| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:16:53 AM | I recently met this guy on this site, and we hit it off right away. He was texting me like crazy, until I finally slept with him. He still does text msg me, as well as msg me here in POF; but it's far more of a fine line now compared to when we first started to hang out. He's a great guy and all but I feel that I may have done something wrong, or that he may be just overly busy. Or the fact that I gave into sex with him could be key?
I have fallen for him, but now am falling away slowly because I feel that he is fading away from me. Is this normal? This always happens to me, does this happen to other ladies out there; and is there a reason why men do this? | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:23:11 AM | Nothing stays intense forever...that doesn't mean anything is wrong. In fact, on some level it is a good sign...it means your affection is becoming more mature....moving past "lust" and "infatuation".
What is "recently"?
What is "finally"?
And...what happens when he reads this? | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:24:05 AM | I'm afraid it is the Sex thing. Most guys like the chase and when you gave into the sex, well the chase is over, now there is no mystery left he has seen all of you. Best thing to do before any more time is wasted is confront him about it.
On the other hand he might really be busy, either way confront him. its better to get all your feelings out in the open so one you can continue the relationship or two begin the healing. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:26:08 AM | | He was a player looking for a new slap for his whompum belt ... if he wanted you he wouldah come a courting and you deserve to feel great when you are in the new throws of love .. so just don't worry beautiful move along and get your sexy you moving forward and eventually you will find a man that is completely into you ... it is a great feeling .. so settle for nothing less ok.. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:32:48 AM | Because you gave him the nookie!!!!! You did not establish a real relationship before validating him as a real partner...texting does not a relationship make!!! Relationships take communication, committment, and compatibility, you had a guy sending you text messages for a while whenever he got bored, then you hooked up...now you decide you want him to be a boyfriend instead of a bootie call? Sorry, but you screwed this up.
Beth | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:43:57 AM | OP
I think, he showed a lot of excitement to taste you, after he did...maybe he likes you, maybe not, but he lost the element of anticipation....you gave in.
Just see how it goes, if he doesn't give you what you want and need....move on and learn the lesson. You are not so young to ignore how men operate.
Good luck | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:46:58 AM | smellsealsthedeal do you think every guy is a player ??? i have seen you use the term in several threads ..today ..why do you feel qualified to make such a judgment so quick ...really I think you have very little knowledge of what a true player is ..just going by your post
why is it women can have all kind of issues about relationships ...but mention a guy and He's a player
op my suggestion would be examine yourself..its easy when you are fallen for someone to seem needy ...and pushy ..step back take a breath and slow down ...and then talk to him
many guys have issues and baggage left from other relationships ..and falling for someone else can scare the hell out of us
calling us a player just makes it worse ...reassure him that while you are falling for him ..you still understand him if he needs time or space
tell him to take his time with commitment ..but you still need to know he is interested ...and please for your contentment ignore the (he's a player crowd ) least you become one of them
take my word for it true players are not a predominate species... most that are accused of being players are just scared of falling in too deep and being hurt again..just like many women | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:51:31 AM | ^^^I think he might be a player!
Op : plain and simple he got what he wanted. Now the men around here will tell you...give it up! But the reality is most women don't just do it to do it...we enjoy the emotional chit that goes with it! | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:54:44 AM | It would be easier to just blame the guy and blame sex. But only one side of the story is being given here.
Going on the popular opinion that all men a sex fiends... wouldn't it make MORE sense if he was a player and just wanted it that he would continue calling her FOR sex?
Or is it possible, that perhaps after they had sex some dynamic changed in the way the related to one another that caused him to feel suffocated? She said he's pulling away... he didn't disappear. ...yet.
Maybe he really does like you and you just came on a little to strong after you guys slept together. If he's the guy you said you thought he was..... maybe he's just scared and not sure how to handle himself in any other way than pulling away. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:56:35 AM | ^^^I think he might be a player!
who ME ??? mrs rose they dont make players who are 53 years old and have been married to one woman for 28 years .....save a short two year breakup a few years ago ..when I got hooked on forums
but during that break up I did experience dating women who scared the life out of you ..because the wanted instant relationship .after sex | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:06:05 PM | soooooo, that means from a lot of post i read , that i should not have sex with anyone , unless im dating them like for 6 months
it takes about that long to establish a relationship ...good one....
im going to stay a virgin for ever
(my 2 kids were immaculate conception) | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:09:22 PM |
soooooo, that means from a lot of post i read , that i should not have sex with anyone , unless im dating them like for 6 months
it takes about that long to establish a relationship ...good one....
No... no... noooo.... just make sure that they invest a little something something BEFORE you invest a little something something!
 | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:16:22 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^
thats ok , I forgot how to do it anyhow he he he
again this messeage is to short
again this messeage is to short
again this messeage is to short
again this messeage is to short | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:19:20 PM | soooooo, that means from a lot of post i read , that i should not have sex with anyone , unless im dating them like for 6 months
it takes about that long to establish a relationship ...good one....
sure have sex as soon as you feel it is right for you ....but dont expect that you are going to be joined at the hip from that moment on ...sex will not make an instant relationship...expecting it to will scare the hell out of a guy who has been hurt before....and will make him back off the more you push ..dont expect that sex will change a darn thing about the way he feels ...if he liked you and was looking for a relationship before sex he will be the same after ..unless you instantly go into relationship mode ./.and he thinks what the hell have I got myself into
if by chance you have found yourself a true player he is already gone ...he took you home right after the sex and hasnt called or been seen from since..he probably never even kissed you good night
while single I had one date ..from POF no less...she was super nice..chemistry and everything ...and we had sex on the first date ..which i had no problem with ...i just attributed it to both of being lonely ...and chemistry ...i asked her out again the next night ...we went out to eat and had a great time ..then went back to her place ...I went to her bathroom and she had bought me my own toothbrush and toiletries as well as a towel and wash cloth monogrammed ..with my name on it ...there were even my own house shoes ...no less. I instantly got sick and had to leave .. and avoided her from then on ...the next week she emailed me blessed me out and called me a player ..all i can say is I hope she finds another guy named Randy ...so she wont have wasted her money | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:25:21 PM | In my opinion communication is the key; So often when we think we are on the "same page" when we are more than likely not in the same book...having consentual sex is not necessarily being on the same page - for the most part, men live in the moment (they have been afforded that privledge by having a penis in my opinion); women are conditioned to think of "forever" and "happily ever after". All those questions we are scared to ask, means we should just ask them...
Actions speak louder than words..my motto. It really does suck when the actions do not memic the words but you learn from it and move on.
Hopefully the sex was good :) | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:30:34 PM | OP -- He had a thrill in the chase (though we don't know how long "finally" is)...followed by a thrill in bed. He came, he saw, he came again, and now he's disappearing.
And this shocks you?
Men and women do this to each other all the time. You're not that special that this only happens to you. When a man or a woman gets what she wants, they're usually done from that point on.
Sounds more to me that you're the type that equates sex with meaningful relationships. Once you give it up, this is supposed to mean something. Sad truth is, that's rarely the case. Sex is sex. If you're being pursued for that end, and you do "finally" give it up...there's no more allure to you. The thrill is gone. They got what they were after and now they move on to the next one in line.
Either that, or you're really horrible in bed. I mean, let's face it...if a man or woman knows they can get easy sex pretty much anytime with this person or that person, they generally stick around for a while and keep at it. If they are the "hit and quit" types, this can usually mean that the sex was just sub par at best. Maybe you're just not "all that" in bed? That's a possibility too.
In any case, men AND women do this not just men specifically. So to ask why men do this, you should also ask why women do the same.
It happens. Just bear in mind that chances are pretty high that those you do sleep with don't also equate sex with meaningful relationships. For the most part, sex is just sex. Thinking that once you have sex with someone it's supposed to be relevant or mean something...well that's just fallacy. Not everyone is wired that way. Some people just wanna get in someone's pants and then they're done. Walking in with the expectation that just because one "finally" gives it up it should mean anything...that's emotional suicide at best.
Just sayin'................................ | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:33:45 PM |
This always happens to me...
Actually, to me, this is the most telling part. You either aren't being discerning about who you choose to be with or there is something about you that you need to take a closer look at if this is always happening to you. I wouldn't rush to judgement that it's all the guy's fault and that they are players. Examine yourself and the way you relate to guys. It may have nothing to do at all with the sexual aspect of things. It could be any number of things but as per usual, if the same thing is happening in any area of your life, I'd wager to say that you're doing the same things over and over that are causing the undesirable effect. You may appear to clingy or, alternatively, you may seem too aloof. If you're looking for some magical answer here, you're not going to find it because no one knows you, your dates or how you relate to them. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:16:07 PM | It's different after you've met, than before, where there is that urgent effort to "know". Usually, after a first meet that goes well, as it sounds yours did, people plan on the "next time" to be together.
If you live too far away to easily see each other, sometimes, things can fade, whether you had sex or not. So, why not suggest a day, date, and time to see him again? | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:17:27 PM | How to answer a post from someone that doesn't know their own body type...hmmmm
Ok, how about this, how long did you know him before you slept with him? 1 date, 2 dates, 3rd date or was it actually longer. Did you get his medical history, did you find out his parents' names, and other personal things before you slept with him? I am guessing you didn't and you just felt lust and that is why it is wearing off. Next time wait for love. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:26:35 PM | Ok..so..as others have asked..how long did you take to get to know him before jumping in bed?
If you feel bad for jumping in bed..well....men persue (in general)..women tend to hold back (in general)..that is kinda how it has been in relationships for years (not always..each person is different...added so as not to generalise).
But..if you decide to sleep with someone soon you need to be sure in your mind that if you never hear from that person again that you will be fine with it.
Put it down to fun and experience...it was your choice as well as his.
If you are/were looking for a' relationship' then why not take time to get to know the guy first? | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:01:57 PM | You have to say this to him:
I like you. I like you a lot..... probably too much to JUST be friends. I think we should not continue this situation, unless you feel the same way.
PAUSE. (Let thim think and talk).
If he says yes, he feels the same way... THEN, say this:
So, let me get clear on this.... you are saying that you don't want to date anyone else, and you don't want me to date anyone else, so we are in an EXCLUSIVE relationship? Are we exclusive?
PAUSE.
Let him think and let him talk. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:33:03 PM |
Maybe you are bad in bed.
Shrug, but it's really possible.
I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING. | |
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rhodax
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Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 24 | |
| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:49:52 PM | | Or maybe you are in the pregnant pause phase where he's used up all the exciting topics he has. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:59:11 PM | If this ALWAYS happens to you, STOP doing what you're doing.
You seem to have no communication with this dude. Before having sex with the guy try getting to know him better.
If he was STILL INTO you, he'd be chasing you. No one is that busy that they can't call or even be lazy and text you. | |
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