| Who is suited to Online dating?
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:16:58 PM | Firstly, please forgive the fact that I have just returned home from the pub and feel in a philosophical mood!
I was thinking about the qualities of a person who would be 'succesful' at online dating. Personally I have been using online dating (across various sites) for probably 5 years on and off. I went through a spell last year where I got about 12-15 dates, although they really didn't develop into anything (most were via mysinglefriend, and the others via Zoosk (Facebook) by the way); however, aside from that particular purple patch I receive a very low level of response to messages. Without counting I have probably sent about 50 messages through various sites (MSF, POF, Match, eharmony, Zoosk) without a single reply. Yet I know that, based on the advice on these forums, that I am constructing the right sort of message.
It got me thinking that having trawled through these forums not many people seem to be getting a lot out of online dating. Certainly the people posting here, from both sides of the Atlantic and across genders and age groups, seem to be after the same sort of thing, yet are somewhat disillusioned by their experiences. Men generally moan that women dont reply to their messages and women complain that there are not enough genuine messages sent to them. So, is there a certain type of person who succeeds at Online dating?
In the same way that different tennis players do better in different competitions, on different surfaces , is there a type of person that comes across better online? I suppose success is subjective, but based on my own situation, I use online dating, as a tool for finding a potential partner, because I'm not capable of approaching women in bars/clubs as I'm always far too conscious (regardless of alcoholic consumption) of myself.
So, what I'd like to know is....do people on here who would regard themselves as 'successful online daters' (please define success - an email conversation, a date, a shag, an engagement etc) have much success in the real world too? | |
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| Who is suited to Online dating?
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:44:02 PM | Imbibed posting, that is always an interesting read...
It worked for me... I have had several relationships, and am engaged to my SO, that I met a year ago this mo...
Taking this in the fishing analogy every day is a new day and a new potential to meet someone, it just depends on if each person is open minded enough to explore meeting people for friends, and then seeing where it goes...
Sure you have to have the right fishing rig for what you want, however if you are fishing for Salmon, and catch carp, that can be a downer. However if you are just out for fun, and not going to get uptight if you catch carp, because it is the thrill of the catch, I think a person will have more luck...
Personally from doing the forums for 2 yrs, people have such strict guidelines as to what they want, and no exceptions... Ok, that is great, however it limits the people you may meet, simply because these same quality people have to find the other person attractive as well...
I wrote my SO, I didn't think of him in the least when I wrote as someone I'd be attracted to, or have romantic interest. I had been on here for almost a year, and reached the point I was going to just look for friends, so I wrote to find out about something he had an interest in...
When we started to talk it was that connection people always say they want... However when we seen each other, and he smiled, dang his smile just melted me... A year later and his smile, that one he gives to me, still makes me melt..
What made this on line dating a success, is because I didn't think of it as the only way I would ever meet someone that would connect with me. I figured it was about numbers, and after a certain amount of numbers there would have to be a roll of matching dice... I went out with people, and or chatted with people that may not have fit all my criteria, however I was getting out, meeting people, and honing my skills of conversation, and refining what I would be willing to live with, and what I wouldn't...
I know it isn't easy for everyone, and that people believe they have a right to have the demands they want in a relationship, or if they don't they'd be settling... That is fine, they can have it that way, but it reduces their chance of meeting people that may not be what they consider a perfect match...  | |
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| Who is suited to Online dating?
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:50:40 PM |
Who is suited to Online dating? I was having a conversation earlier today about this topic... the type of people that are and then the type that are not suited for being online...
So, who is suited? People with a strong sense of self... people that don't become entwined in the lives of others easily, but are open enough to allow someone in after they have ascertained that the person is genuine.
Who is ill suited? The people that are on here to have their egos stroked and the ones that need the validation from others.
So, what I'd like to know is....do people on here who would regard themselves as 'successful online daters' (please define success - an email conversation, a date, a shag, an engagement etc) have much success in the real world too? There's not much difference between online and IRL relationships... for them to be lasting, and that's everything from a romantic relationship to friendship, you need to be real and honest. Inconsistencies show to everyone after a time so if you are successful in your friendships and relationships offline, you'll find success online as well. | |
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| Who is suited to Online dating?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:27:32 PM | I don't know about suited but what you most commonly find is people who are quite socially inept who think that if they search on line they will suddenly have the success they have never had face to face.
It doesn't work like that.
Those that are successful online tend to be the ones who are successful off line as well. Regardless of medium, social skills and the ability to interact with the opposite gender is needed.
On line dating should only be of many venues for meeting people. Just one of many tools in your tool belt. It should supplement not replace meeting people in your day to day life. | |
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| Who is suited to Online dating?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:52:52 PM | | I have often thought about the same thing. Who is suited for online dating? Anyone with a computer who's looking to broaden their dating pool. Simple as that I guess. | |
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