... coach says punt! | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:00:58 AM | | Haven't you posted the same thing about this girl a million times already? I'd say delete. | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:21:28 PM | | no this is my fist ever post | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:21:47 PM | Agent, stop being so wishy washy and passive.
You keep putting her in control of everything while you seem to wait in peril at her next whim.
Just decide if you want to be with her or not. If so, tell her and tell her what you want and how you would like it to go. If she does the friend bullshit, you'll have your answer.
I really don't have patience for flaky people who don't know what they want.
Be PROACTIVE about your love life. Not referring to you Agent, but her. I wouldn't let it get to this point.
I don't like being taken so lightly by someone who's laying their lips on me in a park. | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:43:46 PM | | She definitely has ISSUES alright! You've let her in over and over only to be hurt. She isn't going to change. She is who she is and it appears she's a fricken flake! RUN Forest run!!!! With friends like this... who needs it? I wouldn't keep someone in my life that did that over and over and hurt me over and over! I'd severe all ties and NOT give her the time of day if I saw her again! (wowza.. I recon I'm harsh!!!) | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:33:47 PM | OP,
I know EXACTLY what you mean when you talk about now "right" and comfortable and safe and connected you feel when it's working. how you adore the living tar out of her as a person, are grateful to her, are chemically connected to her, and how you just seem to "gravitate" towards her.
I also know EXACTLY what you mean when she says she is afraid of you emotionally; when she backs off, when she leaves, when she wants you when she doesn't have you but when she does have you she gets freaked out.
When she doesn't think, she's there. Whens he does think and analyze, she gets distant.
You are trying to protect yourself and still maintain the freindship; you want her in your life in the good way.
The problem is? It won't stay there. You two are stuck in a "cycling". You will gravitate together, which will trigger her distrust of her emotional safety (or whatever it is that triggers within her) and you will break up; both of you will be rehurt.
There is no happy medium in that kind of relationship.
What it boils down to? She doesn't trust she deserves you deep down. Or she doesn't trust you won't hurt her. Either way, her lack of trust is having her unintentionally sabotage and disconnect, so you don't get "too close".
And you will keep getting yo yoed back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, with more and more pain being added onto an already complex, complicated friendship.
I wish I could tell you that you can be friends and have it work. But I think you already know whether that's possible, no matter how much you adore her as a person.
unless she gets to the core of why she feels incapable of trusting in you two or trusting she deserves you, she will always frantically maintain utter, rigid control where you will not have rights, youw ill not have any power or any voice; she will be the one who decides whether ot stay or go, even though you THINK you are actually deciding where you are at.
Until you both ahve equal ownership; until she can be what she is without thinking about it or getting freaked out, until she can really and truly connect with you and know that is not only ok (friend or otherwise) but that it is awesome,
please be very, very careful. Because broken records don't eventually unbreak. They eventually break in half when it's hit the groove enough times.
Very best of luck. | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:08:24 AM | THANX EVERYONE! I have been to the point of letting go for a very long time now, and have somewhat. I gave her my word that I wouldn't turn my back on her because everyone in her life has and I have tried to keep my promise, but I can't fix her until she fixes herself! I'm done with all the what if's so again.
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU GO LUCK! BE SAFE & HEALTHY   | |
|
| what do I do?
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:43:18 AM | ok AGENT 6977
here is your mission:
put the past with the past. do not venture outside the past under any circumstances!
contact your female operative and let her know that you are there to be her contact for life.
if she feels that she can comply with this directive, proceed with the mission.
if she feels that she cannot comply with this directive, ABORT the mission.
you have your orders.
take care and good luck.
this message will self destruct in 10 seconds.
10-9-8-7-6-5-4....
 | |
|
Home
login 
