| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:01:54 PM | Helpful hints/constructive criticism appreciated. 
I know I am direct and to the point but I also don't want to come off as self absorbed (one person said this but I also had to consider the source) or ****y. I believe in putting everything out there so people can get a good idea of who I am and if they are really interested, but I worry it is too long or too much.
I also seem to attract people who act very interested then in the next conversation/overnight turn flaky... | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:08:47 PM | The first paragraph was so pretentious I didn't want to read any further.
Who wants to be talked down to?
I'm not just "another average dude" reading your profile so I can do without the condescension. Congratulations, you scared off a great guy.
Is that constructive? | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:12:06 PM | You are a good looking lady with good photos. It may be my age but I found your profile way to long. My eyes get tired with all that. See if you can condense it a bit!!
All the best
Ron | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:15:34 PM | okay yeah if you were worried about coming off brash, you need to make some changes.
you're whole first paragraph is a sign that says back off... if you don't want a smoker put it in your connact preferences, then you get what you want without coming off back. and no one wants an abuser... and those that are the abusers aren't going to think that that describes them so it won't keep them away.
either way... its your profile so say what you want but put the positives first... you'll scare them away with all bad stuff. | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:16:24 PM | | I have to agree with the last poster...you can generally judge a slob or degenerate by their profile and how they respond to messages and what they say. I would probably take out all the stuff regarding negativity. I found it didn't do so well for me when I first got on here...then again...you're a girl so you might have better luck. I would also considering shortening your profile by probably about half...I don't like 2 or 3 sentences but your profile seems like the start of a novel... just my two cents. | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:16:52 PM | So much for being nice.
You may want to edit that part from your profile.
It sounds like me and the other girl you flamed dodged an ego bullet.
I have had many compliments from men saying they liked what I had to say and the I was a no BS kinda gal. I just wondered if it could be softened up a bit. Yet you felt the need to attack without prevocation.
Sounds like you still have some maturing to do. | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:17:03 PM | | If you do find the need to make your psyco comment, I would suggest moving towards the bottom of your profile. Opening with thoes comments gives the impression that you are a psyco (and you aren't, are you? O.o). Otherwise your profile is good, being to the point and detailed :D | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:29:31 PM | Well the profile it is too long, in my opinion and the first paragraph...
Wow it just turn you off and makes you find the next profile. | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:35:13 PM | Honestly, I think it's a pretty good profile! 
Some minor thoughts:
For those who don't know (uhh, NOT me, nope), you might want to point out what a "LEO" is. I would take out the bit about the cops and firefighters. I dunno, just me, but I try to avoid the negative stuff in profiles. "You'd better NOT be like this!" It's probably safe to say that if you are "a former LEO and have several family members who are/were," then you probably wouldn't get along well with people who didn't appreciate them.
(Minor spelling point: "independant" should be "independent")
Honestly, overall, I think your profile still has room to be shortened. You could probably take another 6-8 lines out of it without substantially changing the content. (Things like, you like playing with your dogs and macaw. Well, duh. :) Who doesn't like playing with their pets?)
Another example of where you could cut a lot of words without changing the meaning:
"I may not tell you everything up front (let's face it, you are a stranger at this point) but I won't lie about it. I expect the same in return. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Mean what you say and say what you mean. You don't have to be mean about it, but you should be honest."
You could accomplish the same with this:
"I may not tell you everything up front (let's face it, you are a stranger at this point) but I won't lie about it, and I expect the same in return."
Little stuff like that will just make your profile more concise and easy to read. In my opinion. I could come up with more... But overall, you're an attractive woman with unusual hobbies and your personality comes through well. What's not to like? | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:50:58 PM |  Done!
I got rid of the "things I like" section in the description and added those things to the interests list...
LEO = Law Enforcement Officer  | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:56:27 PM | | I still think you should put that in your profile (Law Enforcement Officer). Seriously, I'm almost 40 years old, and I've never heard that acronym. It may be that it's just not that common unless you already run in those circles. Or, I'm completely sheltered and clueless. Not out of the realm of possibility. :) | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:14:38 PM | Possibly, seems everyone I know, knows what it means but that may be why!
It's mostly aimed at those who would know, so if everyone doesn't get it, that's ok. Plus it would be a good conversation starter for those who don't know. I've already had two people ask about it.
Thanks for the tips, but I think I am gonna leave that one alone for now.
YAY! I'm done!  | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:32:02 PM | The profile I see of yours now must be the new edited version. It's rather good - I agree.
You might reorder the paragraphs so you have all the info about you leading in the first few paragraphs, and then move into what/who you are seeking. But hey..I break that rule in mine too. ; )
Happy Fishing | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:55:17 PM | | too many interest. I'd have to build a checklist to see if we had the same interest. Try limiting them to "anything outdoors" (example) | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:08:39 PM | I like it. :) Not bad for a Suzuki girl.
Though I'd drop the part about the flakes. The flakes will never really get it, and the rest may think you sound slightly bitter. | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/3/2009 11:15:11 PM | MMmmmm.
Ditch some of the super-specialized interests. You're looking for commonality here.
You've actually got the opposite problem from many other women on this site. They're batting outta their league; you're almost slumming. Not intentionally, I don't think, but I'd guess that most men on this level of site aren't even close to in your league. I've been a couple places and done some stuff in my life, and I damn sure ain't. And I'm guessing we're aware of that. | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:07:03 AM | | I agree that the LEO should be explained. Maybe use your pic at neices grad for main pic because hard to see what you look like on the bicycle. Good luck in your search. | |
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Pratch
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Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 24 | |
| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:02:36 AM | It's well-written and should do very well.
I've never worked in Law Enforcement, and I knew the acronym, but have to agree with the others who say an explanation may not go awry (you may drive away anyone who isn't sure what it is). Then again, if someone is interested and that's the only sticking point, it may be an easy ice breaker...
Your call - both sides of the argument have merit. :) | |
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| Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :)
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:21:32 PM | I liked you profile & nice pics. However I would keep it down on listing of negative profile/pics. After all you can just ignore them and not reply back if you see what you don't want to see in their profile without sound all negative in yours.
Also how about removing a whole paragraph you dedicating to your meeting procedure? I've traveled a lot for work too and know the trouble of planning my weekends at home.Why don't you reserve the directions for PMs when you are talking with someone one on one instead of taking up room in your profile. After all 99% of the people who read it will not be meeting you so why bother explaining it to everyone?
Happy fishin. | |
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