| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:22:04 AM | I've had a terrible headache this morning. A guy from another site dumped me last night through text. I felt really bad. We met on another site, then we started talking on the phone for 2 weeks and finally met last Wednesday. We had a great time and we even kissed and hug. He said he want to see me again and we'll make plans next week. When I got home I sent him a text thanking him for spending time with me and he text me back saying spending time with me is enjoyable. After that I never heard from him, no calls or text. He rarely call me before we met but I was thinking he'll call me more often after our date but I didn't get any call from him. Yesterday morning I decided to text him, I asked him to let me know if we're going to hang out today or not and if there's a problem just let me know. It's already evening and I didn't get a text from him. So I assumed that he ignored my text and doesn't have any plans to text back or call me. I figured I start talking to some guys who want to talk to me on POF. But I decided to sent him an email and asked him what was going on? I told him that I sent him a text early in the morning and it's already evening and I didn't get a reply. So I assumed that he doesn't want to see me again. I also told him that I never heard from him after our date. I thought we both enjoyed spending time together. If I'm not interested with someone I let the person know in a nice way and ignoring someone is not cool. I let him know also that I want to see him again and get to know him better. I'm not expecting any reply since I didn't get any reply to my text. I just want him to let him know how I feel, because maybe I was wrong. Who knows what's going on with him? I told him I hope I was wrong. But if he changed his mind just like that, not a problem. I said I'm sorry for wasting his time and I won't bother him again then I wish him good luck. I don't think my email is really that bad to make him upset. I've had experienced with some guys that they tell me they want to see me again and then never heard back and it happened a lot especially on on line dating. Some guys pretend they like the girl and they kissed and after that nothing. With him I really hope that he's different. I was hoping if he decided to reply my email he'll explained to me why he hasn't call and everything will be fine. Few minutes after I sent him the email I received a text from him, saying he just got my text and said sorry he can't hang out with me tonight because he's going to his friend's b'day party and hope I'm not angry and looking forward to see me again. Seconds later another text came, that he read my email to him telling me I'm out of line to assume that he doesn't want to see me, he said he would've told me if he doesn't want to date me. Another text came telling me why I didn't make any effort to contact him? He said why does he have to initiate relations between us? He said he didn't see me making any attempts to call him. And his last text was he said he think it isn't a good idea for us to date if I jump to conclusions without giving him the benefit of the doubt. He said he can't be with someone that lacks patience or makes premature judgements about him or his intentions. Then he said good luck and asked me to give the next person a real chance; people deserve a chance to prove themselves . Then he said take care and goodbye. I was crushed. 
Of course I replied. I sent him 8 text messages until 2am trying to win him back. At first I said, I was expecting a call from him after our date but I didn't get any text or call from him. I know that if the guy is interested he'll call. This is what I always read here in the forums. I explained to him that I wanted to call him but I'm not sure if he still want to hear from me so I just sent him a text. I told him I've had some people who said they're interested but they are not and asked him to understand that. I told him I want to see him again and asked him not to be upset and just forget all these happened. I also told him that his last text really hurts me and I'm so happy when I met him and felt bad when I didn't hear from him, then he hurts me like this just because I assumed he's not interested. Then I decided to go to bed, but I couldn't sleep, I felt really bad. Why it's so easy for someone to dropped someone? So I got up again and sent him 3 more text. I told him that I respect his decision if he doesn't want to see me again. I guess he's not really into me that's why he let me go. Because if he really like me he won't let me go. Again I told him it's sad because I really liked him. I told him that guys usually calls the next day or 3 days after the date if they are interested that's why I assumed he's not interested. I can't believe he did this to me. He made me feel I did something really wrong. I'm very disappointed because I thought he's different. My last text to him was I told him that I know that I can't change his mind anymore and I don't think I can date someone who can't give me the time of day and someone who hurt me without even trying to get to know me. I asked him to let the next girl know that he's interested by calling her after the first date because girls want that. When I get up this morning, I checked my phone and I don't have
new text message. I'm sure he read my text but he didn't text back meaning it's over. I'm so
confused why this happened, I really didn't see it coming.
This morning I called a friend and told her what happened. She told me just forget him and don't be too hard of myself. She said going to his friend's b'day party is just an alibi. If he really have other plans he should've have told me earlier not after 13 hrs after I text him.
For the guys: I want to know if you liked someone, are you going to dumped her if she assumed you're not interested? But I said I hope I was wrong. Am I really wrong assuming he's not interested for not calling me? Is it too early to assume if the person is not going to contact you again? Do I have to call guys now after the first date? I always read and heard everywhere not to call guys after the first date. Guys called if they are interested. The reason why I just wait for him to call me is because he told me he was dating a girl for a month and she calls him like 10x a day, get upset if he didn't return her calls and sent him a bunch of text and he doesn't want that. So I guess he dumped her. That's why I just wait for him to call me. I also don't want someone calling me everyday but I want to hear from someone that I like every other day. I'm not sure anymore what really guys want. I can call guys often if I want but guys think that's clingy or needy. If I don't call, guys think I don't make any effort to call him.
For the ladies: Do you think I was wrong in sending him that kind of email? Do you think next time it's better to call him and asked him than sending him an email? If you were on my shoes, what would you do? If you didn't heard from him would you call him?
Sorry this is very long but I just want you guys to know all the details. I'll read you replies later today, thanks all!
| |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:31:26 AM | Lots of issues here, first your title- On Line dating makes you sick.
You realize that the people you meet online are the same as you'd meet anywhere- on the subway, in a bar, at work, in a store. The difference is that here you can get to know a bit about the person, maybe even touch on deal-breaking issues, or other critical things prior to actually meeting/wasting time with the person.
Your failure at using this valuable tool- PoF, should not be blamed on PoF.
You acted in a needy/clingly/HIGHLY (note the caps- I never use those, but you warrant their use) obsessive behavior. Then you followed up your earlier antics with even more obsessive behavior- the guy probably thought you were nuts.
No, he doesn't have any obligation to tell you his every move after 1 date. Who do you think you are?
Honestly, I don't think PoF is the problem, I think you're just a needy and disillusioned person, and you really should seek more professional help than the PoF Forum. I'm not trying to be snide, but please, seek help. You're simply not ready to date. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:34:04 AM |
Of course I replied. I sent him 8 text messages until 2am trying to win him back.
You're pathetic, clingy and needy.
I hope you're not being deceptive with your profile pictures, that's probably why he didn't want to see you again after he met you the first time. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:35:55 AM | Honestly, I don't think PoF is the problem, I think you're just a needy and disillusioned person, and you really should seek more professional help than the PoF Forum. I'm not trying to be snide, but please, seek help. You're simply not ready to date.
^^ Severin78 said it better than I did. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:37:20 AM | I stopped reading once I realized you are babbling about your ONE and ONLY meeting with the guy. Get a grip lady, you don't get 'dumped' by someone you just met ONCE. I just hope the guy doesn't have a pet rabbit.
| |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:45:38 AM | Online dating isn't the issue... it's once you meet in person. At that point it's up to you and POF is no longer the culprit.
Just given the length and desperation of your post, I think the problem is you try too hard and talk too much. | |
|
| |
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:51:44 AM | I'm sorry that you felt you met someone you could be really interested in and it didn't pan out, but really, 8 more texts after he said he wasn't interested only confirmed to him you're too needy and obsessive for his comfort level.
Relationships aren't instantaneous. You should know that at your age. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:54:53 AM |
A guy from another site dumped me last night through text. I felt really bad. We met on another site, then we started talking on the phone for 2 weeks and finally met last Wednesday.
First of all, to be dumped, you need to have dated. Instead what you have here is the basic, you did not connect. Get over it. Get used to it. No connection, move on. End of story. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:01:44 AM | Well, it seems you over-reacted, but by his response, I'd say he wasn't all that into you either. Sounds like you just need to relax about things ... don't do the "I'll win him back" thing, though b/c that never works. Anyone who bails on you is probably doing it for a reason and "winning them back" isn't going to happen.
Sorry this happened to you, but it sounds like things just weren't mean to happen between the two of you. Too much drama, too much "you should've done this" back and forth.
When someone's into you and wants to be with you, they don't go days without talking to you and they'll make time to see you ... they'll make sure you know that they like you and won't play games with you.
Better luck next time!
 | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:07:38 AM | If on-line dating makes you sick, it clearly isn't for you. I suggest you get off-line and perhaps meet guys in real life.
Are you sure your headaches are not from all that obvious clutter you have in your home? ( photographs ) | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:11:02 AM | Lord, where to start? You became entirely too obsessive too quickly and over something that is really not a big deal.
First, you assumed entirely too much from start to finish. You assumed he would start calling you after your date together when you said yourself that he didn't call you often before you met.
Then, you assumed that he was ignoring you and didn't want to see you because he didn't respond to your text in a timely manner. Sometimes text messages don't go through or there might be a delay or the person's phone is off.
Then you sent him an email freaking out telling him you assume he doesn't want to see you because he didn't reply to your text. He had already said he does want to see you again and enjoyed spending time with you. What more did you need? He was absolutely right when he said you could have picked up the phone and called him, why wait for him to do it?
Then you just put the nail in the coffin when you sent him 8 text messages until 2am begging and pleading for his forgiveness. He probably thought you were certified crazy after all that.
The guy probably did like you a lot but most people don't want to be with someone who becomes so needy and clingy so quickly. Next time you meet a guy you like, communicate with him a little better, don't go assuming things right off the bat and just relax and take it easy. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:20:31 AM |
Are you sure your headaches are not from all that obvious clutter you have in your home?
Irish, I realize you've probably never lived outside your area, but the OP is in Queens NYC- space is at a premium. Can't hold that against her.
My last place in Manhattan (45th/9th over Smiler's) was so small we used a bunk bed as an atic space. 1 big room. Some places I lived were even smaller- just a bed you had to crawl over to access the closet or bathroom (Chelsea).
And finally- as stated, and should be painfully obvious (well, to everyone else): the same people you meet online are the same ones you meet offline. Why would you think they're different, or offer some different experience?
Forethought- does a mind good. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:27:22 AM | I had to look at your profile. This sounds like a rant from a 15 year old girl, for the love of all things holy woman you are 43!!
Really, if at our age you haven't figure out that when a man doesn't get in touch with you it's because he isn't interested you have some more growing up to do.
One date is not a relationship, you didn't get dumped Sister, you just didn't get asked out again.
You acted like a bunny boiling crazy broad. Just a heads up, unless a guy is a severe emotional wreck they will avoid all the bunny boiling crazy broads. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:28:11 AM |
Irish, I realize you've probably never lived outside your area, but the OP is in Queens NYC- space is at a premium. Can't hold that against her.
She's drinking out of a cup, and there's a bottle of soda on the desk behind her that appears flat. Since people don't usually drink two different types of drinks at the same time, that soda has probably been sitting there a while.
That's just sloppy.
Edit. There's also an empty bottle of water on the desk, as well as what appears to be a sex toy. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
| |
|
| |
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:37:15 AM | Irish, I realize you've probably never lived outside your area, but the OP is in Queens NYC- space is at a premium. Can't hold that against her
Give me a break. People can have small living spaces, but those ( the OP's pics ) are simply and plainly sloppy, untidy.
A cluttered home will give anyone a cluttered mind.
And yes, that does look like sex-toy sitting on a counter top. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:42:08 AM |
you didn't get dumped Sister, you just didn't get asked out again
And judging by this line in her profile, I don't think she will be getting asked out anytime soon.
Sheesh:
"I am not clingy, needy or desperate so if you are flakey then I would think you are not man enough, coward or chicken, to at least meet me, so then I wish you good luck."
The irony... | |
|
| your responses make me sick!
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:03:11 PM | good God folks!! ... doesn't anyone have a sense of decency any more .... name calling, making assumptions of her lifestyle, and just plain nasty responses. You can make your point without resorting to juvenile behavior can't you?!? or has the on-line dating scene jaded you that much! Maybe the OP came off as a bit needy in the way she dealt with her situation, but based on most of the responses I would say y'all (or most of you) have issues that need to be dealt with as well. ** kudos to Tina - a well written, honest, polite response.
| |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:14:24 PM |
You're pathetic, clingy and needy.
My thinking exactly, and OP if online dating makes you so sick, why the hell are you here, this is afterall a "dating" site, unless you're here strictly for the forums, which I heghly doubt. | |
|
| your responses make me sick!
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:29:38 PM | Fishmuskie- you're White Knighting. Double so- Tina wasn't the first to point out that which she said, or should I say, re-stated?
Also- double standard- attacking posters, and judging them in the extreme. Double standards are fun, aren't they?
Fare thee well White Knight. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:33:06 PM |
I can tell if a guy is interested or not anyway. If you think we're not a match, then I moved on, no problem about that.
This is from your profile. It is obvious you can't tell when a guy is not interested. If he is interested he asks you out again. | |
|
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:36:20 PM |
This is from your profile. It is obvious you can't tell when a guy is not interested. If he is interested he asks you out again.
Well, she says she "moved on" if the guy isn't interested...I guess "moved on" means different things to different people, in her case it means sending multiple texts to try to win the non interested person back. | |
|
| your responses make me sick!
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:40:15 PM | Severin, call me what you will .... it's all about you and what makes you feel better right?
as for the double standard, i must confess i am a little confused. How can i point out what i feel is rude without stating examples of what i think is rude .... hmm a catch 22 i believe
by all means make your point ... but it's not what you say, it's how you say it. | |
|
| your responses make me sick!
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:04:50 PM | fishmuskie-as for the double standard, i must confess i am a little confused. How can i point out what i feel is rude without stating examples of what i think is rude .... hmm a catch 22 i believe
Maybe I can help. You suggesting that some of the posters are rude, is one thing.
You suggesting they are rude because they have issues is judgemental and hypocritical because by saying that you are doing the exact same thing you are accusing the others of doing. | |
|
Home
login 
