| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:51:43 AM | | Recently,(in March) a former love interest contacted me. We had parted ways(again) 9 mos. previous. Over a 5 yr. period our relationship has run the gamut, from dating w/ intimacy then breaking-up, living together and a bitter seperation, to being" friends w/ benefits." During this last seperation, she was involved in a relationship w/ another guy. She called me; we met and talked; we then resumed our relationship. She told me that she had ended the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship w/ the other guy, but that they were "very" good friends and would probably remain in contact w/ an occasional outing for dinner and that they had a circle of friends that they enjoyed doing things with. She assurred me that there would be no sex between them. She was still spending every week-end @ his home. She told me that she enjoyed going for the activities; boating, laying by the pool and socializing. I told her that I was very uncomfortable w/ her spending nights there and she repeatably assurred me that she slept on the couch. Anyway, I went to this guys house unannounced (while she was there) to get his take on the matter. He was completely stunned and of course she was flipping-out. She had previosly admitted to me that she hadn't mentioned me to him. It bothered me that he was being mis-led. He told me that they have continued to have sex and what he thought was an exclusive and committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship all along. As I said, it bothers me that he was mis-led and that I was too; I want complete transparency for all involved so that decsions can be made based on facts. She's steaming now, but she'll be back and as long as I'm not involved w/ someone else I'll see her. I would like for the other guy to give her the boot. Her and I will never have a future together, her life is messed-up w/ elements beyond her control and other than our sex life, we're not all that compatable. | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:56:07 AM | Move on.
Don't look back.
What happens to the 2 of them doesn't concern you. | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:22:38 AM | Let me get this straight....since I'm not really seeing the question..unless the question is if you should have gone and talked to the other guy? Is that your question? If so...then sure, if you had questions regarding their relationship and wanted to clear it up....BUT (here's the but)...as you stated, the two of you are not really compatible anyhow and it's just about sex.
Soooo...In my honest opinion...while I understand the transparancy thing and letting all parties know what's going on.....if you have no interest in her anyway and she's basically a booty call, it sounds like you went to him in the interest of letting him know she was YOUR booty call!!
I think jealousy reared it's ugly head...and while I DO NOT agree with her playing the both of you.....you went and talked to him only in your OWN best interests.
Your still only going to use this woman for a booty call...you just want to make sure your the ONLY one doing her.
nasty nasty.....
If you have no interest in her other than sex....let her go....what she does after that is her own business (even if it's wrong).... | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:22:57 AM | | lonehawk. You crack me up. I was reading some other forums that you replied to and was laughing my butt off. You're brutal, but you're on the money. | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:45:09 AM | First of all, lets cut the crap about why you went over to their house. There isnt a chance in hell that the reason you went over there was because you cared about whether or not he knew about what she was doing. Its more believable, that you went over there to cause the problems that were caused, out of spite or jealousy.
At the age of 55, I would say even getting yourself involved with crap like that, you are no where close to "the right thing". | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:56:46 AM | | I am sorry I didnt soften it up for ya enough. I find it hard to believe that anyone who dosent care enough about themselves to avoid bad situations like that, would all of a sudden care about a guy whom his fwb is lying to. | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:10:30 AM | | It's a pity you had to go to such an extreme to find the truth. Obviously, there was some deep mistrust there and it proved justified. Sometimes people are attractive because they are different, unpredictable and uncontrollable. Unfortunately, those qualities can also make it very painful to be involved with them. If that's what you find interesting, then it sounds like she's going to keep you entertained for a while. If you want a faithful relationship with a fairly steady person, then you'd be better off finding someone else. Good luck. | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:19:56 AM | | Thank-you Mysteriosa. No, I don't want that and I do hope that it's overwith. I just need to vent a bit more. | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:31:58 AM | You went over there because your 'gut' was telling you she was lying. I think its a good thing you found out for yourself, or she could have continued to deceive the both of you for even longer.
Your best bet to obtain closure, is to break all contact with her. Don't answer her calls or emails, etc. She's a liar and a cheater and you proved it - so you know its true. Surely you deserve better!
If you take her back just for sex, chances are the other guy (or even a new stranger or two ) is also having sex with her. I'd also suggest some STD testing!
Good luck!
HR  | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:45:29 AM | | Thank-you Happy Rebel. It's sinking-in. I'm not going to respond to any further contact; it's the only way to truly have closure. On the plus side, I was protected during our sexual olympics. | |
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:03:08 PM |
But I didn't know the way it would play out.
Come on, you suspected she wasn't being honest. You went over there and found out the truth that you suspected was going on. What other kind of closure do you want? She was a player and you knew this from your past relationships with her. You knew exactly what you were doing, so let it go.
I suspect you like the drama that she adds to your life.
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| Did I do the right thing?
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:16:13 PM | Can anyone say "drama king"? Look you've been doing this dance with this woman for 5 yrs now. You created a scene to manipulate.
"She's steaming now, but she'll be back and as long as I'm not involved w/ someone else I'll see her. I would like for the other guy to give her the boot."
I suggest that you stay away from her and dating anyone while you get your head together. Bringing this drama into some other person's life would be wrong of you. | |
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