| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:15:51 AM | just looking for some insight on this, was dating a lady for awhile, she has a couple older kids, early twenties, one day we were at the table having a couple drinks, my gf at the time started talking about her mother to her kids and sons gf, well she started telling them that their grandma left grandpa for his friend, well they started saying things like grandma's a hoe, and the girlfriend at the time is saying yes, not at all sticking up for her mom, i just couldnt beleive it, to say something about your mom like that, especially to your kids
To me this is just wrong, the comments should of been kept to yourself and not said to or infront of your kids, am i wrong to think this? the way i look at it is, what will happen when your kids have kids, would you like them to tell their kids that their mom is a hoe? i just dont get how people can talk about family like that | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:24:13 AM | In a perfect world people would have perfect families and this would never even come up in conversation.
You heard one conversation, who knows what kind of nightmare was behind the whole story.
I have always told people who cheat, you are not just cheating on your spouse, you are cheating on your entire family, in the end your marriage will end and your children will have no respect for you. I have one friend who hasn't spoken to his father in 20 years now because he had been unfaithful to his mother and left her for the other woman.
Sounds like this woman had an issue with her Mom, and maybe rightfully so.
Is it wrong to talk trash about people in your family in front of strangers, yes. It's also wrong to play pretty and pretend nothing is wrong and you respect someone when you do not. Her error was discussing this in front of non-family members. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:31:25 AM | Although it may not have been appropriate, the kids were old enough to understand. There may have been other issues with "grandma" that you were not aware of. Yes, she probably has some unfinished business with her mother and those issues just sit in the back of her mind. However if it was pertinent information that she felt her kids should know, she should have told them in private instead of out in public in front of non-family members.
I think I would have been much more appalled had she been telling this to smaller kids (like 5 and 6 years old).
I have never had much of a relationship with my birth mother and as my kids grew up they asked me why we didn't see Grandma so-n-so as often as we saw all the other grandparents. At the time, I just told them that she lived further away and it wasn't always convenient to go see her. When they got older (mid teens) I told them the real reason. They completely understood. She's dead now so it's no longer an issue. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:01:44 AM | While it could have been inappropriate to talk about her family and it's history in front of non-family members, maybe your ex felt comfortable enough in the company she was in to discuss that topic. You make it souund like it was an "out of the blue" comment. For all you know that may have been why she had her children(who are adults) over for drinks. You didn't give us any insight into why she may have begun this topic of conversation.
If it made you so uncomfortable, why didn't you man up? You could have asked her to speak privately and explained your discomfort. Or you could have excused yourself and gone else where.
No one has a perfect family history. Just a fact. But they shouldn't be penalized for feeling comfortable enough around others(family & non-family) to discuss their issues. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:16:19 AM | That's sad that she felt the need to tell people outside her family what she thought of her own mother.
It was probably sadder that she didn't realize how poorly that makes her look.
Hopefully you realized that personal affairs are NOT subjects that this person will keep confidential and that you kicked her to the curb. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:25:25 AM | It is very unetical to talk about the skeleton in a family closet, for a nice tete a tete , it is history,and why grandma left grandpa for his friend, we can not judge her of what she did ,perhaps that is the best thing she come up with her life decision at that moment. And her grandchildren commenting that "Grandma is a hoe " is a bit crude...
Yes, you are correct, that is wrong to talk things that we are not proud of, especially our member of a family, if I was in your shoes I would be thinking>>>> That apple don't fall far from the tree, so if this lady is trying to impressed that she is better than her late mom ,she is not winning for I know that history repeat it self 99%.... | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:35:08 AM | I think it probably says a lot for how she feels about her mother...about her lack of good parenting behaviors for her now adult jerks...errrr, I mean kids...and her sense of loyalty.
On the bright side, OPie, they and she aren't bashing you...yet.
 Forrest
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:41:25 AM | I agree it's wrong to trash talk family....or anyone for that matter. We're all imperfect. Extending grace and forgiveness vs. harboring hatred and resentment and focusing on the "good" in the person vs. "bad" lends itself well to being an overall happy person.  Does that mean being a doormat? No, it means being realistic, having boundaries and choosing who you let in to your life. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:50:38 AM | It isn't what you say, it is how you say it and who you are saying it too. If grandma behaved like a whore... believe me the kids recognized something.
Before twelve: "That's just grandma."
12-16 depending on maturity level: "Grandma has issues bigger than tissues."
After 16? Use grandma's life mistakes as an example how not to behave. The results of her behavior and the trail of pain/loss is right in front of them anyway.
How much of the world do we think we can cover up? The fig leaf ain't that dam big. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:23:32 AM | | My father was no prize when it came to husband and parent material and I often wonder if I have half siblings running around somewhere. He did what he did, he is gone now and it's all in the past. Do my children need to know the dirty details? No. Neither does anyone else. My children loved their grandfather and he did his best to try and be a good grandparent because he knew he sucked as a father when we were growing up. Regardless of whether he'd done that or not; it would have served no one's purpose to drag everyone through the mud. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:28:23 AM | I agree it is uncouth behavior, but these aren't kids either. Dissing their grandma in front of a stranger is the worst aspect.
My mom has been talking smack about family members my whole life. Through my own excperience I've found she was pretty accurate. She just doesn't realize that the apple hasn't fallen that far from the tree.
~Justin | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:44:29 AM | Kylie,
Maybe you ae right...but....maybe you are wrong, we don't know.
One thing you missed is:
Have we not been taught that we are not to judge our parents???? No matter what they do, we need to show the young ones that parents have to be respected and loved. If they make mistakes, God will judge them. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:23:45 AM | | Respect is earned, and nobody has an automatic right to it. Not all parents act in a way that guarantees them automatic respect. Your quote: "No matter what they do, we need to show the young ones that parents have to be respected and loved. If they mistakes, God will judge them." What about cases of abuse? In an ideal world, all parents are loving and caring, but some fall short of the mark. To deny children the right to free thought is to deny them spirit and intelligence. Children do judge their parents, and quite rightly so...by doing so, they can learn from the mistakes their parents made, and as a result be better parents to their own children as result. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:08:01 AM | @OP:
Your girlfriend shouldn't tell her kids anything. Kids are VERY observant and see everything and what they don't see and someone tells them about later on ends up thrown back into your face. And what is a person to do? Keep their pie hole shut because they were that open with their kids that now the kids can be just as disrespectful as their mother.
I don't have to tell my kids a damned thing about their fathers, though (it seems like the same thing as the topic). They know from their own experience with their dads what their dads are all about and they learned it the hard way. Will it make them better fathers when they have their own families? I hope so.
No matter what the situation, no one should ever have to tell their children things about anyone close to them. Let them learn it for themselves. What you go through shouldn't be put on the kids because they may have a great relationship with this person and you could be ruining it for them. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:09:37 AM | | Despite what some women might like you to think, not every mother is angelic. There are some real horrible ones out there. Now, I don't know your GF's mom. But perhaps calling her a ho was the least objectionable term she could come up with. Go with your gut; if your GF is decent about everyone else, perhaps there's more going on there between her and her mom than you really want to know about. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:26:43 AM | I totally understand. We have plenty of family gossip in my family, on both my mother and my father's side, some of it funny, some of it serious, but we do NOT discuss it with people outside of the family. That's tacky.
Now your gf's kids were plenty old enough to hear the family gossip, the girlfriend may have been around long enough to be considered family, and obviously you have been brought into the family circle.
I think that you were probably shocked about the severity of the reaction to the story, rather than the openness of the talk. I guess your gf was just comfortable enough with the group to expose some of the family secrets. She probably needed to vent about it. Don't think too badly of her, she has no other option really to talk about this issue,which obviously bothers her. It's not like she can go to the salon and bring it up.
If my mom had left my dad for his friend, I'd be pissed too, and I would probably not handle it well either. Just being honest.
Don't be too hard on her. She has been through something pretty tragic, and needs some support and validation.
Much luck!
Beth | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:11:34 PM | | I had a very difficult relationship with my mother but I always respected my children's feelings towards their grandmother. I think it's important not to dump your own feelings onto your children but let them form their own view of the sitution. You should be honest about your own feelings, but there's a right time and right place to do it. | |
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| i cant beleive someone would talk about their mother like that
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:57:06 PM | | I'm not sure OP but the issue your having may not be the comments that wer said. Your issue could be cuz you do not know the whole story. When your having a private conversation with your g/f drop some hinted questions to try & find out what's really going on. Maybe she'll want to talk about it but if not, don't push her to. I heard a recent statistic that least 50% of marriages end in divorce now so situations like that defiantly aren't uncommon. | |
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