| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:50:57 PM | I am looking for a man's point of view on a relationship that has become somewhat of an emotional roller coaster. I had been dating someone for 6 months. Everything was fabulous. We spent every night together and he talked about a future. His job can cause him to move at the drop of a hat. I accepted that and he thought he was going to be in Alberta until 2012. Things changed and he was informed that he was being moved to London before the end of summer. He has left relationships behind when the career has had him move but he told me that he was giving his notice so he could start a normal life. Anyways, since the beginning of June and prior to the announcement of the move decision by his superiors, he started pushing away from me. I understood that. When we met face to face, I didn't have much to say to try to protect myself a little bit. He tells me he cares very much for me and that he is afraid to hurt me. Regardless, this week he traveled to his company's office and gave his notice. Again, I continue to be an after thought for him.
I am being blinded here? Some sort of guy's opinion or view would be great. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:59:57 PM | This is really difficult to give an opinion due to the fact that he started talking about a future with you, but yet he knew his job would cause him to move. How long is he normally gone for? Also this is a little negative but maybe he tells females that so he doesn't have to do the break up thing. Also maybe he had second thoughts on quitting his job. That's the best that I can come up with. I know it's not much help, sorry.
Derek | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:03:08 PM | I'm not sure that anyone can tell you if you're being blinded but You!
I suspect your instincts are telling you something though or you wouldn't have started this thread...
You say he started "pushing away from you" that he told you "he's afraid to hurt you" and you believe you're an "after-thought" to him. All reasons to be feeling angst. Speak to him and ask him for HIS views on what your relationship means to him, have him define it. You'll know by his answer (or lack of one) where you stand.
Best
~ Wishes ~ | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:15:33 PM | If he is quitting his job to be with you...
how are you an afterthought?
Does he have another lined up?
If not, he's probably focusing totally on that.
And that may be why you feel he is less focused on you.
Caveman rules:
forage first
female second. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:22:54 PM | I am not seeing a correlation between his job and your relationship.
Anyways, since the beginning of June and prior to the announcement of the move decision by his superiors, he started pushing away from me. I understood that.
Whatever you understood then no longer makes sense?
I am being blinded here?
Your dates and sequences of events are not very well defined. I am confused.
My guess is that he is planning to leave you behind as he has left other relationships behind in the past. That is, assuming he is still planning to go to London. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:29:51 PM | ^^^ I'm confused too. Is he quitting his job to stay with you (not such a bad thing and certainly doesn't make you an afterthought) OR is he moving to London and leaving you behind (which, you acknowledge was a possibility right from the start)?
Yeah, lots of confusion. The bottom line is, no one here can tell you what YOUR man is thinking so... wait for it... wait for it... ASK HIM. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:49:56 PM |
he started pushing away from me. I understood that. When we met face to face, I didn't have much to say to try to protect myself a little bit. He tells me he cares very much for me and that he is afraid to hurt me.
He is pushing away from you and says he is afraid to hurt you.....not good.
As a female, my opinion would be to make yourself less available to him.
Distance yourself and see other men. He sounds from what little you have said like
he likes you but does not love you.
You need to live your life without being dependant on him. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:55:24 PM | | If a guy says he's gonna quit his job so that he can be with a woman, that's all well and good. But if you don't live up to every one of his expectations, and the relationship goes south, you will become the biggest regret of his life. Make sure to keep that in mind. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:11:54 PM | "Regardless, this week he traveled to his company's office and gave his notice. "
Dude, he quit his job FOR YOU.
Quit asking questions and try to support him. Things are going to be a bit messy when he tries to look for a new job and settle into it. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:42:48 PM | | He just sacrificed a big part of his life in order to try a future with you. I wish I was there to smack him in the face for 1) quitting his job in such a terrible time and 2) for doing it for you. You obviously don't respect his decision. He just quit his job for you! And all you have to say is "Can I have some more?" | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:08:26 PM | I appreciate everyone's feedback. If you knew his job, I assure you his ability to find another in no time flat would not be an issue at all. His title was more ego than anything else. I live firmly by the rule when our days are done, we will be judged for the people we were and not the title on a business card. Did he quit his job for me? I don't know where I ever said that. His job had him moving to different countries every year. His choice to actually live in one place longer than 10 months was his and not one of my pushing. In fact, I said I would say goodbye. I fully respect any decision he makes but again, I was not his determining factor to quit nor did he speak to me and ask me for my input. Aside from that, he hasn't said he's staying in the city where we live now. He may just move back to the city he's from. Point in fact is that he has liquidated his assets here such as house and vehicle.
As to the few of you who didn't lay a huge amount of blame on me for his decision to leave his job, you're correct in that I probably have all the answers I need if I need to ask the questions.
Thank you for helping me to get my head back on track. Time to close the chapter | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:07:47 AM | what i can truely sense in this situation cause i used to be the guy that always left.
but i had the choice to go down a bit in my company and stay home so i did. i dont know if he has that options. listen if he spoke about a future and such and he knows you would move for him? simple fact is if he really cares enough he will bring you with him. BUT apart from that the only way you will know if hes playing with your head is to truely ask him straight up whats going on. thats all i really can help you with. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:25:51 AM | Well.....the only way that you are really going to know where his head is at, is to ask him. Be ver straight forward and just ask him directly. Hopefully he will give you an honest answer.
Good luck to you. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:38:21 AM |
Thank you for helping me to get my head back on track. Time to close the chapter
Good choice! In my opinion, you should feel secure in your relationship. When you start questioning it, then it's time to move on.  | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:03:17 PM | | If he's not including you in life-altering decisions, then he's not trying to integrate you into his long term plans. That doesn't mean he will or won't in the future. Just means you're not included NOW. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:09:32 PM | | What it is is that he loved his job, and he loves you. He chose you, and now he is thinking about all he is giving up. So naturally he will be a little moody, but you should stick it out. Right now it has to be about him, but not in a clingy way. It should be more of a supportive way, and if he seems aloof let him be aloof. Think about it he had a job that takes him across the world, but he chose you. You should feel very special. Many people dream of traveling the world, but he dreams of you. You will have to put your feelings aside for awhile. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:23:41 PM | OK,
NOT quitting his job over you.
Gotcha OP.
Better info leads to better understanding.
After 6 months you shouldn't still be decoding someone.
If you are....
not good.
Sounds like his whole life is compartmentalized.
In short time fragments. Here. there. you. not you.
Unless he changes that pattern or has a reason to,
he's not a settling guy.
But after half a year you may have influenced his trajectory,
and have earned the right to ask.
Maybe he just needs that reason...
good Luck. | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:15:20 PM |
But after half a year you may have influenced his trajectory,
and have earned the right to ask.
Maybe he just needs that reason... are you saying that he's too insecure to come right out and tell her "I don't want this moving stuff anymore.. I want to be with you?" Are confident men that afraid of the answer that he has to be coaxed into a dialogue that he's too frightened to tell her what his plans are after liquidating his assets? Is a woman that has been there for him under his terms not proof enough and she still needs to ask? | |
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| What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:48:35 PM | No.
I'm saying he either doesn't care...
or needs a reason to.
Either way, she'll find out.
How can we know?
The OP has been very blase' about the move.
Very accommodating.
Some girl cheerfully holds the door open for a guy..
He'll go thru it as expected to. | |
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