| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:48:35 PM | | How long has it taken you to get over an ex? I've been having this conversation with a lot of people and I know it varies for each person. I'm just curious what some people here would say is a good and decent time frame. I mean when do you feel ready to date? | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:54:44 PM | OP,
From my 1st love took me 2 year...but I was only 22 ys then and he was 34.
In general it varies...
The best advise I give you if to look at all the positive and specially the fact you are free to date again whenever you feel ready!!!
Heartbreaks are tough....but they don't kill us, just makes us wiser (hopefully).
Good luck | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:59:10 PM |
How long has it taken you to get over an ex? I've been having this conversation with a lot of people and I know it varies for each person. I'm just curious what some people here would say is a good and decent time frame. I mean when do you feel ready to date?
OP -- For me, it takes no time at all to "get over" an ex. The catch being, unless I loved them. If that's the case, then I'll never be "over" them at all.
But it won't stop me from dating again. It won't stop me from being happy again. I haven't yet found a way to turn off love, so I accept that if/or when that happens to me, that it'll be a permanent thing and just hope for the best. If it ends, the love will always be there but I'll be moving on.
Without love involved, I could be moving on in days. With it involved it would probably take considerably longer before I feel ready to commit to someone new. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:01:42 PM | You'll get suggestions that range from days to months, but ultimately, it's going to depend on how long you were together, how attached you were, your personality type, and a couple other factors. There really isn't a magic number that's going to work for everyone...
One thing you didn't mention in your post that might be relevant info -- is there any continuing contact between you both, or has all contact been completely cut off? | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:02:52 PM |
How long has it taken you to get over an ex?
It took me finding the hidden phone bills to get over her.
I mean when do you feel ready to date?
I felt ready right off the hop. It took about 2 years before I think I actually reached a point where I was probably capable of being a fully functional contributing partner in a relationship. Ironically it was about that time that I stopped fervently searching for one. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:05:58 PM | Since I was the one who left, I figured it wouldn't take long to get over him...as it was we split in Jan, and I am just now realizing how much I don't miss him, and that my life is happier without him having such a huge role in it.
When you stop letting the few good times overshadow the many bad, it will be much easier to get over the broken relationship. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:07:11 PM | There really isn't a specific time frame. It's like falling in love. You just know.
I broke up with who I thought was the love of my life on a Tuesday. I went on a date that Saturday. Then I went home and cried the rest of the night. The date was a knee jerk reaction to the idea that I will never, ever find another person that not only do I love but also loves me back. That's not who I am or who I want to be so I chilled out, relaxed and just worked through the process until I felt normal again.
I've discovered that for me it's about 6 months. It's a process though. Each day I think a little less about them. Each day the pain eases a little more. Until one day I realize I haven't thought about them for over a week. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:35:41 PM | A marriage ex? Took me the last five years we were married. By the time we divorced? I was SO over it!
A fiance who abused alcohol, drugs and me? Took me about 5 sessions in court, and his year long jail sentence.
First "real" love? Took about 10 years.
Somebody I dated 3 times, and sorta liked? About a week maybe two.
Somebody I dated 6 months, and had a 3 month long lingering break up with? Seems to be on the verge of taking longer to end it than it took to date him....
When do I feel ready to date? That's an iffy thing. It seems to be seasonal for me. I'm not always in the mood for it.
For example at the moment? Sort of not interested. Really would take quite a bit to make me interested in considering dating someone. Even someone hot. Right now, I'm just not in the mood for the hassle. Maybe in the Fall I will be..... or? Not. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:45:53 PM |
OP -- For me, it takes no time at all to "get over" an ex. The catch being, unless I loved them. If that's the case, then I'll never be "over" them at all.
Yeah that sounds about right.
I've heard.. you should allow yourself something like a month for every year you were with someone.
But it's different for everyone, and the circumstances of each relationship, reasons & cause of the break up all play into how long you need to feel fully recovered.
Some will jump right into another one asap, just to get over the last one faster...
it works good maybe for those that "Need" to be in a commited relationship at all times. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:51:30 PM | A lot of relevent answers, and you might find one that suits your situation. Were you the dumper, or the dumpee? If you are the dumper, you should have made your mind up before it was over.
<div class="quote"> I mean when do you feel ready to date?
When you are ready you are ready. It helps to meet somebody else who is ready too. Good luck with that when you become ready.
I got over mine quick, but wasn't ready to date. Being hurt by one person makes you cautious of others. If you recognize the traits and behaviors of the person who made you hurt in many of the people you meet, it doesn't inspire you to ask them for a date. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:57:09 PM | on average, give yourself at least a month to get over someone. The best mindset i have used is to consider what was right and what went wrong. Their actions and your actions. More often than not in my experience, one or the other have dropped the ball when it comes to communication. And thats the most critical element to make something work. The next of course being willing to compromise somewhere.
Figure out what you can learn from the experience, and it makes the time go by faster. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:25:36 PM | It depends on a lot of things and every relationship is different.
Who broke up, why, how long, etc.
No specific time.
Unless you are over them and ready to date again,, you are wasting your time and someone elses . It just doesn't happen easy, also unless you are dating for the right reasons and not comparing others to her, or looking for what you had with her it will never last. because you wont find it..
If it is an ex. who abused you and treated you like crap ,whom you no longer have feelings for it took me no time at all. about 10 seconds to walk through the door.. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:26:15 PM | I agree with attentiveIrishman. Lack of communication and compromise are two immediate dealbreakers.
Anyhow to answer your question, it's different for everyone. You will know when it's over, and when you are ready to date again.
My advice? Do NOT date until you feel over your love and you really feel ready to move on as otherwise you are on the rebound and you may find a super great guy that you will only end up hurting in the long run.
You certainly know when you are IN love, trust me ,you will also know when you are OUT of love.
Heal yourself and take care. I feel for you, love is great but love also hurts like hell when it's one sided and when it's over. If you truly were in love you never will get over it, time just heals and it will get easier everyday. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:31:37 PM | If it is an ex. who abused you and treated you like crap ,whom you no longer have feelings for it took me no time at all. about 10 seconds to walk through the door..
That's what I'm talking about. You go girl. Just not easy to get ready to date after that, is it? I know you want to, but don't you see the same traits and behaviors? | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:37:14 PM | I usually just get around them...."step aside, please!"
For me it's not the "getting over the ex" it's the shear bliss of being single again. Clingy makes me NUTS! Maybe I should just date dryer sheets...well it's a thought. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:54:03 AM | I greatly appreciate the responses, though I'm still reading through them. I just wanted to answer some questions from the earlier posts. I was dating a girl for over three years, though we did break up once within that time frame. It has been about 3 months now, maybe a little less, it was mid April I got the words. "Lets be friends, we are just not marriage material." My personality type is ESFJ.
I've had a lot of relationships and most were pretty easy to get over. Some took a bit longer then others, while some were just pretty damn easy. My of relationships were in long periods, I've never really been a monthly dater, kind of a yearly thing. I've always gone into relationships thinking "could she be the one." It was no different with the last one. Yes it was that can't live without bs, the earlier poster was talking about.
I feel pretty good though, within this time that I've had. I have my moments every now and then but it doesn't really stop me. I haven't really been on a date with anyone since her. I try not to talk about the past, because I want to move forward and I know most people don't want to talk about past relationships.
I feel ready internally, but how do I really know? | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:32:24 PM |
I feel ready internally, but how do I really know?
It sounds like you are a very considerate kind of guy, you don't want to end up leading someone on, or realizing you've not healed enough....
Anyway I believe you're ready when you can truly enjoy the company of a possible romantic interest and not find yourself thinking of your ex.
If you can feel good about being around someone and look forward to seeing them again because you really want to know them better.
When you can go a day, night, week and not feel sadness over the loss of them...
But what do I know....
I've never gotten over one in particular, and realize I've been looking for him in every single guy I've met the last 5 years.
So I'm back to square one myself...
Ain't love grand? | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:36:02 PM | Totally depends on the ex, how long you were together, how deep the relationship was, why it broke up?...Sometimes I can move on, without skipping a beat, and then there is the rare one from time to time, it's almost impossible to give up the memories. Might also depend on who broke up with who?
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:46:15 PM | I have THE answer for you.
Know where I got it? I got it from the "BROKEN HEARTS" forum....which, coincedentally, is where this thread should be..........(i'm just sayin)
Anway, the general concenus answer (from the BROKEN HEARTS forum) is:
It takes the same length of time to get over a relationship as the relationship lasted. So, it lasted two years?......yup, two full years to fully recover. | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:46:35 PM |
OP -- For me, it takes no time at all to "get over" an ex. The catch being, unless I loved them. If that's the case, then I'll never be "over" them at all.
I'll second that sentiment. I still care for anyone I've ever said "I love you" to but I have learned to let go and accept that love alone cannot make a relationship work between two people.
I never jump from one to another because I need time to grieve the loss of the relationship.
Even when I am the dumper, not the dumpee, I rarely leave because I don't care, I leave because I care more than they do for the relationship and I realize that I'm not having my needs met by the relationship. The assumption seems to be that people who end relationships do so because they don't care....not always true, at least not in my case.
If I end a relationship because I don't have feelings, I am over from the moment I say it is done...it is a relief to be free of the relationship.
If I get dumped, well that takes a while to get over as well....it really depends on how long we were together and the depth of my feelings for them.
Historically in my own life, anywhere from 0 to 2 years..... | |
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:12:07 PM | When I was 21 and a moron? A few months.
Now in my days of enlightenment? A couple days.
The last time I was dumped i was in her apartment meeting her after she got back from a couple day business trip and she brings up "it's obvious this isn't working" and I say "nope" and collect my stuff around the apartment and walk out and we haven't talked since. What is the point? Should you cry and ask why? Pffffft.
The usual problem people have is not sucking it up like adults and cutting the strings. They want to plead to "work it out," or they want to be friends, and so instead keep picking at the scab and causing the bleeding to start again and for the wound to ever heal. The absolute quickest way to forget about it is absolutely cutting all contact forever. What's the point of keeping them as a friend? Your new girls/guys don't like you talking to exes anyway and dont you have enough friends without a drama situation always ready to explode by keeping the ex around? The plus is that this absolutely knocks them for a loop, and I've had several exes calling me up shortly after, even a number of times, and I just ignore the phone calls. No closure for them. Suckers.
Don't chase 'em. Replace 'em!
Face it - breaking up is a war.
I've seen you guys post many reasons why it's hard for men to walk away, despite being in horrendous situations, except one very important reason. One of THE most important reasons, in my humble opinion.
Bottom line - Most men don't want to endure the thought of another man invading his territory; another man laying his woman. It doesn't matter if a man's woman is the most evil creature on the planet, a man doesn't want to endure that thought. People (men and women) are territorial, and people find it difficult to walk away because of the aformentioned reason. Many of you may disagree, but really think about it for 11 seconds. Some people would STILL feel a twinge of jealously if they were to see an ex out with someone else years later, so you can imagine what that internal struggle must be like when the wound is still fresh. Fortunately, women endure the same internal battles/demons, so I say do the smart thing and gain the upperhand by leaving the relationship first. Wicked? Perhaps, but thems the breaks.
In my opinion, he who walks away first leaves with the relationship with the most power. And leaving with the most power and dignity is akin to winning the break-up war. But if you really want to get your hands dirty, engage in psychological warfare, and introduce the trifecta into the equation. Leave the relationship 1st, without closure (which is key), and without a trace. This gem of a maneauver is akin to dropping a nuclear or bilogical weapon in the break-up war, and it can take a person years to recover. It's but one in many steps of what I like to call The Anti Dr Phil's "Medeival Torture Methods" - aka extreme psychological warfare. Closure and forgiveness are NOT an option.
So with that being the ugly and smelly facts, I will behoove me to leave first, if I can help it. The person who chooses to ride it out is usually left with the most emotionally baggage/battle scars, and their self esteem takes an even greater hit. Not only will said individual be left with the unnerving feeling that they didn't have the strength to leave first, they are left toiling in emotional uncertainty wondering what you're doing, "who you're doing", and why you didn't attempt to work things out. Their self esteem takes a hit, and it leaves them with a feeling of lowered self worth. A feeling of "he loved me the least because he had the power to walk away first - without a trace". Nothing lowers a persons self esteem quicker than dealing with feelings of rejection. And there is no feeling of rejection worse than being jilted by a former lover. Knowing all of that, a person would be an absolute fool to not leave first.
Not only would I leave, I'd dissappear like Keyser Soza (Usual Suspects), never to be seen or heard from again. And if she did see you again months or years later??? Take that time in between to self improve to ridiculous lengths, which would drive the stake home even further. It's a subconcious way of saying, "not only did I not need you, I didn't respect you enough to say goodbye". And as a kick in the tail on the way out, "I got even better without you".
Is it an @sshole move? Yep. But no one ever said war and breakups weren't ugly.
That said, if a person is married or has children, of course this would be a tad hard-core...but for general relationships??? I am unmerciful
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| How long till you get over an ex?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:29:19 PM | Some , it takes no time at all but of course if you give your Heart And Soul to them completely, "you will NEVER get over them,,,,,,
You might think you are ready to jump back in , me , I tried it twice and ended up almost hating the guys,, "not good"
You will find every little fault they have,, maybe even ones they don't have..
Of course when ones younger it's a bit easier, as we get older we know exactly what we want and don't want, Me. I definitley don't want to be controlled,,,or like grabby men who think they own me... | |
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