| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 5:45:20 PM | I've talked to and met a few recently who seem very curious and I'm upfront in saying I have no desire to have a relationship. They are still apparently interested yet when I do decide to meet, they're very forward and want to be touchy feely.
I'm just putting this out there for discussion, I've talked to other women who have had this happen to. It's not ALL men, I did say some, but with me personally it seems to be the majority.
I realize this IS a dating site, I've been here awhile and HAVE dated some, I do enjoy participating in the forums now and then. I'm just not desiring to have a man in my life and don't feel the need to explain to every man who can shoot off an email WHY.
I'd think it'd be pretty obvious that if anyone is looking for long term, they'd respond to those profiles also seeking long term. Apparently not....
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:07:08 PM | | If I see a profile, or encounter someone on the forums and I love what they post, or read their profile and we share a lot of common interests, I'll drop them a line. I see nothing wrong with this, sometimes it's just nice to BS with someone with the potential barrier removed. I go on the assumption that if you are in Ireland and I'm in NJ it is assumed that we are not going out on Friday night. | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:14:25 PM | If you want to meet one for friends state well before you meet that any attempt at touchy feely your gone.
Friends on here seems to be open to various interpretations from, friends leading to more or friends lets hang out over a beer and shoot the breeze.
If the email is decent and you want to keep it online and phone only for much longer it will keep the FB crowd at bay because you won't meet fast enough. | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:46:55 PM |
Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Because some people simply don't care who you are or what you're looking for as long as you have potential to fulfill what they want or what they are looking for (or tell themselves they are looking for). Of course they will try to get you to believe they care. And some will tell themselves that they care.
And a lot of those types of people are more aggressive (sometimes manipulative) in their approach, rather than sitting back and waiting for something to come along. They want to hurry up and fulfill what they want. | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:49:21 PM | This sounds like a diary entry.
Never be shocked when you go out with a guy and he wants to get touchy feely. A guy won't date you if he has no desire to sleep with you.
If you don't want guys coming onto you, looking for a relationship, take your picture off, take everything off your profile, and make your status "not single/not looking." | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:54:41 PM | Never had dating on my profile.
I do get emails about my posts and profile and I do respond unless it's sleazy or lame..."how are u". I have had great convos and enjoy it, nothing at all wrong with that.
The touchy feely.....these are local guys my age.....I don't feel that I should have to make the "you do the touchy feely...I'm outta there! Maturity is assumed...maybe that's my mistake.
I communicate upfront and very clearly, looking for friends MEANS that. It's rare that I end up dating a friend, although it has happened. It's not what I'm "looking for".......
I have to say I'm almost tempted to not meet anyone, but then again that's not me either.
Msg. 7.....I think you have something there! | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:20:29 PM |
Because some people simply don't care who you are or what you're looking for as long as you have potential to fulfill what they want or what they are looking for (or tell themselves they are looking for). Of course they will try to get you to believe they care. And some will tell themselves that they care.
And a lot of those types of people are more aggressive (sometimes manipulative) in their approach, rather than sitting back and waiting for something to come along. They want to hurry up and fulfill what they want.
Gotta love how this guy is such a whiz. He seems to know how we all think.
Straight up genius.
I get guys searching for friends, hitting me up all of the time.
I usually tell them that I'm on here to date, not for friendship.
They always end up telling me, that people have to be friends before anything else. | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:44:54 PM | Because some people simply don't care who you are or what you're looking for as long as you have potential to fulfill what they want or what they are looking for (or tell themselves they are looking for). Of course they will try to get you to believe they care. And some will tell themselves that they care.
And a lot of those types of people are more aggressive (sometimes manipulative) in their approach, rather than sitting back and waiting for something to come along. They want to hurry up and fulfill what they want.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Gotta love how this guy is such a whiz. He seems to know how we all think.
Straight up genius.
I know RUSH. Don't you just love a guy who gets it?
Well said, (again) DemonDingleBerry. | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:38:14 PM | you're on a dating site... so people assume you're there for dating....if you were in a bar, people would assume you're there for a drink, regardless if you went there for chicken wings only..... even the waitress will ask if you want a drink with the wings....
and people don't always say what they mean.... | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:53:00 PM | so people assume you're there for dating..
I know where I am...don't need a map. It's the assumptions that make for such confusion.
If it were just a dating site...then many wouldn't be here.
You compare this to a bar...interesting...
Read msg. 7 again....... I may and have gone out alone and for a drink or maybe just to watch a football game. It's noone's business what or why I'm there...I have friends male and female who have bands that perform ....I've been in groups and performed myself. But that's all good...it's those that assume why someone's there or what they're there for...
Msg. 17...Exactly! Msg 7....both totally genius! Thanks for that...now if you could explain it...haha. Yeah I know. | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:53:54 PM |
Because some people simply don't care who you are or what you're looking for as long as you have potential to fulfill what they want or what they are looking for (or tell themselves they are looking for). Of course they will try to get you to believe they care. And some will tell themselves that they care.
And a lot of those types of people are more aggressive (sometimes manipulative) in their approach, rather than sitting back and waiting for something to come along. They want to hurry up and fulfill what they want.
I agree with demondingleberry and would also add that sometimes these guys are just plain needy (whether that be for an actual relationship or for friends with benefits) and sometimes lack the confidence to compete against other guys for a single girl, so it's less pressure for them to convince a friend who isn't interested in dating anyone that they're worth taking a chance on. It has a lot less to do with the quality of the girl and more with his self-esteem and needs to be met. Doesn't matter how you cut it, they're not quality friends. There are exceptions to everything, however, and if you've been friends for a long time, then that's probably different.
As far as this with relation to you - someone else hit this one pretty good. Your profile is confusing in this regard and you need to change it up to reflect what you really want (ie: put "NOT INTERESTED IN DATING" in your first date description). Don't say you're not really looking if you really are waiting for that one guy that knocks your socks off. | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:24:33 PM | Confusing?
"someone else hit this one pretty good. Your profile is confusing in this regard and you need to change it up to reflect what you really want (ie: put "NOT INTERESTED IN DATING".
If someone reads my profile...the looking for...that's pretty clear.
Wow...because I actually wrote a first date idea... if anyone read it or the rest and took it seriously?
It's so over the top...read the disclaimer....maybe you should ask for crayons and a special menu.
NOT INTERESTED IN DATING...I get it...but those that can and do read...looking for friends...I won't change my profile...any of them for lack of reading or comprehensive skills. I don't teach remedial reading for grownups. | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:29:39 PM | I think the main reasons why guys do this and women also for that matter is the challenge of it. I know when I had friends on my profile I got hit on a lot...I couldn't beleive it when I would tell them I am not into dating thanks friends only. I would get come on take a chance on me... I am like what part of this don't you understand.
Don 't change the profile I read yours when I was a chuckle, always have.
Guys in our age group a lot of times think they are still in high school and we are in the back seat. I have to shake my head and laugh at this type of guy | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:41:15 PM | It's so over the top...read the disclaimer....maybe you should ask for crayons and a special menu.
Ugh, oh can it. If you think you're not the common denominator in a problem that always seems to happen to you, then you must know the true answer and shouldn't have to ask on a dating site.
I realize that it's over the top. It's not very funny ("stalking on the first date" - how original, what you just came up with there) but the type of guy that appears to be pursuing you despite that obviously don't seem to catch your wittiness in your profile or perhaps your personality (obviously couldn't say on that one).
Perhaps you can start to profile the guys you talk to and try to see if there are signs of this type of situation. I would think one such situation would be when a guy is always asking you about your dating life but he never has one but tells you how he would totally rock your world and the like. Then again, take that with a grain of salt. I just ordered a "Chucky" Cheeseburger with purple ketchup off the special menu...I'm sure you probably know best. | |
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| Why do some men looking for long term persue women looking for friends?
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:44:59 PM | How does someone's personality send mixed messages?
I communicate clearly...the people who know me..friends..coworkers...exes....they all know...it's not ever because they don't understand...it's because they don't want to accept.
I'm not an enigma...a mystery...my kids understand me and get it...they always have, because I cut through the BS.
I did asy I brought this up as a topic for discussion...I'll sleep fine, and it's not confusion or quandry that I'll lose sleep over.
That's what the forums are here for...STUPID me...I thought this would be a good topic to discuss...other than...the waa..what am I doing wrong?
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