| She said What?
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:37:09 PM | I met Sarah a few months ago. We hit it off right off the back. The conversation went well even though she talked a lot about her abusive ex. She assured me she was done with him, gave me her phone number, and wanted to hang out in the near future. Well, I didn't make anything of it. Never called her because she seemed to be hung up on her ex.
We ran into each other a couple more times. Same good converstion each time, but her ex was on her mind. She wound up asking me out and we went to dinner. Nothing sexual that night, but I can't say so much for the next time we met up at the local pub. While basquing in the glow, she tells me her ex still lives with her. She felt this was a good time to get honest with me. I told her she's bringing drama her way and mine, and that she should give herself more time before she and I get too much further into a significant relationship.
The next day I call her and she tells me not to call her anymore as that would be best for us both. I can hear her "ex" in the background saying that she already has a man.
(Fast forward two weeks.)
I go to the pub for karaoke night where I find my friend Pam hanging out. Pam and I start dancing and some vibe filled the space between us. We were really having fun singing and dancing together. Sarah walks in. She notices Pam and I were having a great time together. Though there was some chemistry with Pam, we went our own ways.
(Fast forward one week)
I'm at home. Pam and Sarah run into each other at the pub. Sarah commences to tell Pam to stay away from me because I gave her chlamydia.
(Fast forward one week, or last Saturday night)
I went to the pub to listen to a band who wasn't there. It was dead with the exception of Sarah and another local yokel. I knew nothing of Sarah comments to Pam when she approached me to ask for a ride to the store so she could get some smokes. I'm a sucker for saying yes. Well, the local yokel comes over to offer her a ride. She hesitantly accepted and assured me that I always know where to find her whenever I want.
Anyway, I ran into Pam later and she informed me that Sarah is talking sh** about me around this small town. I've never had any STD. It wasn't fun getting checked out either. The whole time I was wondering if women do this sort of thing to scare other girls off of men they're interested in. I've heard of girls saying they are pregnant as a means to hold on to a guy. But, did she think I wasn't going to find out what she was saying? Does Sarah think I'm going to be hers if she just gets other women away from me?
I'm beside myself with these allegations. Never happened to me before.
Has anyone else ever had a former significant other, or "fling" in this case, spread rumors about you as a means to scare off other prospective "friends." | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:36:21 PM | | No, I haven't. And I don't understand her motive (in your case) because neither really seemed to want to hang on to you ... so it was just mean spirited. Sorry about that. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:52:02 PM | | Bottom line is Sarah is a liar and finally showed her true colors. She lied about her status with her "ex" and she then told lies about you. Count yourself lucky that you did not get more involved. I would start hanging out at another place for a while until things cool down. She is trouble that you do not deserve or need...... | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:38:08 PM | ^^^^^^^Ya.... what they said....
Skooch... You don't need some drunk boyfriend showing up and telling you to your face that Sarah is his girl. He is probably as whacked out as she is. I mean... he is still living with her.... and he probably knows how she is. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:05:50 PM | Hey dude wise up! Once she told u about ex living with her,u should have ran like hell!!
I mean like get hip to these nutty broads that hangout in bars!!
They like to start shit!!! To much story,u know what i mean?
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:02:23 PM | | I agree with Razor... She let you know upfront that she's loaded with drama. You were right to avoid her in the beginning! Still, that is awful about what she's said. I've never heard of such a thing before. Cut her off completely... She's looking for MORE drama. Reassure Pam that you are, in fact, completely clean, but don't bother confrontimg Sarah. She'll deny it anyway. The more distance you create between Sarah and yourself, the sooner this will blow over. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:57:48 AM | | Why on Earth would someone announce they have chlamydia to a whole room of people? That's a sign of high wierdness. Run away. Find a new pub. Wear protection. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:32:15 PM | Sounds like it's about time to break out the wood chipper and make some of that good homemade chum for the sharks..Those poor things are mighty hungry... | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/10/2009 1:21:22 AM | | Damn that girl is all drama. Good thing you found out now what a whackjob she is. Maybe the abusive ex knocked all the sense out of her??? | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/10/2009 11:12:23 AM | Yep.
Friend of a girl I was dating tried to sleep with me numerous times. I rejected her advances and she went through every social circle I was a part of telling people that I was either gay or had the hots for her over my girlfriend at the time. Of course gossip travels down the grapevine to the girlfriend but she knew the truth.
A girlfriend from years ago went and told friends that I destroyed her emotionally and in spirit when I broke up with her. She wasn't there for me, and the relationship turned entirely one side, so I justifiably broke up with her. I lost a lot of good friends who sided with her against the monstrous, uncaring ogre.
It happens.
"Love, a strange game. The only winning move is not to play." | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/10/2009 12:03:51 PM | Maybe the "abusive ex" is the one putting up with abuse. Why would he bother I wonder?
God gave us legs so tha we could run away from certain situations. She's one.
This reminds me of a story of a very dumb thing I did--thinking with the wrong brain again--just like our OP.
I had a friend at work. I was very attracted to her but hey, it was at work. So I struggled with what to do but eventually came down on playing it safe. Turns out, it was a bit too little too late. I couldn't help but check her out from time to time because, what can I say, she looked really good to me. Then one day I get a call from the nice HR lady. "Could you please stop by my office? There was a report about an incident involving you."
My "friend" had complained about me.
Trust me, that is a call you _never_ want to get. At best, it means you've lost a friend. At worst, it means you'll soon lose your job. You've also already lost the unquestioned respect of everyone she's talked to about you--and those _they_ have talked to. Plus, when you get the call from the nice HR lady--and BTW they are all as nice as can be while they document everything in such a way that they can protect the company from a lawsuit--your boss also gets one. If your boss isn't an idiot, she or he will be all over that situation because bosses who fail to put a stop to sexual harrassment can be held personally liable for damages.
Here's the deal. When a sexual harrassment complaint is made against you, you aren't auomatically guilty. But you are automatically on probation. So, do exactly what the nice HR lady tells you to and figure you'll be dealing with the fallout for a year or more. It is what it is. In my case, she said not to apologize. Just to go on as before, but make sure that I looked only at my "friend's" face when talking to her, and also to be sure not to do anything that might be seen as retaliation.
When you get a complaint like that, the company really doesn't care how you feel about it or how uncomfortable you are. They basically don't care if you are innocent, guilty, or stupid. They just want the situation to go away. If that means making you so uncomfortable that you go away, so be it. So, if you want to keep your job, make the situation go away.
You have to put on the fake nice face and pretend you aren't mad, hurt, or confused. You can't even avoid the person because that could lehd to another complaint that you're giving the person the silent treatment. If you need someone to talk to about it, don't talk to your coworkers. If your company has an EAP, use their shrink. (The shrink cannot reveal what you say in session to the company.) If not, tell it all to a friendly bartender who doesn't know you or your "friend."
I got very lucky because my "friend" pulled something else on me a few weeks later and then told me she was basically done talking to me. At that point, it went down on the books as a mutual situation that she was participating in. I could safely avoid her from then on, and I did. The nice HR lady told me to just respect the boundaries she'd set.
I got even luckier when left the company a few months later, but I was stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! for allowing my feelings to run me that way. Stupid!!!!
If it's female, and it's at the workplace, it is not on the menu--not even to look at.
Find the swtich that turns off the juice, and turn it off. You might have to flip that switch off a bunch of times before it stays off, but eventually it will. You can turn it back on after you hit the door. Now before all the women get mad for me using "it" in reference to them, here's what I mean by that. I am reminding the base parts of myself--the parts that would reduce them to sex objects anyway, not to go there at work. Since those parts of me objectify people anyway, they at least might as well get the nature of the object right. Coworkers are gender neutral, period, and the only gender-neutral pronoun we have is "it."
It is not a good idea to start thinking about a woman in the workplace as a woman in the first place. That road leads to trouble. A woman in the workplace is a coworker, and that's all. Her physical characteristics are simply irrelevant. The only form of attention a competent woman wants in the workplace is appreciation for her accomplishments, and that's all that a competent man gives her. Why waste time and attention on a coworker who isn't competent? What good will that do your career?
Had I been smarter, I might still have that friend. I'd certainly still have the unquestioned respect of my colleagues and my file would be clean. But if you're an idiot like I was and something like this does happen to you, you still have to deal with it. After you've had a chance to calm down from your polite little chat with the nice HR lady, what I would suggest is to just say something like this, preferably in front of a witness:
"About that situation that was bothering you? I've taken care of it. It won't happen again. If there's anything else I can help with, just let me know."
She'll know what you're talking about and the witness won't--unless the witness already does know, in which case you'll get some respect back. By saying that, you will have taken steps to show your good will regardless of the complaint.
Look, you've got to just suck it up and perform in a situation like this.
From then on, rememer that you're on probation. Whatever emotional reactions you have, find the switches for each of them and turn each one off. Keep turning them off until they stay off. She and her friends (who are no longer your friends) will be watching.
Just keep it to business with her. Don't initiate conversations other than work-related requests that are part of her job, don't engage in social chit-chat, and don't respond to teasing or insults from her. She is not your friend any more. Just find the switches and make sure they stay off. Your job is on the line and clearly showing all due respect for her right to work in a harrassment free envionment just became your number one priority on the job. So get it right.
Bow out politely with an excuse about some task you've got to get to when the conversation strays from work in her presence. If you can't duck out without causing a fuss, just listen politely while others converse, but don't join in. Don't snub her or make it obvious that you're trying to escape. Just ease on out when you can. If she takes a verbal jab at you, just smile as if you don't understand the joke. You don't. You don't want to. Where was that switch again? Oh yeah. Comfortably numb can be a really good feeling.
If what she wants is drama and she can't get any more juice from you, she'll move on to the next idiot. And if she really was feeling harrassed, giving her space and some slack to vent her spleen with no further nonsense from you is something you owe her anyway. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/18/2009 4:21:50 PM | Hello Skoockie,
Damn that's torcher man.
But hey when you get a chance next karaoke night at that same pub get up there and tell everyone that you also gave Sarah gonorrhea, crabs, syphilis (there's no cure for that you know), tape worm, and last but not least small pox. ^_^
Oh and swine flu, can't forget the swine flu.......and wear a little blue mask too.
That will teach the ****. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:26:21 PM | izarith,
That my friend is excellent advice. I'm just the kind of jokester who would do something like that. It wouldn't really hurt my chances with the ladies around this town because there aren't many ladies around here in the first place.
I'm putting my strategery hat on right now.
Thanks!!!!!!! | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:32:15 PM | No problem buddy, I live to serve.
Don't forget the little blue mask .
.............Just try not to get put under quarantine. LOL! | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:29:11 PM | ^^^I've decided against playing games with Sarah anymore. Sarah denied ever saying such a thing. I know Pam is a little mentally corrupted and others from around here have affirmed that assumption. I'm more concerned that Pam was lying the whole time.
I'll find out soon enough when they both find out I'm dating Terry. One of them won't be able to resist showing their true colors. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:38:20 PM | Skooch
You need to stop dating in your own neighborhood. I know it is no fun dating someone a hundred miles away.... But try the next block over. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:46:17 PM | | ^^^Thanks for the advice. I followed that advice for a long time. Recently I've been talking and hanging out with a lady from the mountain...Terry. She's actually a nice gal. She's not some one who'll jump right in the sack with me, which is a breath of fresh air for me nowadays. I'm kind of excited about this one, and she's here on the mountain. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:49:14 PM | I've decided against playing games with Sarah anymore. Sarah denied ever saying such a thing. I know Pam is a little mentally corrupted and others from around here have affirmed that assumption. I'm more concerned that Pam was lying the whole time.
I'll find out soon enough when they both find out I'm dating Terry. One of them won't be able to resist showing their true colors.
The first one you catch in a lie is the first liar. You only need one from each to forget you ever met either one of them. You could always offer forgiveness to the one who comes clean.
Blaming the Ex for abuse? Ask the EX. Of course, that just introduces another possible liar. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:21:29 PM | ^^^I've had a run in with the ex. I was gratified that night beating up someone who beats up women. It felt good. The best part was I didn't get in trouble for it. The following morning I felt juvenile for having that happen, but I also felt like I redeemed any woman who he's laid hands on. This is something I left out of the original story because it isn't the type of thing I would bring up.
As far as the liar in this story...It remains to be seen. I'm leaning towards Pam. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:32:25 PM | ^^
You understand that you can catch them in a lie about other people? They don't have to lie about you. My last ex lied about everybody. As soon as I realized it, Asta la vista. I had a feeling there was something wrong, then she told somebody else she was such and such and somewhere when I knew she was with me. That ended it.
The one before me that told me about the "ghetto-ver" Always trying to "get over" on someone. BTW- They often work in pairs. "you should meet my friend" is one of their favorite lines. "can you buy me a drink" is the other favorite. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:43:18 PM | | ^^^Yes I can catch someone in a lie. Time tells all. It's only a matter of time 'til the truth is revealed. I believe that Pam will confront my new ( I don't know what to call Terry yet) friend and reveal who is the liar in this circumstance. If Pam comes at Terry with weird allegations then she is the liar in this situation. I can be wrong though. I try to assume nothing. | |
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| She said What?
Posted: 7/22/2009 7:01:48 PM | | Wow...in my experience you need to stay away from sh*t talking, lying women...she doesn't sound like a nice healthy individual... | |
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