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Posted: 7/3/2009 3:32:52 AM | In recent weeks I have been thinking more about and discussing with friends “turning points in your life”.
My change in direction came from trauma. The result of which, was a change in job and livelihood, place of living, friends. I look back on that incident as the “turning point”. I am interested in hearing about yours:
I pose this question to the forum community:-
Can you identify an experience in your life, so significant, that a decision resulted in changing your life direction?
This could have come in many forms: Job/career, Education, Relationships, Family, Trauma. | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 6:38:39 AM | I can relate. For me it was it was breaking up with the 1st long term girlfriend I'd had. It was not an amicable break-up,and I got a lot of insults from her. Even with that,I didn't want it to end because I thought this was my last chance at a relationship. I was overweight and had low self-esteem which didn't help the matter. She said we could get back together on her terms,which were that we'd break up for about 6 months and I had to get counseling. The counseling was mainly for my sex addiction. She was sure I had a sex addiction because I wanted to have sex every day and for her once in a blue moon was the proper amount. I'd be allowed to date other women so I could see how tough it was for an overweight guy like me.
Well,I got counseling,and the 1st thing I figured out was that the only reason I was with her was my low self-esteem. I really didn't want a relationship with her in the 1st place. And dating quickly showed me that there were plenty of women better looking than her who wanted to date and just have sex,and sometimes more than once a day.
Let's just say that I'm in a better place now. | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 7:44:14 AM | For me, it was an accident. I was doing a "man's job" and needed to lift 75lbs + over my head, but due to a workplace accident/injuries, I couldn't do it. After a year of physio, I spent the next 3 years in school earning a couple diplomas and certifications and also because of the accident, I moved from a rural area, opened my own business locally, and am using my brain, not brawn.
That accident was the genesis of my second kick at life. I now have a better life and career courtesy of that fateful Friday afternoon... | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 8:05:01 AM | Almost 6 years ago my former husband and I were hit head on by a guy who actually died while driving and came across the 3 lanes of highway in the Smoky Mts. Unfortunately my husband was looking the other way because we were approaching our turn off.
He sustained massive head trauma and was bleeding out of his temporal lobe. I woke up unable to breath in very severe chest pain sure that I was having a heart attack and did have the biological markers for it. When I looked at him I knew he was not going to make it and I said God you can't take me now because I had a 11 year old daughter at home yet.
Immediately my chest pain subsided and I was able to breath again and while I was sitting there waiting for the ambulance to get there I had pictures come into my mind one was of my husband running with the deer in a field unbroken and I felt relieved by this but somehow I still could not let go next I had this picture in my mind of him being hooked up to machines at this point I knew I had to accept letting him go for his own sake and once I did that I knew he was gone. A few minutes later a man showed up at my window and he described himself as Old Joe and he put his hand in mine told me I was going to be okay and for some reason I felt like he was a father figure like I felt when my dad would console me when I was a little girl and it was incredibly nuturing. He just happened to be on the road at the time and stayed with me until another man got there that was a chaplain from the area. I will never forget this guy. My heart sustained no permanent damage eventhough I had all the markers in my blood for damage. I have no need to debate what happened that day but I just wanted to share my piece of this extraodinary life. | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 1:01:36 PM | After my separation six years ago, I fell into a deep hole. One year later I took up serious cycling to get myself back into shape and try to improve my self esteem. A year later I was still approaching life with a great deal of negativity and always still felt like a victim. One Tuesday evening, almost four years ago to this day, I had competed in a time trial race and stopped for an ice cream cone on the way home. A reward and a treat for all of my hard work and the best time I had posted to date.
While I sat there eating that ice cream cone, I started to think about my life. I started to think about the way I approached my life and how I was letting the world around me rule it. A had a life changing conversation with myself that evening and decided to change my life. I did and have lived my life differently ever since. I met the Stephanie later that summer. We will be getting married in three weeks. The man she met in August was not the man she would have met in May.
Two years ago I put that experience down on paper. I called it.......
The Ice Cream Cone Philosophy
Just a little over two years ago I realized that I had to change my life. I had to change the way I thought about myself and the world in which I lived. I stopped dwelling on the crap in my life that was dragging me down and focused on the positives both in and about myself. I stopped allowing people to take advantage of me. I focused on pleasing myself and not compromising myself for the sake of others.
How did I do that and not estrange myself from everybody around me. Honesty, I was honest with myself and with others. I mixed that with a liberal dose of consideration. The end result was that I spoke my mind more often. I let people know what I thought without pressing my opinion on them. I refused to take crap from anyone and started to stand up and confronting those who would try to wrong me.
How did it all work out two years later? It caused me some short term grief but that was far better than enduring long term regret and pain. There are some things that I had to walk away from. There are some people that are not in my life anymore but at the same time I have not burned the bridge so to speak. I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually stronger. I am happy with myself and my life is moving forward. Had I not started feeling good about what was good about me and my life I would still be stuck in the hole I had dug for myself.
My bottom line advice is simply measure yourself. Take stock of who you are and what you have accomplished. Pay no attention to what others have or have done for there are many things in your life that they have never and never will do or experience. Every once and a while take yourself out for an ice cream cone. Treat yourself and reward yourself. While you’re doing that think about all that is good, just like the ice cream.
Keith Oakes | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 1:44:26 PM | Mentally/developmentally:
I stood up to my stepfather during one of his tirades of belittling me/yelling down to me when I was 19 and discovered something. The man was scared of me when I got pissed and said something back. That was the last time he ever belittled me in a confrontational manner.
Physically: When I hurt my hand in Kung Fu, I began lifting weights as punching hurt but lifting did not. Later, when a "bulk" got away from me and one of my friends let me know I was "getting thick", I began to think more about health than "being the biggest" and so I went from around 20% body fat to the 10% I am at now over the next 3 years after that revelation.
Spiritually: I have not yet had some grand revelation about God, however, I have decided that the Church is not an accurate reflection of who God is portrayed to be in the Bible, or any other "Holy Writ". | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 2:58:53 PM | My life changing experience came almost four years ago. My husband and I decided to go our seperate ways. He moved to Ohio and I was left with no job and no vehicle. I had not worked in ten years ( he wanted a stay at home wife). Since I only have a GED and didn't have recent work experience, I was terrified that I couldn't get a job frying burgers. I didn't have a lot of confidence in my ability to do anything.
I found a job as a part-time associate working in a big chain bookstore. It was the beginning of a whole new life for me. Within 3 months I was made a co-mgr. Within the next year I moved up to Assistant General Manager and in two or three weeks I will be made General Manager.
I discovered a lot of hidden talent within me and that has caused my confidence to soar. Although it has been a struggle at times to make ends meet, I now have my own car and I have learned that I don't "need" a man to take care of me. I "want" a man to share my life with.
One thing in particular I have learned, ( now that I have to depend on myself to get things or get things done) is that it can be very hard on a man to be the only breadwinner (even if he wants it this way). To be the one on whom someone else depends, to essentially "live". I have a lot more respect for men who choose to do this and a lot more respect for myself for wanting to share the load. | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 3:11:30 PM | No matter where you are in life, you can always take comfort and gain insight from other people journeys… Your stories are inspirational, and thought provoking. Thank you, to all those who have shared.
~Jewels~ | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 3:40:38 PM | | May 2006 And I am not looking back. | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 8:46:50 PM | in early 2000.i made a career change.....after 25 years as a bricklayer...i went to work at a huge food warehouse.....it was night shift.....but decent pay and great benifits.........i tore up my shoulder...but got moved to driving forklift after the surgery.......figured i'd retire from there...it shoulda and coulda been the best place to work in my area.but they treated you like crap......well.after 2 yrs...i got fired........[1st time in my life]..........so......back to masonry......well.after 2 yrs.....i severely damaged my arm....to the point i could no longer lay brick.....workmans comp was in a big rush to settle........so i did....i took a lot less than i should have .figureing.........why drive up everyone workmans comp insurance prices?....i'll just get another job........well..........guess what?.......i was 45......overweight and had a bum arm....nobody.....and i mean nobodys insurance company would let me get hired.......social security said they dont cover partial disability......[shoulda gt a lawyer].......well..........the wife.[now ex].......who hadnt worked at all outside the home for the 1st 14 yrs of marriage.......and only sarted working so she could feed her horses]....started .well.b***ing.......didnt matter how many applications i put in.......and was turned down for......nor how much pain i was in.....i was supposed to lie and not mention my arm........funny thing is..up untill this point........i woulda said.and believed i had a great marriage.........and i loved her every bit as much as the day we married......sure..we had our troubles..........but nothing major.
2 weeks after she spent the last of the settlement money i got for my arm...........i got sick.........blood clots in my lungs.....i was in the hospital 13 days.........[she came in twice to see me]............when i got out...she wouldnt talk to me.at all................and before the hospital bill came.....she was gone..........there was lots of stuff missing from the house..........and for about 2 weeks......she'd stop and take more till i finally told her she couldnt take anything else....2 days later........she took my car..........[she already had taken the other 3].................last time i saw her.............she was trying to break into the house to take my guns.
thats the last time i've laid eyes on her.....she's dissapeared .and good riddance.
the kids can and do get in touch with her.....but shes told them that they arent allowed to tell me anything.
whew...that felt good | |
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Posted: 7/3/2009 9:00:57 PM | | I guess my turning point was in 2001 when I lost my best friend to breast cancer. She was only 39 years old, I was with her holding her in my arms when she died...........I realised at that point that life is indeed too short, you never know what is around the corner, or when your time may be up. It was shortly after her death that I decided that I wanted to be part of caring for the terminally ill. I wanted to put life into their days when days could no longer be added to their life..........It is a decision that I will never regret, I am so honored to be part of the incredible journey that these patients take.......... | |
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Posted: 7/4/2009 8:24:09 AM | | My life changing event came about 10 years ago when after following my husband from state to state (for his job) for 20 years and staying home and raising the kids, he looked at me and said "I'm not in love with you anymore." The love and support I got from my family was very reaffirming, and the circumstances forced me to learn to rely on myself, and to go back to school and further my education. I learned that it's essential to have goals, but that also the real point is to enjoy the journey along the way, no matter where it leads you. I also learned that you never know how much of an impact a small act of kindness, or a few simple words of support may mean to another person. | |
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Posted: 7/4/2009 9:17:16 AM | | I wasn't aware that life had any direction other than towards death. The basic plan seems to be to advance from cradle to grave. I doubt anything that happens will change the destination, and so each step is on the one path leading there. My intermediate plans yield readily to forces beyond my control. I can have my amusing little thoughts pretty much anywhere, provided the circumstance is not too distracting. When I am changed it is by an idea, presented as such or delivered as a lesson in an experience. Thinking of things in a new way is kind of like changing direction, or it would be if I was not aimless. | |
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Posted: 7/4/2009 9:21:37 AM | I believe that life changing experiences happen everyday. From the big issues to the small. And most have had many. A simple left turn instead of going right. Or choicing one job over another. Emailing one guy and not the next. They all can put you in another route in life and you will never know the outcome of the other choice.
So yes to many to mention! | |
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Posted: 7/4/2009 1:29:26 PM | I wouldn't say I had a life changing experience,but more of the way I think about people in my life.I was on my motorcycle and slid off a country road in to a ditch.My head hit the ground and was knocked unconscious,with a helmet on,of course.When I came to,I laid there for about an hour.I realized if I died not a single person would care or ever know I died.From that point on,I KNEW I was in this world alone.
I love my life and wouldn't change anything about it.I do more things,have less drama,and have no problems than my social butterfly counterparts.It seems like everyone else is either depressed or angry or overstressed with a circle of friends and family. | |
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Posted: 7/4/2009 1:49:04 PM | a client I took to the hospital was very ill, while I was sitting next to his bed trying to make him feel comfortable a bunch of white coats came up to me and asked me to answer the following question, while still in the same room with my client.
'what do YOu think, is the quality of life of this person? Our surgeons took a look at him and decided they actually didn't want to bother operate him since it would prolongue his life, but wouldn't rid him of his severe learning disabilities. so, tell me, what are his activities?'
and they were serious! I always thought people working in the medical field didn't care who they were treating as long as they could help them. It drastically changed the view I have of the world. Before I trusted people working in the healthcare business to have the same goal as I do, to care for anyone that's on my path. It made me a bit cynical about the world. Why should anyone have to defend his or her reason for existance? | |
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Posted: 7/4/2009 5:01:52 PM | | No, I pretty much let my life drive on autopilot and let it go where it will. | |
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Posted: 7/5/2009 4:12:40 PM | I spose talking about stuff that has hurt you in your life must be theraputic , unload get it off your chest .
Most of my problems are in my head , maybe I think too much . I know , I'll talk about it that might help me .
Leaving home at 17 to get away from fighting parents changed my life .
I do believe how we were treated by our parents as kids has the ability to haunt us for the rest of our lives and did for a while manage to cope by trying to understand why they were like they were . At the age of 30 it's easier to consider how your parents must have suffered as kids or young adults but when I was 14 I was too young to understand anything exept the fact that my father hated me .
We can't change the past but only strive to break the cycle and let our kids know how much we love them . My mother was very forceful and would cry , screem or belt us kids to get us to do what she wanted , she did this to my father also and as a child I thought my father was a b*stard and that the sun shone from my mother. It wasn't till much later in life that I came to realise maybe dad wasn't all that bad.
How do I react when I don't get my own way ? How do people we are married to , work with or have some other relationship with behave ? You can get a dog or a horse to do alot of stuff that they may not like to do ( jump through a flaming hoop ) with patience , trust , nurturing and rewards . You will ony cause fear and cowerring of the animal by force or even the tone of you voice . Dumb animals ? Dumb Parents | |
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Posted: 7/5/2009 4:19:51 PM | Let's seeeeee... I'm 28 now, so this would be 11 years ago. Age 17.
This girl I was with, first moved away unexpectedly, then passed away. Cancer, she was 17 too. Yeah, yeah, puppy love. The move was so she could go seek treatment in the States, but I didn't find out until she was gone. To cope, I developed a number of monstrous drug habits, most of which are now gone (I do however relish the green to this day,) as well as my current penchant for slamming entire bottles of vodka down my gullet.
It's funny, the incident destroyed me at the time, but by today it was completely gone from my mind until I read this thread, and started another thread in Broken Hearts about never having a broken heart. Maybe I was wrong on that second assertion.
It's made me pretty cold, I think. The emotions I feel toward women today are pretty subdued. It's like I pretty much expect them to disappear. | |
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Posted: 7/6/2009 2:52:09 PM | | November 1991: I had a severe allergic reaction to medication and nearly died. The steroid treatment for that and resulting sleep deprivation caused me to suffer a "drug-induced temporary psychosis." Everything combined to seriously and negatively impact my self-confidence and personal faith, and it took me several years to fully recover. Following years of evaluating myself and my life, in 1995 I changed jobs (taking an almost 50% cut in pay) and relocated my family to a rural environment. The next 5 years were the greatest of my life and the catalyst of changing views. | |
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Posted: 8/4/2009 8:25:24 PM | for me it's been constant slow growth ~ lot s of steps backwards at times,
sometimes you must slow down to speed up. The shortest distant between two points never a straight line.
Lot's of sweet sorrow and acceptance.
Dance | |
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Posted: 8/5/2009 8:07:52 AM | Hmmm
Moving from one country to another...
Innocent bystander at a high-school shooting...
Fracturing my back and being temporarily paralyzed...
Having my horse euthanized...
Going through the whole separation/divorce process...
To name some of the turning points in my life. Some events were the results of decsions, but most were just being in the wrong place at the wrong time, though how I responded was a decision. | |
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Posted: 8/7/2009 10:36:29 PM | I agree that there are many happenings in our lives that actually become life changing, from marriage, children, divorce, and deaths of loved ones. But recently i was told i have to have surgery and looking at possible cancer. I have known many friends and family members that has been in my shoes, but now i realize how waiting to see can be as bad as the cancer itself. It is the most Life Changing i have ever had.....rethinking so many things, wishing for others, wondering how things may have been if i had made different choices. Its at this moment that i truly wish i had made a bigger influence in others lives. God is in control of mine and i have much Faith. But either way this turns out it will diffently be life changing ! ~~Kinda like the country song~~
I will be a better person.....more thankful, more loving, more considerate & more.......
God Bless to All Those With Extreme Life Changes!! | |
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Posted: 8/8/2009 6:48:59 AM | | May 13th 2009. After 16 years of being emotionally held hostage by my sister, who is an addict, I had enough. She stole money from me. Not that she hasn't done this before but this time it was alot of money, that was for my bills. I started thinking of the thousands of dollars I have given her in the past years , and the times that our family has bailed her out, and I broke. I got so angry at the thought of her stealing from her own sister that I cut her off. No more money, no more anything from me until she gets help. My family slowly started falling in line too. She has been angry at me all summer, hasn't let me see my nephews. (I have always been close to both nephews). When she realized I wasn't backing down and she let me see my oldest nephew about three weeks ago. So I went a step further and have emotionally "cleaned house". Got rid of a roomate who didn't think he should have to pay rent in 8 months and who's friends stole from me. Told another friend to stay away until he gets out of the abusive relationship that he is in. Couldn't stand the two and half years of drama from that end anymore either. I have to say it has been easier than I thought. A hell of a lot less drama in my life and it feels good. I put me first instead of everyone else. I have to say it feels great not being a doormat anymore.... | |
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