| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:49:17 AM | | sorry but i need to vent. i have had this happen to me on pof and other singles sites. i have women make the first contact and when i email them back a lot of the time i don't get a reply. i don't send a long winded email at first just hi, how are you, nice to hear from you. one of the few time it went further she ask me to meet her. it was short notice and i could'nt make it. so after about a month of talking to her on the phone (she called me too) and trying to set up a date, i just gave up. wtf?!! why do you women do this? | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:05:08 AM | Uh...how about trying a "long-winded" email. Ask some questions - make them cookey interesting questions, even.
It really isn't hard if you know how to correspond with people via snail mail.
TDA | |
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Bluez
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Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 3 | |
| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:05:30 AM | Dude... this isn't that difficult to understand... and yes, I know I'm not a woman, but the advice will probably be the same...
First, they email you and after reading your reply, they're no longer interested, so they stop writing. It happens.
Second, you're dealing with people.. not items on a store shelf. Schedules can be difficult to get around, timing isn't always the greatest... but that's dating, and that's why it's called dating and not jumping right into marriage. People will lose interest for a variety of reasons, not all of which you will agree with or like to hear.
Guys do it to women, women do it to guys. If there were more than 2 genders, it would happen between them too. So don't sweat what you can't change. Instead of letting it get to you, just pick yourself up and move on.
Bluez | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:31:17 PM | | To ask that question is perfect. I want to know why someone on the day and hours away they back out. Since I haven't dated for 2 years I really was looking forward to it so why back out. Why even make a date if you weren't going. Please let me know! | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:43:45 PM | | Well for me if i email a guy im interested in and then he just sends an email back short winded like that. It tells me either he isn't that into me you have to act like your interested and want to know more. Because if its just a lame "hey whats up?" i kinda think hmmm not much of a personality...but thats just me :) | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:50:57 PM | When you send back a short, standard reply what the women are inferring is that you aren't interested but just being polite.
If someone emails you and you are interested, it would really be wise to let that person know. Do send back a decent sized response and indicate reciprocal interest.
Once the girl asked you to meet and you couldn't make it, to show interest you should have offered an alternative time to meet. Not doing so, again, indicates a lack of interest and you saying you couldn't make it as a way of just saying a polite no.
The problem isn't the women. It's in your lack of social skills and ability to communicate to women. Work on that and you will likely have a much better experience.
Good luck. | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:01:12 PM | I see you and a lot of younger guys getting themslves so overly frustrated with internet dating. I think you guys come on here with limited "women" skills and hope that this will be somehow easier then real life dating. It most certainly is not easier, its actually harder.
Get off the computer and go clear your head with some real life dating, and take to the time to remember its supposed to be fun whether you succeed or not. Dating is a challenge, and if you keep getting your sh1t all tied up in knots about it, then you at some point will stop trying. And we all know what the out come will be if that happens. | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:38:06 PM | What women want is what most guys on this site (incl. me) don't have, own, possess.
This is the simple explanation. For beginners. Sad and depressing, but that part is the unchanging constant here. Guys, nobody you wish or has suggested on this site, will beg you on her knees.
The complicated explanation would be that women only want those things that are unavailable to them and to their circle of friends. They are reaching and stretching to outmaneouver each other with envy.
The even more complicated one would be that women know what they want, but the things they want change over time. Sometimes very quickly, sometimes very slowly.
And the true answer is... people (women and men) are not creative to change the things they think they want and need to be happy... change is the source of happiness, and being in a rut for too long will poison any wish list. I suggest that men and women change their intersts ever so often. People who date should take up the piano and carry it over to my new house where I move two weeks from now. | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:22:55 PM | I love you, Bluez. ;-) Your help on the boards is always tactful and always makes a lot of sense. Stay, never leave.
First, they email you and after reading your reply, they're no longer interested, so they stop writing. It happens.
Second, you're dealing with people.. not items on a store shelf. Schedules can be difficult to get around, timing isn't always the greatest... but that's dating, and that's why it's called dating and not jumping right into marriage. People will lose interest for a variety of reasons, not all of which you will agree with or like to hear.
Guys do it to women, women do it to guys. If there were more than 2 genders, it would happen between them too. So don't sweat what you can't change. Instead of letting it get to you, just pick yourself up and move on. | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:10:03 PM | What is your complaint? Was it too fast or too slow?
Your profile was interesting enough, but it's just one page. One page doesn't describe a himan being fully. So there were a few e-mail and a few calls to find out more. And she didn't like what she found.
Would you rather her spend 7 years with you, so she understands you better and only then divorced you? There was something that she didn't like, and didn't want to continue.
I'd say, quickly determining that she doesn't like someone is an indication that she actually knows what she wants. Spending years in the state of being unsure is an indication of not knowing what she wants. | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:01:31 PM | Yes women know what they want, what they want is guys like me. Unfortunately I cant be in more then one place at one time, so therefore they rather hang around and wait instead of dealing with whinny guys, who cant keep a conversation or a job. | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:39:34 PM | I know what I want
A man that doesn't-----------
complain constantly
can look on the bright side of life
isn't a complete downer
has a decent head on his shoulder(yeah and the other one too)
not jealous
can maintain a conversation on any numerous topics besides the normal mundane ones
doesn't **** and rant and rave
can look at himself and see what he needs to work on, instead of pointing fingers at everyone else
and the normal, sex god of my dreams, or abnormal sex god, depending on the mood and day of the week
there is more but to many to list | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:00:40 PM | | I know exactly what I want. Too bad that tends to scare guys off. Looks like its them who don't know what they want huh... | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:22:55 PM | | Women don't want to put in the effort when it seems like the guy isn't interested or can't make time for her. You would appear more serious about her if you really tried hard, maybe cancelled something, just to meet her. | |
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| do women really know what they want?
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:36:46 AM | No. Women generally do not know what they want. Ask a woman what she wants three days in a row. You will get a different list each day. Not just a different order of preferences, A DIFFERENT LIST.
Why is this? What women want is somewhat esoteric and ethereal. Like a search for the holy grail, you cannot describe it exactly, you cannot describe where it can be found, and you cannot even describe how possessing it is going to fix everything that isn't quite right.
Women are in search of a relationship with a certain - flavor - that is like comfort food for the soul. It fills them up and they know that whatever need they have will be met. The conditions cannot be pre-determined, but the right relationship will cover all possibilities. Today she needs fun. Tomorrow she needs security. Yesterday she just needed an ear to listen. The answer to these requirements don't come in a doll box labelled "Ken" and a rack full of accessories.
This is why bringing flowers is never enough.
This is why buying jewelry is never enough.
This is why a night on the town is never enough.
All these material things are merely pacifiers of the day. They work like asprin cures a headache. You're good today, but what about tomorrow? Here's where that - flavor -comes in again. A woman who has found a relationship with this quality is not worried about the next piece of jewelry or the next bouquet or the next sit-down dinner. She KNOWS it is coming. She KNOWS her needs will be address and provided for.
Material items, physical details, and romping activities are all well and good, but they do not make the relationship. Women give a list of "wants" because that's what men can react to - that's where men can feel useful. Tell a man "Just take care of me, that's all I want." and he will freak out because there are no instructions. It's a difficult thing to make the jump from "I can build you anything you need" to "I will do what you need". Men are ready to build, not so much ready to do. Bad boys are ready to do. Is it any wonder they attract women? Nice guys are not ready to do, they only know "build it". This is not enough, this simply is not enough.
Dilemma: How do you do what a woman needs when she can't tell you what you need to do? It boils down to TRUST. If you manage the little things well, she trusts you can handle bigger things. If you handle bigger things well, she trusts you can handle the biggest things. This addresses the running arguments about bad grammar, unclean apartment photos, not reading profiles or answering questions. These may be small matters, but they form the base on which to build trust. Next level up - he calls when he said he would call. He is on time. He looks like the photo. He pays without batting an eye. Next level up - He tells you directly when and where he wants you in his life. He makes arrangements to accomodate you into his lifestyle.
It's not about the money. It's about the comfort and trust you have established and the deep knowledge that you are handling each other's needs. What? Too time-consuming and too much effort involved to be attentive? No mention of drawing lines in the sand over sex and money? Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to know about relationships with women.
If you just want to buy their attention you can keep doing that. How's that working for ya...??? | |
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