| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:51:32 PM | Alright, I've only been in the dating scene for 10 months. I am currently going through a divorce for about 15 months.
The situation is this.....I had a friend come into town for her birthday so I took her to a local bar with a few of our other friends. My intentions that night were not to meet anyone, or scope out any guys, that's not really my thing anyways, I just wanted to have a good time for my friends birthday.
So while at the bar I checked the Birthday board to see who else's birthday it was. I noticed that one of the guys on the board was there, but his birthday was technically the next day. So, just being nice, I mentioned to the bartender that I wanted to buy him a drink. I honestly made absolutely no eye contact with him, and just figured, he's getting older, he needs a drink. Just something random that I did.
He ends up approaching me, to thank me for the drink, and insisted on buying me one. I told him it's ok, it's his birthday, that's why I bought him one. And that just wasn't good enough, he wouldn't take no for an answer. So we toasted together.
Later on in the evening I offered to buy him another drink, and this time when he approached me, he just kept repeating that I was really nice, etc. Yea well, that's me.
Anyhow, we talked for over an hour, I explained that I have a son, and he asked me about 800 questions, something like what a girl does to a guy. And I found it strange, I just was carrying conversation. Then he said that I needed to go out more. I was confused with that one, and he gave me his number, and took mine down too. He said, if you wanna go out, you call me.
So, really?? Should I call him, was that some sort of pick up line. Cause we even held conversation on how picking up people at a bar is not usually a good idea. And he explained that he's older, so he understand my situation with my 6 yr old son & all. Could this guy be for real?? And should I call him.
I just really think he is too popular for me, too good, like I'm not his type, or not good enough, I don't wanna set myself up for rejection. Can you guys help? | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:06:16 PM |
I just really think he is too popular for me, too good, like I'm not his type, or not good enough, I don't wanna set myself up for rejection. Can you guys help?
I was sort of confused as to what you were getting at until this last paragraph. This last paragraph told me everything I need to know in regard to this situation.
1) You think he is too popular for you, that he's too good for you, that you're not good enough for him.
Sounds like you're going through a lengthy divorce, which is still in the process, combined with not being in the dating/single game for a long time. You're probably just not confident in yourself yet. Having a guy show interest in you is a new experience for you right now. Sounds like your self-esteem right now isn't up to specs either.
2) You don't want to set yourself up for rejection. That, also, is common for someone in the midst of a divorce. My goodness, you're going through a big breakup; of course you don't want to go through rejection.
So here's my advice. If you have interest in this guy, go out with him. While you two are out and about and having a conversation, tell him that you're still in the process of a divorce and that you are in no way ready or wanting a relationship. In other words, if you like this guy, have fun and go with the flow. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:08:34 PM | Call him and ask him to a non drinking place to get to know each other better. Yes it was a pickup line but a very smooth one.
View it this way its safer to get rejected early if its going to happen. Your divorce should have taught you that lesson. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:12:58 PM |
My intentions that night were not to meet anyone, or scope out any guys,
Did the guy you met at the bar and scoped out realize what your real intentions were?
You knew what your intentions were. Is he supposed to read your mind?
just being nice, I mentioned to the bartender that I wanted to buy him a drink. I honestly made absolutely no eye contact with him, and just figured, he's getting older, he needs a drink. Just something random that I did.
Did the guy know you well enough to determine you were just doing it to be nice to him, rather than you were attracted to him, or trying to pick him up?
Are strangers in a bar supposed to know your random moods?
So, really?? Should I call him, was that some sort of pick up line...I just really think he is too popular for me, too good, like I'm not his type, or not good enough
So it seems you not only expect people to read your mind, you put thoughts and rejections into the minds of others.
IOW you're pretty insecure.
So are you just posting this as a troll for validation?
Do you want us to say "yes you are good enough! Go for it! You're hot! You can do it! Yaaay anitrak!"
Well there you go.
He said, if you wanna go out, you call me.
If these are his exact words they probably translate to:
"I'm not going to chase you. You've already chased me tonight. So if you don't mind me using you for my own ends, please feel free to pursue me so I know it's okay." | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:28:31 PM | Or maybe he didn't want to sound too pushy. She did say she bought him a drink just because its his birthday so the guy may not be sure about her intentions. He met halfway, saying he's willing to go on a date and left it up to her to decide if she wants to.
If the guy was so popular and in a bar, why would he waste his time with someone he thought was "beneath" him? I'm betting there were other women there he could have hit up but didn't. A guy that actually thought she was "beneath" him wouldn't sully his rep in so public a way.
The real question is, did you like the time you spent with him and do you want to do it again? If you do, is it because he's Mr. Popular or is it because you liked him.
I see no harm in trying a date if you think he is good enough for you. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:33:15 PM | 1)Its easier to meet, when we aren't wearing the "Hey, I'm looking!" neon sign on our foreheads. Its not just that desperation is the world's worst cologne, its that by not making a move, we leave room for others to make moves on us.
2) you were nice to buy one guy a drink, but not others'? maybe, but you went and bought him another drink. Maybe you did want to be more than nice, once you were getting attention, but don't want to admit it. But, I don't know you, its just a guess. But the guy may have picked up on it.
3) your gut reaction is dead on--when someone shows attention, its for the simple reason they are interested. How much, and for exactly what reason, is anyone's guess. But he could have talked to anyone there. Certainly he didn't have to give out his number, he can't be that lonely...so he must have liked what he saw, and then what he heard.
4)rejection sucks, but you can't get anywhere without having some of it. Edison failed many times to create the lightbulb, but he didn't see them as failures, just lessons in what wasn't going to make a lightbulb, getting him closer to what would work.
Hey, YOU could have rejected HIM. He took a gamble...and its paid off so far, right? go on a date in order to have a good time that night-period. worry about the rest later. just enjoy yourself, and if you find you can't, then you know you two aren't meant to be. that will tell you, for the next time, what to avoid.
its not a rejection or a failure, just an experiment to make you better at dating  | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:07:43 PM | What REALLY caught me was this:
I just really think he is too popular for me, too good, like I'm not his type, or not good enough, I don't wanna set myself up for rejection. Can you guys help?
WHAATTT??? Come ON! Give yourself some credit. That attitude is going to get you nowhere. "he is too popular for me, too good, like I'm not his type, or not good enough, I don't wanna set myself up for rejection." If you need help with ANYthing, THAT'S what you need help with.
If he asked you a lot of questions, he must be interested in you and getting to know you. Why do you act like there's a problem with him or that he's weird for taking interest in you and insisting on buying you a drink (to repay you for doing the same, I might add)??? You held a conversation about how meeting people in bars is not normally a good idea? True, BUT there are always exceptions. As a matter of fact, if I talked with a woman for a while at a bar and liked her, ESPECIALLY if we had that conversation I'd ask the woman out! lol "Oh yeah. I don't meet women at bars... Not really my thing... So anyway, if you'd like to go out, give me a call." lol
Now, let me break down this other quote:
Then he said that I needed to go out more. I was confused with that one, and he gave me his number, and took mine down too. He said, if you wanna go out, you call me.
You were confused? Why??? "You need to get out more. You know what? Here's my number. Call me if you want to go out, aright?" I just think this is the approach of a confident guy who is interested in you. I could see myself saying something similar.
If you REALLY don't want to call him and you don't like him, eh, so don't call and forget about him. But I think this is how a lot of guys might approach a woman. Don't be down on yourself and make silly excuses. I'm not a super experienced dater either, but that's my take for what it's worth. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:11:25 PM | | OP, why are you trying to make it weird? A guy gave you his number. Call him if you're interested. If not, then don't. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:16:36 PM | He gave you his number and said to call him. Now would it have been better for him to ask for your number and then call you? I guess that would be more traditional.
But the fact is he invested an hour talking with you and then indicated an interest in seeing you again.
If you like him, call him. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:24:00 PM |
So, really?? Should I call him
As someone else said " Pick a non drinking place " and see where it goes. ^5
You dont need to find a guy from the bar. Ask the bartender if he
hangs out there a lot! lol
Relations is better when you meet someone by accident then really
getting down and searching for them like a meat market as (Dating Sites).
Call him up / text him. Make it short, ask him when hes off work.
See if he will chat it up over the phone. If hes interested he will know
you need stability and trust. You never know!
Good luck. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:31:08 PM | No one ever got anywhere without taking risks. Stop questioning his intentions, and go out with him. You never know where you will meet a nice guy, even in a bar.
You might be passing up a good thing. Quit being so insecure, and go for it. You are a good looking woman, nad the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can start having some fun again! | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:55:29 PM | Girls rarely buy guys drinks so you opened a door that he figured you were ready to go through. Nothing wrong with meeting people in bars - I know a couple that met in a bar, both were drunk....seven years later they got married and now have a beautiful five month old son.
Never know where you will meet someone and when you are not looking is when you most likely will. If you're worried about how you met tell him that - go out without any booze and see if the chemistry is there. He seems interested, may as well give him a chance
Lastly - never underestimate yourself....a stranger certainly won't | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:02:52 PM | wow, so you bought him the first drink, then yall bought each other a few and he didnt try to pick you up for the night or anything like that, he in fact seemed to respect you, well if you have guys like this crossing your path all the time then do whatever you want, but this sounds like a decent guy, go for it, if your interested that is,
and as far as feeling worthy? sounds like you have some insecurity issues, put that aside, he found you worthy enough to give you his number and in a round-about way ask you out, sounds like you needn't worry about that. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:08:18 PM | Going through a divorce for 15 months?
Get that over with, take a little break to figure out what went wrong, THEN start dating...
In the meantime, if you want a little "action" go for it because it helps but forget anything serious until you get that first part over with. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:56:03 PM | You had to buy him drinks twice, he's an older guy (how much older btw?) and doesn't sound like he was interested at the beginning. That's why he asked you 800 questions, and realized that you were an alright girl (as opposed to a young psycho mom with tons of drama).
You haven't finished your divorce yet, why not start there? | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:57:34 PM | You might as well call him. What's the worst that could happen? You become friends?
If he's not interested in you in a romantic way, then he likely has friends who would be.
It is rarely a bad idea to expand the social circle. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:15:33 AM | I wasnt' born yesterday OP; you bought a drink wanting his attention; if you are going to post, be real.
You need to slow your roll; he had some drinks in him, you gave him attention and liked him (not buying your innocent girl routine) and he talked to you.
You are 23, already divorced with a child. You still have some growing up to do. Dont' jump into something. Take your time and don't get carried away. | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:28:19 AM | Why are girls always trying to figure out the someone's exact meanings and intentions in every single little thing they say?? Can they not understand that it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to answer this question. The one and only possible answer is that in every step of the way they are thinking "let me do this and let's see what happens". If he wants a relationship he gave you his number thinking "let's give her my number to see if we develop a relationship". If he wants to get laid he gave you his number thinking "let's give her my number to see if I get laid".
Point being, MEN don't think of or care about what happens that far into the future. So why don't you, as a WOMAN, approach the situation in the same way. If you are interested in anything at all, then call him for the sole purpose of seeing what happens. You two will either want the same thing and click or you won't and then you move on. If you are looking for just a fun time then let the dice roll. If you are looking for something serious then, by God, make it as obvious as possible from the start and don't waste anybody's time trying to "figure him out".
P.S. And what is this about not wanting to get rejected. If you're so scared of that then I recommend you just don't even speak to any man until you resolve some of your insecurity issues. Shady guys are excellent at picking up on girl's insecurities and exploiting them, either at the beginning or later on. So do yourself a favor and become more confident and self-assured. This is a suggestion that will definitely alter your future for the better in every aspect.
David C | |
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| what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:12:24 PM | Sounds like you were "accidentally" flirting with him all night. Give him a call. There are worse things in life then rejection. Who knows...you might "accidentally" have a great relationship.
~N | |
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