| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:16:03 PM | | So, i was seeing this guy... for almost a year now. His family is horrible. They hated me, and said they didn't approve of him because of my religion and because i go out sometimes (with him too) so we decided to still see eachother. But then he started not even hanging out with his friends with me, and i'd always ask if they would want to or what. He started breaking up for like 2 days, and then coming back... When we were together though he even asked my parents to marry me, said he loved me all the time, came to my house all the time, would call me, and it's just an amazing feeling when we're together, but then one weekend he just decided to break up with me. He texts every day and says he misses me, and said he messed up big time, and wishes we could talk, and all this stuff... The other night he said i just wanted to let you know there is no other girl, and i'll talk to you then. (we said we would see eachother at a concert in 2 weeks, like a few weeks ago when we were still together) So was just wondering what I should do, or if it's even worth doing anything. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:24:54 PM | You, my dear, need to follow your heart. But first, you need to understand what is going on with him. Is he pulling away because of his family? What is going on? You need to find this out. Don't just walk away because you say you care about him. You need to follow this through. Good luck.  | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:25:47 PM | If you still have feelings for him...
go and hear him out.
At least you'll know what the heck is going on.
And can decide then.
Good Luck! | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:52:46 PM | OP_ The situation sounds very unclear.
To have closure a just for the sake of having your own curiosity satisfied I would hear what he has to say about the matter.
The possibilities in life are endless and just because others do not approve does not make this an irresolvable situation. 
Hear what he has to say in the matter, you can always make a decision to totally let him go later.
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stts
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Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 5 | |
| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:16:39 PM | Its no mystery. Your only 21. And he probably is too. He is too young to yet know what he wants to do. He thinks he does, but when he wakes up the next day, he changes his mind again. Thats the way it is when you are young. When you get to be 30, then you know what you want and wont change your mind near as much. And if you are the clingy type with somebody like that, they are easy to smother and then they really change their minds. As far as why folks hate you, that is an individual thing, but folks dont want their babys getting into deep relathionships till they at least have their life plans kinda in place. Lots of people cant finish college because they accidently had babies... | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:12:51 PM | | I think 21 is too young to get serious wit anyone. You should play the field for a while. And if he's just as young, he's not going to be ready for anything long term either. I think it would be a good idea for you two to take a break for a bit, and see what else is out there. Live life a little bit first, before you decide to try again. If you're both still single in a few years, and want to try again, then try again. But at your age, it's not really realistic to hope for something long term at this time. (especially from him. He can't make up his mind...that's due to age alone) | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:48:16 PM | Gosh no hun! You are young and beautiful. Get your education and you will be smart too! Find a man that is sure about you then. One you don't have to second guess giving up. One that you know you really want him.
Good luck | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:41:11 PM | | You are way too young for all this BS, date, date lots of people, stop dating idiots and meet new people. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:00:43 PM | Honey, you have to move on.
If a man's family hates you, you have NO future together. If a couple in your situations gets married, they almost always end up getting a divorce. Especially if there's an issue in religion.
You're very young. You have plenty of time to find a good man. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:31:21 PM | ^^^^ agree with daynadaze, and cheerilystrawberry. If you were to marry this guy OP, the family (which chooses to be hateful) can, and would, (merely because they knew they could) make your life, literally, a living hell.
I suggest to you that you be leary, when you do talk with him, if he does any kind of grandstanding for your relationship, against his family.... or, of him requesting you to allow him to buy time to change their minds.
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:40:25 PM | Having had a guy in love, who than pulled back because of family disaproval, I don't envy your situation...
While I agree with following your heart, there is increased risk that you will continue to care for and love him, and he will leave you hanging, if he doesn't at some point, grow some *alls, and tells his family to butt out of his intimate relationship.
Good luck, MC | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 5:07:58 AM | | I've been through this twice, with 2 different men. On the first occasion, my then boyfriend put me under tremendous pressure to get engaged. I was never sure that's what I wanted, and he started crying about it all the time. His parents banned me from visiting their house at all, as they thought I'd upset their son. Even when things improved and I thought there was a future with him, they would not relent. I had not liked going there even in the beginning, by my own mother felt upset on by behalf thatt I was not invited even at Christmas. We ended up having a huge row about it and split up. On the second occasion, his mother would make nasty comments from the start. I was 29 with just a few grey hairs, and she'd make repeated comments about how I needed to dye my hair. She would make her own bread and cakes, and have them liked from one area of the kitchen to the other. She would make pointed questions about my own cooking abilites and be very disdainful when I admitted I was hardly Delia Smith. The worse was when we split up. She turned up and started ranting and raving about how I wanted her son for his money (all completely untrue) but I feel I had a lucky escape. My opinion is parental disapproval can make you feel extemely lonely and shut out, especially when the guy doesn't have the guts to stand up to them and they are making your life a misery. Both these relationships ended badly, and I feel the parents had a big part to play. My advice? Walk away while you can, before the relationship leaves your self esteem in tatters. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 5:26:21 AM | | This is a no win for you, if you stay with this guy his family will alway be trying to pull you apart. His actions say that he is unwilling to stand up to his family, so they will always be controling him and making anything you have with him bad. If he had balls he would tell his family to stop or he will walk away from them, instead he is walking away from you, that should tell you all you need to know. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:14:17 AM | | OP, I went through a similar situation when I was 20....in the end, he dumped me to marry a woman his Mom approved of. It hurt like hell and took me a while to get over. Do you really want to be his dirty little secret or do you want a partner who is willing to put you #1 in his life? | |
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rhodax
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Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 15 | |
| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 11:35:00 AM | | If it was really love he'd have told his family to get stuffed, period. My mother tried that on me a couple times when I was in my teens and I told her I'd date who I wanted. She quit trying to run my life before I hit 20. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 11:42:37 AM | | Say see ya!! Theres plenty of other fish out there!!! He's playin with your heart... he doesnt deserve it... wait and give it to someone else who does. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 11:44:51 AM | This guy is a LOSER! you can do better. Its obvious that he don't know what he wants! I been on similar boats, and only fell overboard when the boat rocked. Don't dwell on it. Move on, and he will see what he really misses! F.u.c.k him!  | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 11:56:07 AM | | If you care about him and your not seeing someone than go... but go with no expectations. No one is perfect, we all make stupid mistakes and sometimes regret them. Maybe that is how he feels. If you dont get good vibes or your not satisfied with the meeting than be prepaired to move on.Your young ,beautiful ,so don't worry, you'll find what your looking for. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 3:10:54 PM | | This F-n sh-t is why I won't date religious people. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:20:26 PM |
This F-n sh-t is why I won't date religious people.
LOL yeah, me too. Then again I've met some religious girls who, although I may not agree with many of their views/beliefs, I get along great with as they are open minded and don't shove their beliefs on me. Of course you never know their true intentions if you were ever to date, marry, and have kids.
My brother has/had a similar situation. When he started dating his fiance (they're marrying next week) her family absolutely hated him - primarily her step mother and aunt. Both of them are horrendous looking church busy-bodies and typically have something negative to say about everybody. Her step mother is the worst. She'd tell everyone how my brother was 10 years older (completely untrue, he's only like 3 years older) and that he's just using her for sex and he cheats (obviously untrue, she was his first anyways) ... she went so far as to say he abused her (he's the sweetest guy you'll ever meet, in my opinion). They kept dating anyways and eventually she got her father (who was always a bystander in the whole thing - he never sticks up for his kids when his wife attacks them - nice guy, but I don't respect that about him) to have my brother over for dinner. Eventually the stepmother started to like him (you can't hate the guy, ever...he's too good a guy) and accepted him. Now he's a part of their chuch (I think they're a bunch of whackos at that church and they're commonly referred to as a cult in the community - used to have arranged marriages and harass ex-members) although she puts them under a lot of pressure to marry (living in sin, what nonsense) which I think is bad.
The moral of the story is to stay away from dating people who don't stand up to their crazy parents! | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:24:07 PM | Does he still live at home? If no, great, if he does he has to move out. When you get married move to another state.
Go see your pastor, priest etc for some counseling. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:47:54 AM | | Yes, that's the thing... He just wont stand up to them.... He always comes back, he always wants to be with me, he just never wants to stand up to them. He tried once, but she was sooo horrible. Yelling, screaming, cussing at me, saying that he would lose everything (he's half owner of the famiy farm) The parents have even said that to him... So he just is torn, which I understand... But then again, if i'm what you want, I don't really understand how it would be that big a deal to just say **** you... I would, my family might not approve of something, but they never take it that far. They just warn you and hope your making the right decision. He's talking to me, says he loves me, says he misses me... but never does anything about it. He always wants me to chase after him. | |
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stts
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Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 23 | |
| What happened?
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:48:43 PM | Finish your school, get a great job, go to Vegas, be naked on the beach, learn to scuba dive and see all the fishies, get on a 4 wheeler and cruise throught the back woods, sky dive, bungee jump, have fun being an unattached 20 something.
Why bang your head to death trying to shoe horn your way into crappy crappy drame?
You have to see what lots of different guys in the world look like so you can really know what makes a quality man. Live a little and learn, before you start picking and choosing. I quarantee you and your eventual mate will be much happier for it. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:01:08 PM | | I married a man who wouldn't/couldn't stand up to his mom. Guess what? I was never the #1 lady in his life, she was. It gets old after a while...always having someone else's needs trumping yours. Find someone who can balance his relationships. | |
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| What happened?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:30:47 PM | | He sounds wishy washy. Wash him to the curb and let him make a decision. He sounds like he needs some time alone to think. Meanwhile, you are like laundry; hung out to dry on his mood for the day. Take control of the conversation, and tell him you have to visit your Grandmother for a few months. I have some socks that need dried. Do you want to hold them while you are hanging there? | |
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