| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:41:21 PM | | I have date two men on this site and have similar experences with both, they both continue to judge every woman on thier ex's behaviors. Why is it that men have so much trouble letting go of the past and moving on towards the future. Granted when you began a new relationship you share your past relationship with your new partner, but is it really nessary to hold the new woman in your life responable for what your ex has done? Do you end the relationship or do you try to work through it? Can they really move forward and put the past where it belongs? | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:45:33 PM | | I agree it can go both ways, but if they are not ready to move forward in thier lives they need to quit putting thier selves out there until they are. Why punish others that haven't done anything to deserve it. | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:47:33 PM | OP:
You are probably exhibiting the same behavior and they are trying to nip it in the bud or break things off before heading down the same road of heartache. Can you blame them? | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:57:16 PM | | When it boils down to it , human beings are very experience driven if something , in life brings us joy, and delight or pleasure , we gravitate to it , if it's the opposite we stray from it. Most of the time the assuming the next person is like your ex mentality can only be cured , by open mindedness. Although this can be tough to do if you have been through bad experiences in previous relationships. All you can do is try to stay as positive as possible , in every experience you have with dating new people or meeting them. Besides if u go into it positively your more likely to get more out of the situation ,than if u went into it thinking all here goes another bad one. People have a way suprising you sometimes , and it's not always bad. | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:03:47 PM | | I think some people compare potential partners to there ex's because they are afraid of ignoring problems that led to the break-up with there ex's. There is a fine line between learning from your mistakes in past relationships & being to critical & not giving others a chance. | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:17:31 PM | | I believe in leaving the past in the past and not dweeling on it, and wish others can do the same. Everyone has a story from the past some of us learn from our past and others keep reliving thiers with new partners. After my divorce i did alot of sole searching to see what i needed to change in me so i didn't seek out the same sort of man in the future, so i started dating men that i would have considered not my type in the past and have meant some nice men that i would have never meant unless i changed myself. It seems to work but there are always the few that can't leave the past behind. | |
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776877
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Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 10 | |
| Why do men assume all women are like their ex?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:45:47 PM | | If the guy is a bit too anxious to discuss his Ex then I'd say thats a red flag and if you can't steer the conversation elsewhere then possibly its time to cut bait. I don't think anyone can leave a relationship unchanged, you just don't want the not-so-nice-stuff left behind to deal with :-) | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:21:05 PM | Why do men assume all women are like thier (sic) ex?
Probably for the same reasons that you do... it's that little word "All". If you stop generalising then we'll stop making assumptions. | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:50:56 PM |
Why is it that men have so much trouble letting go of the past and moving on towards the future.
OP;
At last, I thought I had put things behind me and could start dating once again ...
that is, until I read your biased whining post.
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 12:01:05 AM | | The last man I dated spoke about his ex alot. At first, I wasnt bothered because I knew that they were together for a while and that was a big part of his life. He more just mentioned her in stories that pertained to past experiences in his life. However, one day he brought it up at a completly wrong moment and I knew it was starting to become a problem. It ended shortly after, for reasons that had nothing to do with his ex but anyhow.... looking back sometimes I think he brought her up to see how I would react to certian situations. | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 12:01:34 AM | "Can they really move forward and put the past where it belongs?"
Alright. You caught us. It's time to come clean. All men are incapable of moving on after a divorce. Every single one will live in the past, and hold all women up to unfair standards until the day they die. I'm probably getting kicked out of the club for telling you this top secret, 100% accurate info, so I hope you appreciate it. | |
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776877
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Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 16 | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 4:39:43 AM |
Why is it that men have so much trouble letting go of the past and moving on towards the future.
Some experiences leave scars, long lasting scars, and some women are masters at delivering such experiences. If you must ask why some men have such trouble, you should also ask why some women bring them such trouble.
Some people, of both genders, love to see the other burn in hell.
Granted when you began a new relationship you share your past relationship with your new partner, but is it really nessary to hold the new woman in your life responable for what your ex has done?
It's not necessary, and it's certainly not fair. If I decide to date a person, one of the first things I ask them for is to give me a clean slate. If they can't do that, I will not date them any further. Clean slate = no bullshit. As someone once said, true love = love - the bullshit.
Do you end the relationship or do you try to work through it?
I'll end the relationship most of the time.
Can they really move forward and put the past where it belongs?
Some can, others, because their past experiences were so brutal, can't. If you are willing to find out, take the risk, and time will tell. | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 4:53:39 AM | exactly why i have on my profile...
" if you don't think you have time, or push back the issues of what
happened in your life, then maybe we shouldn't talk. So if you think
you might be ready, Have time, a cool chick and can let go of what
happened to you in your past relations, then its safe to contact me. "
Its like the depressant. They dont know how depressed they're!
There is many levels of a lot of things. Love, Hate, Depression,
Lies, list goes on.
So they THINK they're ready for someone. Eh, maybe they was
wrong. They dont want someone, they want to " Replace " What
is gone, but in the same time, it eats at them. Sometimes its called
" Rebound " Sometimes its called " Replacement ". You never know!
They will learn and when they do, they will look back and regret
things with new people and move on knowing what not to do. | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 5:48:06 AM | | Why do women assume all men are like (fill in blank)? People are really simple, when they observe something they will assume that to be reality until it is disproved. Not very scientific but true. You also have built in bias toward others, it is just part of being human. It's not so much holding you responsible for what other did, as it is being cautious about not getting into the same situation. | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:08:12 AM | Why do men assume all women are like their ex?
Well first of all, not all men do, but those that do, do it for the same reason some women do...
Unresolved issues from the past relationships. These people have not dealt with what happened in a healthy way. Perhaps they haven't looked at how their own behaviour/choices played a role in what happened. Perhaps they are holding onto resentments...who knows really...
I have met some men like this and I just take the high road...away from them as quickly as possible. I am me, nobody else and I am unique as is every other person on the planet. I will not willingly pay a price that another woman should be paying.... | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:16:39 AM | I think a lot of times we tend to judge things by past experiences and that it's both genders who do that. Hurtful things especially are difficult to believe can be significantly different with someone new even though given the chance they can. Each and every person is unique and significant for themselves so giving them the benefit of the doubt and trusting that this new situation will work will give it a much better survival rate than automatically deeming it disaster based on past relationships. In fact the only way it can work is to treat it differently. The most important thing though is communication about prior hurt feelings so you know where the actions are stemming from. That way you can work through them.
Do you end the relationship or do you try to work through it? That depends on the person you're dealing with. What are their positives vs negatives? Are they worth the hard work it takes to resolve past hurts they're holding on to? Are they the type of person who will communicate with you to get to the root of the problem to resolve it so that neither party is holding things inside that can fester later on down the road? Do they lock doors or keep them open? Are they able to hear and do they try to understand the reason something is bothering you? Do you do the same?Are they capable of compromise?? Those are all important issues.
Personally I try as hard as I can to love, trust, hope, respect and have faith that the any relationship I'm in will survive and excell. Regardless of how they treat me back especially in the beginning, my goal is to show them the way it SHOULD be in a healthy loving relationship. Once I do that all I can hope for is that they see someone different in ME who way surpasses who they had before. That way they should eventually be able to let go of past resentments with an understanding that this relationship can be different if not held back by their past fears that it or I will turn out like their previous partner who hurt them.
Can they really move forward and put the past where it belongs? I believe so but not unless they really want to. One would hope they'd come to see and realize that the new relationship is different from the past ones and that the new person involved treats them differently/better than their prior partners did. Therefore that should hopefully make them willing to work at whatever it takes to make the new one a happy healthy relationship that lasts a lifetime. Of course that means they have to change by treating you differently/openly and not as if they're still with a prior partner who hurt them and they may not even realize they're doing that. IF you do your part to really show them that you possess the qualities needed to build a good solid loving relationship and they can't see it, and if they can't TRUST you that things won't be the same as in their past, and if they can't have faith that this love is something so different and rare, than they'll probably never see it in anyone else either. Talk things out, love from the heart, have compassion for the past, hope for the best.....and that's all any of us can do to give it the best shot.
FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE...............and the greatest of these is LOVE | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:17:03 AM | It does go both ways.
When I read a woman's description of the man she looking for on her profile,I can almost see her ex's face.
As a man,I have no problem dating a woman that is almost the complete opposite of the was I was with formerly.As long as she could put up w/ and I with her.
Women,it seems,are looking for a similar person to make different mistakes with,IMHO | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:25:52 AM | They don't..or they wouldn't be on a date with you.
When did "all Men" stopped getting married..I don't see a bunch of guys stuck in suspened animation,,just void.
No the men I have dated off of POF..only talked about the x to explain a certain siutation that we were discussing. It wasn't from heartache, despair,,stuck to her FOREVER>>>>>>bullsh##.
I have an x..part of my past..sometimes it comes up in the conversation,,not because I am stuck there..
Maybe your 3rd date won't discuss their x.
x files..couldn't agree with you more!!! Glad to hear you again...
Lbiker | |
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| Why do men assume all women are like thier ex?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:35:42 AM | We don't assume you are like the ex, but when the new person tries to pull one, that the ex had pulled in the past, we use that experience to tell you don't go there or I'll pull the plug.
For instance, my ex used to handle the finances. Pay bills that sort of thing. What happened was that she let the credit cards to go out of hand. At one point I bought about 8 grant worth of computer equipment capable of doing video. I handed to her about 10 grant to pay for it. She hid it a card and used the money elsewhere. I know, I know. My fault. Out of that, I decided to never ever let a woman, or really anybody else, control my finances. That also includes keeping taps on how I use my money. So move forward to my current relationship. I don't have or will have a joint account. If she needs money, I'd give it to her, but she manages her own money and I manage mine. | |
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