| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:37:48 AM | Hiya ...
I would like a bit of advice please,...
I was seeing a man for a year and a half... was great... he lived 3 hrs away but still we met up every weekend..
One and a half years down the line he txt's me it's over '' I loved you for the wrong reasons'' I was upset tried to talk to him about he but he would have none of it.. He had some of my stuff at his house but never gave it back.. I asked for it a couple of times but never got it... I stoped asking for it and stoped asking for a chat... but then he sent me a random blank txt - I didn't reply - he then posted my stuff back I sent a txt to say thanks.. then we had a txt row as he wouldnt talk to me. This week we finially had a chat... he wont talk about what went wrong.. all he has said is:
He really misses me, he loves me, I'm the only person that understands him and knows him and thinks he has made a mitake.. he then says shall we start off as friends then see how it goes????
What does this mean excalty.... I no he has not had much experience with ladies so is he mugging me off or is his serious and wants to try again?? However when we talk one minuite he is really nice saying all the above next min he has a attitude..
Men confuse me maybe you could help, I mean how much do you try for someone if you think they are the one.,
Cheers for your help Emma x | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:41:28 AM | | he's bipolar ask him to get help.... it might be a fear of commitment, stress at work or he had a fling with some one and its over now ....my advice. he walked on you once he'll do it again. cut ur loses and move on. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:31:02 AM | So you've been with this person for a year and a half. You've spent every spare moment with each other.
Forget the abstract concept of 'men'. How can it be that you think a bunch of forumgoers know this man better than you?
What have you spent a year and a half doing?
It seems like this relationship has fundamental communication issues. I bet that's the root of all these troubles. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:37:34 AM | What this likely means is that he found someone else who was new and exciting, didn't want to string you along, but didn't want to deal with any potential drama that would have arisen from telling you in person that he didn't want to see you anymore (which is immature on his part), and then it didn't work out, and now he wants you back.
He's viciously immature, and not remotely ready for a mature, intelligent, adult relationship. Drop him like a bad habit. Be grateful you got your stuff back. Tell him once, with conviction, in person, that you don't ever want to see him again (if you do it via text, phone or e-mail, it gives him too much wiggle room), and then walk away. Subsequent to that, block his number on your mobile, block him from e-mailing you (every conceivable e-mail client, whether online or otherwise, has this feature), and get on with your life. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:17:17 AM | As I'm reading this I start to hear the Twilight Zone theme playing in my head.
Weird, I would not go back to that bullsheet if I were in your position. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:18:29 AM | Looks like some sort of traumatic issue which could extend to a number of things, ie: past marriages (if applicable), childhood, interest in other women, interest in you from the beginning with perhaps malicious intent -- which sorta grew into genuine affection, or perhaps just generally some sort of side behavior that's abnormal.
Regardless, the start over does have some interesting appeal, but it sounds naive. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:49:01 AM |
he txt's me it's over '' I loved you for the wrong reasons''
and thinks he has made a mitake.. So, his reasons for loving you are now suddenly right? If he made a mistake, why does he not have a consequence for that mistake? Are your emotions such trivial matters that he can play with them, disrespect you, and then come back into your life as if nothing happened? You are the one setting the tone to be mistreated this way.
Men confuse me maybe you could help, I mean how much do you try for someone if you think they are the one. If you are confused now, just know this is as good as it will get. If you are trying hard now, be prepared to try even harder the deeper you get into the relationship. Consider maybe you think this guy is something he is really not. You're seeing a side of him that is fake, that he wants you to be attracted to, but it's not really who he is. Let him go... Take a deep breath and let him go... | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:20:06 PM | emmax31:
1) He tells you it's over, which is fine.
2) You ask for your stuff back, and he refuses to answer you, which is not fine.
3) You don't hear from him for a long time.
4) He's now telling you he misses you and loves you, out of the blue?
Girl, unless you're desperate, there's nothing of value with this guy. He sounds like a Grade-A dork.
Stop all communication with this guy -- don't even respond to him -- and move onto the next guy potential mate. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:34:50 PM |
What does this mean excalty....
He was boinking someone else more intresting than you. She dumped him. But he still needs to boink something and you are easy. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:38:25 PM | Sounds like the bloke is a complete tool and has his own personal issues! more than likely, he was seeing someone else at the same time as you and it didnt work out!
All I can say Emma is move on and leave the gimp alone! | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:51:35 PM | Here's how I see it.
He was seeing someone else on the side, and things started to get serious, so he had to cut ties with you right away, which explains the initial text and then lack of communication.
After some time passes, he was finally able to get rid of the things you left at his place which he probably was keeping hidden from whomever else he was seeing.
After that, she dumped him, and now he's crawling back.
Sorry if it's hard to take, but that's most guys for you. It is actually rare to meet someone these days who isn't seeing someone else on the side in some way or another. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:53:21 PM | DROPE HIM!!!!!,Dont be his back up toy!! agree with all of the above,unless of coarse
you want this to happen over and over.......................... | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:10:44 PM | | If he would hurt you and cut you off like that once, he'll do it again. He's self-centred. This is a man who is not afraid of hurting you and is putting his own feelings first. I would bet that all the reasons he gave for getting back together were to do with how good you made him feel and not the other way round. Judge him by his actions not his words. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:42:45 PM | | Buzzy hit it on the head. You were the fallback. Decide whether that's OK, and if it's not, jump. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:17:32 PM | What does this mean exactly....
He was boinking someone else more interesting than you. She dumped him. But he still needs to boink something and you are available.
Let me add this to buzzy's brutal but accurate post: if you go back to him he will take his frustrations about the other girl who burned him on you. Do you need to be this guys emotional punching bag?
I say no. Girl, do not go back. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:22:52 PM | | Umm the fact that he broke up with you in text alone would tell me to just walk away. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:31:27 PM | | he told you its over via text? wtf after a year v kick him to the curb | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:48:02 PM | OP, there's so much in your description of his behaviour which should set alarm bells off to any sane person.
Now use the following words in the same sentence: 'avoid' and 'plague'. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:17:36 PM | It's OK to talk to him if you genuinely wish to talk to him, to win him back, and want him in your life.
However.....
DO NOT just "see how it goes". That's what you did the first time, and it ended BADLY. You don't want the same result, so this time, you need to lay down some goals, and tell him just WHAT YOU WANT from a real relationship. If he can deliver, fine, get back with him. If he starts waffling out and making excuses, write him off completely.
Accepting him back without condition is just asking for more disrespect. If you want a boyfriend, let him be one, if you want a part-time lover, let him be one. But YOU need to TELL HIM what it is he is SUPPOSED TO BE TO YOU. | |
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| Help me Chaps
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:55:34 AM | | I think it was an ex he almost got back with. He is still a bit conflicted not bi polar. I would lay down the law though if he doesn't like it show him the door. you do not need to be walked on. Was the year and a half happy or were these mood swings there and you missed them. | |
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