| Ready to move on just dont know how?????
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:12:18 AM | I am in the middle of a divorce after 21 years of marriage. I got married right out of high school and went on to have children and jumped right into the family life. Sounds great huh?? Well, not so much.... My husband is an alcoholic and after trying to help him, fix him and all that "stuff" finally realized that I am not God and cant. So, I threw in the towel and filed for divorce. Now my problem is I just have no idea where to begin... I am not a big drinker and all my friends are married with children. I am lost, while my ex is partying having a great time I am here trying to figure out how to fill my nights.. Letting go of someone is really difficult even when you know that they are toxic to you. Releasing your dreams and starting new ones without him will be what seems to be impossible right now. I am brokenhearted that my marriage ended and even more sad that he didnt care enough about his family to put down the alcohol.
I am 41 and ready to live again, my kids are grown and have their own life now I just have to figure out how to mend my broken heart and start smiling again. | |
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| Ready to move on just dont know how?????
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:51:56 AM | I'm so sorry this has happened- but I'm proud of you for leaving. This is his choice and trust me, he may be partying but he is drinking because he is profoundly insecure and haunted by his own demons. You don't list many interests- likely because you were busy being a mom and caretaker. When my husband died, I decided that i could either forever mourn my lost life or I could recreate one of my own making.
Why not try things you have never tried before. Take tennis lessons, get a bike, join a cycling group. Take up running. Exercise is so good for the mind and soul. Find a non-profit organization and volunteer.
I had just started a PhD when my husband got sick. I was raising a 2 yr old. I decided that I would pursue the degree anyway- and took many years to finish it while raising my son and running my own business. Why not look at taking some courses.
The future is what you make it. This is your time, to pursue what you want to do and who you want to be. Make your life a success-you have so many years ahead of you.
Best of luck. | |
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| Ready to move on just dont know how?????
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:43:05 AM | OP, I feel for you and know what you are going through must be hard. It sounds like you've made the only decision you could make with your husband. I lived with an alcoholic father ad remember how hard it was to deal with as a daughter. It was a miserable life, and there's no reason to be miserable.
It's good that you want to get out there. I was divorced 9 years ago (been single this whole time) and moved to a large city. After being married for many years, it takes a while to learn how to "be single." Here's a few suggestions for you based on my experience:
1) Before you worry about dating, figure out what you enjoy and who you are. Another poster suggested taking up a sport or activity. That's a great thing to do. Taking classes is also good. What do you like to do? Likely, you've been a wife and mom so long that you don't even know what you enjoy. Join an organization or group. Figure out a life that makes you happy.
2) If you are having trouble with the divorce, talk to a professional and work through your feelings. There is nothing wrong with this, and it can be quite helpful. You may feel angry, hurt, etc. You want to work through those feelings so you can have a happy, fulfilling life.
3) You said all your friends are married. How about making some new ones? I have quite a few married friends, but over the years, I met some single ones, too. What I found is that married people often do not understand single people's lives and they say things that don't help, like "you'll meet someone when you aren't looking" or "I'd love to be single some days." They have no idea how it is to be single. Only people who are single can relate to your "singleness."
4) Do you like to travel? Broaden your horizons. Take a singles cruise or go on a singles tour. Anything to get out and meet people and learn what you like.
5) Improve your profile. All you put in there is about your children and becoming a grandmother. What about you? Men are going to know what you are like, not your grown children. Get some more pics to add to those you have. Go to the Profile Review forum and get some suggestions there.
6) Lastly, dating is much different now. You need a thick skin. You are going to be rejected sometimes. Don't take it personally. When I started dating, I had my feelings hurt so many times. You might start talking to a man and get excited about him and then never hear from him again. You may get stood up for a date. You may go on a date and think it went very well and be excited and then you don't hear from him again. It happens. Everyone is looking for something different, so you just have to keep that in mind. Don't let it get to you.
Best of luck, OP. I hope you found this helpful. | |
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| Ready to move on just dont know how?????
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:09:46 PM | OP: Good for you! I went thru the same thing for 21 yrs of marriage and 25 yrs of being with him. I had no clue of what the dating scene was like. My plan was that I wanted someone totally the opposite of him and boy did I get it. I started dating before the divorce was even worked on and he(ex #1) was living with his soon to be 2nd wife. That was even worse. In my dating I fell hard for the guy who was nothing like the ex and 11 1/2 yrs later we are going thru divorce #2.
My thoughts for you are this:
Take your time. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT accept anyone that is not a great match for you.
Take classes. The people you may meet will be the new friends that were lost in the divorce. (lost everyone from the 1st one and I got all the friends from the 2nd one).
Go on trips. Day trips, get in the car and drive somewhere. See someplace that you have never been before. Take long weekends and get out and do everything that you have ever wanted to do.
Volunteer, so many places need help and you can learn lots of things by being out in the community, helping.
The man of your lifetime will come, most probably when you least expect it. Be open and don't get hardened by the rejects. Remember you will be rejecting others as well. Keep your standards high and hope you find whom your looking for. | |
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| Ready to move on just dont know how?????
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:36:15 PM | OP I know exactly where you are at. I probably could have written this.
My ex started partying with a girl from work and then tells me that its not working for him. then starts staying at her house. he still insists they are not together. whatever.
I have tried to approach women on here to meet some friends. that thus far hasnt panned out. i also wnet on kijiji and that didnt pan out either.
I do have some great friends and they include me when they can. we also make sure that we go out at least once a month and I find myself pretty busy.
the more you get out the more people you meet. I wish you lived closer to me. just the same, you can always email me anytime. | |
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| Ready to move on just dont know how?????
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:05:25 AM | Sign up for group ballroom dancing lessons.
It gets you out of the house, you're moving your body, and meeting people who almost never drink (ballroom dancers rarely drink- it messes up our balance). Even if you don't find romance, you'll meet a whole new group of friends doing a fun activity that can develop into a lifelong hobby. You might start taking more lessons, going to dances-- one group I know even travels and cruises together.
I've met 100's of wonderful people and have developed a very nice social network.
The Port St. Lucie Department of Parks & Recreation offers the basics of popular ballroom dances. One dance will be introduced each month and will include Foxtrot, Merengue, Bolero, Swing, Mambo, Tango, Waltz, Samba, Rumba, Cha Cha and Argentine Tango for $9.00 a lesson every Tuesday.
If you don't choose dancing, find a new hobby you enjoy that gets you mixing with people. | |
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| Ready to move on just dont know how?????
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:14:58 AM | Have your own party..hon.
Find your state in the USA forums. Send out a HELLO FROM "your home town"..and if anyone wants to get together as "your favorite restaurant/sports bar/beach/ and see who is interested...
this way..you get to meet new friends.....good look | |
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