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Posted: 7/6/2009 3:04:24 PM | so I been on a lot of first date with people from pof but not to many second dates.
ok so I know that there were a few that there was nothing there but some of them it really seemed like we had a connection. Im not sure if I'm doing something wrong I opened the door for them paid for dinner and had a great time and we had lots of stuff in common and everything seemed like a sure thing for a second date and when I ask they say I don't think so. Just not sure what im doing wrong. Now im talking to one and we had lunch a few times and I just dont want to screw it up. | |
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Posted: 7/6/2009 3:06:06 PM | I dont know any girl that would say "i dont think so" when i guy asks them out for a second date...thats harsh  | |
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Posted: 7/6/2009 3:10:04 PM | | well i guess ive just had bad luck then | |
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Posted: 7/6/2009 11:08:49 PM | Hard to say.
We're not with you on a date.
Simply doing the basics doesn't make a second date a shoe -in.
More about connection.
If you aint making it, then it's either the girls you're dating are not your type.
Or you are steppin on your feet somehow.
Not enuff info given to pin it down.
Are you going out with girls too soon and hoping for the best?
Maybe a little recon would help.
Know more about a girl beforehand.
Or even take a pass on a girl if she is obviously too different.
And it's not a good guy move to ask during a first date for a second.
Better to say I'd like to call you.
Makes you seem less needy and the girl can decide later..
instead of being put on the spot right then and there.
Sometimes girls need to know a guy abit and warm up to him.
Maybe you may shine over time.
Instead of some poor girl having to decide about you first date.
too little to go on for good advice.
But hope this helps. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 11:11:16 AM | Timing! Timing is everything. If you ask after the date has ended or even at the end chances are she will think you are not as in to her. Ask her for another date near the middle of the first date. Don't be shy about it, but casually bring it up after you start feeling like you would be intrested in another date with her. More than likely she will say yes. Almost a 95% chance. It's the idea on her thinking it's rude to say no mid date. If you ask her at the end or even after the first date she will have a chance to make up her mind that she is not intrested. Trust me this works  . Good luck | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 3:19:58 PM | | It may have seemed to you like there was a connection, but apparently not so for your dates. Or there would have been a second. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 3:25:58 PM | OP:
Chances are you aren't doing anything wrong. A lot of people, in this day and age, have the patience of about a split second. They're expecting insta-magical-I-know-for-sure-true-love-forever-and-ever-and-ever-and-ever within the first few minutes of the first date. Problem is, a lot of people, have the intuition of a field mouse. These are the same people who'll spend two weeks searching and researching before committing to buy a new car. An entire night on the Internet browsing for the right computer - but, being the masters of love they are (note the sarcasm) armed with their magic eight ball - they can decide in mere minutes whether or not you are right for them for a second date, or an LTR.
Don't feel bad... you're better off without people like that. Trust me.
EDIT: Sorry - been a long day! | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 3:55:28 PM | This might sound rather sneaky but:
Quite often we have no idea how badly we do in conversations. Try recording one of your dates then sit back and listen to yourself. Are you pushy? Are you dominating a conversation? Are you just a yes man?
Listen to the recording and see what it is other people are hearing. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 4:03:12 PM | This is a no-brainer.
There are two diametric women who answered in this thread. Read their profiles.
One you want to avoid (looking for an alpha male), the other is what you're looking for (caring and open minded). Be more selective about who you'll date the first time if you don't want to set yourself up for a fit of introspective depression about how it's going to turn out.
There are no dating techniques, personality and appearances are everything. The thing about appearances though, is if a high standard can afford to set very high relationship expectations, anything from education specifics to income requirements.
So concentrate on personality or buy a Ferrari.
There is no end to the possible reasons your dates weren't interested in pursuing you further, none of them may have anything to do with you really. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 4:08:30 PM |
This might sound rather sneaky but:
Quite often we have no idea how badly we do in conversations. Try recording one of your dates then sit back and listen to yourself. Are you pushy? Are you dominating a conversation? Are you just a yes man?
Listen to the recording and see what it is other people are hearing.
Intelligent approach, well done.
The only problem I can see with this is that our behaviour completely changes with the company. So noting you seemed pushy, which suggests you didn't intend to or is other than a normal behavioural routine you prefer, most strongly suggests that you were in inappropriate company at the time.
This one is subject to the maxim that by observing a subject we alter its nature, which corrupts the data. | |
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rhodax
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Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 11 | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 4:45:19 PM | The Heisenberg uncertainty principle applies to sub atomic particles, people are rather large to be deflected by photons or other forms of radiation.
A person's behavior will only be changed if they choose to change it while recording themselves and even that can be difficult to do. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 8:08:58 PM | Dear, Dear, Dear, You are probably not doing anything wrong at all, in my life's experiences I have come to the realization that EXPECTATIONS ARE JUST RESENTMENTS WAITING TO HAPPEN. So please don't expect anything from anyone, as far as me, well I would just be honest up front somewhere in the middle of the date, or close to the end, just be honest and ask, do you think you would like to see me again or do you feel that we have a connection, afterall that is the truth you are looking for right?. I just believe in being honest up front, hey, you both met you had a good time, and perhaps you did everything normal, if it does not work out, then obviously it was not meant to be, sometimes life just happens while we are making other plans. Good luck, and don't be in such a hurry, you have plenty of time to find that someone special.
Just keep doing what you think is right, sometimes we all just do the right thing, but it just happens to be at the wrong time.
Hope this helps. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 9:17:59 PM |
Don't be shy about it, but casually bring it up after you start feeling like you would be intrested in another date with her. More than likely she will say yes. Almost a 95% chance. It's the idea on her thinking it's rude to say no mid date. If you ask her at the end or even after the first date she will have a chance to make up her mind that she is not intrested. Trust me this works . Good luck
This is good if you want to either get stood up, have a woman cancel on you before the day, or show up and tell you she's not interested. I'd tell a guy I don't know yet if I don't know...
Giving her time to think about it gives you a more honest answer. You only want women who are into you anyway, unless you like wasting time. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 9:38:10 PM | I think it is reasonable to meet just for a quick contact first to test the "chemistry".See if you both feel comfortable and want to actually go on a date.Seems to minimize the emotional risk if things dont click.
(not sure if you are saying it seemed you had a lot in common on line or in person) | |
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Posted: 7/7/2009 11:53:01 PM | Be aware of what your ordering for dinner, food is very suggestive and sometimes women feel uncomfortable if you order the wrong thing, for instance-
Stay away from butterfly shrimp and sausage combo-its a second date killer!! | |
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Posted: 7/8/2009 12:53:23 AM | Stay away from butterfly shrimp and sausage combo-its a second date killer!!
 how funny is that!! are you actually serious??
1st dates are always so hard as your both so nervous but the main thing is to try & relax & be yourself. Yes be curtious, gentlemanly, (is that even a word? lol) & Hopefully your date will see the real you & like what she sees
If youve had lunch a few times then it sounds like she likes you, just take it slowly & get to know each other in different suroundings, suggest a fun date, your young so how about a fun park or bowling, let her see the fun side of you.
Just dont be boring or predictable as im sure your not.
Good luck to you, you sound like one of the good guys | |
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Posted: 7/8/2009 12:59:54 AM | Hey vanaheim, wanna check out my profile & try & analise me!!!!  | |
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Posted: 7/8/2009 2:02:37 AM | It's hard to say without any examples. You may feel there was a connection but, are you reading the right body language/ eye signals to see that the girls feeling the same?
1. Make sure you get her to talk about herself. Don't go on and on about yourself.
2. Watch her body signals- Legs towards you shows interest- away shows not too interested.
If she leans in to hear you- touches you on the arm, hand , back, leg while laughing (she might be interested)
Just be yourself don't put pressure on yourself! | |
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Posted: 7/8/2009 9:24:44 AM | OP it might just be the dating pool you're fishing in. I've been hearing so many hilarious stories of women who are just off their freaking rocker on here that I keep coming back for more just to hear the guys tell me their crazy stories.
I think dating is messing with people's ability to have decorum and class--something that seems to be seriously lacking in the stories you hear about regarding dates.
OP...just be yourself, be honest and sincere, say it like it truly is and don't worry if a girl doesn't go for it. You will eventually find one it isn't so much hard work to actually enjoy. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2009 2:20:45 PM | Amen: miss contemplative | |
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Posted: 7/8/2009 2:43:57 PM | Your main problem dude is one of perception. YOu think that you are screwing up, when in fact, you are doing great. You are going out on dates, you are getting to know people and that is a victory in itself. Eventually, the more you have dates, the better you will get.
What you may want to do is learn how to amplify attraction on a woman. What are the triggers that will make her feel comfortable around you. What to do to break her personal space. How to use women's natural emotions to make them go after YOU.
There are plenty of forum posts on this subject.
Just don't buy the "Just be yourself" crap that people tell you. If you wanted to be a Formula One driver, just being yourself would not cut it. YOu have to learn some things and then you have to practice, practice, practice. | |
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