| Is it wrong to want to get your own back..??
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:30:05 PM | I had a number of relationship, some long term, some short and some middle of the row.
Although I am 31, I do feel I have a very mature outlook, I'm not by any means childish.. However my recent ex has used me, played continuous mind games, lied to me for a year and a half and just really played me for a fool... never in any of my past failed relationship's have I wanted to teach them a lesson or get them back but with this one it's different, i've just been like chin up and get on with it...I'm not a crazy lady I just feel so angry I guess that I have falled for all the cheating and lieing that I cant stop thinking about getting him back..
Is it really wrong to want to do this?? Not that I have an idea what I would do.. | |
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| Is it wrong to want to get your own back..??
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:35:04 PM | | The best way to "get him back" (in a revengeful sense) is to ensure that you learn enough from the experience that the long term impact upon your life is positive. Sometimes the most ill-intentioned people can teach us so much about ourselves. Take advantage of the learning opportunities. Leave him be -- people who have ill intentions suffer enough in their own way without any outside help. | |
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| Is it wrong to want to get your own back..??
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:38:34 PM | Revenge, or the feeling of wanting it, is ok to some degree, but it solves nothing, helps nothing, contributes nothing but negativity to someone, and hurts your spirit.
Move on. Move on. | |
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stts
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Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 4 | |
| Is it wrong to want to get your own back..??
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:44:04 PM | I know how you feel. Its no fun being made a fool of. And a little revenge can be very good for the soal. But you cant get carried away with it and you have to know when to draw the line on it. Do something quick and dirty, and get it over with. You want a little satifaction, but you dont want to let this consume you. And dont be stupid about it and get caught. Then it makes things worse.
I came out of a bar awhile back and some woman was kicking and scratching up the paint on somebodys new truck with a screw driver. I stepped in to stop the vadalism, but she started bawling about all the hurt the guy put to her. I felt so sorry for her that I ended up walking away from it. It pained me to see somebody could hurt a woman like that, but I guess it happens all the time. But I can take comfort in knowing I would never intentionally hurt a woman like that. | |
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| Is it wrong to want to get your own back..??
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:55:41 PM | It is natural in the early days of dealing with the shock of betrayal, the anger and the grief of it ending, to fantasize about revenge, pay back and confrontation to shove it in his face how evil he is and how wronged you are. What you are wanting is to get revenge for how foolish you felt you were; in effect I would suppose what you really want is to restore your dignity and esteem for yourself. Getting revenge doesn't do a thing to restore our view of ourselves.
There is a huge difference in fantasizing about it and actually doing it. Sometimes we focus on the anger and revenge as a defense mechanism to avoid feeling the layer underneath it... the sadness and grief. You don't sound like the sort of person who would ruin another's life even if it would be tempting to do so. Be the person you say you are, even when in the midst of this despair and anger. Actually, it is in times like this, times when it is the most difficult, that we get to decide who we really are.
Choose wisely. | |
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stts
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Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 6 | |
| Is it wrong to want to get your own back..??
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:59:46 PM | Its all understandable. When you've been hurt and decieved, there is a lot of confussion and mixed emotions she has to work through. She can go back and forth for quite awhile on something like this. Thats why I said to do something quick and dirty to try to move past this. There is a lot of hurt out there that is really tough to let go of without doing at least a little something. | |
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| Is it wrong to want to get your own back..??
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:29:15 PM | It is in adversity that you really found the true value and strength of a person or about yourself.
Now, you are there, in the aftermath.
Tell me again if how you see yourself before the events versus your reaction or mind frame after events are the same?
Not really.
You have learned a lesson about yourself.
Frustration is natural, especially when you deeply care or love, but it fade over time.
Acting on it is a whole different ballgame and only diminish yourself in so many ways without producing anything positive, quite the opposite. | |
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| Is it wrong to want to get your own back..??
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:33:52 PM | So you got taken for a ride. Learn to not make the same mistake again.
Otherwise, the jackass gets to play innocent knight to your crazy ex-girlfriend.
Sour grapes just always end up being sour grapes.
Pick yourself up, realize you are just as responsible for this steaming pile of crap as he is, I mean he never held a gun to your head and forced you to stay did he?You might have gotten played, but you also played along. Taking some ownership of your choices might diminish some of the anger /need for revenge you are feeling. | |
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