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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?      Home login  
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 kristinmarga
Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 1
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?Page 1 of 1    
I met a guy online and after several weeks of facebooking and emailing we finally met. We hit it off so well and I found myself totally smitten. We went out 4 times and he seemed totally in to me. We talked for hours, laughed constantly, we made out like a couple of newlyweds, he called just to say that he thought I was incredible and couldn't wait to see me again. He posted funny little notes on my facebook almost every day. We had great chemistry and the sex was nothing short of amazing. (He said he agreed...)

He's not usually the type I find myself attracted to but I liked that he was different from the others. He's a self proclaimed nerd and said that he hadn't been intimate with a woman before me in months. I think he's smart and charming and adoreable. Problem is many other women do as well (from the postings I've seen on his facebook).

Two weeks went by and he ignored my attempts at setting up another date. I was worried but didn't want to push it. I called one night and just flat out asked him if he still wanted to see me ot not. He said of course he did and asked to take me to lunch the next day. But he never showed up. I texted, he didn't respond. I called, he didn't respond. I sent him an email asking if he was Ok and asking why he'd not shown up for the date, he didn't respond. My gut tells me there is someone else in the picture but I don't understand why he wouldn't just say that, then?! We've been so open and honest with each other and he knows I'm not some drama queen that would blow up at him.

So here's my question. I really do like this guy. He's the first guy in a very long time that I really want to be with. I can't stop thinking about him and what I may have done to push him away. I thought he felt the same. Why is he just blowing me off now and can I say or do anything to stop it? I don't want to be pushy and clingy and come off needy but I also don't want to just let him slip away... I'm considering sending him one last e mail but what should I say? How can I spark his intrest again and let him know how I feel without looking desperate?
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 2
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:33:36 PM
Sorry he got what he wanted and so did you amazing Sex, good conversation doesn't make a relationship...

You weren't exclusive he owes you nothing.

He has stated bluntly that he isn't into you and quite honestly what you felt isn't what he felt if it was you would be beating this guy off with a stick...
Let him go and go fishing again.

You chasing him is being pushy and clingy and also quite desperate sorry harsh just what I see here.
 something_witty
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 3
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:35:29 PM
Difficult to say, but pursuing him as hard as you are doesn't seem to be working.

Maybe try backing off for a week or two, and then seeing if he's any more receptive if he doesn't come looking for you.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 4
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:38:00 PM
Just send him an e-mail saying that you think it is time that you move on. Explain that you would have loved to try to make it work, but in your opinion you're feeling that you are the only one trying to save the relationship, and that isn't going to work. Thus, you respect his decision to move on.

Now on the surface, it sounds contradictory. However, if he wants to stay with you, he'll respond and try to make it work. If he doesn't respond, then you have your answer. Now, you may never find the deep-rooted reason, but really that isn't important.

If he felt it was fixable, I'm thinking he would have contacted you - for some reason, he just flipped the switch. Not everything in life is fixable.

What is important is that two people want to make a relationship work. It can't work with just the effort of one.

I know it isn't the answer you wanted to hear, but it probably is the most accurate. I really do wish you the best of luck.
 wisecrackerjack
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 5
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:50:49 PM
Honestly, it sounds like you got played. If a guy has tons of women commenting on him on facebook, maybe he's a womanizer, or sociopath. Let it go, once burned twice learned.
 SweetieGuy_81
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 6
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Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:09:32 PM
Yep, you was surely played hun, sorry, but you was.

I personally wouldn't get into bed with someone so soon, kissing is fine, cuddling is fine, but sex would be way too soon.

Next time, maybe you should just wait for quite a while before having sex and if he sticks around, he is interested in you.
 artist_48
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 7
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:29:06 PM
We've been so open and honest with each other


That's not true based on your post statements

You having basically said that you have tried everything, to the point of hounding this

guy. If a guy is interested, he will contact you. Regularly. If he doesn't contact you, he

isn't interested.

Any thing past that doesn't matter.
 WackMC
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 8
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:37:04 PM
Okay.....so his Facebook page is loaded with testimonials from chicks who think he is all that and a bag of chips....and somehow after seeing this wall of swooning coochies you BELIEVE he hasn't been dipping the well for months...???

Um...where is he? Probably in bed telling some girl about how he hasn't had any in months. How on Earth do you think he got good at it? Uh, huh...a lot of frickin' practice.

Thanks for playing, now go to the free clinic.
 sweet and sane
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 9
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:10:09 AM
Flirts on face book or any other social site are common and no cause for alarm. If you've done this type of thing for awhile you'd understand. The guy is obviously a flirt and pretty good at it. Does that make him terrible?? not hardly. Does that make him desirable?? maybe on facebook or myspace, but that really has nothing to do with real life, its a game as much as "talking shit" at a card game with your friends. All this I wouldn't find alarming.
What is not good is that he has stopped accepting your calls. I'm going to guess he didn't care for the amount of calls and found it to be a red flag, so to speak, or warning that you may be too possessive.
If you do email again, which I don't see why you shouldn't , just be polite and say that you had a nice time with him, and if you expect a response, you might ask him something non-threatening, or generic to get his response.
Just because you had a great "honeymoon" moment doesn't mean anything in the long run and all the posters saying you were played don't know what happened. I'd discount much of that. They, and I too, are just envious its not us that such a beautiful woman was pursuing.
Sorry for your luck, but things happen that end decent relationships, and he hasn't been honest with you, that should be YOUR red flag (warning) to relax and, take another look at what it was he had that you liked so much. There are plenty of opportunitties out there, now that you know theres some new qualities in men you seem to enjoy. good luck.
 LD44
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 10
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:22:47 AM
I say forget him date skyzeus instead, he has great posts and you could learn alot from him. plus the sunshine would do him good. take him outside let him know that there are trees outside and birds. he will stimulate your mind
signed cofucius
 Malawena
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 11
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History
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:08:43 AM
He has moved on. He hung around long enough to get some action, now he is doing the same thing to another gal, based on your facebook claim.
It seems you have done all you can to try and make contact with this turd. I say that because this is kind of guy that makes every other guy online look bad.
Sorry honey, but you got used. Take some time to off and take care of you. Then get back out there.
Best of luck
 jakeya99
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 12
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:34:22 AM
Ha...

I laugh at these posts that say "amazing" sex. That is thrown around too often. I think "amazing" should be reserved for trapeze acts with no net and saving kids from a burning car with seconds to spare.

How is sex with this guy so amazing?? Does he have 3****? Who were you sleeping with prior that made you admire sex this time around??? A****ess man with 1/2 a tongue? Did he skydive from 10,000 feet and land directly on your G-spot?? THAT is amazing.

Did you orgasm more than once and shoot a load 4 feet? WOW! How amazing!!! ZZZzzzzzzz.
 GentlemanJim4one
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 13
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:35:57 AM
You already know the answer to this problem. You were played. he was as honest as he had to be to get yo to open your legs. Got his notch on the bedpost and has moved on. He is a player, a liar, a user, and emotional abuser with no regard for your feelings.
I can't stand guys like this. He's the type that make it hard for those of us that are considerate and sincere.

Not showing up for lunch is the biggest clue. An honest man, a considerate man, a man with class, would have called you and canceled the lunch instead of having you show up and not find him there. That is a very inconsiderate act in of itself, regardless of the type of relationship.

Kristen, you are a very attractive woman. You are worth so much more then to even consider hearing his lame excuse for not showing up or calling you to cancel the lunch. There is your clue! I know it's hard to open your eyes and see you were used. But you were. Don't give him a second chance to do it again. Think about it. Do you really want a guy that would stand you up for a lunch date? Do you really want a guy that does not call you just to say he is thinking about you? Guys like him are a dime a dozen. Do you really want a ten cent piece when in my opinion you are worth so much more? Please don't lower yourself and listen to any more of his BS.

Sorry for your pain. In no time at all, this will pass. I wish you well.
 Zebra Circle
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 14
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:56:25 AM
Why would you want to continue something with a guy who is blowing you off? You find that attribute special in a man?

After four dates, he's already blowing you off, and you want to win someone like that back?

You're forgetting that you're a special person. You should refuse to ever be treated like that. You deserve respect from all.

Now go find that self-respect and self-esteem of yours and go get yourself another -- more deserving -- man.
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 15
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Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:35:22 AM
I'd like to just answer your question, OP, but the lead-up framing that you've put on it is what really needs to be dealt with.

1. You did "several weeks" of facebooking before meeting, during which you noted that "many other women" think he's "smart and charming and adoreable".

Having noted this, you opt nevertheless to "believe" what you wanted to, rather than what the evidence staring you in the face clearly indicates.

The only one proclaiming him a "nerd" is the man himself, and the only evidence you have that he hadn't been intimate with a woman before you in months is that he said that. Once again, this is completely contradicted by your *actual* experience of intimacy with the guy, which tended to suggest he was anything *but* out of practice.

2. "We've been so open and honest with each other and he knows I'm not some drama queen that would blow up at him."

Respectfully, no, that's not at all accurate. You may have been open and honest with him, except that that kind of openness and honesty is not worth a lot in terms of actually developing a relationship, when it's based on believing what you want to believe about the other person rather than accepting what is staring you in the face.

He was not open and honest with you, but what he must at least suspect is that you've suspended your critical judgment about him. You've been out 4 times and you're smitten, but he's clearly not-- he has no good reason to guess in advance at your reaction, to the point where he attempts to avoid confrontation **over the phone**, let alone in person.

3. You probably did not do *anything* to push him away, kristinmarga. You're just talking about someone who has a lot of options and is more or less indifferent to the feelings of people that he hurts. You hopefully have too much self-respect to keep seeing him if it's above-board that he's chasing other women, and those are probably the only terms on which a relationship with this guy would continue.
 56kingfish
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 16
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:19:55 AM
I am sorry to tell you that it sounds like, although this guy is a self-proclaimed nerd" he is just a player.

Sounds like he's moved on and from your comments about his "Facebook", he's had other irons in the fire all along.

It is tough to find someone who is honest about their dating goals and intentions. Don't get jaded. You'll find what you are looking for.

Remember the simple rule, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Move on.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 17
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Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:39:38 AM
I met a guy online and after several weeks of facebooking and emailing we finally met. We hit it off so well and I found myself totally smitten. We went out 4 times and he seemed totally in to me. We talked for hours, laughed constantly, we made out like a couple of newlyweds, he called just to say that he thought I was incredible and couldn't wait to see me again. He posted funny little notes on my facebook almost every day. We had great chemistry and the sex was nothing short of amazing. (He said he agreed...)

That's how you see it...
Now read it the way a guy sees it...

I met a girl on the internet. We sent a few emails back and forth. We got together a couple of times and so I tried to get her into bed and it was pretty easy. It was fun. We had great sex. I told her she was pretty good. But if she did me that quick, it's not for me...I'm not going to see her again unless nothing esle comes along...


You played yourself....
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 18
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Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:45:33 AM

How can I spark his intrest again and let him know how I feel without looking desperate?
You had sex on the 4th date... to me that comes across as being desperate already... not showing up for lunch was a clear sign he doesn't give a crap about you...
All you were to him was a fcuk... sorry....
 tommarama
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 19
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:01:19 AM
Bottom line is, only he knows why he is blowing you off. It is obvious he doesn't want to see you anymore. My guess is there was someone else before he even met you. Don't try to over analyze everything, move on. You don't have to be McGyver to understand he is done with you.

I also find it kind of odd you would mention anything about the sex being amazing. It seems like you thought it was amazing, he simply agreed. Would you expect him to say it sucked?
 ThievesInThe Night
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 20
Why is he blowing me off and can I fix this?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:36:48 AM

what I may have done to push him away.

From what you have written, you didn’t do anything wrong.

I thought he felt the same.

He lied.

Why is he just blowing me off now and can I say or do anything to stop it?

He wanted to have sex with you, he did and now he’s done with you. There’s nothing you can do about it. Just move on.

I'm considering sending him one last e mail but what should I say? How can I spark his intrest again and let him know how I feel without looking desperate?

There’s no point in sending him one last e-mail and you are not going to spark his interest again. After he had sex with you, he ignored your attempts at setting up a date for two weeks, he stood you up on a lunch date, and you have been sending text messages and e-mails and he has not responded. Does that sound like a person who is interested in seeing you again? He is not interested. Move on.
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