| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:35:17 AM | Ok folks I have never done this before but looking for help. The past few ladies I have met and or chatted with have led me to this.
When I say I am going to be somewhere at a certian time or am going to call I do it and am usually early. If for some reason I can not I call. Why is it that people think you have nothing else to do but sit around waiting for thier call.
I find this to be rude and inconsiderate. It does not matter if you are just at the begining, chatting online, have had a few dates or are going hot and heavy it is just rude. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:49:49 AM | I absolutely agree with you! I have no advise, other than maybe the comfort that I don't think this is a gender related issue, as it happens to me as well.
Maybe some people have manners, while others need to work on theirs.
Now, I just move on with other plans when I feel I have waited long enough - | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:53:41 AM | It's the height of rudeness.
Keeping someone waiting is also arrogant. It's saying "your time is unimportant". What can you you do while you're waiting? It's ok for them, but you're just...waiting.
I'm very punctual (helped by being a public transport user for 30 years).
It's excusable once or twice, but not after that. After that, it's insulting.
Unless, of course, you're my lifelong friend Mandy who has been chronically late ever since we met when we were 15. She's forgiven, but only because 37 years is too long to keep being frustrated by the same thing. And she's had to forgive me worse...lol. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:39:56 AM | It isn't taught at home the way it once was.
My generation was still being taught it by their parents. (general statement there)
Your word was your word. Period.
The children my generation birthed... it stopped being taught as much. (general statement there)
I'd give a birthday party..parents would say "yes my child is coming" and then only half would actually show up.
That would NOT happen in my generation when we were youths.
If our parents said yes.. then they'd follow up on it.
I remember well my daughter would have plans with one friend and then something else came up she wanted to do and I MADE HER do what she had told the first friend she'd do.
She'd try that often. I wouldn't let her get away with it.
I taught her accountability, honor and manners.
You tell someone you're doing something.. you don't leave them hanging. Unless ill. Period.
She hated that! but I stuck to my guns.
Many of my generation just let a lot of things slide when raising their children.
And now those children have children/teens and are not teaching it hardly at all. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:12:24 AM |
The past few ladies I have met and or chatted with have led me to this.
I agree. It's very inconsiderate when someone wastes my time by not being punctual or fails to keep me informed. The solution is not put up with it - especially here. Someone who is so inconsiderate as to waste your time is going to be inconsiderate in many other ways. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:57:24 AM | Op Yes being on time is a pretty good idea under any circumstance. I just hate when someone is 15-30 minutes late. 30 is my cut off I'm gone unless I have contact.
That said ----->>> Being "Fashionably Late" Making an Entrance to certain events can be dramatic. Stepping into a room when everyone has to turn your way. Personally I find this to only be acceptable under limited conditions. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:13:14 AM | Once, well okay; twice, not nice, thrice, buh bye.
When someone is constantly late without the consideration of a phone call, then they just don't have respect for your time and ultimately you. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:20:22 AM | | If a person really wants to speak with you or meet you, they WILL be punctual. If they are rather blasé about it, then they won't make the effort to be on time. There, of course, are always exceptions and, in some cases, I would make allowances for distance traveled, having gotten lost, etc. Otherwise, it is just rudeness and I don't want to be bothered with someone like that. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:55:09 PM | | I've yet to meet a person that is usually late - male or female - that didn't have some other unattractive personality issues. Being late often, is a sign of control and incorrect self-importance. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:47:45 PM | I agree with all of the above.
I had this issue with my last serious boyfriend. I finally realized, taking other "quirks" of his into account, that he had ADHD.
One time he said he's be right over. (He lived 15 minutes away.) NINETY minutes later, he shows up, not understanding why I was a little angry. "I'm here now, can't you be happy about that." ARGH!
The problem was that he was always getting involved in what happened right then, that he would forget what he was supposed to be doing.
I explained that in the 90 minutes I was waiting, I could have done some errands or other things I needed to do. There were many times of my explaining that his being late to anyplace and for anyone, that it's a sign of rudeness. It shows that he didn't consider their time to be as valuable as his. It took awhile but he finally got the point and made more of an effort to be on time.
I think some people are deliberately late to show they are the ones in control. That they are more important than you. It can be one sign that they may be a bully or abuser. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:42:39 PM | I have had a couple of guys tell me they were on the way, i was waiting and they didnt show up, didnt call so i wait til the next day and wait for their lame excuse and they i tell them off and then luckily on here there is a thing called a delete button which is what happens to people like that, which i tell them in the beginning is my pet peeve on here so they are forewarned.
It is a lack of respect, caring for another persons time and i won't tolerate that kind of treatment from anyone as i have better things to do with my time than wait around.
It has happened to a lot of us so dont take it personally, it's their behaviour that sucks. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:20:07 PM | This subject is one of my pet peeves.
IMO, say what you mean and do what you say!
Accidents happen, but a simple call (considering we live in a world of cell phones in-hand) to explain the tardiness is only respectable of my time.
I've had women, from POF, tell me they would call me within a prearranged time frame. When they didn't, I dismiss them and move on. How would that work for them if they were looking to gain a job interview?
When it happens in the initial stages of dating, when one is supposedly putting their best foot forward, I surmize their best foot stinks and God help what their other foot smells like!
My thoughts? Be thankful you found out what you have about them so soon. Then you can avoid wasting anymore time on them.
I'm hardcore on this issue.
just a few 'dammit!' thoughts | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:48:51 PM | I don't care if you are late...as long as you show up.
I cannot STAND people that say that they are going to do something (my pet peeve is when THEY suggest that we do it) and then don't follow through on their word.
While there's always the possibility that an emergency or illness may come up.....those are usually rare occurrences for MOST people.Frankly, if they continue to happen in conjunction w/ our meetings for planned outings...then I'll consider it that I'm being lied to and either discontinue the relationship or downgrade it to an acquaintanceship.
Excuses are for children or liars. If you can't, or won't do, what you say you are going to do...then simply don't SAY IT.
See...that's not too hard...
Is it? | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:20:24 PM | i agree with noexcuses. being late sometimes i don't get so tense about. i just do something else.
i tend to be early or on time, and also to keep my word.
people keeping their word, or communicating about it if something changes-- really really important.
& i agree with Breath-- about punctuality and consideration being learned, part self-discipline/part awareness and compassion for others. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:53:44 PM | Wow! There are a lot of anal people that can't handle tardiness I see. I have friends and relatives that I know will be late to just about any function or meeting. But I know what their tardiness factor is and simply give them an early appointment time to compensate. It usually works out and everyone is happy.
These people aren't purposefully being rude... they just don't have the same concept of time that others do. I think it could have something to do with spatial recognition because I know my sister has a difficult time reading maps as well.
But if the person is not important enough to you to wait a little bit, then by all means, move on with your life since you have much more important things to do. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:28:39 PM | I feel for you I can totally relate.
Even if the person is nice and you give them several chances due to life it ends up being that you are filled with frustration and negative energy trying to figure out why someone thinks they can repeatedly change plans at the last moment or postpone it till later because they have been out and time got away from them or now they are tired expecially when you see this person maybe once a week ????
To me this is very inconsiderate and disrespectful and it makes the other person feel insignificant and who needs that?
I am going into my meditation mode now. ham saaaaaaaaaaaaaa | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:56:57 PM | | I'm not sure people that are frustrated by inconsideration of others anal. That is what is currently wrong with society we have too many people that blame the people who are expecting equal consideration, and demanding that everyone be forgiving or lower our own values to compensate for others. I do not think the poster means one time and a few minutes, if he does then yes maybe for a casual date that is a bit extreme. What I think they mean is habitual and probably not even an apology is given. Please, thank you, I'm sorry and simple words and gestures have seemingly been forgotten to instill in some people. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:09:26 PM | | This difference in the respective concepts of time is like expecting an atheist to believe in religion rather than to just respect the difference of opinion. Equal consideration would mean that a compulsively on-time person would try to understand why a chronically challenged person is handicapped. There is a difference between being unintentionally late and purposefully being late, which is rude. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:58:08 PM | I see it this way.
Do you know the difference between a flake and a liar?
The flake will call when they remember the appointment.
I don't date liars, and only tolerate a small amount of flakiness.
Rudeness and inconsiderate behavior were not always red flags for me, but love is caring for another person, not centering the world around yourself. I once had someone who loved me, and I will accept no substitutes. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:06:22 PM | This is the prime reason I'm not attached right now! It's also the reason I don't have many friends. Grown-up adults know themselves, the world they live in and how to plan. When we set a time for something, INHERENT in the process is that each person will think of all they need to do, their personal get-ready speed, then they factor in a extra few minutes for unforeseen circumstances.
I used to be ticked off but forgiving the first few times but then I started watching how these people use their time. Over and over again, I've seen the habitually-late get a move on when they wanted to/needed to/had to (jobs, something their excited about)...then I've seen them procrastinate, get distracted and just plain ignore set-times. A few times, I've casually mentioned the time and gotten the reply, "Oh, they'll just wait"...that's when I ended it. Because then I knew their true intent, "I don't CARE that others are inconvenienced or upset, I'm going to do what I want"....and I just have to respond accordingly. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:14:17 PM | Raraavis ... "There are a lot of anal people that (sic) can't handle tardiness ..." and goes on to explain how some people just don't have the ability to be prompt ... "These people aren't purposefully being rude ..."
if they AREN'T purposefully being RUDE ... what ARE they being?! accidentally rude?
an appointment is an agreement between two or more persons to do/be whatever at a certain time, day, place, etc. if you CAN'T keep your appointments ... then DON'T MAKE THEM! sheesh!
it's really pretty simple ... if one has a psychological barrier that prevents one from being responsible ... then that person needs to come up with systems to prevent him/her from being rude to the rest of the world ...
if I knew I wasn't capable of being on time ... I would create a system whereby the person I wanted to see wasn't inconvenienced by my flaw ...
I have a friend who will not be on time ... he mite show up five hours late ... or maybe the next day ... he KNOWS that, if he's not here relatively on time, I may not be here either ... in which case, he's inconvenienced ... I give him WIDE windows ... "I will be at my house all day until 6:00 p.m. when I'm going shopping."
if he were to call ahead and say he was going to be, say, five to ten hours late ... then I would tell him where to reach me in, say, five to ten hours! you need a system ...
life's too short to spend it waiting for someone who's rude to you ... or has a psychological barrier that prevents them from being responsible with regard to appointments ...
sorry ... | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:14:25 PM | One more thing....where have all the cowboys gone? Remember in every western...the stoic man who risked ranch, life and limb to keep a promise or bring the herd in on-time? Or the military man, standing on the strength of his word and his honor, who could be depended upon to drag his comrade to the chopper no matter how many enemies were shooting at him? Sigh.....I want him!
But, the first part of a relationship is trust. If I can set my watch by him, count on him come rain or come shine without excuses, he'd find little conflict.
And if he could be highly intellectual, that would be great! And if he could look good in a tux like James Bond, that'd be great! And if he was good with kids - whooo! I just don't want to play the traditional passive female. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:20:14 PM | | Because I think of the other person being there waiting for me, I would never be late. If they don't feel the same way, it's a good chance it wouldn't work out anyway. I don't think it's being too picky to expect consideration and dislike rudeness. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:58:33 PM | raraavis41 wrote:
This difference in the respective concepts of time is like expecting an atheist to believe in religion rather than to just respect the difference of opinion. Equal consideration would mean that a compulsively on-time person would try to understand why a chronically challenged person is handicapped. There is a difference between being unintentionally late and purposefully being late, which is rude.
hey, I think raraavis41 has a point, in that the world r41 described, having a common understanding of a standard of time is more of a short coming than not being ruled by the clock: after all, time was made for man, not man for time!
However, since I reside in this space-time continuum and believe my word is my bond, I am going to retain my anal nature and arrive at the agreed upon destination at the agreed upon time. Those that have no respect for me shall get no time in return.
TK
{Hey, the correct time is closer than a phone call away, it is the phone now-a-days. Yip Yip yahoo} | |
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