| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:50:45 PM | I was in a 12 year relationship and spent the last 7 years of it married. Had two wonderful kids and so many good memories. Long story short the last three years were total hell and we did counceling for two and a half years to try to save the marriage. Now a year later and the divorce is almost finalized. Thank Goodness.
My problem is I look at my kids and get sad they have to come from a split family. I still get sad when I go to places that I liked alot but were "our" special places to eat. I was going to go to KC with my sister but I had been there 12 years straight with the ex and made so many great memories that it was just too emotionally hard for me. When I see pictures of us when we were happy my heart sinks and sometimes I still cry. You get the point I am sure.
I do not want her back, I am not in love with her anymore but I know I will always care about her even after everything that has gone on and there has been really bad stuff she has done to me. I truly thought we would be together forever. Our connection was so strong. The irony is at my brothers wedding when I saw the love in the eyes of him and his mate is when I knew it was time to file for divorce as I could not remember the last time I felt close to her or saw love towards me in her eyes.
Basically I still feel heart broken even a year later. I am not sad all the time and actually am happy alot but there is memories everywhere and sometimes that takes over like now and I just hurt. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:27:32 PM | | Hey bro... I never been in your situation.. my longest was 8 years... never married... She was my child hood...my best friend.. we been broke up for 4 years, and she just recently got married... To be honest.. I cried just a couple nights ago listening to a song... I still love her, for her as a person... I just know I would not treat her as good as the other guy... you never lose your heart... the emotions will come and go depending on your life... All you can do is move forward... there is no time frame.. a lot of people say it takes half the time of the dating...(8 years = 4 years healing) So if thats the case... buckle up and just go have fun, cuz its a long road. You have your head on straight.. and the faster you come to a conclusion that you guys are not meant to be... the better you are. If you feel there was no love... then there was no love... we feel for a reason... Good luck bro, and wish you the best. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:40:03 PM | The short answer is "yes". You will be over it.
Let the happy memories be just that, happy. Get started on creating new happy memories now. Don't waste another second dwelling on the past, it is done with.
I'm not going to candy coat this. Get out there and meet a woman that you desire. Just by your tone I can tell that this hasn't happened yet. Go out there and date, have fun, and don't expect anything from each meeting. One day at a time man. Be there, in the moment, and discard the past and the future. Have fun, smile, laugh, and enjoy the company of a good woman.
Happiness will be yours again, trust me on this. Keep your mind on what you need to do right now. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:27:36 PM | I can understand a broken heart. I have been broken hearted for 3 and half years. My ex killed himself 2 days after my b-day, 3 and half yrs ago. I wanted to be with him forever. There was no sign of depression or anything, he seemed normal and all. Then suddenly he was gone. I have been broken ever since, and even though I still go through and through with the dating scene, I still am pretty damn sad when I am alone. I think it could be abandonment issues, I don't know. I just think perhaps I haven't found that ''right'' guy to heal me, or give me my heart back..
I feel sad for you, but at least you have a living memory. I'm sorry that you hurt, and it takes a long time to heal. You're not alone cause look at me for God sakes.. lol Pathetic.. I know.. (In my issue anyway ) | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/3/2009 11:25:27 PM | I know what you are going through, I have been there. It's tough but it will get better. Work through the pain (however that may be), don't ignore it. My best advice have a strong faith base to release all your hurt and confusion. There will probably always be what if's in your life concerning this, but human beings are not perfect and we don't always make the correct decisions and that includes our marital partners. Now that you have gone through this seperation and now divorce it has probaly given you a clearer picture of yourself and what you want in a mate. Maybe you just need time to heal some more, whatever your choices are life can still be wonderful. Yes that marital relationship is closed, but someone that was truly meant for you could be right around the corner. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:33:42 AM | I think you will be fine in time, when you've made new memories w/o her to replace the old ones with her.
You already know you don't love her or want her back. You're just nostalgic for the good times you had together.
And don't I know what that's like.... ;-) | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:05:29 AM | To the OP and Mercurytide I really do feel for you and what you are going through.
You wonder how much more pain you can manage but somehow you get through it minute by minute day by day. Surround yourself with caring and lovely people, that is what has always got me through the bad times.
I send you both my very best wishes....Eli in the UK | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:36:54 AM | Dave, I will take "sad" over angry any day. I think you are close to feeling better.
The rule of thumb is wait one year for each five together to date....so, jump the gun a little.....I hope you find the one to truly be with forever. | |
|
| |
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:37:31 PM | >I will take "sad" over angry any day
Interesting. To me, starting to feel anger towards the ex instead of just loss and misery usually means I'm on the road to recovery. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:32:59 PM | Just remember, Dave, time doesn't heal a damn thing.
It's what one does with time, that heals.
It's ok to cry and feel sadness. Just embrace it. You will be alright!
 | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:22:25 PM | OP, I used to think most men had a problem expressing the way they feel about a lost love. I'm glad to see you are man enough to admit to those feelings of happier days in a relationship. I could have written many of the thoughts you expressed. I too avoid certain places that I shared with my last love. It is certain restaurants that I may never go to again. Even a drive in fast food place we did for happy hour. I find it hard to be any place she and I went together. Everyday I see things that remind me of her. It could be a car like hers, even if a different color. All reminders. Even the lifestyle we shared and drew us together is something I can't ever go back to. That now belongs to her alone and I will never share it with another.
I have put away all the pictures and still do not want to look at them and have all the memories flood my mind and heart again. Everyday around the house I see something she either used or bought for the house. Like a simple cup or even a glass.
Falling deeply in love with her changed me. Now that those short 3 years are over, I've changed again....for the better I think. When and IF I fall in love again, I am sure I will change once again. But change is good. We grow and get stronger. I'm a better man for loving her and know it will make me a better man for the next and hopefully the last woman I fall in love with.
Yes, I still love her but I am no longer "in love" with her. I had to end those special feelings in order to move on when I finally saw that the end had to happen...for her.
I now clearly see it was always a one way love. This time I need to be loved in return.
So OP, to you and the other guys that expressed feelings like you did...I thank you. It's good to see that there are other men that can love and feel the way I do. I'm not as alone with these emotions as I was beginning to think in reading so much negative threads n the Forums.
Ladies take note. Some of us guys do have those tender feelings that you think, and say we don't. Maybe more do, but are afraid to express them. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:09:11 PM | | It does eventually get better, believe me. If you look at past loves predating your wife, you'll realize that at some point you probably thought you would never get over some of those past loves, either. But it's the waiting that kills you. It may take another year or more for you, but a time will come when you no longer have such raw emotions attached to memories like you do now. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:43:44 PM | | I am sorta walking in the OP shoes. How ever inside I feel I have blocked all feelings for my s2bx. July 2oth is 13 years since tying the knot. What she has done is very disturbing to most people that hear the story. I am over it, and feel I am over her as well. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:01:14 AM | You know what I like? You haven't bad mouthed your ex wife in your message. You are pretty far above alot of people here in that aspect..
I know how you feel. I was in a 7 year relationship and it was HELL going through the end. I am not sure when or if you will let go of the sadness, but I can tell you it does get easier. It's ok to remember the good times but realize that you two are no longer working together and it was in your best interest and the best interest of your children for you two to move on. I took a parenting class awhile ago (My mom teaches them) and I learned one thing, when WE are happier, our children are happier.
Good luck my friend. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:14:20 AM |
really bad stuff she has done to me. any responsibility on your part? Stop with the victim mentality and wallowing, you just might get that healing you're looking for. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:17:37 AM | Divorce....take two years away from dating and seeking who you are as a single person and what you can contribute to a new relationship?
Don't seek sex while your going through this....it's cheapens and self defeats the purpose of online date. | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:54:23 AM | Hi Dave,
Yes you will get over your sadness. I was with my ex-husband for 23yrs, but guess what I got over it!! It did not take me a yr per yr either to get over it either. I put my kids first, held my head high and moved forward!!
Yes the pain can be devastating, feel your feelings, don't hold your tears or anger.
I don't know if you believe in God or not but He has gotten me through everything and trust me it's been alot!! If not that's ok, I will say a prayer for you!!
Becky , a good hug always makes you feel better? | |
|
| Will I ever be totally over the sadness
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:11:52 AM | Hey Dave,
It is hard to get over the sadness. I found myself stuck trrying to figure out WHY? I had to accept that he did the best that he could do at the time. I don't know if that helps in your situation.
I also have tried to start new activities whether it is taking up a new hobby or getting back to one I forgot about enjoying. I have also included my kids to get them into a "new phase" in our life. We go to new restaurants and invite new friends to come with us.
Best wishes to you.
Tammy | |
|
Home
login 
