| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:51:57 PM | Ok, the first profile was hostile... the second profile was better but eaten by the PoF goblins... So, on to the third try.
The third time is the charm, right?
Anyway, let me know what you think...
Heck, right or wrong tell me what you think I'm saying... it might help.
Thanks in advance! | |
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| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:13:53 PM | Well, you probably could do without that sentence about "Pof goblins". Starting right off the bat with something "negative-ish".
And the sentence about "Everyone wants the same thing". I personally don't believe in that. Everyone wants happiness? Yes! But how do you get happiness and find "the one" is different for everyone. | |
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| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:22:28 PM | Ok, I thought the comment about the PoF goblins was funny... sigh.
As for the "everyone wants the same thing" comment, I tend to agree. It was more something that someone told me that my descriptions of "Mr. Right" were the same old things everyone wants. Smart, funny, sweet, etc... So I was trying for a different angle.
Thanks for the thoughts. | |
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| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:28:21 PM | Oh, on a side note.... Strangely enough, I got more e-mails on the hostile profile. Weird huh? But I'm not a hostile person so I really don't want to go back to that.
Thanks for any help! | |
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| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:40:12 PM | Lots of good information in your profile, but it needs some tweaks. My advice to you would be - think about your target audience (the type of man you'd like to attract) and make adjustments with that in mind.
Here's what I see (realizing I'm not your target audience, so take what you feel is useful):
Picture - your main pic is attractive, but could be more effective. Crop it down so it's just your face. Keep in mind that in the search pages of POF, those thumbnails are mighty small. The most effective main picture will be a close-up of your face only - much more than that and the details are lost.
Also, you need more variety in your pics. I know they're all different, but your pose and costume are pretty similar in all three. Add in some pictures that show off different sides of you.
Headline - maybe it's just me, but "All dressed up with nowhere to go" sounds kinda sad or possibly desperate to me. (Not saying you sound desperate, just that it could be interpreted that way.) The best headlines are fun and inviting, and make you want to read more.
About Me - your best paragraph in here is the one under ISO (after the first sentence, which is unnecessary). You talk about what you are looking for, and give little examples which really highlight your personality. ("Someone who thinks it's cute when I do the "happy dance" because I just got my Boingo tickets. ") This is fantastic, and you need to apply it to the rest of your information.
Apply the writing style from your ISO paragraph to the rest of your About Me. Lists are boring, and cause people to scroll down. Talking about what you don't want is negative, and that's not attractive. Plus, it doesn't work - nobody believes they are a flake, etc.
Choose two, three, maybe four things about yourself that are uniquely you, and describe them (as noted above). Profiles should be "bait" for lack of a better word - not an exhaustive catalog of who you are. Give enough info that the reader will think "Hey, that's interesting". But leave it general enough to invite further questions, giving the viewer something to work with.
Hope this helps.
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| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:51:41 PM | I thought you did a really good job on your profile. Definately better than my profile. The only thing that I might change would be in the first date comments. I get a bit confused about the "first date" vs. "first meet" intention. I believe they are two different things. I'd leave out the first sentence and the last sentence in that section.
The first sentence is covered in the second.
The third sentence mentions meeting at DisneyWorld, movies etc. I'm not so sure you would want to commit to an all day affair with someone who you are just getting to know. What if after 10 minutes you couldn't wait to get away from the guy? Well Obviously you could just leave, but it may leave some bad tastes in everyones mouths.
Just a thought. | |
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| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:53:08 PM | The headline is from a favorite song... point taken but that one still has me stumped beyond favorite lyrics.
I guess I could make the beginning into a paragraph and not a list...
The pics are a work in progress but I'll see if I have a few more somewhere. Being camera shy can really give a girl some problems...
Thanks for the ideas. | |
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| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:53:06 PM | It's me in a good way?
Thank you for your input.
Good luck to you too! | |
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| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:14:29 AM | I just looked for the first time, and I think it's a very nice profile.
First off, pics. I agree with the poster above that you could use some variety. Are you ALWAYS in costume? ;) But your smile is great!
For men dating women with children, I think it's often important to include some information about how that works. I'm not saying give tons of details (no names/pics!), but there's a WHOLE lot of different between dating a woman with an 18-year old who's only home during break from college, and dating a woman who has quadruplet infants at home and full custody. How many, what ages, and when are they with you? These are huge factors in deciding whether or not you'll be compatible...
Incidentally, not sure if the powers that be will allow this, but honestly, I've seen FAR more people "like you" (geeky in a good way) on OK Cupid, another free dating site. You might want to consider checking it out.
Nitpicky stuff:
Lose this sentence, because it doesn't add anything at all, and is just making the profile unnecessarily longer:
Not to make a laundry list, but these are some things that are important to me.
Also, really? No alcohol on the first date? Not even a beer over dinner? Or are you more worried about some guy getting sloppy drunk on the first date? I'm worried (for your sake) that this could make you come across as really anal about alcohol. (Which is fine, if you are, but if you're not, maybe just eliminate that line and explain your preference with your date when planning it out...)
In your "laundry list" paragraph, almost every sentence is about "the guy," and then there's this one stuck in there: "I want to laugh and have fun." That one sounds like it belongs in your first paragraph.
I would lose the quotes at the bottom of the profile. They're just filler, and 99% of men won't even notice them.
Alright, aside from the nitpicky stuff above, I think it's a great profile!
Good luck! | |
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| Third time's the charm?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:40:48 PM | I wear black a lot... and when I'm dressed up, most of that is black too... it's the whole gothy thing.
I don't mind a beer over dinner, so point taken.
I put quotes because it's a line from a song...
Thank you so much for your thoughts. :) | |
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