| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:56:43 PM | I recently met someone that I am interested in except for one thing .... how do you tell a guy that he really needs some fashion sense? I am referring to basic things such as wearing clothes that fit. For instance, his stomach hangs over his pants and out of his shirt. I don't think he is trying to make a fashion statement.......
What do I say and how do I say it tactfully? He really is a great guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings. He has a super personality and sense of humor so I think if said the right way, he wouldn't be offended.
Maybe I should just take him shopping instead of saying something? How would you feel if a woman you liked wanted to change your style of dress? Would you think she cared or would you think she was controlling? I really would like to hear opinions.
Thanks in advance!!! | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:01:23 PM | Ouch. Over his pants and out of his shirt? And he's wearing tight clothes?
Taking a guy out for a new outfit is NOT controlling. Especially if you slather on a bit of affection and compliment his new look.
Just mention to him that's something you want to do, and not to change him. If he understands, great. If he doesn't, red flag. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:02:43 PM | | I would drop you in a heartbeat. If your trying to change what I wear early on you may have preconceived notions about trying to change me in other ways if we are together for a while. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:03:21 PM | You know, there really isn't a good way of telling a guy he doesn't have fashion sense. It's like telling a woman that she slightly overweight; it might be true, but it might be poison to bring up to some. I've never been a fan of taking him out to shop for clothes for him - in some ways, it is more offensive than being direct.
So where does this leave you? If it really this important to you, be direct. Maybe he's been slouching and not trying to dress, and thus will do a better job. However, depending on how he takes criticism of his stylish sense, it might be a relationship-breaker as well.
The best of luck is whatever you decide. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:04:03 PM | Start out by saying, "You know what would look great on you..." Or, "I saw this shirt the other day that I think you'd really like.." Make him think it was his idea.
It may not change things overnight, but if you're worried about his feelings being hurt, that might be the way to go. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:05:26 PM | Women rarely think guys have any fashion sense. And women traditionally have been very good about subtly changing guys on this. But it will be a project that takes YEARS. You will have to decide how to be subtle. Instead of "taking him" shopping, just be sure you go with him the next time he goes shopping. Not to help him shop, but because you like being with him. And then you can suggest things, probably telling him how good he'll look in that. Explain WHY he will look good so sometime when he's shopping on his own he'll make the "right" choice.
It may also be that he's buying from memory when he was thin and doesn't realize his weight has gone up and what worked then doesn't work now.
But, altho I hate manipulation, in this case it's fine. I've been manipulated subtly on clothing, furniture, and other taste before and it's fine. Just don't talk to him directly about it. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:21:19 PM | CK, we are talking bare skin hanging out over his pants!! I don't have a problem at all with his body and that he is heavy but like I said, it's the basics, I'm not trying to make him a runway model, I just would hope someone would say to me "You really need to cover your gut up - it's hanging out!"
Sky, I appreciate your post and the booger reference, thanks! And I do want to talk to him about it, that was the point - how do I do that delicately? | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:21:21 PM | Hmmm, this one it too tempting to pass up.
First off, congratulation on your new found flame. Keep in mind, you 'bought him as is' and now you want to change him. If this guy has his stomach hanging out, then you can do several things:
1. Have him eat less, have sex with them more or do more walking. It will promote good health, for the both of you and if you do those thing, his belly will shrink and therefore will not hang out, like his knees have an awning.
2. Take him to the mall.." Wow, honey, this would look good on you". Unknown to him, the shirt is larger.
3. You can tell him.." Now I have heard of a Farmer's tan, but a belly tan is unique, love the crescent moon below your belly button. OR.. 'Honey, I am liking the pillow you have provided for me to rest my head while I give you a BJ. However it is kinking my neck, think we can do something about it"?
If he is Mr. Wonderful as you have made him out to be, I am certain that he will take it in stride and be the best he can be.... | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:45:24 PM |
how do you tell a guy that he really needs some fashion sense? What do I say and how do I say it tactfully?
I'd start with, "It's time to get you a new wardrobe, how do you feel about going shopping?"
How would you feel if a woman you liked wanted to change your style of dress?
This is going to be better advice than you might think, so pay attention:
It doesn't matter how I feel. It matters how he feels. I think it's awesome you don't want to offend him - it means you care, and you don't want to loose him. That's the good part. The bad part is you're afraid to communicate with him. You need to find a way to get over that fear. More than money, religion or anything else - lack of communication kills relationships. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:45:40 PM | First off, be honest. If your relationship isn't to the point where you can just tell him what you think without worrying about jeopardizing it, there are ways to get your point across more tactfully, but regardless, dishonesty is an incredibly bad idea and manipulation is little better.
Framing the discussion in terms of clothing you like and things you think he looks good in avoids entirely the issue of *disliking* his existing wardrobe, and gives him the opportunity to do something that he's been told you enjoy. Depending on the nature of your relationship it could be as simple as a comment about how good he looks in that shirt or more forward in the vein of expressing how a given outfit or style of clothing gets you hot and bothered. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:45:46 PM |
how do you tell a guy that he really needs some fashion sense?
You don't. Everybody has fashion sense. Some just lag behind the latest trend, or buckle to whatever is on the racks due to a lack of sufficient shopping time.
It happened to me. She was so diplomatic in her strategy that I didn't notice until much of my wardrobe had changed.
Somehow, she introduced it into conversation. She talked about going shopping, asked if I wanted to go, and mentioned how I could use some new shirts. Then she suggested buying some for me while stating she had a strong sense of fashion. As support, she explained how she bought her colleague a yellow tie that he grimaced at, but ended up wearing to work daily.
She picked out some things for me that were outside my usual work/casual scope, and explained the benefits of them (this shirt works with both professional attire and simple jeans, etc). She sold me on the items, I bit, and I have been thankful somebody finally stepped in to assist. There are few purchases less wasteful than clothing that looks good in itself but bad on you. Plus, I had a tendency to buy items that didn't perfectly match my measurements (too broad in the shoulders, pants that would highwater up upon first wash, shirts that dangled too low, and on, and on).
Now is a great time to shop because prices are so low. It is fun to have a lady evaluate the clothes because it offers her the opportunity to tease, compliment, and flirt. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:31:36 PM | | my advice is , just be honest with him about this and tell him his clothes are an issue as his fashion sense sounds horrible | |
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rhodax
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Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 13 | |
| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:36:24 PM | | I LOVE having a woman shop for my clothes (yes, even with me there). I have the fashion sense of a platypus so her buying the clothes and dressing me the way she likes is a big load off my shoulders. A big bonus is that she always likes the way I dress lol. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:06:05 PM | Does the phrase "Hey...let's go shopping!" hold any meaning?
I've used it on women (back when single, of course) and it worked well...could well work in this case too. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:09:52 PM | | Sense you said he has a good personality and sense of humor, maybe you could suggest he get some new clothing in a friendly manner. Maybe if you pretend it is a mutual wardrobe "makeover" it wouldn't seem like it is singled out on him. It is always better to provide many compliments, and even if other women chimed in and said "hey you look great in that new (insert here)" it could very well change his mind about his appearance. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:22:35 PM | If you are worried about what a guy wears, then you have other problems. I have NEVER, repeat NEVER told a woman what to wear. Who cares if your pants don't match your shirt, or if your shoes are out of style.
This isn't Hollywood you know!!! | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:48:19 PM | | Dont worry honey-you are normal. Women have always been particular about the way they look. Most of us take pride in how we look. And there is nothing wrong with you wanting your man to look good too. Try to go to some places where your dress will be a little more dressy and see what he wears. Then continuosly praise him on how he looks. Men like compliments too. I notice in your profile synfeld that you are wearing clothes that fit! And your gutt isn't hanging out. So why are you attacking her? Why dont you put on some stripe pants, paisley shirt and penny loafers with your gutt hanging out and see what comments you get. AND the lady you are with. Think about it. Don't you think the lady on your arm wants to feel proud to be with you? She is not vain-she just cares. | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:54:26 PM | Synfeld, please! I am NOT saying his clothes are out of style. I'm not saying he wears plaids with stripes or popped collars and I don't like that. What I AM saying is that his STOMACH hangs out of the area between his shirt that is too short and his pants that don't fit his waist. When I say hang out, I mean you can see his belly button and several square inches of skin. I'm not complaining about the size of his belly, I am simply saying that when out in public, it is a little embarrassing that his GUT is literally HANGING OUT.
Thanks for everyone that has responded, I will mull it all over tonight and make a decision! | |
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| Need advice please!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:57:24 PM | This is a great thread. :)
One suggestion: if you DO end up getting him a new outfit or two, NOTHING will make it seem like a good idea more than giving him some extra attention tied into the outfit. So, for example, if you were to be a little extra flattering the next time you seem him in that outfit . . . "Wow, you look SO great in those jeans, Bob!"
That sort of thing would absolutely make him more inclined to wear the new outfit and to encourage your further participation in his wardrobe... And yes, if this tied into some lovin' attention, so much the better. :)
Just sayin'... | |
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