| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:41:20 PM | | I believe that a confident person can go a long ways in today's dating world. Some physical attraction is essential, but definately is not the key to a successful relationship. There is nothing more backwards on a blind date than to meet up with someone who lacks confidence in themselves, as well as who they are. What are your thoughts?? | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:48:17 PM | | You are 100% correct. The problem is it is not always easy to be as confident as we would like. I am probably over confident in my career so people are often surprised when I get shy when on a date. I know the solution is really just to date a lot of women but that is eadier said than done. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:03:08 PM | Confidence is overrated; I find humility to be a much more attractive trait. Believing things will go well without knowing is, to simply put it, delusion. Instead of admitting that they don't know an answer they will just give you their thoughts as fact, regardless of whether it is wrong or not. This behavior is very counter productive and definitely hurts a person's ability to learn and be flexible.
Regardless, whether someone is confident, humble or insecure, there are far more important qualities people should be looking for when looking for a partner. Compatibility goes a lot further than confidence.
In any case, everyone has their hidden insecurities, it's natural, why condemn them for it? Get over yourselves. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:04:14 PM | | I have met many successful, educated men who have the social skills of a field mouse. Why do you think that is? Are all their efforts focused on business and not pleasure? | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:06:40 PM | | Who says, I am a hater? How do you know if you are a compatible match, if the person cannot express what he/she wants due to lack of confidence? | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:09:52 PM | | Hate was a poor choice of words; condemn is more appropriate. Between people who can't express themselves or people who expresses themselves inaccurately, it doesn't make that big of a difference. Be empathetic, accommodating or patient and it's really not an issue anyway. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:28:28 PM | You are correct in both your posts. Too much work and no play is definitely the cause of inadequate social skills. Unfortunately?, it is also the cause of having a very comfortable lifestyle otherwise and it is very hard to choose.
It is also hard for a woman to read a man who does not express but if you think he is a good person who has potential, the best thing you can do for him is give him time (a few more dates) I have also been on the other side of this when dating woman who don't express themselves due to shyness. I have given them time and I tell you, when they become comfortable and warm, it is the most rewarding experience I can imagine. Just something about getting to a point where few (none?) men have ever reached. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:50:55 PM |
I believe that a confident person can go a long ways in today's dating world.
Agreed. In fact, a confident person can go a long ways in ANY aspect of life.
Some physical attraction is essential, but definately is not the key to a successful relationship.
Says who? Physical attraction is key to acquiring said relationship. And you're not going to continue in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to.
And we've all been in the position where we thought the relationship was successful and the other half thought it was a flop.
There is nothing more backwards on a blind date than to meet up with someone who lacks confidence in themselves, as well as who they are. What are your thoughts??
I'd say that someone who has miss-represented him/her self, would be far worse.
Besides, women shoot down confident men everyday! Why? Because she's not attracted to him! | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:23:09 PM |
I find humility to be a much more attractive trait.
I agree with this. Confidence can sometimes (not always, but sometimes) come across as arrogant, pompuous or full of himself/herself. Personally I have confidence in myself but don't go around behaving in that manner and am not attracted to those who behave in that manner. The older I get, the more I appreciate humility and humbleness. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:38:22 PM | Dating, can be like bomb removal. The bomb, in this instance, is a bad date.
Do something too late, too soon, too often, and boom.
Some among us have neither the "knack," nor the callouse to walk on eggshells... especially for strangers.
In most dating situations a little compromise will go a long way. Throw a curveball... maybe the woman can start the physical interaction. (They atleast don't have to worry about the looming threat of molestation charges from an "unstable" date. lol)
When to do what, is something that all women know, and hold secret & dear... for if exposed then I would have dates!! Muahahah! | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:53:37 PM | | I agree that compatibility goes a lot further than confidence. Confidence is a symptom, it is not something one decides they have or don't have. If you are compatible with someone, usually you are going to be confident naturally. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:12:31 PM | Confidence is sexy.....arrogance is not. The trick is to find a man who knows the difference.
I like to help build my man's confindence.....to reinforce all things that are positive about him and why I find him so attractive.....in all ways! | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:40:47 PM | It can be difficult to project confidence. I've just started exchanging messages with a fish on here. Amongst her other positive attributes she comes across as a very self assured woman. I'm sure we'd get on brilliantly in "the real world", but when I reread the messages I've sent her I think I probably come across as a desperate simpering fool.
It's a bit like going for a job interview. You know damn well you can do the job if the 20something year old who's grilling you would just give you the chance, but at the end of the day you've only got one shot at making the right impression. The fine line between confidence and over-confidence can often blow it for you. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:57:27 PM | For an intelligent person, there is no "fine line" between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is the sure knowledge of what you're capable of in your existing circumstances, and what you're capable of learning to expand those circumstances. It is based in objective truth, which is the only goal worth reaching for. Too often, those who are confident are labeled as "arrogant" because people are uncomfortable with the presentation of the intense strength that naturally comes from confidence. In this world of "live and let live"-style subjective principles, the "audacity" of a person to be confident in what they can achieve because they spent the time to know themselves is too often perceived as a threat to the carefully-constructed world of self-deception most of the populace lives in, for fear that they might somehow unintentionally offend someone by their very presence and sureness. If such a person is to be offended in the first place, it is their weakness and their failing, and we should not sanction it by treading lightly around them. Such people are fools that aren't worth the energy of consideration.
Arrogance, on the other hand, is the outward projection of an inherent falsehood. One is arrogant if they project strength over something where they have no ability. To cover up this lack of ability, they attempt to overcompensate. Pitiful wretches they are; a woman of intelligence will see such a man for what he is, and will know to head the other way, because she has knowledge of her actual worth as a person, and that she deserves all she'll earn because of the effort that naturally issues forth from such awareness. In short, she is confident, and arrogance will do nothing for her.
The other kind of woman is the one who has not spent the time to know herself. She has no confidence, because she sees nothing in herself worth being confident over, because she has taken no time to critically analyze who she is. Without the knowing of oneself, there can be no confidence, there can only be a weak victim waiting to be preyed upon, or the shadows of what could be self awareness manifesting as arrogance, a projection of strength they wish they had (and might even be capable of actually achieving under different circumstances), but know deep down that they aren't actualizing. Such wrecks deserve the misery their own weakness has brought on them. The alternative, the strength of true confidence and self knowledge, is there to be grasped by them, but they're seemingly unwilling to stretch forth from the muck of their pitiable self deceptions and grasp it. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:28:01 PM |
I believe that a confident person can go a long ways in today's dating world. Some physical attraction is essential, but definately is not the key to a successful relationship. There is nothing more backwards on a blind date than to meet up with someone who lacks confidence in themselves, as well as who they are. What are your thoughts??
Some people think I do not have much confidence but I'm not sure I agree. I'd rather take time to get to know people in one on one settings instead of large crowds. I'm attracted to women that are the same way as me so I guess confidence can be attractive if you have it & lack of confidence can also be just as attractive if you don't have much confidence. I think the key to a successful relationship is compatibility, willingness to communicate & compromise. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:38:55 PM |
I agree with this. Confidence can sometimes (not always, but sometimes) come across as arrogant, pompuous or full of himself/herself. Personally I have confidence in myself but don't go around behaving in that manner and am not attracted to those who behave in that manner. The older I get, the more I appreciate humility and humbleness.
Good post.
Part of the problem with confidence is that people, in general, tend to take things to the extreme (in a lot of cases). They don't stop with just being confident - they take to the level of arrogance. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:32:49 AM | | Nick007 has hit the nail on the head. Shy people are often more comfortable with other shy people. Confident people will usually be attracted to confident people. It really comes down to accepting who you are and figuring out who you would be compatible with; or alternatively deciding you are not happy with who you are and taking the time to make changes. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:37:32 AM | I am an extrovert, so I love guys who are extroverts. [Confident people will usually attract confident people]
Guys who are painfully shy make me nervous, and so I tend to lump them in the friends section.  | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:51:07 AM |
I have met many successful, educated men who have the social skills of a field mouse. Why do you think that is? Are all their efforts focused on business and not pleasure?
Aspersers Syndrome, normally very good at work, bad at body reading and the unspoken word | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:33:10 PM | | Yeah confidence is key, especially when we live in a society where everyone is constantly trying to beat it out of you.l | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:54:54 PM | Sexy Vixen 4u says what I have often said re what I find attractive/unattractive in a man.
Confidence is sexy.....arrogance is not. The trick is to find a man who knows the difference. She says it in a much more eloquent way than I ever did!!
Arrogance, a blatant, obnoxious portrayal of self-importance, is a definite detractor for me when I first meet a man. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/7/2009 1:43:20 AM | | the problem is that society doesn't know the difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is feeling comfortable about yourself, without having to brag. Arrogance is acting like you are better than others when in reality you are just self absorbed. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:20:17 AM |
Confidence is feeling comfortable about yourself, without having to brag. Arrogance is acting like you are better than others when in reality you are just self absorbed. I agree. I add: Confident people don't feel the need to brag. Interesting that the arrogant self-absorbed ones, are all too often, I've discovered, the most insecure, for the exception of NPD's and Sociopaths, which are the extreme, and are nightmares onto their own. **shudders**
It could simply be, OP, that the 'shy, and backward' that you attract, are indeed attracted to your confidence/strength? .... much like some that are introverted, are attracted to the extroverted. | |
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