| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:12:20 PM | I believe this section is better suited then "dating and love advice" section since I am currently single and would appreciate any advice on women in general. I have never been the type who is aggressive in that I don't continuously look for women asking them on a date. I have always been more of a shy person and especially when it comes to meeting a new woman. Lately I have given up on women since they are just plain confusing. Their body language could clearly show that they are interested, but talking to them latter tends to reveal they are just interested in being friends. I have also noticed that some women are mean compared to others and what they really want is attention but is not clear by their attitude. I have heard from many women that guys are just has complicated as they are, but I believe we come off as being complicated because we are still trying to figure out what women want. In general, I know what I want in a relationship, but I don't feel like it is worth the effort at the moment with school and attempting to search for a better job then I do now. There is one area of thought I would ask if anyone would share their advice on. I have been raised in a smoke-free environment and have been told any type of tobacco is unhealthy; which it is. I may be attracted to a woman, but immediately turn away when I see or hear that she smokes and don't believe it right to be any more then friends with her. I know many will see this as wrong as they have just made a wrong decision in their life, but I have always felt this way. It is hard for me to overcome this and should try to get to know them and who they really are, but it is just hard.
I was wondering if anyone could share their advice or options in general about women, overcoming my fear of approaching them or just understanding them better. I would appreciate any advice. | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:29:22 PM | ha!!  there's no such thing as advice on women "in general". each woman is as unique as you are. so, there's no sense in ascribing any generalizations.
if you know what you want, that's what you should look for. if you do not want a smoker, just eliminate them from your searches. | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:44:15 PM | | I understand everyone is different, but I just feel that women in general are complicated sending mixed signals. I didn't mention that I look much younger then I really am, don't know if this is good or bad, but it seams as a bad thing as I come off as either women that are attracted to me are younger then what I'm looking for or women in my age range see me as being much younger then I am. | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:06:51 AM | Op I know you are seeking advice from the ladies, so they will tell you the "secret". But just the same, if it's ok with everyone, I will chime it.
I've got a couple more miles on me than you, and I will briefly share my thoughts.
In my experience, I'd really have to ask you... WHat is so hard to understand about women? The more I get to know them, the more normal they seem to me. Think about that.
Guys kill their chances with ladies because they invent this "mystery" and act wierd. Period. Close your eyes and imagine you are a lady with all these "sweaty", wierd acting guys always hitting you up. Wouldn't it be hard to treat them all nice?
If you want to have more success with ladies, relax your vibe, get sex out of your brain, and come in as a bud. Just find something interesting to talk about.
That's all there is to it. If she has an attraction to you, she will show it. If she doesn't, there really is not much you can do to change that. Unless you go level ten. But that's a differant topic.
As far as what to say. Think of some stranger hitting you up to talk. How would they act or what would they say to make you feel comfy and chatty?
CHeers! | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:52:21 AM | Here's my two cents. Trying to understand women? Figure out women? Find the secret button that will make them put out?
The secret button is attraction. And you can't push it. It is self activated. The less you do (in my experience) the better. Just get out of your own way.
The great thing about men and women is that women get to choose. I get to be me. I got an easy job.
I got to laugh at these guys...what do women want? How can I act confident?
This and that.
The biggest thing that will help you with women is not caring. I care but I don't care. Figure it out. | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:11:49 AM | 1. Listen to what she says.
2. Let her know you've listened to what she says ("That's interesting", "Tell me more about that", "I am listening but I'm not sure what to say".
3. If she's upset about something, listen sympathetically and don't offer to fix it for her (unless you're really sure that's what she's asking you to do).
4. Always put the toilet seat down.
5. Listen to what she says.
(The number one complaint by women against men is that they don't listen.) | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:36:37 AM | I can understand you giving up on women because they are confusing. Women your age will be. Most of them don't know how to deal with men either - I don't and I'm well past that age! Most women will be happy to talk and be friendly with a man who behaves in a friendly manner. Taking it further than friendship gets more complicated: some men will be ruled out, others will be seen as friends but not more, others friends who might be more - not sure, and yet others who are of real interest. Also, some women are more experienced and confident with men than others. Some flirt consciously and deliberately, others wouldn't have a clue and are shy, retiring or even frosty. It's no wonder you find this confusing. When you get the hang of it all, let me know your secret.
Regarding smoking, it seems as if you are asking (in a roundabout way) whether there are 'bad' women and 'good' women. You'll meet lots of women you have mixed feelings about in this respect. You are at the stage of determining whether the values and ideas you were brought up with are 'right' or 'right for you'. It's good to question them and to keep those worth keeping. Some people smoke and I don't see the point in turning it into a right or wrong moral situation. It is unhealthy but whether you choose to be with a smoker is more of a personal preference. If you don't like smoking, then just don't choose a smoker.
We all fall in love and get hurt, smokers, promiscuous women, women with tattoos - all those who fall into the exclusion categories men commonly use on here. If you treat people as people with hearts, you might find choosing a bit easier. The same applies to approaching women, just treat them as people with feelings who you'd like to get to know. Try not to be too distracted by the persona that they project to the outside world, which may be largely self-protective. At the same time, I would be wary of people who don't share your values, who are maybe unkind, thoughtless, insensitive or materialistic (whatever matters to you) or those who lie. I think some qualities matter a lot more than others. Good luck. | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:54:39 AM | op.................your a tad confused about one thing.....but its a big thing......
you say that a womans body language shows shes interested......but turns out she just wants to be friends.................well.think about it........would you honestly want to become involved seriously with someone you wouldnt be friends with?....[i dont mean dateing a friend.........but more.....would you find it possible to be in a serious relationship with someone that you couldnt be in a friendly relationship with?]........theres not much of a line between the 2 when you think about it........going by your strategy............you can only date strangers.
my advice is relax......dont let your physical appearace bug you...........be the best you that you can be.......approach any girl that cathces your eye and let things unfold...........dont be in a hurry.......just let it come to you.
in matters of love.........it seems that the harder you look.............the harder it is to find it | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:02:46 PM | If you develop friends with ladies, why is that bad? Everyone needs friends...and that girl you hang with could also have a friend you might hit it off with and start dating. Just practice talking with you gal pals, flirt a bit just for fun, and get some practice. You'll still feel butterflies when that special one walks in the door, but that's half the fun of it!
Hold out for what you want. At your age there is a huge pool of people to date. Have a good time. | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:36:23 PM | Mike, just be yourself. It sounds as if you're busy concentrating on yourself, school, and a job search. I believe men can be just as perplexing and hard to figure out = same as women. The thing is, when you meet the right woman, there's less to figure out....you already recognize and understand much in what you discover....part of the attraction factor.
{Nice new profile photo BodyPro....and good advise.} | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:43:27 PM | Thanks for the advance and comments! I appreciate all and have gained some valuable information. I am currently finishing up my Bachlor's Degree and currently seeking a better job at the moment and my not be looking for a long-term relationship as what I see women are looking for. It just might be me, but women seam to want to be friends or in a long-term relationship.
I completely agree that the best thing to do is to be yourself and basically do nothing as far as looking for women; for the most part. As I had said before, I am tired of trying to figure out what women want. It is kind of ironic since you can't just not do anything online when women only have your profile to go by.
I have to ask though, what do women really want? It certainly seams there is more then what is posted on their profile as if they are trying to hide something. Women seam to be too selective. I have been interested in many women online through their profile with what seams to be some things in common with no luck. This also shows why I have heard women say guys are just as complicated as they are when just getting to know them is frustrating at times. | |
|
| Just looking for advice.
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:41:50 PM | | what is some advice for just sending some initial messages, i have sent a few and im not sure what to say. as you can imagine, i am confused. im new with this. if you could give me some advice to make this online dating thing go better i would appreciate it. also any advice on your profile, maybe things i should keep away from or describe. any help would be appreciated, thanks | |
|
Home
login 
