| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:55:20 PM | How many dates do you think you should have with someone before you confess your needs to them. To me this is not done on first date, not even a second date but perhaps by the third date this should happen..
Otherwise you might continue in a limbo mode for sometime not knowing if this person can satisfy your needs or not..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:05:30 PM | Confessing my needs 
Gosh, I don't worry over what to say and when to say and how to say.
I just be me.
Conversation flows however conversation flows.
Pre-thinking conversations is way too much work. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:48:06 PM | Confessing my needs? Are we talking about kinky sexual needs? Why would we have to "confess" needs? Sorry, don't mean to be sarcastic but I really don't understand.
To me, there's no confessing. If there's something I need, I will speak up.
I am not directing this at the OP, just in general. One thing I've noticed with online dating the past few years. Everyone wants Everything in place before they will even consider having a date or two with someone. If they don't look just right, have the just right interests, have the just right politics, religious beliefs, etc. then they are rejected. So now we have to make sure that the other person knows about all of our "needs" right from the beginning? What is wrong about taking some time to get to know each other? What is wrong with having things come up naturally and actually communicating about them as they arise.
Okay, I confess, I need someone to love me and accept me for who I am. That's it, that is all I need. All else can be discussed and worked on as we go along. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:50:12 PM |
How many dates do you think you should have with someone before you confess your needs to them. To me this is not done on first date, not even a second date but perhaps by the third date this should happen..
imo, I know for many they see and want to touch the light but can't let them selfs touch it.
The need is not their choice as the need is more inti mint from the heart. A heart that is not open is a good signal that you will not connect on a higher level.
The degrees vary but imo if one is patience after a fare amount of time your answer will be known, if you want to go forward with said individual.
What makes us all human is the need to be. And if we dance in the same direction[open] then,trust,respect and truth, then hopefully are needs are met to grow.
And we, as friends,lovers,confidants, a partnership that thrives...
I may want to be loved,but the need is for only one, to love and be loved.
Happy are they,that have their own, any more would be folly....my confession... | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:06:06 PM | "you confess your needs to them"
The only one who can meet my needs is myself, therefore I would be the only one that I would need confessing my needs to.
If we can't make ourselves happy no one else will be able to.
I would run screaming from any needy person who tried to confess their needs to me. I would quickly tell them they need to work on themselves before going out into datingland. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:12:18 PM | *Starstuff* said it best:
Okay, I confess, I need someone to love me and accept me for who I am. That's it, that is all I need. All else can be discussed and worked on as we go along
I would probably never see someone again, if on the 3rd date, they started telling me all their needs. I am just getting to know someone on the 3rd date, no guarantee if I will progress to a longer relationship with them. Maybe it's just me, but I like to take my time getting to know someone. Dating is for learning about each other, and if they do meet your needs for a future together. (or did, when I was in the dating game). | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:09:31 PM | Well I usually wait too long but that is just me because I want to take things slow.
However I think if you do not have the same goals and you wait too long than the disappointment is bigger when you actually do find out the truth and you are definitely not on the same page.
To give you an example say you see this person 5 times over the course of a month and you think you have a lot in common it's not intimate but you are have a good time than all of a sudden you bring up the "subject", being what you would eventually like to have in your life.......and then you find out that this person is suffering from post traumatic married toooooo long stress and only plans on sampling every menu in town until he has no need left to do so.
Well here you created a scenario in your head of what you would like and bang this is never going to happen.
So I don't know it seems like when you tell someone you have a goal of finding longterm they think you mean right this minute.
for some reason people think that because you have a goal of lt that means that you are desparate to have anyone fulfill this goal immediately. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:23:00 PM | | Heck, I never say anything. I didn`t think it really mattered that much to most guys anyways. If I have needs, I take care of them myself. I do however, when it is getting to the point of possibly becoming physical, that I am still pretty interested in a physical relationship. And there are so many older guys that can`t perform or can`t do much, that I like to get that straight so there is no awkwardness. If there is going to be something physical, I`d like it to be satisfying, not frustrating. And lets face it, a whole lot of older guys just don`t work any more. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:46:44 PM | DW, i think they say the biggest sexual organ is the brain. or maybe it's the skin? i forget which, i get flustered reading stuff like that.
i don't mean this in an arguing way, but i just so don't get why sexual interaction would be a problem, given both persons' willingness, whether everything is working or not... seriously, this puzzles me.
and OP, maybe in a new relationship, it's tough to know when to open up, in general? it can be difficult to be vulnerable? as for timing, i just play it by ear. there are men who get a lot of it without anything needed to be said, some who don't like to talk about that kind of thing at all, and others who welcome those kinds of conversations, i think. just totally depends on the moment and how things are unfolding?
actually it'd be great if you were willing to explain a bit more what you're asking...
peace to all... | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:05:38 AM | No, I wouldn't start blurting out any confessions on the third date. Or the fifth. Or ever.
I prefer to surprise my date with little tidbits of startling information, spaced randomly. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:41:35 AM | my needs? I'm not getting this question, either.
I think I've put enough into my basic profile to express my "needs"...? what I'm cornfused about is if you mean needs vs expectations??
I'm with the others that feel divulging too much too soon is none too wise, besides, as another wisely said, go with the flow, let things progress at their own speed.
there's only two outcomes, you mesh, or your don't. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:03:35 AM | confessing Needs?????? i have no idea what you mean.
'wants or needs are different. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:20:54 AM | To me, confessing your needs would be a point that you get to when you are unsure that your new found friend can meet them. Maybe even your pretty sure he can't meet them and your stating them to end the dating relationship.
Too often this happens after your first intimate moment with them.  | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:33:26 AM | I suppose it depends on what the "needs" actually are. Generally, I think that when you start dating someone, you find out fairly quickly whether they are satisfying your needs, and if they are not, or you come to the conclusion that they are not likely to, you stop dating them. No real need to confess, and probably pointless to do so anyway. If the other person does not pick up on what you are all about and respond accordingly, its not very likely that "confessing" is going to do anything except firm up any differences.
Of course, if you refer to the various extension of the physical pleasures that are possible, it may be worth while to "confess", but even there, the other person would probably pick up on these and either become proactive or depart, according to their own taste.... | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:04:12 AM | star said: Confessing my needs? Are we talking about kinky sexual needs? Why would we have to "confess" needs? Sorry, don't mean to be sarcastic but I really don't understand.
This subject came to my mind since a fellow poster lists his needs before he even agrees to meet a woman. I personally think it is a good thing.. Because he eliminates those that cannot fulfill them. It got me to thinking of how we sometimes do not communicate or needs and wants in a relationship to a potential partner.. We often do just go with the flow and see in time if they are on the same page.
I see always see communication as a very positive thing between two people..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:07:31 AM | ok lets try this ...my needs are intrest beyond your wildist dreams...roar
the criteria for those dreams are as individual as each human is.....i would expect to show and live my needs not plattered on a conversation level...don't yap it do it....simple solid answer! if i have to Q you like a mommy to her kid your done on the get go!
if i have to consistantly remind you of my needs the horse is past the barn and out in the field..maturity is not a illusion it is a state of mind...me thinks.
intrest is felt by a partner not in the ears but by the action! (chit or get off the pot) | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:09:42 AM | moraima said if we can't make ourselves happy no one else will be able to.
This has absolutely nothing to do with happiness. It has more to do with what you want in a relationship..
It could be as simple as I would like you to call me once a day and see you at least once a week.. This way we stay in daily contact with one another..
Call these developing a relationship needs for starters..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:17:41 AM | 1rose said: I would probably never see someone again, if on the 3rd date, they started telling me all their needs. I am just getting to know someone on the 3rd date, no guarantee if I will progress to a longer relationship with them. Maybe it's just me, but I like to take my time getting to know someone. Dating is for learning about each other, and if they do meet your needs for a future together. (or did, when I was in the dating game).
Well you would most likely state your developing a relationship needs at the beginning..For instance let me give you this pretend scenario..
You are looking to develop a relationship with someone you might have met. You go on a date and at the end of it they express to you the wish to see you again. however no date is set. During the week they text you once a day saying howdy basically. Then they want to set a date with you for 2 weeks later while you were hoping to see them at least once a week.. That coupled with the lack of warmth (no phone calls just text messages) may well make you reach the decision I do not think I will go out with them again. They seem like a cold fish to me?
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:18:35 AM | yankee said wants or needs are different.
Okay replace it with wants.. this is fine as well
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:19:17 AM | wants, needs, expectations any of these words could be used here..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:29:49 AM | | I think that as one is getting to know someone in a intimate setting you will either draw closer to that person or you will finally see that it is just not for you. On a 1st date I don't really see the need to bring up all your sexual needs, desires and how you want to where and so forth. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:49:59 AM |
This subject came to my mind since a fellow poster lists his needs before he even agrees to meet a woman. I personally think it is a good thing.. Because he eliminates those that cannot fulfill them. It got me to thinking of how we sometimes do not communicate or needs and wants in a relationship to a potential partner.. We often do just go with the flow and see in time if they are on the same page.
imo I'm glad you made it more clear as from some of the replies here, are off the subject at hand.
And then you get, from the usual folks who are defensive and negative in any opposite healthy thinking, nothing from them has changed.
The truth in each other, is the key in finding a healthy partner in a loving relationship.
And sorry, there is no other short-cut in finding and getting there.
The truth is the greatest need! | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:00:36 AM | * Just Jim* said: And sorry, there is no other short-cut in finding and getting there.
To often you see marriages/relationships break down because of a lack of communication.. I do not look at it like a short cut but rather as communicating what you would like?
However it can cut things short if one or the other thinks they are unreasonable etc.. but that is what should happen and it just will happen faster.
thecatsmeoww | |
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