| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:17:30 AM | I feel so used and stupid. I met a guy on facebook. Mailed each other for a few weeks got to know each other then arranged to meet. We instantly hit it off. He was still married but they lived seperate lives. They didn't sleep,together and were like sister and brother (yes I know why did I believe him). We saw each other every week most Friday nights he stayed over. We fell in love he told me he was moving out next year. I'd changed his life, he'd never felt so happy and loved and how lucky we were to find each other. This was even said in his last mail to me.
Then last Friday he didn't contact me. Unusual we'd had contact every day for 8 months. I mailed - nothing, text - nothing. So I obviously got worried. Went on Facebook he'd deleted me as a friend!So I sent a mail asking what was going on and threatened to come round unless he told me. So he sent me a mail to tell me he was finishing with me. He'd just decided he couldn't see me anymore, he wasn't ready for a relationship (what was the last 8 months). I know I should never have got involved, but I believed him. I had no reason not to. I keep tormenting myself with the conversations we had about the future and the good times we'd had. Why was I such a fool? If this had been one of my friends I'd have thought they were mad, but I was blind to it all.
I'm absolutely broken hearted. I can't stop crying and thinking about him. I can't eat or sleep. But I know he's not worth it and I probably had a lucky escape. I would never normally go out with a married man, but I thought he was different. He led me to believe it was over for him and her. I'm ashamed of how I feel because I should feel sorrry for his wife not me.
It took me years to trust anyone and now I'm back to square one again. | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:54:41 AM |
He was still married but they lived seperate lives. They didn't sleep,together and were like sister and brother (yes I know why did I believe him).
I have absolutely no sympathy for you, OP. You entered into a "relationship" with a man you knew was married and still living with his wife, and chose to sleep with him. It's the oldest line in the world from philandering husbands to say that "my wife and I don't sleep together, but we're still married because.....blah, blah, blah.
Learn from it, but don't expect anyone to feel bad for you that your immoral behavior resulted in some emotional pain. | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:16:12 AM | OP, it sounds to me from what you post that you know you made a mistake by getting involved with a person who was still, for all intents and purposes, tied to somebody else. People who are just coming out of long-term relationships are not available to date until they have spent some time getting to know who they are all over again. Often people in these situations will jump into a new relationship which acts as a band-aid for all their pain and confusion. These are the classic "re-bound" relationships.
I don't think your behaviour was "immoral" at all. HIS behaviour, on the other hand, was.
It's interesting that men will shy away from separated women who are trying to date but, incredibly, there are many separated men on this website who are dating and appear on a slew of favourites list. This trend would indicate to me that a lot of women simply don't care about the availability factor and choose to make themselves vulnerable. Why is that?
OP, give yourself time to heal. You'll be OK.
SARL | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:42:56 AM | SARL-I don't think your behaviour was "immoral" at all. HIS behaviour, on the other hand, was.
I think you misread the OP. The man was NOT separated.
from the OP--- He was still married but they lived seperate lives. They didn't sleep,together and were like sister and brother
In other words, they were still living together, but he told her that they were like "brother and sister" and not sleeping together. He was still living with his wife. It's an adulterous relationship, that she entered willingly. This is not a gray area. | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:49:50 AM | | Hey come on don't be so hard on her, she already feels bad and admitted she got swept away, we are all human and make mistakes!!!! | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:23:21 PM | RM...the OP was not married. She didn't have vows with anyone. So, no adultery. She also acted in good faith based on what the man told her. If anything, she was naive.
I choose not to date married men because I do not wish to participate in THEIR adultery.
SARL | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:06:55 PM | The want/need for love makes us do stupid things....
forgive yourself and him.
The feelings he inspired in you got you out there trusting again,
feeeeeeeeeeeeeling again. those are good things. don't close your heart~
learn discernment
& to trust the trustworthy...
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:30:48 PM | I cant understand the joy some people have in beating on a dead horse.
She is admitted to her mistake. She is just trying to vent out and maybe hear that it is painful but will just get better.
I dont think she needs any moral lessons....just some human contact.
OP,
At least do not feel guilty it failed because of you. He is the one misrepresenting his situation and maybe at last minute, he just felt bad and decided to get back on track with his marriage.
We learn every day....just take it as a life lesson. We all make mistakes, but the important thing is to not repeat a mistake. Next time a "separated" man approaches you....run as fast as you can.
Take a deep breath and smile, keep fishing!!! | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:36:51 PM |
I cant understand the joy some people have in beating on a dead horse.
She is admitted to her mistake. She is just trying to vent out and maybe hear that it is painful but will just get better.
I dont think she needs any moral lessons....just some human contact.
No, she hasn't owned her own experience. She wants sympathy for her feelings, and to dumpt it all on how she was done wrong. Fact is, her pain is a result of her choice to enter into an immoral act, sleeping with a married man. There is no way that is a moral choice, and the pain she feels, hopefully, will result in life wisdom, as she goes forward in life.
If it becomes how she's a "good person" and it was all because he was bad, she'll take nothing valuable from the experience. Simple fact, she chose to sleep with a man, who is married and living with his wife. Her pain is a result of her choice to do something wrong. | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:56:22 PM | RM,
You are right, but yr words to her could have been a bit less harsh. Totally agree she needs to learn so the experience is valuable.
We dont need harsh to learn a lesson....that was the point I was making and exactly after I read you earlier messages on the thread.
I don't think we need to cuddle and pat on her shoulder, but you could just be less harsh. | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:05:06 PM | *No, she hasn't owned her own experience. She wants sympathy for her feelings, and to dumpt it all on how she was done wrong. Fact is, her pain is a result of her choice to enter into an immoral act, sleeping with a married man. There is no way that is a moral choice, and the pain she feels, hopefully, will result in life wisdom, as she goes forward in life.
If it becomes how she's a "good person" and it was all because he was bad, she'll take nothing valuable from the experience. Simple fact, she chose to sleep with a man, who is married and living with his wife. Her pain is a result of her choice to do something wrong.*
RM? I think you should change your name to Puritan Preacher before you hand out any more scarlet letters.
SARL | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:34:45 PM |
RM? I think you should change your name to Puritan Preacher before you hand out any more scarlet letters.
I don't know about the UK, where the OP lives, but in most states, sleeping with a married person is technically a violation of the law. If it's "ok" to sleep with a married person, what is the meaning of marriage under the law.
I have no sympathy for someone who, knowingly, sleeps with someone she knows to be married. She did so willingly, knowing that he was living with his wife. It's "predictable" that it didn't turn out well.
It's not as if I run around delivering moral lectures. I recognize that I am in no position to throw stones, but she chose to post a whiny thread on a public forum. I think it's worth noting, that she did something that is in violation of the laws of God and man, and that it produced some emotional pain, was a predictable consequence. So, no, I don't feel bad for the OP. I don't bear her malice either. Hopefully, if she chooses to enter into a relationship in the future with a married man, she'll do so with her eyes wide open. Better yet, she will choose not to sleep with, or start relationships with, married men, who are living with their wives. | |
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Posted: 7/4/2009 10:45:12 PM | The OP was looking for some tea and sympathy. "Broken Hearts" is not "Dating Experiences"....there, if you have to deliver your sermon, you can.
How is the OP whining? She is, understandably, upset with herself and needed to get it off her chest.
"did something that is in violation of the laws of God" Whose God? This is a public forum.
"did something that is in violation of the laws of...man" Do they throw adulterer and adulteree in prison where you live?
I think you need to lighten up.
SARL | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:58:34 PM |
Do they throw adulterer and adulteree in prison where you live?
In my state, Wisconsin, she could be sued for "alienation of affection". It's a tort, as a practical matter, rather than a prosecutable offense. Still, it is "wrong" under the law.
She is, understandably, upset with herself and needed to get it off her chest.
No, that was not the tone of the OP. Her tone was in seeing herself as a "victim", seeking validation that "he" was "wrong", which of course he was, but she was too, which she does not acknowledge in the OP.
As I said, the only reason to respond to this in the first place, is that she doesn't own her experpience as a predictable outgrowth of her own bad behavior. She wants to have others feel badly for her, as an "innocent victim", and she isn't. | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:48:49 PM | OP? that was not the thing to do. I was the "wife" in a similar story. Can I just say that every time my ex did not come home, it devastated me. He insisted they were not sleeping together. That was of very little consolation to me.
I changed the locks and kicked him out. Not only did I feel betrayed by him but also by her too. I can not imagine doing that to another woman. I understand you are human and I understand your sorrow. I just can not feel sorry for you. You got what you asked for. | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:15:08 AM | You met and subsequently dated a married man.
Them's the breaks.
It took me years to trust anyone and now I'm back to square one again.
Learn to trust yourself. That means believing in yourself enough to say no to the crumbs of married men. Learn not to break your own boundaries. | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:45:35 PM | | It happens to the best of us.....hopefully, you've learned your lesson....when a man says I'm married but we don't sleep together, or I am separated.....run.......tell em to call u 2 years after their divorced..by then, you should have found an available other single man.......... | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:58:07 AM | THIS IS FOR ALL YOU SINGLE FEMALES. WHEN I AM APPROACHED BY A MALE, I ASK ," ARE YOU MARRIED?" WHEN HE SAYS, "YES BUT NOT HAPPILY!" I REPLY,"call me when you get happily divorced!" THIS DOES THE TRICK EVERY-TIME. | |
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| Dumped by email
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:10:58 AM | | Corrie...you've got it covered!!! I DO the SAME THING!!!! | |
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