| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:15:28 PM | http://edition.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/07/01/tf.narcissim.keeping.you.single/index.html
I think I am guilty of some of the same things the article talks about. I don't expect someone to be perfect ( there is no such thing).
Is it really that bad that I would rather be single then settle for someone I am not that into? | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:05:58 PM | Which things are you talking about? The article refers to 20 somethings and narcissism.
I looked at your profile and there was nothing about self indulgence in there. Just what you like to do and plan on doing. You're 31 years old and are holdint out sort of say until you meet the right one. There never is a perfect person, just someone who you can appreciate and who can appreciate you for who they are.
The article talks about 20'x building their life before anything and being self-centered. It also says that people attach themselves to things or people that make them feel better. I am a firm believe in being happy with yourself as many of my posts will say but using things or people to make yourself happy will end in a major loss. Relationships are meant to compliment you, not raise you. Some people want the trophy wife / husband. Some of us want a wife / husband to walk through the good and bad by our side with a simple ear to hear or lips to speak with.
As we get older we realize we cannot change people, people can only change themselves or adjust accordingly as needed. Life is a bunch of give and take. Then again, if we all had the "perfect match" would we be truly happy? We all need spontaneity, unknowns, and differences to go through life to feel that sense of meaning and accomplishment (At least until we reach age 98, then we can frolic around on our front lawns in speedos without a care).
Then again, there are some horrendous trolls in these forums that have to belittle man or woman. Is that a form of narcissism to put themselves above others? Who knows...
You pose the question about rather being single that settle... No, it is not bad as long as you are responsible and own your actions and commitments along the way. Be open and honest with women where you are at in life. Women really do appreciate honesty and believe it or not, respect you more for that. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:16:16 PM | OP: Be the person your dog thinks you are...cause she looks like she thinks you are god's gift to pupper-doodles.
I was married for a very long time so my situation is a bit different from yours...but I think as you get older, you do want to compromise less. And it's not so much that you are narcissistic or selfish...it's more that some of the bologna that people spout is no longer ok. Taking this out of dating context; don't you have friends that you like and enjoy...but would never live with? I have friends that I know I can't go to certain places with because their behavior there drives me nuts. Etc. So, in looking for a love connection (good lord, I just had a Greg Woolery or whatever the heck his name was flashback) there are a lot of moving pieces. I have a co-worker whom I dig going out for drinks with - but eating out with her at lunch time drives me nuts. I have a friend that can't handle anyone else joining us on outings, sheesh, imagine being married to that? Eeek. So, no, I don't think your narcissist. Yet. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:06:13 PM | | It's ok not to settle, just make sure your expectations are'nt to high. However, it is ok to actually go out on a date with someone who may seem imcompatable, rather then sit at home waiting for the right match to come to you. You never know, you might click with someone you never thought was your type | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:54:46 PM | Theres a very easy way of doing this, "never have expectations, means you never get let down", also realise, sometimes your better NOT doing something if you know doing it is going to wind you up or fail.
I stopped dating over 10 years ago, i just cant be bothered, been used to much, let down (dumped at an airport to get home alone) and to be honest sick of "your find someone", the basics is, i wont so i stopped banging me head on a brick wall and gave up...
easier life.. )
sometims its better to turn to other things in life than keep on failing at something... :) | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:26:44 PM |
Is it really that bad that I would rather be single then settle for someone I am not that into?
I consider it 'bad' for someone to settle. If you're not into someone, why even date them, much less 'settle' down with them? What an unhappy existence that would be, OP.
I'd rather be happy by myself than to even consider something like that.
When you find one who you are into, all of these questions and concerns will be as if they never existed. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:15:04 AM | I too would rather be single than settle, but I did find my ideal match. It just took longer and more effort, plus overcoming distance issues.
Perhaps your user name is a problem - it sounds like you enjoy cooking dogs outdoors. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:17:55 AM |
I don't expect someone to be perfect ( there is no such thing).
You seem like a nice guy. I suspect you got women all around you, and you do not make a move to shore them up because you are respecting their rights, but they seem to be incapable of letting you know, and you do not wish to be a pushy person you dislike.
I see alot of you in myself, expecially a number of years ago. Maybe try working those women around you now, like, "Hey I dig you, do you want to get it on sometime, or hey, even a one to one coffee would be nice, cause I enjoy spending time with you".
At least them it is on the table, not in area of grey, and she knows you want her are are willing to make the move. I do not make the move much, but when I see what I want, I make the move. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:26:37 PM | i know that somehow i got it into my head at a very young age that i would never "settle" for anyone.. so now it seems that maybe i have made every single tiny fault something that i have to "settle" for instead of realizing that to accept someone's faults is not "settling".. it is being kind (and realistic since i am no embodiment of perfection myself)
i don't know why some people seem to find marriage and happiness years before others, but i like to think that there is a reason i don't have a ring on my finger yet | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:47:21 AM |
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/07/01/tf.narcissim.keeping.you.single/index.html
I think I am guilty of some of the same things the article talks about. I don't expect someone to be perfect ( there is no such thing).
Is it really that bad that I would rather be single then settle for someone I am not that into?
No. At the very least you should really be into someone you are involved with whether you have a whole lot in common or are complete opposites that attract. However,if you get my age and still are not married you might want to seriously consider if your standards have been too high. However,in my case it is not a matter of me thinking I am too good for a lot of women. It is a that a lot of them have just not been compatible with me in some way or another. I am a very unusual man and it will take a similarly unusual woman for me to click with. I know, a lot of folks say that but I am a downright weirdo but not in a bad way. For starters,I am a Christian. That alone drastically knocks down the number of women I can date. Maybe you have a similar limitor. Anyway,God bless.  | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:22:39 PM | | OP, you may be facing a dilemma, because there are several people who will try to convince you that you should settle. They will present the arugment of "Well most people_______(fill in the blank), to try to imply to you that you are limiting yourself and shrinking your dating pool if you are being so selective in your dating choices. They will not discuss with you the "power of affirmation", and the "law of attraction" to bring whats best for you into your life. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:01:20 PM |
Is it really that bad that I would rather be single then settle for someone I am not that into?
Not bad at all. I was in a relationship for a long time and realized I was settling and putting up with some awful things. I'm much happier being single than being with someone who wasn't right for me.
I think as we get older, maybe we are a little picker, but we also know more of what we want. Then again, the older we are the more likely it will be that we'll have some baggage, so you've just got to figure out what you can deal with and what's an absolute deal breaker. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:45:48 AM |
Is it really that bad that I would rather be single then settle for someone I am not that into?
Why would that be bad? IMO more people should think like this. Dating just anyone to avoid being alone is just really counterproductive and a lose/lose for both people. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/10/2009 11:57:55 AM | Is it really that bad that I would rather be single then settle for someone I am not that into?
I don't think it's bad. However, I think you have to be 100% able to happily accept being alone for the rest of your life if you want to take on that ideology.
I think it's fine to want someone who has certain qualities and such, but I say it over and over that standards are only good if you can actually attain them.
If you want the marriage and family in life, then you might want to look over that laundry list and ask what you think are truly important and what are trivial. If you can live without finding "the one" and don't care if you have children or not, then by all means...hold out for Mr or Ms Perfect.
The article though talks about why a lot of RLs fail, citing that the cause are two people so more in love with themselves and their own ideas of a RL that they forget that it's about two people. When it seems their own personal pleasure is regarded as the highest priority over anything else, including making your mate happy. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/10/2009 12:11:05 PM | ^^^I totally agree. The ratio of what you want vs. what you'll accept has to be realistic.
If you want the world, but want to be married with kids by 35, obviously you'll have adjust your thinking. If you want the world and don't care if you stay single until you die if you never find it, then rock on. | |
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| I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single?
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:55:42 PM | | The article is talking about socio-economic pressures to become self-sustaining, and the fact that women have the option of becoming financially independent before choosing a life mate. That article is completely mis-using the word narcissist. A narcissist is someone with excessive self love. Someone with enough common sense to become financially stable does not a narcissist make. | |
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