| I think I have the "friends" thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:29:42 PM | Like a dummy, for years I have been blundering into situations where the women want to be "friends". Invariably, they play on my kind heart and convince me that being their friend is a HUGE and wonderful gift.
I've also noticed that the women who pull this crap are usually hotties. (They figure that they can get away with it since demand is high.)
"Friends first and always fun!" (Translation...let's have you spend lots of money entertaining me while I sleep with somebody else.)
This little friend game keeps guys at a distance, since these women are really only in love with themselves.
From now on, if I see the word "friend" anywhere in the profile, or if I hear the word early in dating, I will quickly take my leave and not look back.
I'm not a callous person. Ideally, YES, it would be great to actually fall in love with your best friend. That's the theory these women are taking advantage of. The idea is to get you thinking that you're in the game, even when you don't have any chance whatsoever.
It baffles me that anybody can think this way, but experience has shown me the ugly truth. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:43:26 PM |
I'm actually looking for a younger woman to have a child or two.
Well double duh! Most younger women don't want to have children, period and very few with a middle aged man. Seems you would have figured that out by now. But they might want to be your friend.
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:12:55 PM | Most people who want to be friends will place them in the friend category, period.
I want full, head-on, chemistry from the word go.
Then I want to develop a friendship within that relationship. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:37:05 PM |
Most people who want to be friends will place them in the friend category, period.
I want full, head-on, chemistry from the word go.
Then I want to develop a friendship within that relationship.
What she said......most definitely...... | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:41:33 PM | When I tell a guy I only want to be friends, I tell him it's because I enjoy his company but there is no way I am going to get naked with him, ever.
Most leave and I get that. Some have stayed and become great friends.
Wanting to date women half your age( healthy breeding stock) really shouldn't be an issue, you live in LA. I always see women in their 20s with guys in their 50s there.
You may also want to consider dating a woman closer to your age who would be open to the possibility have using a surrogate. There is more than one way to have a baby these days.
Honestly, it took you almost 50 years to figure this out?
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:26:36 PM | | Try this one: Set up a meet with a "hottie". She has to be a "hottie". Five minutes into it start talking to her about how great it would be if she became "friends" with you. And about all the fine women you've had sex with lately. In detail. Tell her it's okay to talk about these things with her because you're going to be "friends". And you need a woman's advice on love matters. Also maybe she has some female friends of her own she can introduce you to? Watch her reaction. A little bit of the shoe on the other foot. Since she will be so damned convinced you want her body, and she knows you know she can sleep with any man she wants at a moment's notice, this can really screw her brains up. Unfortunately this is hard to pull off with a straight face. But if she hasn't already clawed your eyes out with her nails, the jealousy may just be strong enough to get the right things to start to happen. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:22:25 PM | ^^^^That's happened to me - and I've done a mental list of my friends, and passed on a guy's information after having a great talk with him about all the sex I've had as well. LOL...what difference does that make? If a guy's not into me, I'm not into him, I do mutual or I don't do anything - but since most I meet aren't my type and I could care less anyway - I'm more than happy to intro my friends to a single guy. They need the date more than I do.
OT - let's be straight about this.
"Just Friends" - no chance of a relationship, ever.
"Friends First" - building a friendship with someone you're ATTRACTED to so that you have a sexual relationship combined with a companionship.
When a woman says lets JUST be friends, then either accept the friendship as is, or walk away if you can't stay friends with an attraction for more.
Women don't offer friendship to be diabolical, you just see it that way because it's not what you want. You're an adult - so if you don't agree with it, then refuse the offer. But don't take it as an insult that a woman finds you interesting enough to be friends with despite no attraction, it's not her fault she's not feeling it. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:59:50 PM | It's not that I'm a complete fu**up.
I was in a ten year relationship with a beautiful lady 20 years my junior, and
I had to break it off because she didn't want to settle down and have children. Actually, she was demanding a HOUSE before she would get married. Ironically, housing is falling now and I probably could get in but it doesn't matter now without her. I had asked her about a dozen times to get married, and finally it just didn't matter anymore. Weird that the GUY wanted to settle down, huh? Usually it's the other way around.
If I have made any mistakes, it's that I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too nice, available, and predictable. Women always take me for granted until it's too late.
I'm ridiculously considerate and attentive. I've had a life filled with pain, so I tend to be extraordinarily sensitive to the feelings of others. But it seems to backfire.
No doubt I would fare better if I were a jerk, but that's an adjustment that I'm not willing to make.
Thanks for the feedback here. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:04:39 PM |
No doubt I would fare better if I were a jerk, but that's an adjustment that I'm not willing to make.
Being a jackass isn't a good plan. Just find someone who wants the same things you do.
If you want someone more mature, who isn't looking for you to pick up the tab for her and her party friends, consider adoption or surrogacy with a woman closer to your age.
Or find a younger woman who wants just what you want, they do exist.
And don't spend ten years with someone who dosn't want what you want. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:21:53 PM | There is no way I'm going to do the surrogate thing. Not remotely possible.
I will find someone of childbearing age.
And yes, I really wasted a lot of time on that last one.
Thank you for the comment. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:46:00 PM | | And seriously man, take out the part about looking for a baby maker. It looks like you are looking for a brood mare and not someone to be a loving partner to and raise a family. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:48:32 PM |
Only half correct. Yes that's right, it's not her fault she's not feeling it. It is the man's fault. He's doing something wrong.
Who says it has to be anyone's fault or something that's being done to anyone? The bottom line is not everyone you like will like you back romantically - they may find you to be a great person but not have any desire to sleep with you thru no choice of their own. You can look at this as something that someone is at fault for, or you can realize it's just life.
I don't get upset or blame anyone when a guy I have interest in doesn't have interest in me mutually - why is it so freaking hard for anyone else to get this dynamic? If no one ever has any mutual interest in me for the rest of my life - I'll live. It's just not the end of the world...geez... | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:21:47 PM | womaninprogress
Okay. Here we go. The beautiful woman also has to prove she has a brain as well.
Haven't you read the statistic that 5% of the men get 60% of the women? Do you think that is just fate? Or luck? Or random? It's not any of that crap. It's skill. On the part of the man. He knows how to trigger a woman's responses to him and cause that thing in her called "attraction". It's the "jerk" factor, the "body language" factor, and the "cocky comedy" factor. All of these ideations are designed to flick the hard wired switches all women have in this area. And they do the job. The woman is turned on by the jerk who dresses properly, sends the right body messages, is arrogant to her appropriately, and has a wicked sense of humor. And off they go. As a guy, you either have the ability to do this naturally, or you invest time and energy and money into acquiring the skill, or you sleep alone for the rest of your life. As to how happy a man is in his life being somehow a function of a woman's internal sense of fair play or deservedness, well one dollar and that concept will buy you a cup of lukewarm coffee out of a vending machine in a Greyhound bus depot somewhere. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:34:02 PM |
Okay. Here we go. The beautiful woman also has to prove she has a brain as well.
Thanks for the compliment, but it has nothing to do with anything. Who thinks I am attractive is subjective - and a lot of people don't, naturally. Plus it doesn't have any relevance to what I posted.
Haven't you read the statistic that 5% of the men get 60% of the women? Do you think that is just fate? Or luck? Or random?
I think it's a crock since the men who pay attention enough to care about stats like that are usually not lining the chicks up.
It's not any of that crap. It's skill. On the part of the man. He knows how to trigger a woman's responses to him and cause that thing in her called "attraction". It's the "jerk" factor, the "body language" factor, and the "cocky comedy" factor. All of these ideations are designed to flick the hard wired switches all women have in this area. And they do the job.
Have YOU thought about the types of women who go for this move? Or did you assume all women did? Yeah I figured you would.
The woman is turned on by the jerk who dresses properly, sends the right body messages, is arrogant to her appropriately, and has a wicked sense of humor. And off they go. As a guy, you either have the ability to do this naturally, or you invest time and energy and money into acquiring the skill, or you sleep alone for the rest of your life. As to how happy a man is in his life being somehow a function of a woman's internal sense of fair play or deservedness, well one dollar and that concept will buy you a cup of lukewarm coffee out of a vending machine in a Greyhound bus depot somewhere.
Gimme a break - do some women mistake a shit attitude for confidence? Yep. Do some men mistake a **** for a strong woman? Yep. If a woman goes for a guy who VISIBLY and obviously treats her like crap from day one, why would you ever give such a woman a second thought? You SHOULD want to sleep alone if that's the only option you have.
Women who HAVE to choose between a nice unattractive guy they see as dull and a good looking jerk they see as confident, will choose the guy they are attracted to. This does NOT mean all women are attracted to jerks, this means that women that cannot be alone will choose the guy they are attracted to and assume is confident when faced with a decision. Big difference.
Find a woman who'd rather be alone than choose the wrong guy and you've got something to work with - or do you have the patience to stay single until you find a woman that likes you? There are more women out there that will date someone to avoid loneliness, so it's harder to find women that don't. That's really the issue here.
P.S. There are men who are wolves in sheeps clothing and will not know a man is a dirt bag until he feels she's involved enough not to go anywhere (proof that he knows what he does is wrong if he's hiding it). Some women will stay if they are invested enough, and some won't depending on how hard it is for them to be single. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:51:14 PM | I'm not that there are any newfound revelations for me here(no offense). But I will think it over, thank you.
Let me nail the friend thing for you perfectly. I'll tell a story about my sister, who is a wonderful person by the way. She had this friend named Kevork. He was always hanging around and SICK in love with her, and I told her so. She'd say no no, he's just a friend. Okay.
So, Kevork the homely asks my sister to go to a wedding, and she says yes. At the reception she meets and dances with a really handsome guy(my sister is gorgeous and worked as a model) Kevork the "friend" has a meltdown and yells and screams at her calling her a whore and every name in the book and totally ruined the wedding reception. And I told her the dude was sprung on her and she didn't believe it. Surprise!
In a nutshell, this is the sort of thing I'm getting at here. Women(no offense) just don't see what kind of damage can be done until it's too late. That "friend" of yours more than likely has a flame burning for you. I think that usually in these cases one person or the other has some attraction or they probably wouldn't even be talking. But I could be wrong because God knows I am not good at this sh**. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/3/2009 1:09:59 AM | | The friend needs to let her know that he is interested in being more than friends from the start so he doesn't get put into that position. Doing that won't necessarily guarantee those feelings being returned, but if they aren't, at least he can keep it moving, rather than wasting his time acting like a friend to some girl in hopes of getting into her pants. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/3/2009 1:30:45 AM | Men can only be in a healthy friendship with a woman (notice I said healthy) if:
He is gay.
She is not attractive to him.
He is with someone that he finds way more attractive than her.
If a man is highly attracted to a woman and agrees to be friends with her then he is due for torture. Women can be evil when it comes to this. I find it very hard to believe that they don't realize when one of their "friends" is madly in love or infatuated with them. Shows how good of a friend she is doesn't it? I see it all the time. Luckily I've never gone down this path and never will. I just can't be friends with a woman I'm attracted to and neither can any other man.
I call it the Barbie Doll complex. Females grow up playing with barbie dolls and always find it amusing when they can play with a man (Ken). They make the neighbor boy play tea party with them as well. They think that is how it works for the rest of their life. Well it's not. Eventually that little boy is going to hit puberty and he is no longer someone that can sit in on your tea parties. However they'll still continue to get amusement playing with their doll and act surprised when he freaks out on her one day and tells her "I'm a real boy!"
While all the doll playing is going on she has a crush for the little Johnny who pushes her down and calls her names at the park. She thinks he will be Prince Charming and will ride up a white horse one day and ride off into the sun set...that never happens but that's what she expects.
Moral of the story the only guy that can be friends with a woman has to have no genatalia. | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/3/2009 3:38:35 AM | here's the thing, ringo. the second you think you have "x" figured out about people, somebody comes along and throws a monkey wrench into the machinery. other than that, all i can say is ya must really like that glazed over 6-inch stare, dontcha bud. it baffles me that anyone can think this way, but experience has shown me the ugly truth.
so let me get this straight. you're looking for a real pretty young thang to squeeze out a few puppies for you. meanwhile, don't you know? hotties don't want to squeeze out no puppies, and especially with someone twice their age... the only thing they're interested in doing is riding the p_y train to the very end of the rails. good luck finding the exception to that rule, lol. meanwhile you've got the whole "friends" dynamic wrong but that has already been pointed out to you ^^^^ up there somewhere.
well there ya go. hotties.
oh.... you..... are..... so...... HAWT
paris | |
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| I think I have the friends thing figured out.
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:04:38 AM | When I tell a guy I only want to be friends, I tell him it's because I enjoy his company but there is no way I am going to get naked with him, ever.
I have different experience/take on this...The way I see it, everything should start out as friendship first..Than you can stay friends maybe even with benefits, or more.
One night you having a great time, and before you know it, you are naked with him/her, that is if you comfortable doing it.
"Let's be friends" = "I'm not sexually attracted to you".
Again..Not my experience...I am sexually attracted to some of my friends..
And I think they are to me...Enough said.. | |
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