| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:24:42 AM | I am watching many girls at the age of 18 to 20 are having kids.
From my perspective it's not at all good because they are not matured enough
to take care of their kids responsibilty at such a small age and also its the time for to focus more on themselves. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:31:37 AM | That's your take on it.
Let's look back on history and find out when girls where having children...
It's not up to you to figure out if a legal adult in our day and age is responsible to take care of a child or not. For that fact, not up to me either. There are many reasons women have a child:
Accidental
Protection failed
Marriage to high school sweetheart
impending marriage
Love
Wanting to have a child
and 8000 other reasons
But regardless, your question is posed to women of legal age meaning they could do whatever they want. It's up to parents to raise children the way they seem fit and morally. Now if your question was about parenting, then yes, I would tell you that many adults are failing their roles as a parent due to the nature of how children are turning out. A child is not bad... a child is a child. Children learn from the people that raise them and are allowed to be around them. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:43:14 AM | Jax usually I agree with your posts.
<div class="quote"> your question is posed to women of legal age meaning they could do whatever they want
Yes they can, the question I think the OP is asking is... ARE they ready, SHOULD they be having kids?
Many of the reasons why women have children that you have mentioned are wrong reasons to have kids, just because a woman gets pregnant whether married or not, whether protection failed, for love or wanting to have a child is a wrong reason.
At 20 in this day and age, young women are only starting to discover themselves as mature adults. Making a mark in their lives, and deciding carrer paths. Some are active party goers, drink, smoke up, and really don't have the lifestyle to fit a child into in a responsible manner.
NOW PLEASE NOTE: I am not talking for all of the women race here there are exceptions and some women mature faster then others or upon knowing that they will become mothers and become VERY GOOD ones for that matter.
But maybe OP is encountering the percentile that don't seem mature enough to have children. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:43:19 AM | | I agree there could be n number of reasons for women to have a child ..yeah my question revolves around parenting and to me its not the age for a girl to raise her children when she herself is not very matured. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:26:09 AM | | As long as they have finished their educations and have jobs that can support themselves and their families, and are married to men of equal financial and emotional maturity, I have no problem with it. It is important that they do everything they can before planning on getting pregnant to ensure their children have the best chances to lead a happy, contented, and satisfying life. I realize that careful planning cannot guarantee a rosy future, but is it better to at least start off this way then the alternative. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:49:45 AM | generally speaking, OP, I agree with you.
But, there are some who are as mature as a 25 year old, and dedicate their life to raising their babies to the best of their ability.
But then, there are those who are so self-centered and not willing to give up the partying and freedom that they would normally have. There are some who shouldn't even be able to own a pet, yet are having babies.
I applaud the young mothers who are truly "mothers", but it breaks my heart to see a child born to someone who is just not ready to raise a child... | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:23:35 AM | Not Done, I agree with you but surely you know people much older that are just as immature.
I've know quite a few of young women in my time in the military that bucked up and did the right thing by their children to raise them in a caring environment. Recently, I chatted with a wonderful you lady in her 20's on here who is doing right and living life by her child first. Anyone can be immature but the seed lies with the parent, then the expectation or hope to see if the person matures enough to be responsible for their children and themself.
It's kind of a loaded question... Some are ready, some are not. This goes with both sexes. Heck, sometimes after the fact of having a child the parenting role just kicks in. Sometimes it doesn't. All I can attest to is that for somenoe to be ready, it's best that they had a great upbringing, supportive family and supportive friends. Doesn't matter the age, what matters is how they came to be where they are. But obviously there are some still not mature enough to care for a child as they should. But that is just too generalistic as there are many women biting the bullet and doing what they need to do. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:29:19 AM | | Some women are mature enough to be mothers at 16. It depends on the person. The numeric years someone lives doesn't determine what kind of parent they will be. My ex is 60. Yesterday my son and I were talking about how toward the end of my marriage my ex was saying things to friends like he can't go out he is baby sitting. You don't baby sit your own children. He had become a horrible dad that only cared about what he wanted to do, would be around when he wanted to be, couldn't understand that you don't go to bars every weekend when you have children, etc. Yeah, he is mentally ill, so there is a good excuse for his many horrible changes, but I am sure there are other older parents that don't have mental illness that act like their children aren't their responsibility. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:17:55 AM |
Some women are mature enough to be mothers at 16.
Great, that's just the kind of thing that makes 16 year old girls think they can have a baby.
A mature 16 year old would know better than this, though. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:30:21 AM | Jax, I agree with you. The question we should be asking is when is someone ready to be a parent, not at what age?
There are plenty of "bad parents" who were much older when they had children.
There are plenty of "bad parents" who were teens when they had children.
What qualities do we have to have in order to be a good parent? Is it tied to maturity level, income level or is it something else. I am going to vote for the something else because among "good parents" who raise "good children" across age and income level, there are commonalities and I believe it is those commonalities that determine when someone should become a parent. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:34:52 AM | 16 year olds aren't on POF; however, I went to school with a girl that was 16 when she had her son. The son is 32 now. He is a doctor. The then girl had a supportive family and the boy's father was great as well as his family. Age doesn't make the parent, the person does.
My stance on sexual relations is pretty clear on here that I don't think you should have sex unless you really care about someone. All three of my children 24, 17, and 13 are virgins. Teaching your children is important. I don't teach other people's children. That is their responsibility. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:59:38 AM | Fools, I tell ya. Having kids that young is pure stupidity.
What is sad, is TV shows make it seem ok to do it. That one show...what is it..."Life of an American Teenager", I think make is look like a can of corn and the public embraces it. That show, shows nothing about the struggles or rearing a child, a job, health care, staying up late at night changing diapers and feeding. It is all hollywood up.
Apparently there isn't enough homework, after school activities and chores at home to keep these kids occupied. They got to go out and fawk. Why....because both parents, {or a single parent in this day in age} are working one or two jobs to keep their heads above water, thus the child has to learn self perserverance....perhaps that is the real problem! | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:51:27 PM | omg
have just read all the comments on here and can absolutely say it has riled me.
I had my 1st child at the age of 18 while studying for a degree in maths and physics. After taking 1 year out I returned to university and graduated and now have a very good well paid job. My son's father, who was 8 years older turned his back and I raised my son alone. He is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life and, yes while making me have to alter the way in which I was living , did so for the better.
It doesn't matter what age you are when you have a child. Only that you bring that child in a safe and happy environment and that the child never ever thinks they were not wanted.
Can't believe so many of the comments here have angered me!!!! | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:10:38 PM | I don't know what the statistics are on successful versus unsuccessful teen moms. I didn't see any posted on here. I know my mom was 19 when she had my brother. I don't think it is the age, but the person.
There are children having children. I don't think it is the school's responsibility to teach your children. I think it is the parent's responsibility. From day one of my children's lives I have been their mother. I have talked to them about sex, drugs, alcohol, relationships with others including family, and mental illness. I am no role model or perfect mother. But I am not the worst mother in the world either.
My 24 year son turns down dates most times. He is more into having fun and enjoying his time with his friends. The 17 year old's girl friend is on her way to Germany. She has a job and so does my son, so between school and their jobs, I think they have a tm relationship... Not too much physical contact. As it will be his senior year, who knows where that relationship will or won't go with adult decisions on college and playful decisions about living your last year of being a kid.
I have only lived with my ex husband. Still haven't had my boyfriend spend the night here. I know that my kids know my morals and feelings about right and wrong. I hope that I have given them the tools they need to make the right decisions. But we all make mistakes, it is what you do with the mistake that is important. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:12:45 PM | I'm sorry but i disagree with you. I am a 19 year old single mother. I live my life for my daughter, i dont go out an party, i don't drink and I don't do drugs. I do believe that a lot of kids that are having babies are having them for the wrong reason and shouldn't be parents, but for those of us that didn't have a choice about getting pregnant we do know about love. I loved my daughters father (who I am no longer with) but once I had my daughter I found out the true meaning of love. I believe you don't fully understand the concept of love until you have kids. it is hard to have kids young but to call me stupid (which is what you pretty much did) is ridiculous and offensive. I didn't go out and "fawk" as you put because there was nothing else to do or because my mom wasn't around I was put in a circumstance that I couldn't control. and no i wasn't partying or on drugs or drunk. I was completely sober in my own home, and i got pregnant. I could have had an abortion or given my daughter up for adoption but I didn't and that was the best choice I ever made.
i don't think kids that young should purposely go out an get pregnant if they cant support their family and be ready to take on the responsibilty. But if they are who are you to tell them no? its there life and like i said I am a 19 year old mom an i live my life for my daughter everything i do or dont do is for my daughter and i have a friend that is 16 an is an amazing mother, so for those of us that don't fit into the normal teenage mom point of view i think you should watch how you say things.
And "Life of an American teenager" is actually a decent show. I've watched it a couple times and its pretty true. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:24:58 PM | | Hmmm my ex married me when she was 20. She became pregant with our son, on our honeymoon. Overall, she's a good mother, so age doesn't matter. It is all about how a person grows, after the child. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:42:10 PM | I respect all your views and i agree to it to some extent.Like as eschec wrote
"My stance on sexual relations is pretty clear on here that I don't think you
should have sex unless you really care about someone.Teaching your children is important".
But only minority of girls and guys do understand responsibilty at that age.
Also I feel thats the time for them to focus on their goals first, i m sure having a kid will
have some percentage of affect on their lives..So best thing is to teach your children
not to have kids at such a small age, they ill get ample of time ahead and also to have
safe sex so that such mistakes can be eschewed. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:56:50 PM |
omg
have just read all the comments on here and can absolutely say it has riled me.
I had my 1st child at the age of 18 while studying for a degree in maths and physics. After taking 1 year out I returned to university and graduated and now have a very good well paid job. My son's father, who was 8 years older turned his back and I raised my son alone. He is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life and, yes while making me have to alter the way in which I was living , did so for the better.
It doesn't matter what age you are when you have a child. Only that you bring that child in a safe and happy environment and that the child never ever thinks they were not wanted.
Can't believe so many of the comments here have angered me!!!!
There is a lot more to being a parent than this.
I'm sorry but i disagree with you. I am a 19 year old single mother. I live my life for my daughter, i dont go out an party, i don't drink and I don't do drugs. I do believe that a lot of kids that are having babies are having them for the wrong reason and shouldn't be parents, but for those of us that didn't have a choice about getting pregnant we do know about love. I loved my daughters father (who I am no longer with) but once I had my daughter I found out the true meaning of love. I believe you don't fully understand the concept of love until you have kids. it is hard to have kids young but to call me stupid (which is what you pretty much did) is ridiculous and offensive. I didn't go out and "fawk" as you put because there was nothing else to do or because my mom wasn't around I was put in a circumstance that I couldn't control. and no i wasn't partying or on drugs or drunk. I was completely sober in my own home, and i got pregnant. I could have had an abortion or given my daughter up for adoption but I didn't and that was the best choice I ever made.
Were you raped? I hope the man is in jail.
i don't think kids that young should purposely go out an get pregnant if they cant support their family and be ready to take on the responsibilty. But if they are who are you to tell them no? its there life and like i said I am a 19 year old mom an i live my life for my daughter everything i do or dont do is for my daughter and i have a friend that is 16 an is an amazing mother, so for those of us that don't fit into the normal teenage mom point of view i think you should watch how you say things.
And "Life of an American teenager" is actually a decent show. I've watched it a couple times and its pretty true.
If you are supporting yourself and your child, paying your own rent, utilities, food, insurance, clothing, etc., then you are right, it's not up to anyone else to tell you"no". | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:25:26 PM | well can i just get one thing clear,
i got pregnant at 15 was jst turning 16 when i had my gawjuss lil girl
i dont think its a problem with girls having children soo young if there mature enough too gert in bed with some one then mature enough to have a child
my lil girl is nearly too now and she dosent miss owt on anytthing
i work i do 48 hours aweek to make sure my lil gril has the best upbringnig
so i dont c what all this fuss is about | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:05:30 PM | Well 30 years ago when our parents got hired into career jobs out of high school why not? Everythign was cheap, wages were high, and jobs were dime a dozen.
Now were expected to have families on a shoe string budget in an economy where job security is laughable.
Most women today are NEVER ready to have children. But the ones that are hot enough to marry someone rich it doesnt matter. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:15:02 PM | And that is the trouble. The parents of the kids who got pregnant got thrown into a dilemna that they had no control over. Their daugther 'opened 'em up' or their son 'got a whisker tickle and blew it at the door' and now innocent lives (baby included) got tossed into it.
I work with a buddy who is a GRANDFATHER at 43, FRIGGN 43! His daughter has a kid and now lives with them, so he supports this daughter and his grand daughter. WTF is going on with our society? I guess the old traditions of :
1. Finishing high school
2. college/job
3. Career
4. House and then family have gone the way of the Do-do.
Now it is:
1. Sex in Jr high
2. Preggo as a sophmore or junior
3. Texting and PS2
4. Texting while doing a book report and changing diapers
5. Forcing Mom and Dad to work longer and harder.
I geuss I did it all wrong. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:20:27 PM | Personally speaking, I had my son at 18. Actually 2mos shy of it. I lost my virginity and got pregnant in the same breath. I am the poster child for it only takes once. I handled my responsibilities and raised a fine young man who will be 21 in Sept of whom I am very proud of. Yes, I did it alone and got myself a career.
Having kids at a young age is OK as long as the person is mature enough to make smart choices. I know accidents do happen and I know not everyone is lucky enough as others are to have supportive families to help them out. What does worry me are the ones that do it to fill the void of loneliness or to trap a man or just because they want a baby. | |
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| girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:21:27 PM | Could be that it is just us returning to a multi-generaltional home again. Some asian cultures this was the norm, as well as some Eastern European countries.
Or mom and dad are so busy trying to earn a living passing on parental ethics is harmed. | |
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