| Critique!
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:03:28 PM | I've been a member here for some time with no luck as of yet, I'm just now starting to get serious with it. I am asking you all for a little help on spicing up my profile. Please check it out and let me know what you think.
Thanks,
Fred | |
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| Critique!
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:11:02 PM | First thing you should do is get some pictures of you without a hat on. Girls want to see your whole head in a picture when first noticing you... don't ask me why.
I always suggest to double space between paragraphs in the "About Me" section. It's easier to read and makes it look organized.
You should definitely expand on interests and things you like to do. I just posted this list of questions to ask yourself with another guy here:
- what do I like to do on a Friday/Saturday night?
- what do I like to do when I have time off / I am on vacation?
- are there any cool places I have been?
- do I have any sports I enjoy watching/playing?
- are there any arts that I partake in?
- do I have or like certain types of pets?
- do you like to go see live bands/concerts/indie shows?
- do I volunteer somewhere?
- am I a good cook / am I a mean machine around a BBQ?
As specific as you can get in saying what you are like and what you like to do is the best route. This is also true in the box to say what you would do on a first date (which isn't on your profile right now). If you want to excite a girl and make her want to spend time with you, you have to give her an idea of what that time with you means. So, tell her what you would like to do on a date.
Also, in discussing your children you describe it as such:
I am a single father of two wonderful children a 14 year old boy and an 8 year old daughter they take up most of my time. As they are quickly getting older I am finding more free time that I would like to spend with some one special.
I would recommend you reword it so that the first thing you say isn't that most of your time is taken up. Try something like this instead:
I am a single father of two wonderful children, a 14 year old boy and an 8 year old daughter. They are quickly getting older and so I have found myself with extra free time that I would like to spend with someone special.
It's a subtle change in content but a significant change in tone. This way it gives the impression that you already have time (rather than are finding more) for somebody else.
Hope this helps... all the best! | |
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| Critique!
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:12:44 PM | | Oh, and by the way... cool occupation. You should get a picture of you with some of your finished work. That would impress the girls. After all, glass blowing is such a unique craft/art form and that kind of thing really interests women. | |
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| Critique!
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:00:18 PM | Hi there - this is how your profile reads right now:
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I enjoy new and exciting places,concerts,floating down rivers whether it be calm or white water. I'm always up for a good road trip,camping or anything spontaneous. As already mentioned, this needs to be expanded. A dry list of information won't stick in your viewer's mind. You could name a calm river and then a white water river that you've been on. These details help the viewer connect to you - they may have also been there. For Road Trips, do you just point and go, following the road, or do you take GPS and maps? Describe....
I am a single father of two wonderful children, a 14 year old boy and an 8 year old daughter. They are quickly getting older and so I have found myself with extra free time that I would like to spend with someone special. nicely reworded.
If you consider yourself independent drama free and fun to be around I would love to meet you. All women consider themselves drama-free, even the drama Queens. They thrive on it and so therefore don't recognize it any more. What else is important to you?
Good luck! | |
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| Critique!
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:28:03 AM | Thanks for the advice. I am slowly working on it let me know if I improved it at all or made it worse. Wow I should of paid more attention in my creative writing class! Lol
Thanks
Fred | |
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| Critique!
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:00:30 AM | 1) I would get better pictures of you. You need photos of you without the hats. You also need better head shots. Women want to see your face
2) I would change your profession to something along the line like glass artist. Glass blower sounds like a boring blue collar job. Artist sounds more creative & intelligent. Like the other guy said, put in a photo of you with a finished product.
3) Use plentyoffish as a supplement to real life. If you've been here for 4 years & still have no luck, perhaps this is not the best way for you to meet women.
4) Who have you contacted & how do you write your message? Post that in this thread as well. | |
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| Critique!
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:33:32 AM | | Your pics are not clear. | |
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| Critique!
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:02:50 AM | In regards to anonymous' point about using the term glass artist instead of glass blower, I think to a point he's right. But, I wouldn't use just "glass artist" because that could be anything. You could be a person who does stained glass design or painting on glass. I still think the idea of glass blowing is so unique that you should reference it to some degree.
So, perhaps you could call yourself a glass blowing artist. That way, a girl will see you as an artist but will also imagine what it's like to work with molten glass... which as I said, is pretty cool from my POV. | |
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| Critique!
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:14:02 AM | Must.....have......white space. And some commas. Break your thoughts up more so they are easy to read.
And, as everyone before me has mentioned - you need a smiling close up head shot without a hat. Chicks dig that. A) We like to know you CAN smile B) We like to know you DO smile and C) We like to recognize your smile when we actually meet you. | |
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