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 Author Thread: Please review my profile please, quite thankful for good tips!
 Loop_00

Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 1
Please review my profile please, quite thankful for good tips!
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:43:29 PM
So i just went through and did a whole bunch of editing. Read the "Profile Writing Tips" thread and found some great tips and ideas there.

now just need some more help to see how i can polish the profile up some more.

preemptive thanks to all that help!

next issue after this is learning how to send an intro email that merits a reply lol. But we wont worry about that right now.
 johninsd

Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 2
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Please review my profile please, quite thankful for good tips!
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:12:43 PM

i will apologize now, for bad grammar and spelling, it's always a work in progress.


What you're saying here is, "I know I didn't write this well, but I can't be bothered to fix it." Proper capitalization, spelling, punctuation, etc. is very important. Don't apologize, fix it.

Other than that, your content looks good. I would get away from the "list" and put it together into coherent paragraphs that flow. A list encourages people to "check off" items... and if they don't think they're putting enough checkmarks, they figure, "There's no point in responding".
 Loop_00

Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 3
Please review my profile please, quite thankful for good tips!
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:16:57 PM
good point there.

was trying for half list half paragraph..."style" as it were. will be editing more tho,

Thanks! +rep
 Loop_00

Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 4
Please review my profile please, quite thankful for good tips!
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:48:40 PM
bump

(longer message needed)
 Loop_00

Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 5
Please review my profile please, quite thankful for good tips!
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:55:16 PM
bump, just gettin the thread back to the start, hopin for a lil more advice if anyone wants to help out
 johninsd

Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 6
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Please review my profile please, quite thankful for good tips!
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:12:50 PM
Your main pic is too far away. I would swap in #4 until I could get a good head shot.

Right off the bat, go in and capitalize all of the "I"s referring to yourself.


I am honest, i have never cheated on a girl.

I AM one of the nice guys.


Delete. Nobody says, "I'm a liar, I'm a player, I'm a bad guy" Stating this stuff is redundant, and it makes people wonder why you felt the need to start talking about how "honest" you are.


I work hard and relax with even more seriousness.


Huh? If you were subcontinent-India or Chinese, fresh off of the boat, this could be forgiven. But you aren't, so this is bizarre and confusing.


I am a night owl and actually dont like sleeping much.


That's... weird. You're getting people to start asking questions, but not the kind that you want to be asked.


Yes i am a nerd and i game, but alot else.


Again with the strange language usage. Referring to yourself as a "nerd" in this context is negative. And gaming is not going to be any kind of an interest for 99%+ of the women here.


[note: i have already taken around 200 pictures of the coast the last month so if you ever want scenic pics just ask]


Delete. Save that for later.


After that i wont have the time because i have joined the Air Force and will be going to boot camp this fall.


If you "won't have time", why are you here? Joining the Air Force is laudable. But where are you going to be stationed? No, not where do you think you'll be stationed... if it isn't in writing, guess what? You're gonna be traveling, my friend And my crystal ball says sand and heat are a likely part of your near-term future.


I have an Associate's degree in Hospitality Restaurant Management, tho i fear i wont use it.


I wish there was a head-shaking smiley.

Why do you "fear you won't use" this degree? On second thought... just delete this.


The site asks what i am looking for..Yes it is mostly dating, but i also want, hanging out, an email buddy, possible long term, and new friends


I think that, after you address the issues of where you're going to be after Basic, you need to pick one goal, set that in your profile, delete that sentence, and you might very well find some of the other stuff. Assuming you stick with Dating, you really need to write a paragraph about who you're looking for. What qualities does she have, what does she like to do, etc.
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