| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:26:28 AM | My SO and I have been together for a year, and for the most part I have few complaints, except one that is eating at me. I don't know if I am asking to much out of him, because he's a guy, or if he's just the type that has no interest in what I do for schooling, hobby et al...
I am in college and have 2 quarters left to get my Bachelors; anyone that has gone knows the Senior year is very demanding, and some of the classes require a large amount of research to create an outstanding paper...
I don't ask a lot out of him, and to him just loving me is good enough, however I have asked that he take at least a little interest in my schooling, not do my home work, or anything major. Just ask what it is I am working on, or how it is going, and what I have came up with..
He told me that is not something he does, nor does he want to, and by me asking him to take an interest I am trying to change him... For real??? Wanting your SO and partner to ask how your day went, how's the garden, what's going on in your classes is to much??? Pretty much he doesn't ask much about anything I am doing, which from my perspective seems rather void of interest in me as an actual person...
So I am have to ask, is it really to much to ask that my SO take a little interest in what I am doing, or do men just not care, or have an interest in what their partner is doing???
Thanks in advance... | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:37:53 AM | JM good point, no I really wouldn't want him to "fake interest", however is it asking to much to have your SO actually have interest. If it is for men, ok, so be it, however I have to say this is kind of an area that is a first for me, or maybe it isn't I may have not noticed before...
Thanks good thought... | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:47:19 AM | Unless he is intimidated by your educational pursuits, I don't see what harm could come from a little interest.
My SO is always preparing for the next step in her occupation. We recently took a trip out of state so she could take an exam (2 days, 8 hours each, brutal). My work has an office nearby, so I worked from there. I helped her out by providing machine access to test modules (she uses a Mac, me too, but also have a Win VM to install and access her Win-only applications). It worked out well for both of us.
She pushes me to advance in my career (I am happy where I am and have a tendency to focus on the learning curve at hand instead of plan for higher roles), and I value her motivation. She always inquires about my challenges despite the fact that the fine-grain details are utterly foreign, and vice versa.
A lot of men do, and should care about what their SOs are passionate about. My SO is a doctor and I always ask questions about the her work and the type of projects she juggles. The only way it has changed me has been by providing enough understanding to follow (to some extent) the conversations we have with her colleagues during work parties, events, etc. I help however and whenever I can, whether that means solving unrelated technical impediments for her, or helping her study for exams. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:50:50 AM | You expressed your wants/desires.
He responded by telling you that (taking an interest in your life) is not something he does.
is it really to much to ask? Apparently, to him it is.
If taking an interest in your life is "trying to change him" then that might lead one to believe he currently has no interest in you or your activities.
Do you really need to ask if not having an interest in what their partner is doing is ok in a relationship? | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:06:41 AM | Morrison did have a good point. I doubt what you are looking for is is an insincere show of interest.
Maybe his interest in school is only one example of a him showing disinterest in the importnat things in your life? Soes he ask you how things are going in other areas of your life. Does he seem interested in things that are specifically, and personally relevant to only you? If not than maybe it is an issue that you should discuss with him.
I know that when in a relationship, I personally like to have my significant other be interested in how my life is going, and interested in hearing about things that are important to me. I think that wanting to hear about the things that are important to your partner is a very important part of a healthy relationship.
So to answer your question, no, I dont think that wanting your boyfriend to have an interest in what is going on in your life is too much to ask, and think that it is importnat that he does. As far as his belief that you are trying to change him....well, has he ever shown a sincere interest in things that are going on in your life? If not, then maybe you are. That having been said, you need to decide if this is something that you are willing to accept in a man.
Good luck to you at any rate. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:08:21 AM | Well you can't have your cake and eat it too. If he's not interested, and you don't want him to fake interest, this is as good as it's gonna get. If you want him just to ask, that could probably be done, but if you want him to care, not so much.
I've had more then my fair share of education, and as per the daily grind I really didn't find it compelling enough to want to talk about it, much less think someone else would find it interesting. Some people feel differently obviously, but to me unless it's something that I think a person would find legitimately interesting, I don't want to bore them with it. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:13:45 AM | we do know we have right to have our own personal space in any close and good relationship, that we dont want our partner to invade, right? it also apply to the space, our partner have the right dont like to 'invade'.
if you two have other common interesting things to share, why give up those sharing moments and for other to enjoy?
Best of your love
E | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:15:44 AM | | You are over thinking this, I agree with your boyfriend on this. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:29:03 AM | Instead of expectations...........how about maybe offering up some info?
I think that some of us half expect that, if something interesting is going on, your going to tell us anyway.
OP: If you offer up info on what's going on it gives him an opening to ask questions. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:42:04 AM | | I would think not. Normally one would have an interest in ones SOs activities. However, it appears not to be so for him Perhaps in the past he has asked - looking for the short answer, and received the long answer - so no longer asks. Or maybe it is just the way he is. Is it also possible that he is maybe understanding, yet resentful of the time that school takes away from your time together? i.e he understands the neccessity of it but wishes you had more time together. This often occurs with school and with having children. Food for thought. Tread lightly on this one. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:41:56 AM | I disagree with JM, its not about faking interest but rather about being in a relationship and being understanding of the other person. Each other have their own needs and desires.
If one is going through school that is a major goal and the partner, while they may not be interested in the subject should be supportive simply because its important to the other person. To brush it off as 'its not my thing' is being dismissive to the person that should be the most important person in their life.
Its not about trying to change someone but simply realizing there are TWO people in a relationship with each others own wants and desires. While its better that your interests intersect for the most part, at times they wont, thats when the 'give and take' in a relationship comes into play. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:05:00 AM | | A big part of a long-term relationship is understanding and taking interest in the things that matter to your partner. If he can't do so now, this isn't an issue that's going to get better with age. What could be a minor gulf today could be the Grand Canyon 10 years from now. Take this as a serious red flag. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:05:35 AM | When I am a SO (which I assume is significant other) I'm always very interested in what my partner is doing. If your SO is not interested in your life it is not unreasonable that you should want him to be. Particularly if you are going through a tough college course. He should take an interest. It is not 'faking an interest', as suggested earlier it is taking the trouble to support you properly.
It is a matter of supporting you in your endeavors. College/uni work is hard and having someone as a sounding board, even if they know nothing about the subject, can be very useful. In this way he should be supporting you.
On the other hand some people do like to compartmentalize (I think that is the term) and as long as your both happy there is no problem.
All this is my humble opinion. At the end of the day, if your happy, that is all that matters.
Graham | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:09:44 AM | For sure it is too much to ask... there's nothing wrong with having different interests, if we were all the same life would be boring.
If he was interested it in I'm guessing he would be at school with you learning it himself.
Be happy with him as he is!! | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:10:01 AM | There are a lot of different levels to a relationship, but it sounds like you've got either a very egotistical boyfriend or someone who just considers you a fxxk buddy.
That's just taking it at face value. I mean, getting not wanting to get caught up in the various details of your classes is one thing, but not even asking how your day went? You must feel kind of left out of the picture ... seems odd to me. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:14:12 AM | Op does he show interest in other things that interest you outside of your studies?
Does he ask how your day was? How you feel about things?? | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:36:53 AM | | It's too much to ask, but not too much to expect. Presuming your schooling has something to do with career, he should be very interested in what you do all day, in the first place. If not, then you're looking at separate lives, possibly tending toward roommate status. | |
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| Is this to much to ask?
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:22:44 AM |
Instead of expectations...........how about maybe offering up some info?
I think that some of us half expect that, if something interesting is going on, your going to tell us anyway.
OP: If you offer up info on what's going on it gives him an opening to ask questions.
I agree with Mr P.
Don't wait to be asked, nexthyme. Tell him what's happening, what you're working on, what you might be struggling with. Give him an opening... | |
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