| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:45:39 AM | Why do girls pull that move of just spontaneously disappearing?! Great sex, truly nice & respectful guy, not at all pushy, no jealousy, no games...then BAM = she decides to close all communications with you without any argument, without any disagreement, and without any observable reason at all. You attempt to contact her no more than 3 times to express to them your continuing interest without being pushy; but she doesn't even have the decency to respond in any way.
I would not do that to anybody! Even the girls I'm not seriously interested in for long-term do I ever completely ignore and dismiss. I can honestly say that there is nobody who could make my phone ring and I would deliberately avoid their phone call.
This has happened to me with at least the last 4 girls which I had expected to develop some sort of relationship with. It didn't even have to be a "let's get married" relationship, just something mutually respectful and appreciative of each other's company. Ironically enough, all four girls were the ones to initiate the "how much I like you" talk. But still, shortly after that, poof...gone!
The next interesting coincidence is that the exact same thing has happened, on a shorter scale, with multiple girls that I have been talking to and looking forward to getting to know them. Great talking for a week or more and then poof...they stop returning all calls. It would be easier to understand if say the conversations were boring, or disrespectful, or expressed significantly different viewpoints, etc. But nope, one day you hang up laughing and from then on your calls and texts go completely unanswered.
I have learned to bulk it up as proof that girls really don't want a nice guy, or even an intelligent guy at that. They would rather go with the guy that presents that "I'm the leader of the pack"**** attitude and is obviously not really worth a darn in anything resembling a healthy long-term relationship. Or maybe it's just proof that it's impossible to find someone in South Florida. I really don't know what's up. And unfortunately, I'm not even capable of being one of those guys that just take advantage of every girl. I've tried and my conscious was too weak for it. I was raised differently.
Anybody have any input on this???  | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:49:58 AM | For the same reasons men do.
Ever do a runner? Yes...? Why? Then that's why women do it too.
Generalizations aren't your friend. This is a topic that has been done over and over again.
1) she didn't find you that interesting.
2) she didn't think the sex was THAT great (sorry but hey)
3) she found someone else who was more interesting
4) she found someone else who could sex her up better
5) she's married and he's back
6) she's dating and he's back
On and on and on go the reasons. Realize that asking a blanket question such as this will get you blanket answers.
Don't pull out the "women want an ***hole" card either, just because you're having issues. Step back and make SURE that you really are what you say you are and that you're not chasing women away because of something else. | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:27:00 AM | First of all... You're thirty. How old are these women you speak of? If they are younger than you that is half your problem. Women are way ahead of men the majority of the time with one big exception. Some have absolutely zero clue concerning what it is that they want. Chances are... what they do want does not exist. It takes a while for the butterflies to float down to reality.
In the mean time... they are just trying on shoes. That's why you feel like someone took a sh1t in your good boots. Quit investing so much in things before they show any sort of possibility of a return. You sound like a great guy but the truth is... You are probably not that much of a challenge.
Date, sex, relationship. Anybody turned on yet? Ten bucks you told them what the last five gals did and all they wanted to know was why. You handed it to 'em on a silver platter.
Presto! It's magic! She disappeared.
Women will not settle for someone that settled for them. It isn't so much the pack leader because every man can't be king of the hill all the time. You actually have to have some passion outside of her and for her other than the desire for a piece of meat at your side.
Be a little more selective and have some patience. Things will eventually become obvious to you and it will come around.
Good luck! | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:47:50 AM | I am not sure what is going on with you but it could be that you are temporarily down and you project an appearance of being wounded without even know it.
Either way you need to get back to feeling good so I would temporarily put your search on hold and do what feels good for you.
If you are dating women that just got out of relationships at your age they maybe need time to adjust and time to be free.
I don't think pack mentality is what smart women want if anything they will run from this.
Make a pact with yourself and give yourself a time frame to heal.
Then go through your list or type of women that you are attracted to and prioritize your needs versus your wants..
Sometimes we look at our wants and think that are needs will get filled in eventually this is probably the biggest mistake people that date looking for longterm make. | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:54:47 AM | It happens - I personally think it's somewhat dispicable, but it does happen. You're a good looking guy, so I could see your looks possibly attracting some of those who are more shallow.
My personal belief is to actually tell the person you're no longer interested before just leaving like that, and maybe the reason why - but not everyone feels this way.
I am sure there is SOMEONE local that's for you - and if you're really serious about the locals, take a peek outside your state. I know I'm up for just about any excuse to go to Florida! | |
|
| |
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:02:58 AM | Op........ Did you notice that the one common factor in all of this is you?
Multiple women, multiple attempts at building a relationship and they all fail...... It is not only the women.
You have to look at yourself and what you are doing that does not allow you to transition beyond the initial attraction phase. | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:02:23 PM |
Ten bucks you told them what the last five gals did and all they wanted to know was why. You handed it to 'em on a silver platter.
You actually have to have some passion outside of her and for her other than the desire for a piece of meat at your side.
Wow, so cool, what a perfect response. | |
|
| |
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:01:19 PM | It's lousy that people do that - both men and women - especially if you're communicating pretty regularly and/or have seen each other a few times and things seem to be going well.
What I find difficult to understand (yet fully believe) is that they were the ones to initiate the "I really like you, etc." dialog. That just makes no sense! If you're really into the person and hoping that it leads to something more, those are the types of things you're hoping to hear from someone - why wouldn't you think things are going well when someone tells you that? I think we'd all be left scratching our heads a bit and be asking the obligatory "what happened" or "what did I do". If you don’t really feel it, why bother leading someone on in that fashion?
It'd be nice if people would have the courtesy of telling you something like "I thought about it but realized that I'm just not as interested as I thought I was" (name your reason/excuse here) - at least you could use it (hopefully) as a learning experience and maybe a growth opportunity - but the reality is that very few every really do that sort of thing.
As discourteous as it may be, all you can really do is chalk it up to experience. In the end none of them were ultimately the one you wanted to be with long-term anyway. Look at is as their loss, not yours. | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:22:55 PM | men always think that because women dont date them, that they really dont want a nice guy...Hell, i think im a great catch and there have been plenty of men who stopped calling me or talking to be, the relationship just fizzled...i could easily say "men dont really want a nice girl"
the truth is i just wasnt their type....it doesnt mean im a bad person, we just dont click...i know i will make someone happy.
you should look at it the same way....the reality is, there was something that these women did not like, and they didnt see themselves being with you long term so its easier to just let it go. the right thing to do is be honest and just say "im sorry, i think ur a great person, but i dont think we are a match" but no one likes to hurt peoples feelings so they just bounce, great sex , laughs or whatever....if something is missing, or a couple things are missing, then usually the person loses interest and moves on... | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:57:28 PM | I hate to point out the obvious (and you may not be one of these men) but MEN have been doing this to women for years..............and are still doing it.
Maybe women are finally catching on to what guys do and have realised it's a good way of getting out of something..................you don't have to explain yourself or why you lost interest in the person...............no explanation whatsoever...............it's brilliant!
Why didn't we think of it before?  | |
|
| |
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:34:10 PM | | It seems to me that you are overly insecure about rejection. Rejection is a normal part of dating. Often, people see a new person a few times and then realize they don't want to pursue the relationship. It doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with you, just that the two of you are too different or don't have the same values. I think that your expectations of starting a relationship (after a handful of dates) are something you need to look at. Relationships take a lot of time and effort. You don't decide to go into a romance after a few dates, but need to take time to get to know someone's values, lifestyle, etc. | |
|
| |
| |
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:57:39 PM | But I like dating hookers!  LOL
Seriously, I feel a lot of the responses here make some great points. But let me clarify that I never discussed past relationships cause I don't think that topic is relevant until way into the relationship if ever at all. I am noticing thanks to you guys, that I am likely focusing on doing the right things such as being respectful, supportive, caring, etc; but because of focusing on this I might be ignoring the fact that maybe the girl is more interested in other things like spontaneous activities, going out partying, or something as simple as the girl's desire for a chase. I am the common denominator after all. Maybe I'm putting too much into it instead of just letting life go through as it will.
And as far as age, I am 30 and these girls have been 26-29 so not that far off. In response to insecurities about rejection, it doesn't scare me. People break up, life moves on, not a big deal.
I think that one response actually captured the essence of what baffles me... Why would the girl be the one to initiate the "I like you so much" comments and other comments that start establishing the desire for a relationship, but then they just leave. It's like a complete contrast from one thing to the other and it makes no sense whatsoever. But this looks like it's my problem too because I am looking at "what makes sense" based on how "I" would handle a situation. And the truth of the matter is that everybody is unique and what I think is right/wrong is not a universally agreed viewpoint. What made it all the more difficult to swallow though is not that 4 girls left me because that's just life. What surprised me is that they all did it in the same manner. Not one of them had any decency to even give a proper "goodbye David, it was nice meeting you but our time is up". If somebody dumped me like that I would thank them, give them a hug, and wish them luck, sincerely. Break ups are part of life. I just don't understand why they have to be so complicated.
And final...many of you are right that what these girls have done is nothing different than what guys have been doing to girls for years. It's just hard for me to recognize that because I have never in my short life done that to anybody. So for the one member that answered my this post by comparing it to being the same thing I've done to others in the past; I can with a clear conscious say that I never have and never would treat anybody with that level of disrespect. But that doesn't change the fact that although I might not do it, there is a huge bulk of other men that do it to women on a regular basis. And I get caught in the generalization. That's how it goes and life moves on, right?
P.S. That was funny about the title of the thread...I am so sorry I missed that. It was very late. 
David C
How about this, have any of you women done the same thing to a man of fairly decent quality and respectful nature? If so, why? This is the internet and nobody's judgment will after your life so honesty is a safe commodity here. What were the real reasons you just left him without even giving a goodbye. (let's stick to why you left the "good guys" not the a-holes)  | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:10:20 PM | | The here today gone tomorrow phenomenon seems to all to common. The best thing to do is not worry about it and over analyze, cus when it comes down to it , people are gonna decide whether to stay or leave based on their own choice of freewill , like it or not , Besides it could be worse u could have some woman stalking , you and that's no fun. But you do raise a good point about the whole not calling thing , cus typically if a guy does it and runs into said woman he never called ,but promised to by chance ,Look Out!! | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:38:55 AM | Nootherids1 wrote: This has happened to me with at least the last 4 girls which I had expected to develop some sort of relationship with. It didn't even have to be a "let's get married" relationship, just something mutually respectful and appreciative of each other's company. Ironically enough, all four girls were the ones to initiate the "how much I like you" talk. But still, shortly after that, poof...gone!
I think u already answered ur own question in one of other threads u responded.
Whoever u were talking to...and 'Poof' disappeared was the ones that u were descirbing how men don't put much thoughts of what they say or do and you advised women to do the same. 
Obviously these girls that u were talking to were in that category.
The one thing for sure.. it doesn't matter how each one of them 'poof' diappeared.. if they really wanted to know u, they all knew how to reach u.
U r smart enough to see it thru when u observed other people's situation.
Now u know it doesn't matter why they diappeard but their action did painfully expressed like black and white ...what u might not want to see. | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:40:47 AM |
How about this, have any of you women done the same thing to a man of fairly decent quality and respectful nature? If so, why? This is the internet and nobody's judgment will after your life so honesty is a safe commodity here. What were the real reasons you just left him without even giving a goodbye. (let's stick to why you left the "good guys" not the a-holes)
No. I've not. If I can't see something working, then I'm grown up enough to say that. I've had it done to me and since I know that it hurts, I won't do it.
My apologies for asking if you've ever done a runner (yes that was me). I'm glad that you've never done it--that makes you a better man than some.
But realize that people do stuff. They just do. As I said in my original response to you--take your pick of reasons sweetness. There are many of them and none of them make any damn sense. When I've had that happen, I'd look for "closure" only to realize that they DID close something--and to stop trying to pry it open!
Let the door stay shut. You probably didn't need that choice behind that door anyway. | |
|
| |
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/3/2009 12:56:54 PM | | Great sex, for you, but maybe not for them, did you ask? When this happens with four women in a row, you have to ask is it something you think it couldn't possibly be? | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/3/2009 1:16:56 PM | The answer is manifestly obvious.
Every single woman who's done this bail thing you rant about actually died while crossing the street in an euphoric manner...oblivious to all the hazards of the real world as they skipped in joy...and were hit by a passing bus.
Lesson one of POF: Do NOT date OP if you value your life.
That's the ONLY logical conclusion...since everything else was perfect and you've never heard from them afterward.
You, my good man ARE A LADY KILLER!
spurious logic courtesy of the great and all powerful Zardoz!
Oh, and I don't kill women...so, I think I make a great guy to date. ;) | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:31:31 PM | | You need to read this book I just read called The Power of Now by: Eckart Tolle. You will then realize that possibly you are attracting the wrong women and need to focus more on yourself. That way you will be better prepared to have an open line of communication from the very start. You want them to know that you re a communicator from the moment they meet you and you can feel if there open to it. If not, move on to the next women. You will meet many women before you meet the truely special love! That way its more special because it was a gift and not easily attained. Keep enjoying life and watch the people you allow to occupy your time. Someone who really cares for you will always keep you in their life for years to come, regardless of silly comments made. Good Luck! | |
|
| One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:43:07 PM |
Why do girls pull that move of just spontaneously disappearing?! Great sex, truly nice & respectful guy, not at all pushy, no jealousy, no games...then BAM = she decides to close all communications with you without any argument, without any disagreement, and without any observable reason at all. You attempt to contact her no more than 3 times to express to them your continuing interest without being pushy; but she doesn't even have the decency to respond in any way.
It's happened to the best of us (plenty of times in my case!) and we've been guilty of it too for various reasons.
How soon did you have sex and were you really sure you were both on the same wavelength? Maybe she woke up the next morning with alarm bells ringing for whatever reason?
Sometimes we have massive second-thoughts at various points in the process when we decide the other person is not the right one.
It doesn't make it right or fair, but sometimes it's easier just to cut and run rather than be the bearer of bad news.
I really don't know what's up. And unfortunately, I'm not even capable of being one of those guys that just take advantage of every girl. I've tried and my conscious was too weak for it. I was raised differently.
Not every bloke is taking advantage, and not every woman is either. The reasons why people do it are not as straight-forward as just selfishness. | |
|
Home
login 
